Continued from chapter 9

/-

71.5 HOURS MISSING

"Samantha, there´s a message for you."

"Okay, thanks," Sam nodded in response to Vivian´s information as she let herself fall heavily into her chair. Picking up the post-it note, she frowned. "Leo Altman. He wants me to call him back." She turned halfway to look at Vivian. "Does the name ring a bell to you?"

"No," Vivian answered, busily typing away at her computer. "He´s not one of the witnesses or suspects we´ve questioned."

"Well," Sam sighed, reaching for her phone. "I´d better give him a call then."

As it rang, she leaned back in her chair, staring blankly ahead. Her mind was all over the place and she had difficulties concentrating on the matter at hand. She hated it. Not just because she could be a bit of a control freak, always attempting to keep everything together, but because she always prided herself on her professionalism. However, right now she could barely muster the energy to hold the receiver to her ear. It was pathetic and she felt pathetic that all she really wanted to do was curl up under a blanket and never emerge.

"Hello?"

Immediately straightening up, she felt relief that some of her professional demeanour returned. Maybe all she needed was work to distract her from the train wreck that was currently her life.

"Leo Altman? This is Special Agent Samantha Spade. You left a message asking me to call you?"

"Yes, yes, I did." The voice on the other end sounded young and a little pre-occupied. "I found your card in my uncle´s apartment and thought I should call."

"Your uncle being?"

"Jimmy CrowI mean, James Crowther."

"I see," Sam made a note. "And you felt you should call because?" Out of the corner of her eye, she sensed Vivian listening intently, trying to catch both ends of the conversation, so she hit speakerphone.

Leo Altman hesitated, and in the silence that followed, Sam heard the distinct sound of bowling pins being knocked over followed by enthusiastic cheering.

"Well," he finally said. "I heard about that missing woman and that you guys had spoken to Jimmy a couple of times, but I never really thought much about it until…"

"Until what," Sam encouraged, trying not to sound too impatient. It wasn´t his fault she wasn´t in the best of moods, but he was getting on her already jangled nerves nevertheless.

Again there was silence and she fought the urge to tap her pen impatiently on her desk. "Mr. Altman?"

"Look, do you think you could possibly come down here to talk? I´m at work and if my boss finds me yapping on the phone I´ll get in trouble."

Sam shared a look with Vivian, who nodded lightly, indicating she wouldn´t mind getting out of the office for a little while.

"Okay, Mr. Altman. Give me the address and we´ll be on our way."

After writing down the address, Sam hung up, swirling her chair around to completely face Vivian. "That´s unusual: a guy who´s worried about getting into trouble with his boss prefers having the FBI show up at his work place instead of just telling what he knows on the phone."

Vivian only shrugged as she saved the file she had been working on. "Who knows? Maybe it makes sense in his head. Okay." She rose, grabbing her coat. "I´ll tell Jack we´re heading out; meet you at the elevator."

Sam nodded in reply, secretly relieved she wouldn´t have to face him just now. She knew she would have to eventually, but the longer it could be postponed the better. Burying her face in her hands, she let out a tired sigh, wondering for the umpteenth time that day how she had managed to get herself into such a mess.

"You slept with him."

Unbidden, Martin´s hard, accusatory words flared through her mind and her head shot right back up. Gathering what she needed, she bit her lip hard, feeling like crying as she reminded herself that Jack wasn´t the only one she would have to face.

/-

Walking determinedly down the corridor, Martin finally spotted Jack outside one of the interrogation rooms in deep conversation with Danny. Absorbed in their talk, they didn´t notice him until he was right in front of them. He spoke up, not caring that he was interrupting, "Jack, I need to speak to you. In private."

Both looked up at him, mild surprise showing on Danny´s face and distinct exasperation on Jack´s. However, just as Martin had come to expect, a second later Jack revealed no trace of emotion as he turned to Danny. Speaking calmly he said, "Will you excuse us for a moment?"

"Sure," Danny answered readily, but his gaze was moving back and forth between the two of them, clearly aware something was off. "I´ll just go get some coffee."

Watching him walk away, Martin waited until Danny disappeared around the corner, then turned to Jack, about to speak, but was interrupted as Jack practically snapped, "In here."

Without a second glance, he strode into the empty interrogation room, clearly expecting him to follow and Martin clenched his fists so hard he felt his nails dig into his palms as he tried to keep his anger under control. Taking a shaky breath, he followed, closing the door forcefully behind him. Jack was leaning against the opposite wall, his arms crossed tightly across his chest, but seemingly in as much control as always. Only a certain tightness to his jaw gave him away, and it filled Martin with some sense of satisfaction finally to see a crack in Jack´s armour.

Starting to pace the room, Martin collected himself and his thoughts as much as he was able, forcing himself to be calm despite the hatred he felt towards the man before him. No matter what, Jack was still his boss and superior. Some lines just couldn´t be crossed and Martin knew he was dangerously close to doing just that.

"You just couldn´t help yourself, could you?" he spoke at length, throwing a disgusted glance at Jack as he continued to pace back and forth. "You saw your chance and you went for it. To hell with anyone else."

There was no reaction at first, then - to Martin´s utter surprise - Jack looked down and there was a slight pause before he inquired, "I gather you have spoken to Samantha?"

Martin stopped in his tracks. "You could say that." He crossed and uncrossed his arms a few times, not knowing what to do with his hands until he settled for burying them deeply into his pockets. Jack exhaled quietly and looked back up to meet Martin´s gaze, the look in his eyes sympathetic but unapologetic and Martin felt something snap inside him.

"You… you son of a bitch." He nearly choked on the words, feeling a strange sense of exhilaration to finally let go. He took a step forward. "You don´t give a shit about anyone but yourself, do you, Jack? You may have convinced yourself that you and Samantha share this great love, but where the fuck was that great love three years ago when you dumped her to go back to your wife?" Martin knew his voice was rising, but didn´t care. "If you´d been really serious about it, you would have taken the consequences back then and divorced your wife to be with her. But no, that´s not how the great Jack Malone wants it, is it? He wants to have his cake and eat it, too. Isn´t that right? And now you just can´t stand the thought that maybe she could be happy with someone else. You want her unhappy and miserable, pining after you because that´s the only thing that will satisfy your big ego and sense of self-importance."

He had to take a breath before he could continue and Jack used the opportunity to push himself away from the wall, getting directly into Martin´s face, his voice even but clearly angry, "You don´t get to comment on me or my personal life, Martin."

"I do if it involves me."

Jack´s eyes filled with clear contempt. "You got it all figured out, don´t you? You´re this knight in shining armour who never makes a mistake, who always makes the right choice. Something us mere mortals can only dream about."

He paused abruptly and Martin knew Jack had been close to losing control himself. Appearing to rein himself back in, he then moved away a little, looking thoroughly at Martin for a long, tense moment. Martin stared right back at him, breathing rapidly as he felt the adrenaline race through his veins. This wasn´t over, not by a long shot.

Then something slowly changed. The look in Jack´s eyes, although difficult to read, seemed to slightly soften and when he spoke, his voice was quiet if a little strained. "I don´t know what Samantha has told you, but no matter what, I do know you have a right to be angry."

He hesitated, but never broke eye contact and Martin could tell he was making a decision and that everything inside him was rebelling against it. Still, it completely threw him when Jack said simply, "I´m sorry, Martin. I don´t expect you to accept my apology, but I want to give it to you nonetheless. However, what´s done is done, and there´s nothing I can do to change it."

Martin stared at him in disbelief, needing a moment before he could respond. "That´s not good enough."

"Maybe not," Jack conceded, a touch of steel now creeping into his voice. "But that´s all I´ve got to offer and that´s also the last I want to speak of this."

Stepping around him, Jack moved towards the door, but halted with his hand on the door handle to look back at him. "I know you want nothing more than to take a punch at me, Martin, and under different circumstances I would allow it. But this is the FBI. I´ve had enough dealings with OPR to last me a lifetime and you sure as hell don´t need to get suspended or fired for hitting your superior."

"I don´t need your concern," Martin spat out, furious at Jack and even more furious at himself as he remained rooted to the spot, somehow unable to move.

"No, but you have it anyway."

Despite his mind being clouded with anger, Martin knew instinctively that Jack meant it in a sincere way, but still it came off sounding more condescendingly than anything else.

Struggling for words, he finally managed to press out through clenched teeth, "You disgust me."

Jack watched him in silence for a moment, then nodded imperceptibly. "I´ll allow you that one, Martin. But just that one."

The statement was presented in a tone that left absolutely no room for argument.

"Can I trust you to operate professionally around Samantha and on the job?"

Staring into Jack´s dark, unblinking eyes, Martin suddenly felt himself deflate. He fought against it, desperately trying to hold onto his anger, but to no avail. The rush of angry emotions and adrenaline he had felt since Sam´s confession gradually drained out of him as he was struck with the realization that he couldn´t win. He just couldn´t win. Not with Jack and not with her. He couldn´t win and he never would. He had been a fool to ever think otherwise. Still, realizing it did nothing to diminish the pain that churned inside him. Looking away, so Jack couldn´t see his face, he gave a light nod.

"Can I trust you to operate professionally around me?"

He nodded again, wanting nothing more but for Jack to finally leave.

"Good."

Martin sensed Jack hesitate slightly as if wanting to say more, but to his relief he chose not to and only walked out the door, closing it quietly behind him.

/-

'Havin' A Ball' bowling alley was a rundown and filthy place, but the teenagers there didn´t seem to care and neither did the young man holding a broom absently, immerged in watching the activities before him.

"Ten bucks that´s our guy," Samantha remarked to Vivian, throwing a brief look down at the dirty floor in distaste as she felt its sticky surface beneath her shoes. "Guess he wanted us to come here because it would give him an excuse to do even less work."

"Perhaps," Vivian replied, eyeing the bowling teenagers. "Shouldn´t they be in school still?"

Before Sam could comment, the young man with the broom glanced over his shoulder, and, spotting them, quickly came over.

"Hey," he held out a hand. "You the feds?"

"Yes," Vivian replied as she reached out to shake his hand. "I´m Special Agent Johnson and this is Special Agent Spade. You spoke with her on the phone."

"No way!" Leo Altman gave Samantha an eager once over and she fought the urge to either roll her eyes or kick him in the shin - whichever came first. "You´re with the FBI?"

"Yes." She shook his hand, letting go as fast as she could while still being polite.

"But you could be like a model!"

"Mr. Altman, is there a place we can go to talk?" Vivian spoke up, sensing Sam´s patience rapidly coming to an end.

Leo gave Sam one last, lingering look, then turned to Vivian. "Yeah, sure. We can use Henry´s office; he won´t be back from the bar for another hour or so."

He led the way into a cramped and dingy office smelling strongly of stale smoke and beer. Pushing an overflowing ashtray out of the way, he sat down on the desk, watching as the agents closed the door behind them and turned to face him.

"Look," he began, wiping his nose on his sleeve. "I just wanna say that my uncle is a really great guy who´s done tons of good for me when nobody else gave a shit. He lets me stay at his place when Mom kicks me out and he helped me get this job and everything."

"We understand, Mr. Altman," Sam spoke tiredly, reaching into her coat to take out her notepad and pen, "but if you could please come to the point of having us come down here?"

"Okay-okay…" He glanced down for a second, then began to speak quickly, "Well, about a week or so ago, Jimmy was in a really bad mood. He was mad at that Harrison woman, said she accused him of taking money from her and that if he didn´t return it, she would report it."

"And?"

"And then he said that he was gonna prove she was wrong and have her apologize to him."

"He said that?" Vivian studied Leo closely and he shrugged uncomfortably. "Yeah, but you know… he didn´t mean anything by it; he was just pissed is all. I know my uncle; he´s not a violent guy."

"And yet you felt the need to contact us," Sam pointed out.

Leo Altman now looked very uncomfortable, having difficulties meeting their eyes. "Well, I kinda felt I had to with you guys holding onto him like that. I figured that maybe you knew something I didn´t and that it´d be best if I told you what he said. I don´t want to get into trouble, not even for him. Besides, my parole officer would kill me."

Vivian sighed. "Your parole officer?" They had been in such a rush to leave the office that they didn´t bother to check if Altman had a record.

"Yeah, I kinda ended up with the wrong crowd, and they tricked me into taking a few cars for a spin."

"I´m sure they did," Sam and Vivian spoke simultaneously, but Leo obviously didn´t catch the sarcasm from either one of them and only shrugged. "Well, shit happens, you know. I´m sure it won´t be a problem. I´ll probably go free since I´m innocent and all."

The two agents shared a look, then Vivian took a breath, turning back to him. "Now, what else can you tell us?"

/-

The entire floor was engulfed in darkness as Jack emerged from the elevator, only the occasional forgotten lamp left burning to light his way to his office. He had spent the last several hours confronting James Crowther with his nephew´s information, but the man had stubbornly refused to say anything other than he was innocent. Eventually, though, he reluctantly acknowledged that Deborah Harrison had mentioned something about money going missing, but that she never accused him of taking it. After that, he clamped down completely, settling for just scowling at them.

They had enough on him to keep him overnight, but Jack had grave doubts as to whether it would go much further. Everything was too circumstantial for his tastes, and although Crowther had seemed shaken that Leo Altman had spoken to them, Jack was convinced the man wouldn´t crack. The only way they would get any more information from him was if he decided to speak and that didn´t seem likely.

So all in all, it had been a bad day. It had started out so promisingly, though. Waking up with Samantha wrapped around him had been wonderful, and even though he had seen some reservation in her eyes when he left, he had felt confident it would all work out. Boy, had he been wrong. Between Sam laying down the law and the confrontation with Martin in the interrogation room, the day had gone from promising to a living nightmare and he couldn´t wait for it to be over. Of course, tomorrow would most likely turn out to be another nightmare, but he had brought it onto himself and he was going to have to deal with the consequences.

Eventually, Jack knew, this day, and the day tomorrow and the one after that, would begin to fade from his memory, but he also knew one thing that would never ever leave him.

The look in Samantha´s eyes when she told him goodbye.

He had thought he had known pain, but now he knew he was wrong.

Her eyes and parting words had haunted him all day and it had taken every ounce of his rigid self-control not to seek her out. Especially after his encounter with Martin when it became clear that something had transpired between the two of them that caused Martin to hunt him down.

He didn´t know what exactly what Sam might have told him, but judging from Martin´s reaction, it had been close to everything. He had felt guilty at first, but as the day dragged on with Samantha purposely avoiding him whenever she could and Martin´s stony silence, Jack just felt empty. He didn´t even have the strength to feel frustrated any more - frustrated because he knew she still had feelings for him, but had chosen to bury them.

Jack felt the onset of the pain that had been simmering just below the surface all day and steeled himself against it, already knowing it wouldn´t work. He had nothing left, and besides, he was alone; he didn´t have to keep up appearances any more. At last permitting himself to let go, he felt it all wash over him as he remembered how she clung to him in the night. How it felt to touch her again after so long of not being allowed to, how tenderly she kissed him back and how she smiled and reached for him when he told her how beautiful she was.

When he told her…

No, he hadn´t told her that.

Without conscious thought, he walked past his darkened office toward the bullpen, hoping against hope. But she was there. A single, small figure bent over some papers, the lamp on her desk barely providing her with enough light to read. Jack stopped to watch her, hating the slump of her shoulders and the defeated bend of her head.

He had all but told her that he wasn´t going to give up on her this time, but watching her like this, when she didn´t know she was being observed and didn´t have to put on a façade, his resolve faltered. He had caused her so much pain already. He knew what he wanted, but Sam had made a clear choice today and the only decent thing to do was to respect her wish.

He didn´t want to, but he had to. He owed her that much.

He wondered if this was how she had felt when he first told her it was over and she quietly accepted it without a fight. If her heart had been breaking the same way his now was.

"Sam?"

She stiffened instantly, but didn´t turn around and didn´t speak and he hadn´t expected her to.

He wanted nothing more than to go to her, to put a hand on her shoulder to comfort both her and himself, but he knew it would be a mistake. Instead Jack cleared his throat softly and spoke, "I want you to know that I´ll always be here for you, Samantha, no matter in what capacity you may need me. No matter what, know that you can always come to me with anything. I can learn to live without your love, but not without your friendship and your trust."

He heard his voice break with the last sentence and saw an answering tremor in her body, but decided to continue before he lost his nerve. "I don´t want to make this harder, but I may never get a chance to say this again."

He paused, his mind bombarding him with all the reasons he shouldn´t do this, but he simply pushed them away. They didn´t matter any more.

"I love you."

At first there was no reaction, then her head lowered just a little more.

"I love you, Samantha. I want you to know that. No strings attached, I just want you to know."

He watched her in silence as time went on, but she didn´t move again and the last sliver of hope finally left him. Swallowing convulsively, Jack felt a sting in his eyes, but when he spoke there was only the slightest touch of pain threading his voice. "Remember what I said. I will always be there for you if you need me."

Knowing he had to get away from her now, Jack started to leave, but paused when a near inaudible whisper reached him. "Thank you."

He nodded, but didn´t turn back round. Unable to face her any longer, he left without a backward glance.

TBC…