Chapter 2- Xanos, The Great and Powerful Zucchini!
After the toasty warmth of Drogan's front hall, the frozen air outside was like a slap in the face. Xanos was wearing a wool cloak, but had been otherwise forced to trade warm clothing for ease of movement. An icy wind worked its way into every gap between his robes and his skin, and snowflakes swirled about his head and stuck to his eyelashes.
Snow crunched under his boots like glass, loud and irritating in the winter silence. He knew from experience that slogging through the snow would make him tired twice as quickly. Why couldn't the kobolds have waited until spring to attack?
Aurora looked less than comfortable striding through the snow in her leather armor, the clinking of the two swords on her belt keeping cold rhythm with their steps. Xanos thought it rather silly that the girl persisted in carrying about two weapons when it was clear she could use no more than one at a time– now it would only get in the way and perhaps get them killed. He shook his head. Vanity could be a dangerous fault, and Xanos was glad it was not one of his own.
"Xanos, look," Aurora whispered. She was pointing down at the ground, where several reptilian tracks could be seen. Xanos gasped loudly.
"Whaat? Kobolds? In Hilltop?" With a sweeping gesture he indicated the rest of Drogan's property, where dozens of tracks just like the ones to which she was pointing marred the snow. "So what?"
"Notice how they are facing toward the door to the barn? And how there are no tracks leading away?" Aurora unsheathed a sword as she spoke. "Now, I'm no ranger, but I think I can figure out what that means."
Aurora punctuated her sentence with a sharp kick to the barn door. It swung open, revealing a pair of kobolds with daggers at the ready.
Before this could fully register in Xanos' mind, he was performing the gestures and speaking the words to send a ray of frost into the body of one of the kobolds. The other beast jumped back in surprise, and Aurora used its moment of inattention to sever its spinal cord with a quick thrust of her shortsword.
"That was very reckless," Xanos admonished. "I was under the impression that you rogues prided yourselves on stealth and trickery."
"I figured that the time for stealth was past when you started shouting and waving your arms around," Aurora said flatly.
Xanos frowned.
"I was merely creating a distraction so that you could sneak around and come through the back door, simpleton."
Aurora raised an eyebrow.
"The barn doesn't have a back door, Xanos."
A long moment passed in which no more was said. Both students stared at one another. Finally, Xanos looked away.
"Yes, well, you cannot blame me for bad architectural design," he muttered. "Haven't we wasted enough time here?"
She shrugged, and moments later they resumed their journey into Hilltop.
They soon learned that the town had received no better treatment than the school.
Bright patches of blood marred the snow, pooling around the bodies of kobolds and villagers alike. It was still and quiet, and the only ones not barricaded indoors were harried guardsmen on the lookout for a second attack. Several cottages were still smoking.
They passed what had been a carefully tended garden of winter squash, now trampled flat. A single boot, probably belonging to the gardener, lay amongst the broken plants. Xanos felt an unfamiliar heaviness in the pit of his stomach and turned away.
"I never thought that something like this would happen here . . . " Aurora whispered. "We should have been able to protect them."
"Those kobolds will answer to my wrath. Have no doubt of that."
Her eyes met his own sidelong.
"I thought you despised the people here."
Xanos considered his answer.
"Yes, at first. But over the years they have proven . . . tolerable." She looked as though she were about to say something, but he spoke quickly to stave off her questions. "It does not matter. We will find the artifacts for Drogan, and exact what revenge we are able upon the way." He strode ahead of her, but he could feel her inquisitive gaze lingering on his back.
There were no more words between them as they walked to the Herbalist's shop, where they were most likely to find the three ingredients of Drogan's cure. Aurora reached for the doorhandle, paused, then lowered her hand to her side.
"Well?" Xanos prompted. "Hurry up and go inside! Xanos tires of this damnable cold!"
Aurora looked away.
"It's just . . . Bethsheva always looks like she's itching to sink her teeth into me," she mumbled.
"What? Farghan's wolf?" He laughed. "I would hate to think that you would rather let Drogan die than get dirty looks from a stupid animal!"
Aurora gave him a dirty look of her own and went inside.
"Ahh, Aurora, is it?" Farghan glanced up from his work, which was apparently separating small green leaves from other, slightly smaller green leaves. Xanos was of the personal opinion that most druids were about as smart as the trees they spent all day hugging.
"It's good to see you're unharmed," Farghan continued. "A nasty business with these kobolds."
"Yes. Very nasty. Ah, are Bethsheva's ears usually plastered back against her head like that?" Aurora was pressed against the wall, as far away as possible from the large she-wolf that bristled and growled at her. Farghan stroked the animal's head affectionately.
"Don't worry. She's just worked up after all the fighting." Behind the man's gentle, bland expression, there was a fleeting glimpse of something cool and appraising. Apparently, Bethsheva's dislike of the girl caused him more concern than he was letting on.
"Master Drogan has been poisoned," Xanos said, when it was clear that Aurora was too busy fretting about the angry canine to state the reason they had come. "We need charcoal, helmthorn berries, and tressym tongue. You do have these, yes?"
Farghan looked chagrined.
"The charcoal and tressym tongue I have, but I sold the last of my helmthorn berries to Mara at the Bubbling Cauldron a week ago."
"Wonderful," Xanos said in a voice heavily laced with sarcasm. "Well, Farghan, you have at least proven partially useful. That is more than can be said for most of your kind."
Farghan frowned, but located the necessary herbs. When Xanos reached for them, however, the druid grasped his wrist.
"You'll have to learn respect one day, Xanos," he said. " And something tells me it won't be an easy lesson."
Xanos jerked away from the druid's hand.
"You know nothing of Xanos, fool," the half-orc said brusquely, and pocketed the herbs. Bethsheva's grows intensified, but Xanos ignored the animal and strode to the door.
"To the tavern, then, my scrawny companion," he said to Aurora. "Let us leave the herbalist to his prancing and flower-sniffing."
Aurora hastily followed Xanos outside, shutting the door soundly on Bethsheva's final growl.
"I've never seen Bethsheva act like that toward anyone else," she said as they approached the Community Hall. "I wonder what it is about me that sets her off?"
"Perhaps she is simply a good judge of character," Xanos answered offhandedly. "Or maybe she wants to finish off the rest of your hand."
"Hey, I have an idea," Aurora said lightly. "Why don't you check in on everyone at the Hall while I get the berries from Mara and try to choke down the burning desire to stab you?"
Xanos snorted, but couldn't help but notice how her hand hovered over the hilt of her sword.
"Very well. While you play fetch and carry, Xanos will question the locals for important information."
Aurora turned, shaking her head, and left for the Bubbling Cauldron.
Somehow, most of the population of Hilltop had managed to cram themselves into the Hall. Some lay groaning on pallets, but most simply milled about with dull, cow-eyed expressions. At the far end of the building, the mayor sat, attended by Haniah, his pretty half-elf assistant.
It seemed that Hilltop's foremost politician had decided that the appropriate reaction to a surprise attack on the town was to get rip-roaring drunk. He tipped unsteadily in his seat, only just managing not to fall out of the chair altogether. Xanos shook his head.
"What a fool. If Xanos was in charge, this attack would never have happened in the first place."
Haniah noticed him and sighed.
"I was hoping Drogan would send at least one of you to help out, but I have to question his judgment in picking you."
Xanos scowled.
"Hmmph. Your obvious lack of taste aside, it's not nice to question the decisions of a man on his death bed."
His words had the appropriate reaction. Haniah's eyes flew wide.
"Master Drogan is hurt? Oh no!" she cried.
"Servesh 'im right for not helpin' out more durin' the fight," the mayor slurred. "Fanshypantsh wizard, all tucked away'n 'is houshe while thoshe monsters deshtroyed my town."
"Hush, sir! That's a terrible thing to say!" Haniah shook her head. "This is awful. I was counting on Drogan to help fix some of what's gone wrong since the attack."
Xanos puffed out his chest.
"Who needs the old dwarf when Xanos is here?" he said. "I could solve your little problems before you could even think of a suitable way to reward me!"
"I hope you're not implying what I think you are," Haniah said. Xanos feigned innocence, and after a moment she continued. "But if you're really serious about helping out, you could try to talk Piper out of frightening the townsfolk with his babble about his 'new god.' I'm having enough trouble trying to keep everyone calm as it is."
Xanos had had the misfortune of encountering Piper before. The lunatic had spouted something about a new deity that would cleanse the world with suffering, followed with a garbled prediction that Xanos would be eaten by a white dragon. It should be simple enough to deal with the likes of him.
"Very well," he said. "Xanos will return triumphant!"
As he walked away, the mayor began to babble once again.
"He'sh awfully mouthy for a zacchi– a zacchu– zuccho– "
"Zucchini, sir?"
"Yeah, one of thoshe."
"That was Xanos, sir. Not a zucchini."
"Ha ha! You alwaysh were a kidder, Haniah. Now be a good girl and go get me shome more wine."
"I'd like to see him confuse me with a vegetable while I cast a ray of frost into his face," Xanos muttered as he stepped into the cold air once more.
His target was easy enough to find. Xanos simply followed the shouts of 'repent!' and 'unbeliever!' until he reached a small cluster of townspeople near the Bubbling Cauldron. Piper, a bent old man with wild hair and bulging eyes, stood at the center.
"The new god speaks through me, all ye who dare to listen! He shall blaze through your sins with a fiery flame of– of burning! And when He arrives, all who have not cast themselves before His mercy shall fall in a torrent of blood and . . . meaty chunks!" Piper pointed at a nearby onlooker, who gasped. "Chunks, I say! Repent!"
Xanos pushed his way through the crowd until he stood directly in front of Piper.
"Fool old man! Why do you not simply wander off into the snow and save us all your senseless ravings?"
For a second, the Piper simply looked put out at being interrupted. Then the zealous gleam came into his eyes again, and he grinned.
"Oh ho ho ho! The new god has a special end set aside for you, he does!" He did a stiff, arthritic sort of jig as he spoke, waving his arms about excitedly.
"Yes, yes, Xanos shall be eaten by a white dragon. How very grandiose."
Piper slowly shook his head, grinning crookedly.
"Your fate has changed, arrogant one. I see a wolf! A giant wolf with eyes like embers and dripping jaws, gnawing on your fat, green head!"
Several members of the crowd gasped. Others laughed.
There was very little in the world that Xanos hated more than being laughed at.
"Do you foresee Xanos cutting a hole in the ice and holding your head underwater?" he asked, taking a step closer to the man.
"Uh . . . " Piper swallowed hard "I don't see that, no."
"That's strange, because I'm– " Xanos stopped mid-sentence at a sudden bout of shouting from the inside the tavern. Cursing under his breath, he went to see what could possibly be the matter.
Inside the Bubbling Cauldron, Xanos was met with a chaotic scene. An angry mob had gathered at the far end of the tavern, ranting and cursing at a barricade in front of the kitchen door. Lodar, the tavern master, was comforting the sobbing Mara.
"What is going on?" Xanos called out over the din. Mara raised her tear-stained face from Lodar's sleeve.
"Oh, it's t-terrible!" she sobbed. "Those horrid little monsters were h-holding me hostage in the kitchen, and Aurora talked them into t-taking her instead!" Lodar stroked her hair and nodded.
"She's inside right now. It was brave, what she did, but I hope she knows what she's doing."
"Ha! Even Aurora would not be stupid enough to trade her life for that of a simple tavern wench," Xanos said. At this, Mara made a choked noise and soaked Lodar's already dripping sleeve with fresh tears.
Sounds of movement behind the barricade brought all conversation and shouting to a sudden halt. Between the stacked furniture and boards, Xanos caught a glimpse of Aurora's white-blonde hair.
"You tells them! Yip!" The speaker was obviously a kobold.
"I will, if you can stop poking me with your sword for one second," Aurora hissed back, then continued in a much louder voice. "Attention angry mob! The kobolds are about to remove the barrier. They will then leave the tavern, and Hilltop. They have no intention of hurting anyone. Also, if anyone attacks them, they will immediately release a number of crossbow bolts aimed at my vital organs. Needless to say, I would prefer you let them pass unmolested."
"What? What does she mean unmolested? Those little buggers burned down my house!" one member of the mob complained.
"Would just a couple of bolts be so bad?" another whispered. "Folk've got lots of organs after all." This earned him more than a few strange looks. "Argh, she did say vital organs though, didn't she? Damn!"
"And also, the kobolds warn you not to try anything tricky. Because . . . " Aurora faltered, until a chorus of yips urged her on. "Because kobolds are very smart," she finished lamely. Apparently, even being menaced with crossbows was not enough to make Aurora say the last bit convincingly.
"Smarter than human adventurers, obviously," Xanos said, loud enough to be heard through the barricade.
"Xanos? You're out there too?" Aurora sounded surprised, as well as slightly embarrassed. There was a scrabble of clawed feet on floorboards, and a tiny red eye peeked out at the mob.
"What? You have friend here now? Grr, yip! He hurts kobolds, you turn into big, um . . . dead thingy, okays?"
"Do not worry, little lizards," Xanos said contemptuously. "Aurora and I are hardly friends."
"Um, kobolds not have time for relationship counseling. We going now, yip!"
There was a wave of primitive magical energy, and the barricade exploded. Many in the mob covered their eyes. Mara screamed. From the cloud of dust and splinters emerged a kobold, holding a rope in one hand and a sword in the other. He tugged on the rope, and Aurora stumbled forward, flanked by a guard of several more kobolds. Xanos and the others stood back as they passed by, and true to their word, the kobolds aimed their crossbows nowhere but at Aurora.
As soon as the kobolds and their hostage made it outside, the mob rushed as one to the door. Xanos got there first.
"Weren't you paying attention? Stand back!" he shouted, though he himself leaned out to watch their progress.
"There! Do you see?" Piper shouted. "Even the friends of the blasphemer shall suffer on his behalf! Watch and be warned, as the monsters tear the girl limb from bloody limb!"
When the kobolds reached the west gate, the leader looped the end of the rope around one of the gate posts. Then the little creatures darted through the gate and ran like their tails were on fire.
"Runs away!" one cried.
Piper looked profoundly disappointed.
"Well, erm, they were about to, weren't they?" His fervor returned quickly. "Is not even the threat of dismemberment enough to make the wicked change their ways? Witness the mercy of the new god!"
As the old man babbled, Xanos ran to Aurora's side.
"Thanks for standing up for me in there," she said coolly.
"Certainly. Xanos does what he can." He raised his dagger to cut through the ropes about her wrists, but she slipped her hands free before he had the chance.
"What?" he thundered, awe-struck. "You could have escaped at any time! You could have killed them all yourself before they knew what was happening!"
Aurora grabbed his arm and turned him away from the crowd of onlookers.
"I didn't want to kill them," she said in a hushed whisper. "It's hard to explain, but when there's only a few of them like that, they're sort of . . . pitiful."
"Fine. But explain to Xanos what massive brain failure persuaded you to put yourself in that situation in the first place."
"If I hadn't done anything, they would have killed Mara."
"And what a shame that would be! Wherever would the Bubbling Cauldron find another mediocre cook?" Xanos scoffed and crossed his arms. "Recovering the artifacts is much more important than the fate of a single girl."
Aurora gave him an incredulous look.
"Did anyone ever tell you that you're a cold-hearted bastard?" she asked.
"Certainly. But I think clearly, and that is what matters."
The rest of the tavern mob caught up to them quickly. Some congratulated Aurora, others chastised her for letting the kobolds get away. Lodar gave her a moderately sized moneypouch. Mara pulled the skinny rogue into a bone-crushing hug.
"Oh, Aurora, thank you!" she cried. "I thought I was dead for certain!"
"I'm glad they didn't hurt you, Mara." Aurora quickly extricated herself from the embrace, seeming less at ease now than when she had been playing hostage. "But if you happen to have some helmthorn berries left, I need to take them to master Drogan."
"It'll take me a moment to find them, but I'll be right back." Mara impulsively stood on tiptoe and kissed Aurora on the cheek. "Be careful out there, won't you?" she said, then scurried back to the tavern.
Aurora, grimacing, cut Xanos off before he even opened his mouth.
"Keep it to yourself. I don't want to hear it."
"That is too bad, as Xanos speaks when he sees fit." He drew himself up to his full height and regarded her sternly. "Despite your huffiness, Xanos suspects that you are pleased with the result of your first little adventure out from under Drogan's thumb. I hope that all of this does not go to your head and encourage you to be stupid and reckless in the future."
"That's a valid concern," Aurora said, nodding solemnly. "I got into adventuring for fame, riches, and women, after all." She laughed shortly. "Did it ever occur to you that I'm not, well, you?"
Xanos shuddered.
"There are things that even Xanos must be thankful for." He looked over his shoulder to see that Piper was preaching with increased vigor. "Now, if you can avoid getting yourself into a ridiculously dangerous situation for just a few minutes, I have a task to complete."
Xanos pushed himself to the front of the crowd once more, this time with Aurora on his heels.
"A ha! Have you returned to proclaim your desire to follow the new god?" Piper cried.
"Hmm . . . " Xanos tugged at his mustache and made a show of considering his answer. "Actually, Xanos is more in the mood to rip off your arms and legs and beat you to death with them."Piper blanched visibly.
"Your grasp of subtlety is astounding," Aurora murmured.
The old man looked at the crowd, at Xanos, and particularly at the muscles in Xanos' arms. The half-orc flexed, and Piper flinched.
"Well, I've wasted more than enough effort trying to show these people the light," he said, taking a few steps toward the gate. "I think it's time to move on to somewhere new. Greener pastures, and all that."
Once he was out of arms' reach of Xanos, he turned and ran as fast as his bony legs could carry him.
"He's an old man," Aurora said, staring after the retreating figure. "Don't you think you could have shown him a little compassion?"
"Like the compassion he had for your little predicament?" Xanos retorted.
"Hmm . . . Good point."
Mara returned then, and handed a cloth-wrapped bundle to Aurora. The rogue took it and hurriedly retreated before Mara could express any further gratitude.
Back in the Community Hall, the mayor had accomplished the impossible and somehow become even more drunk than before. He was now sprawled across his chair, singing an off-color ballad about a licentious housemaid named Rosy Bottom, heedless of Haniah's frantic attempts to shut him up.
Xanos stood before Haniah, crossed his arms over his chest, and smirked.
"Piper is no longer a problem," he announced.
Haniah scrutinized his hands and dagger.
"Seeing as there is no blood, I assume you dealt with him in a more diplomatic manner," she said with some surprise.
Aurora chuckled, and Xanos stomped on her foot.
"Thank you, Xanos," Haniah continued. "Here's a bit of gold as a reward. I'm sorry we don't have more, but as you know, the town is in a bit of trouble right now."
Xanos took the bag of money, then waited. Haniah's brow furrowed.
"What is it?" she asked at last.
"The old fool was particularly vexing, you know. Does Xanos not deserve a greater reward?"
"But I already told you, that money is all that we can– "
"Xanos was not speaking of gold."
"Well, what kind of reward are you talking about?" Haniah's voice sounded rather peculiar. A man better versed in social niceties might have recognized this peculiarity as seething rage.
Unfortunately, Xanos was not that man.
"Perhaps the mayor's song can give you a few ideas," he said helpfully.
Xanos barely had time to recognize the object hurtling toward his nose as a fist before it connected with the force of a charging dragon.
"Nice shot," he heard Aurora comment from somewhere far above, and then everything went black.
Next Chapter: Aurora Receives a Prediction. Xanos encounters his natural enemy: halflings!
Edit: Fixed some really stupid mistakes. Teaches me to write at 3am. And while I'm here . . .
Penname wa Silver B- I wouldn't hurt Deekin for the world. I can't say as much for Xanos, though. ;) But I guarantee the little guy can give as good as he gets.
The Rogue Witch- You make my head swell! And you write good fanfiction! How cool is that?
qadsjlkahsdf and J.P. - Thanks for the reviews! My day was made.
Everyone else- Come on, folks, review! Xanos thrives on praise!