Continued from chapter 11

/-

If there was any place in this world Vivian didn´t feel the need to be on a Saturday noon it was the office. Yet, that was exactly where she was heading. However, it was only to be a brief visit, but years of experience still made her feel a little superstitious and she hurried down the corridor. She wasn´t on call, but occasionally that didn´t matter. Work had a way of sucking her in when she least expected or needed it.

Passing Jack´s office, she wasn´t the least surprised to see him sitting behind his desk. He was reading and judging from the disarray of the stack of files, he had been there for a while. Continuing to her own desk, Viv sighed inwardly. It had been bad enough when he was still married, always putting in extra hours despite his other commitments. But now when he didn´t have some other place to be, or people waiting for him, she was concerned that work would become his life even more than it had been before. There was no way that was healthy.

Opening a drawer, she spotted what she came for and quickly retraced her steps, only to come to a halt outside the doors to Jack´s office. Glancing at her watch, she sighed again. She didn´t really have time, but he was more than her boss. He was her friend. She gave a low knock and Jack looked up. He smiled a little distracted, but waved her in.

"Hey, Viv." He was already turning another page, his attention directed back at the folders before him. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same, Jack," she replied pleasantly, sitting down in a chair in front of his desk.

"It´s Saturday," he spoke without looking up. "You´re not on call. You should be out doing…" He made a gesture that could mean pretty much anything. "Something. Something fun."

Vivian smiled despite herself. "And I will, Jack. I just stopped by to get the tickets for the boxing match I forgot here yesterday. Reggie and I are going."

"Good for you," Jack answered absently, making a note in the margin before turning another page. "Sounds like fun."

"Jack."

Her tone of voice finally made him look up.

"What?"

"Why are you here? You should be in Chicago with your girls, or at least home relaxing. The paperwork will still be here on Monday."

Jack looked at her for a moment, then took off his glasses. "Yeah, well," he spoke with a sigh. "Maria changed the plans in the last minute, so I´ll visit them next weekend instead. And about relaxing at home…" He gave her a smile, but it was a tired, feeble one that seemed more for her benefit than anything else. "You know me, Viv; I´ve never been very good at that. Figured I might as well go over the Deborah Harrison case again; see if I´ve missed anything."

"They let Crowther go?

"Yes. They didn´t have enough to keep him any longer."

They regarded each other in silence for a couple of moments, then Jack put his glasses back on and bent back over the papers. Vivian rose, "Don´t work too hard, Jack."

She walked to the door, but paused with her hand on the handle. She didn´t really have time for this either – Reggie was waiting for her downstairs - but another opportunity might not present itself. Taking a deep breath, she turned back to face him. "Jack, I know this isn´t any of my business, but is there anything going on between you and Samantha?"

He didn´t respond right away and when he did, he didn't raise his head to meet her eyes. "What makes you ask that?"

"Jack, I´m neither blind nor stupid," Vivian replied, trying not to sound exasperated that he was pulling his old evasive routine with her when he really should know better. "I´ve seen the way you´ve been looking at her and lately you could cut the tension in this place with a knife."

"You´re right; it isn´t any of your business."

"Jack, I´m your friend."

When she spoke like that it was her way of asking him to cut the crap and it normally worked, and she was glad to see this time wasn´t an exception.

He let out a long breath, removed his glasses again, and looked up. He opened his mouth to speak, but hesitated and Vivian could tell he was making up his mind what to say. At last he spoke and she was unprepared for the resignation behind his words. "It´s okay, Viv. You don´t have to worry because nothing´s going to happen."

Vivian nodded slowly, accepting his reply, and then completely startled herself by hearing herself ask, "Why not?"

Jack smiled, but she knew him too well to miss the pain in his eyes. "Because she´s moved on."

She studied him closely, surprised that he was letting her. She had received the answer she wanted, and she didn´t doubt the truth of it. It was written all over his face. And yet, she didn´t feel any more at ease - quite the contrary. Something she had suspected all along, but never known for sure was revealed to her. But the revelation only filled her with sadness.

"You really did love her," she stated matter-of-factly.

He held her gaze for a few seconds, neither confirming nor denying her statement. Then he looked down and Vivian knew the conversation was over. She wanted to say something. She didn´t know what - perhaps that she was sorry - because to her surprise she realized she was. She didn´t approve then, and she didn´t now, but she actually was sorry. However, she sensed that Jack would rather she didn´t say anything.

Pushing open the office door, she just said, "I´ll see you Monday."

"Yes." He didn´t even glance up. "Have fun at the match."

Vivian stalled for one more second without really knowing why and then left without looking back. Her son was waiting.

/-

Placing the box under one arm, Martin used the other to knock twice on the door. Almost instantly he heard footsteps approach, pausing right on the other side of the door, and he knew she was checking through the peep-hole to see who it was. For a second, he wondered if she would tell him to go, but then he heard the sound of the security chain being removed followed by the unlocking of the door, and she opened it fully.

"Martin?"

Her face was one big wary question mark, so he said quickly, "I´m not here to pick a fight, Sam. I just wanted to give you this." He held out the small cardboard box he had brought. "It´s just some things you left at my place: a t-shirt, CDs, shampoo, stuff like that."

She accepted the box without a word, looking briefly at the content before looking back at him. Her face still guarded she said, "You could just have thrown this out, Martin. You didn´t have to go through the trouble of giving it back. It´s hardly worth the effort."

He shrugged, despite knowing the truth of her words. "It was no trouble." He almost added that he just happened to be in the neighbourhood, but realized the joke would fall flat.

Neither moved nor spoke for a moment, then Sam sighed and asked quietly, "Why are you here?"

Martin hesitated before speaking with complete honesty, "I don´t know."

And it was the truth; he really didn´t. He didn´t know if he was there because he wanted to see her, and returning her things had seemed as good an excuse as any, or if he was there to provoke some kind of reaction from her. She had pretty much been avoiding him at work and it made him feel both relieved and angry in a way he couldn´t fully explain. He both wanted her to leave him alone and to seek him out to explain and to apologize. And, of course, there was the fact that deep down, something he barely wanted to acknowledge to himself, he wanted her to admit her mistake and ask if they could start over.

Those conflicting emotions were what had brought him to her doorstep, but as he stood there, looking into her eyes, he was no closer to deciding which one was the more dominant.

She must have read the conflict on his face because she averted her eyes for a few seconds, then asked, "Do you want to come in?"

He did and he didn´t. Undecided, he searched her face, trying to find the reason behind her asking. Guilt? Pity? Affection of some sorts? Then he realized it didn´t matter.

"It´s not going to change anything, is it?"

At first Martin thought she either hadn´t heard him or understood what he was saying, but then she shook her head slowly while looking him straight in the eye.

He allowed himself one last look before turning around and walking away. He hoped that in time the realization would eventually bring him some peace. The realization that accepting her invitation would not change the fact that she had slept with someone else. It wouldn´t undo that she had hurt him on a level no other woman had managed before. It wouldn´t change how angry or devastated he felt. It wouldn´t make his painfully ambivalent feelings for her diminish. And it most certainly wouldn´t change the fact that as long as Sam was unwilling or unable to let go, there was room for no other man in her life than Jack Malone.

Descending the stairs, he wondered if Samantha had realized that last bit herself.

He almost felt sorry for her.

Almost.

/-

Even though Jack had decided to heed Vivian´s advice and stay home, Sunday still found him striding down the corridor of the office. Waking up that morning he had had the best intentions and actually managed to spend two hours reading the newspaper and drinking coffee before he got bored. He called Chicago twice, hoping to speak with his girls, but there was no answer. After that he spontaneously decided to visit his father and stayed there for about an hour, leaving only when they began to get on each other´s nerves. With still half a day to kill, he had briefly considered going to the movies, but discarded the idea since he knew he had too much on his mind to really concentrate. Eventually, he just gave up and drove to work, knowing it was what he had wanted to do all along.

It did occur to him that it was somewhat pathetic that he didn´t have much of life outside work, but decided not to dwell on it. Lately, he found that the less introspection he did, the better.

He had been working diligently on old files for a couple of hours when he was called back to reality by the sound of heels clicking on the floor. Looking up, he half expected to see Vivian come to read him the riot act for spending yet another day at the office, but instead he spotted Sam. Lost in thought, she didn´t notice him at first and it was only when she – almost as an afterthought – passed his office and threw a glance in his direction that she saw him. She hesitated, then pushed the door halfway open.

"Hey."

"Hey." Out of habit, Jack removed his glasses. "What are you doing here?"

"Well," she spoke dryly, smiling briefly, "probably the same as you."

He acknowledged the truth of her words with a small smile of his own. A few seconds passed, then she said, "I´ll be at my desk if you need anything."

"Okay."

He followed her with his eyes as she made her way to the bullpen, taking off her coat and switching on her lamp and computer. Retrieving some files, she sat down, not at her desk but at the conference table, preferring to spread the papers out for a better overlook. She was quickly absorbed in her reading, appearing oblivious to anything else, but Jack knew he should look away soon, or she would inevitably sense his gaze on her. Yet knowing that, he was still unable to tear his eyes away and he sighed softly to himself. Going back to perceive her only as a friend and co-worker was going to be just as hard as he had expected. Friday had been tolerable because the discovery of Deborah Harrison´s body had distracted him from his own personal problems. And when faced with Caroline White´s grief, those personal problems had seemed nothing but petty in comparison. But now- before he could finish the thought, Sam made as if she was going to glance up and he quickly looked down. Remaining frozen in that position for a moment, he eventually looked up, unsure to feel relieved or disappointed when he found that she wasn´t looking his way.

He wondered what she was doing there on a Sunday afternoon. Samantha was as conscientious an agent as he could wish for, and she often stayed late during the week, but he felt it was wrong that a young and vibrant woman like her should be spending her free time at work. A part of him couldn´t help but entertain the hope that perhaps she was there because she had wanted to see him, but the rationalist in him knew that was only wishful thinking. She was there solely because she wanted to catch up on paperwork and not because she wanted to be around him. She couldn´t even have known he was going to be there.

Sighing again, Jack tried to get his mind back to work, but found himself distracted, his eyes continually darting to where she was sitting. Fortunately for him, she never once raised her head and caught him looking, and Jack started to think that perhaps it meant she knew exactly what he was doing.

Shaking his head in frustration, he tried to regain his focus by telling himself how ridiculous he was being - acting like a high school student sneaking glances at the prettiest girl in class. He knew it was impossible for his feelings for her to change overnight, but at least he could try to make an effort not to make her uncomfortable being alone with him. With that, he found new resolve to get back to work, as it would help take his mind of Samantha. However, five minutes later his mind began to wander again as another thought struck him.

Martin. Was she still with him? Were they trying to work it out or had they called it quits? He had noticed tension between the two the last couple of days – hell everybody had – but that was only to be expected if she had indeed done what Jack suspected and told Martin what had happened. Suddenly, he wanted nothing more than to know if she was still seeing him, and if not, whether it was her decision or Martin´s.

His pen paused in the air while Jack stared blankly at the paper, the note he had begun to make completely forgotten. He really wanted to ask her, but knew without a doubt that that would be a surefire way to completely destroy the foundations of their currently tremulous relationship. Besides, he knew he would find out sooner or later; things like that were never a secret for long. Unfortunately, Jack also knew that he was going to have a very hard time not obsessing over it till he did.

Of course, if Sam and Martin weren´t seeing each other after work any more, whose decision that was wasn´t really important since it wasn´t going to change anything for him. However, he didn´t care. He still wanted to know.

His thoughts beginning to run in circles, he was greatly relieved as his cell phone started to ring. Checking the display, he knew he had seen the number before, but didn´t recognize it until he answered and heard Caroline White speak in a strangely high-pitched voice, "Agent Malone?"

He paused, putting down his pen in surprise. "Yes?"

"I´m so sorry to disturb you," she spoke in a hurry, "but I still have your card and I didn´t know what to do and-"

"It´s okay, Mrs. White," Jack interrupted mildly, curious as to why she was calling, but not minding the interruption at all. In fact, he welcomed it. "What can I do for you?"

"It´s Erick."

"Your son?"

"Yes. He´s gone missing!"

Several minutes later, Jack hung up. He stayed in his chair for a moment, a small frown on his face, then he rose, grabbed his coat and walked out of the office.

"Hey, Sam, are you busy?" he asked casually as he approached her.

"Well… yes," she answered absently, rearranging some photographs in front of her before looking up. "But it´s nothing that can´t wait until later. Why?"

"Because I´ve just spent the last five minutes on the phone with a frantic Caroline White, who has convinced herself her son´s gone missing."

"Missing?" Sam raised an eyebrow, regarding him somewhat skeptically.

"Yes. He went out to see some friends this morning, but promised he would be back in time for lunch. But he never showed up and he hasn´t called her either." Jack consulted his watch. "So he´s been gone for about seven hours now."

She leaned back in her chair, not looking particularly alarmed. "So that makes him what? Four hours late for lunch? Sure, it´s annoying, but he´s a teenage boy, Jack. It´s hardly an indication of his having gone missing."

"I know," Jack admitted with a sigh. "But considering what happened to her mother, I understand why Caroline White would expect the worst and-"

"And you already promised her you would come see her, didn´t you?" Sam interrupted, giving him a faintly amused smile. "Even though there´s absolutely nothing to suggest that something´s amiss."

Jack shrugged, a sheepish grin spreading on his face. "You know me too well."

She didn´t respond at first and her gaze turned speculative as she studied him, then she nodded slowly, almost as if to herself, "Yes, I do."

They looked at each other in silence for a moment and Jack almost asked her what she was thinking, but managed to stop himself. It was questions and impulses like that he had to avoid from now on. It had been okay in the past, but now he knew it would be inappropriate. As innocent as the question may seem, he knew it wouldn´t appear that way to either of them. So he remained silent, feeling both surprised and strangely pleased when he saw something akin to disappointment in her eyes. However, he didn´t have time to examine it further as she glanced down briefly and when she met his eyes again, the expression was gone.

"So," she spoke lightly, "you want me to come along?"

"If you don´t mind?"

They both knew that technically there was no reason for her to accompany him. It wasn´t something he couldn´t handle by himself and she still had paperwork to do.

With only the slightest pause, she answered, "Not at all. Anything to get out of the office."

"Okay. Finish up what you have here and I´ll go get the elevator."

"I´ll be right there."

As Jack walked away, he felt her gaze at his back as clearly as if were a physical touch.

TBC…