Disclaimer : Paramount owns Star Trek: Enterprise and all characters save for Seren Lewis, who is my creation.
A/N : Please review! Rating is for mild language and milder implications.
Chapter Two
I see stars. Not the "Wo I'm dizzy!" type of stars, but a real constellation as if I am floating in the vast cold vacuum of space itself. I study it in detail, it looks like… like a bunch of stars. I was never one for seeing pictures in clouds or recognising constellations. Even the Plough, one of the most familiar constellations seen from Earth, looks more like a huge saucepan to me. I suppose, if pushed, I would liken these solar bodies to a cat. It has one star that could be the nose, a convenient triangle that could be an ear, enough stars to create a stick body, legs and tail. A three-legged cat…
I'm unconscious. I realise the fact as my mind drifts from this scene to vague and random dreams… the nightmare of the Xindi attack, a delusion that I'm one of Phlox's pets trapped in a cage, a dream that I am held at phase-pistol point by my room-mate, a fantasy that I am the leader of some random people that are almost human and yet not… The list goes on, I forget the details of them. Suffice to say I am swamped by emotion even in my unconscious state…
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I couldn't tell you what hits me first - the expected "Where am I?" feeling or the desire to see the closest thing we have to daylight - that is the cruel artificial light that stings the eye and hurts the brain. Perhaps they both hit simultaneously. All I know is that opening my eyes is a painful process, taking several minutes for my vision to focus… on Captain Archer's face.
"Captain?" I utter quietly, my throat dry and croaky.
"Easy, Crewman." He lays a hand on my shoulder. Is he trying to comfort me? It's at this point that I realise that both Doctor Phlox and Commander Tucker are also standing over me, the former looking pleased, the latter looking quite concerned.
"Quite some trip, Crewman." He quips, a nervous smile playing at his lips. I have to smile.
"Sorry if I scared ya." I try to emulate his Southern drawl without much success, nevertheless he grins appreciatively. Phlox and Archer exchange a few words, most of which go over my head, that - though it takes me several moments to realise it - is thumping heavily, as though someone has hit me with a wrench.
"Take it easy." Archer smiles at me, before leaving Sickbay. Phlox offers me one of his wide, amphibian-like smiles and wanders off too, leaving me alone with my head of section, one Commander "Trip" Tucker. I sigh, emit a languid yawn, before grinning bravely at Tucker. He grins in return, pulling up a stool. Why is he staying? I'm not sure, but his company is welcome. Somehow, deep within myself, I feel so alone. Perhaps it is because we share the same sentiments over the Xindi, perhaps it's because he, too, feels that inherent loneliness brought on by that sense of loss and helplessness.
His face smoothes into a smile that would make my room-mate go weak at the knees, but only makes me roll my eyes. I don't want his pity. I know what happened, though he does not. A vision, something I have grown accustomed to in my not-so-long life. Something that attacks on the odd occasion like a lightening bolt.
"What happened?" He asks softly, his hand touching mine. Again, I have to smile.
"You couldn't believe me, if I told you………" I laugh, coughing because my throat is so dry. Tucker, recognising this, pours me a glass of water. I push him away as he tries to help me drink. I'm not completely useless - yet. "I'm tired, Commander, can we talk about this some other time?"
He nods. "Another time." The echo makes me realise that he will not forget it.
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"You're not gonna let me forget the other day, huh?" I pick up a piece of cheesecake with a sigh. Next in line, Tucker picks up a slice of pecan pie. Eugh…….. some people have no taste………
"You pitched straight over the balcony." He grins. "Not exactly forgettable, 'specially since things have been so dull recently. So………"
"So what?" I can't help but tease him. I'm not one for messing with the senior staff, but my C/O has been paying me too much attention since I was allowed to leave Sickbay. Ordered to report to Phlox twice a day, I've not been allowed to return to duty yet.
"So what happened?"
"Dizzy." I shrug. "I don't remember much else."
He looks at me sideways, not believing me for an instant. Was I expecting him to? Perhaps. Some part of me longs to tell him everything, from start to finish, but most of me senses that he cannot understand. I'm touched by his concern - who wouldn't be? - yet all this attention is drawing whispers and furtive glances from my crewmates. And they have nothing to do with me "pitching straight over the balcony" as my C.O. so politely put it. If gossip were true, you'd have thought I'd have fallen from the walkway straight into Tucker's arms… or his bed… The very idea makes me shake my head, prompting a "What?" from Tucker.
"Nothing." I reply, tucking into my dinner. The food tastes like cardboard, but then nothing tastes good these days. It is all I can do to bring myself to eat most days, but today it gives me a reason not to talk. The silence between us grows strained and uncomfortable, forcing me to swallow my mouthful and ask "Did anyone get round to fixing that problem with the power-flow to the upper terminals?"
"Checked it out myself." Tucker answers, after taking a sip of coffee. "Couldn't find a damn thing wrong with it!"
"Strange." I comment, for want of anything else to say.
"Aye." He sighs heavily. "So what happened?"
"I just switched on the terminal…"
"That's not what I meant, an' ya know it." Tucker interrupts quickly.
Frustration bites through me, sharp and painful. When will he learn to let sleeping dogs lie? He will never understand, and most likely march me straight back to Sickbay, claiming that the fall has given me concussion or something. How can I explain the visions I see? The planets along our route that I have often seen in dreams or moments of deja-vu? But as my eyes meet his for a fleeting moment, I see through all his charade of quips and cheeky grins, see the need in him to know and understand what made me fall, what exactly I am hiding from him. Part of him cries out to be strong again, to make some form of patch for the gaping hole that his sister's death has left in him…
"I told you before," the sane part of me speaks before the irrational part can take control of my voice-box. Whatever it is that Tucker needs, I cannot bring myself to play the damsel in distress, "you couldn't even begin to believe me."