Fear
I sighed. The flowers in this field were blue, not pink. I wanted some pink flowers for my bouquet. The last field had yellow, and the other one had lavender, but I already had those two colors, along with blue too. I needed pink. Pink or red. Because it needed to be like my mother's hair.
I got up early today. I know we've been having some stuff going on between us that isn't so nice, and I really can't bring myself to call her "Mom" to her face. I can say it and think it plenty when she's not around. Washu's my mom. My mom is Washu. See? Not so hard...
But even though she can read my mind, she can't right now. I closed off the link. We had a really bad argument last night, and she ran off crying. I wanted to go run to her, and tell her it was okay, but I couldn't. Maybe I was too angry or something. I really don't know, but I wanted to go and call her what she was. I don't want her to be hurt.
I decided that a present might be nice. Flowers cheer people up, so I decided to bring her some flowers. That's why I got up so early. Maybe then I'll just go into her lab quietly, making sure nobody follows me, and will leave them for her. I think she cried herself to sleep.
I really wish she wouldn't cry. She doesn't seem like the person who would or even could cry. She's just so happy and carefree all the time. I guess that's kind of like me, or maybe not. Maybe it's something that I got from her, because she's my mom.
Anyway, when she sees the bouquet, I hope I'm not there. Maybe she'll wonder for a second who brought them. Then, I'll leave the link open, so she can ask me. When I don't answer, I'll just walk right up, and apologize. I WILL call her "mom" to her face, because she'll be happy, and I can't get mad. Not then. I'll throw my arms around her, and probably one or both of us will start crying. I'll get my mom; she'll get her daughter.
If I could just find those stupid flowers.
There they are! Pretty pinkish-red flowers, with bright green stems and full leaves and petals. They're perfect.
I've gotten a bunch of them now. I grinned, ready to go slip them over to my mom. I grabbed the pretty light blue satin ribbon that I'd found in the wrapping paper box, and since it was pretty and the color matched my hair, I'd grabbed it this morning. The flowers were pulled together as the ribbon was twisted around them, and tied into a bow. The bouquet was finished.
I grinned once more, happy to have a nice little bunch of flowers. They were pretty, and she should like them. Spinning on my heel, I teleported into the living room and turned to the doorway to her lab.
But something was wrong. The lab door was slightly open. She usually would close it all the way, so not to have any outside sounds disturbing her work, or waking her up. I frowned, and went inside.
I screamed.
She was lying there, her adult body on the ground. Blood was in a huge pool around her deathly pale body, and it had already left her body via a huge hole in her neck directly under her expressionless face. The normally vibrant emerald eyes, which would sparkle with knowledge and spunk were dull, her bouncy red-pink hair limp and lusterless. Her pale hand held a dagger stained with her own blood. Washu Hakubi had killed herself.
"No, no! Please no!" I dropped the flowers, and ran over to her. Tears fell constantly as I lifted her dead body into my arms, and I felt really, really weak, and even though I felt like throwing up as much as I felt like crying my heart out, I couldn't because what she had done made me lose all of my strength. Her dull, lifeless eyes stared into me, and I saw, staring past them, a note on her floating cushion. I grabbed it slowly, knowing what it was. It made me cry so hard to read it, but I did anyway. This was the last thing she did, a last memento of her. Why...Mom? Mommy!
To my dearest Ryoko,
I love you, but you don't return it. I can't go on, Little Ryoko. Nothing keeps me going. You hate me. I still love you, but there's no way of getting around you hating me. You were right. Nobody really cares about me anyway. I'm sorry. I love you.
Washu Hakubi
P.S. The lab is yours. The main computer has all the information on keeping it going.
"No... Mom! I love you, Mom! No!" I sobbed into my mother's dead body. This was all my fault. I had killed my family. My only family. The only person who would have always loved me, and she did. Why, why did you do it? I'd give anything to get you back! But...you're not coming back, are you? God Mom, I hate you AND love you! I hate you for ending your life on something stupid! You were so wrong to think that nobody cared about you! We all did! But I love you so much. I did. I really, really did, Mom, even then, and I still do! I really do! But you're gone. And it's all my fault.
"NO!"
Ryoko's head shot up as she yelled the last word into the early morning air. Breathing hard and heavily, she looked to her left, then her right. She was on her rafter above the family room, the room was dark, and she was alone. Suddenly, something in her mind clicked as she remembered the nasty turn of events not more than minutes ago.
"Oh my god!" She teleported down to the door, tearing it open. She slammed it behind her, and ran over to the floating cushion before holotop computer...which was empty. The confused space pirate glanced at the sparklingly clean floor. Not a drop of blood in sight. Not even a dead body, bloody dagger, or even a forgotten bouquet of flowers.
Ryoko just stood there, unconsciously in battle position, waiting. Stunned and breathing heavily, her heart thumping crazily in her chest and her eyes slightly wet, she blinked. Had it really all been...
"Ryoko, is that you?" Ryoko's golden yellow eyes flashed as the small child came into view. Child, not adult, and very much alive. Very much alive, and very much not dead.
The seemingly older woman's body straightened, and her breathing became softer and more normal, along with her heart's beat slowing down. Washu Hakubi was not dead, but alive, and wearing light salmon pink PJs with her hair pulled back into a small cloth, making only the crab leg-like spikes on the side of her head seen. Her face was also not blank and lifeless, but fully aware of its surroundings and wearing the emotion of confusion. They were also slightly tired.
Washu placed her hands on her pajama-ed hips. "What are you doing here, anyway? You generally sleep much later than this. And me, for that matter. I was having a perfectly good dream, and you just come in here and wake me up."
Ryoko sighed. Normal, everything was perfectly normal. Especially Washu. She shook her head, her mouth curling into a small smile for a single second at the fact that all that had just happened wasn't actually reality. "Oh, nothing. Sorry for waking you up, I guess. Uh, see ya, Washu." Ryoko started for the door, when Washu stopped her.
"You aren't going anywhere just yet, Little Ryoko. You and I both know you had a nightmare. Now, come on already!" Washu grabbed Ryoko's wrist, and yanked it, pulling her towards the bedroom that appeared during the nights. Her hand finally let go when they were inside, forcing Ryoko to sit down on the futon. Washu then sprawled out on it too, her chin resting on her hands and her lower legs swinging informally and carelessly in the air behind her. "So, you did have a nightmare, didn't you?" Her voice wasn't soft and caring, but sort of mischievous.
Ryoko grew hard, very unlike to the point of almost the opposite of the later nightmare version of Ryoko. "Why do you care?" Her eyes shifted for a second over to a slightly shadowed corner of the room where she saw something metallic. In that short moment of time she was able to identify the object, as she could definitely remember when and how it had been used last. Why that evil little...
But she tried to ignore the object, as there was the possibility it wouldn't be used and would lay forgotten. Of course, Washu being Washu it was a slim possibility, but it could still happen.
Washu gave her daughter a look, raising one eyebrow and adding annoyance to her voice. "Because I'm your mom. That, and I can read your mind. I don't know the specifics, but something about a death...who was it? Ayeka? Or...Tenchi? Hah, that would be funny, you killing him." Ryoko looked down at the scientist, and her facial expression and tone depicted the fact that Washu honestly didn't know who died in Ryoko's nightmare. That, and she was even making fun of it.
Ryoko scoffed, her anger and annoyance levels rising past normal and healthy. "So, I guess I'm just supposed to confide all my stupid little feelings in you, and you'll make me feel so much better, and then we'll become one little happy family." Her sarcastic voice rang in the air, causing Washu's eyes to narrow. "News flash, Washu. You. Are. Not. My. Mother!" She emphasized every single word, each dripping with its equal share of venom and hate.
"News flash, Ryoko. I. Am. Your. Mother!" The minute genius mocked, starting to get up.
"Yeah right! Don't think I don't see that!" She pointed one long, slender finger at a familiar contraption to her right, only a few feet away. It was a wide metal ring, capable of completely shutting off Ryoko's powers and temporarily paralyzing her waist down. Then all Washu had to do was attach restraints to her arms, and Ryoko would be powerless. This wouldn't have made Ryoko so wary just to see the awful machine, as she had in fact seen it earlier, but the fact that it either had just become powered on and all ready to turn Ryoko into a little experiment, or that she hadn't noticed it was functioning before (though that option didn't exactly register in Ryoko's mind), completely shut down any positive feelings toward Washu at that moment.
"Now how did that get on? Whoops!" Washu tripped over a stray wooden hairbrush, and hit the ring. It flew into the air, and started to fly towards Ryoko.
Ryoko growled, and ignited her orange energy sword. With one quick slash, the ring was in two, and nothing more than two useless pieces of sparking metal on the floor. Her gaze was locked onto them, and of nothing more than pure hatred.
"I really didn't mean to do that, you know." At the sound of the other woman's voice, Ryoko's angry eyes turned from the broken pieces of machinery to her mother. Her torturer.
She planned this! Why that stupid little...
"Gaah!" Ryoko growled, flying towards Washu. A quick look of fear flashed in the emerald irises of the would-be victim, who quickly darted away. Instead of hitting the scientist, the sword completely destroyed Washu's bedside table, the actual person safely on the futon. "I hate you, Washu!" She hurled herself at her sudden opponent, who created her own sword of orange energy, blocking the oncoming attack with no time to spare.
"You torture me when you want me to call you 'mom'."
Slash. Block. Crackle of energy.
"You're never nice to me."
A hole in the wall created here, chair demolished there.
"You never care about MY feelings, and just invade my mind and my privacy!"
Pounding of footwork. Grunts of a woman purely on offense, winces of a woman purely on defense.
"You trick me into doing horrible things."
A tear fell. Rage. Sorrow.
"You made me hang up all alone, powerless, and cold in the dark."
Molecules shifting. Teleportation was added into the deadly sword dance for two.
"You knew how much I hate anything that resembled that cave. I hate the dark, being alone, and being cold."
A desk was overturned, and the sheets of the futon were stirred up and ripped. Another slash. Another block. Another crackle of energy.
"But you did it to me anyway for your own sick amusement."
The silence of one praying for this all to end, the other wanting revenge.
"You left me there for an entire night, and didn't even say you were sorry."
The smell of sweat and charred wood filled the air. The sound of heavy breathing accompanied it.
"I hate you!"
Neither grew tired, both for different reasons. One needed the other at her mercy, the other begged for the onslaught to end.
"You could never be what you want to me."
Red and blue mixed together for a split second as the two fought, their hair wild from the horrific exercise.
"Ever."
A scream was heard from one. She was down on the floor, seemingly trying to melt into the tatami mats. The other had her sword not more than an inch away from her adversary's neck. She had lost the will to fight. The will to fight her own daughter.
"And now you're some blubbering little brat on the floor, with my sword at your neck. But guess what? There's no Mihoshi to call me off this time!" Ryoko cackled, then stopped, and looked at Washu. "What're you doing now?"
The girl's body was shaking, and tears were pouring out of her emerald eyes. Suddenly, the memory of the previous night became fresh in the mind of the demon pirate.
The fight in the nightmare was exactly like this. Or at least, the beginning of it. It would go on and on and on, Ryoko explaining with venom how Washu was the worst mother in the entire history of the universe, and how Ryoko could never be her daughter. And, of course, Washu would have begged for Ryoko to stop. To stop her horrible speech, and to let her apologize. In the nightmare, Ryoko told her there was no way she could have ever apologized for all that she did to her daughter. It wasn't even that short, either. The arguments would go on and on and on, probably lasting over an hour. The woman thought about the note in the nightmare, and remembered her nightmare self saying that Washu wasn't liked by anybody, and she should just leave everybody alone, since she only stayed there for the random time somebody needed a computer, or something similar.
Ryoko shivered as she recalled the end of the nightmare. If, in real life, had Washu died because of Ryoko's hate, would she have cried like she did in her nightmare world? Would she have gone to sleep, then woke up early to make an apology present, only to find that she was too late? Would she regret saying such hurtful words, again and again, to finally cause Washu to go over the edge, and lose the will to live? It seemed like, from her verbal and physical arguments, that was what she wanted. But the nightmare proved different. But then, was the nightmare Ryoko at all like the real life Ryoko? Dreams weren't always accurate portrayals of the people, after all. They sometimes were, but not always.
With a sigh, the energy sword fizzled out of existence, the one that had belonged to Washu already gone long ago. The mother was still shivering on the floor, her tears filled with sorrow and fear. Fear of what her daughter could and would do to her.
With a shaky breath, Ryoko knelt down to the magenta-haired "twelve-year-old", and looked into her very wet green eyes.
She put her sword hand on the other's head, and stroked her hair, which had come loose of the physics-defying cloth during the battle. Washu was still shivering, and flinched whenever Ryoko's hand made contact with her body. "Are-are you scared?" Her new voice was soft, and seemed to be the exact opposite of the voice she had used during their sword fight.
Washu nodded but caught herself, and with wide eyes reached out to touch Ryoko's cheek. "Why? Why did you...attack..." She asked in a small voice, still crying and shaking.
The pirate closed her eyes, and smiled a bit. "Because I was scared too."
"I really am sorry." Washu looked down, biting her lip and withdrawing her hand. She clasped her hands together, slowly wiggling them a little, and seemed to study her intertwined fingers intently.
"Me too. Why are we scared, Washu?" Ryoko asked. She blinked when she realized that the little girl was still shivering, so Ryoko did the only logical thing she could think of. Her arms wrapped around the scared little preteen body, and pulled her into a warm, seemingly maternal hug.
"Ryoko! Waaah!" Washu suddenly let out a huge sob, threw her arms around her daughter's neck, and sobbed ferociously into her daughter's shoulders. From a stranger's eyes, it would look like a mother comforting her daughter, not the other way around.
"You're still scared. Of me." Ryoko stated. Washu's shiverings traveled into her body now that they were so close, and Ryoko just kept Washu in the loving embrace, stroking her hair soothingly. "I wish you wouldn't be afraid."
Washu sniffled, wiping her eyes with a hand that was slightly in a fist from gripping the back of Ryoko's shirt as she sobbed into her shoulder. "No, it's not really..."
"You're scared of me. Not surprising, since everyone else seems to be." Ryoko whispered. "Washu? Um, I really did have a nightmare last night, and somebody really did die in it."
"I thought you (sniff) said you didn't want to tell me (sniff) about it, and make you (sniff) feel better." The mother sniffled.
Ryoko was silent for a little while, wondering how to respond to that. She didn't. She just pulled Washu into a tighter hug, and let a solitary tear fall onto Washu's shoulder, starting to, but nowhere near matching the soaked shoulder of Washu's tears on Ryoko.
"Washu, you know what I felt during those years with Kagato. He twisted me into this thing that I am now. A thing that would attack somebody trying to make it feel better," Ryoko started, fully aware how she was starting to refer to herself in third person and with no specific gender. "You probably know how much pain it went through, and how it really didn't want to kill those people at first. But then, Kagato wouldn't punish it as much when it did end all those lives, and started to make the thing think that killing was better than letting them live. I am that thing, and I really, really don't want to be. I wish I could've changed that. I wish you could have a daughter around, not a killing machine. Because no matter what anybody says, that's what I am. A machine. A synthetic. I was built by using something artificial, not born from a person. I don't blame you, Washu. It's not your fault. But it still is what I am."
"No." Washu's voice broke in. Ryoko looked down at the redhead, unsure of how a single word coming from somebody in such a weak state could be so powerful. "Don't ever think of yourself like that. You may not have been created like a lot of people, but you aren't a machine. You're a human being, capable of feelings and love and kindness."
"Capable, but unwilling."
"You're wrong again. That was Kagato. If you were unwilling of those things, then how come I love you more than anything in the whole world? Why would our family include you? I'm so sorry you think that way, Ryoko." Washu said, new tears falling. Silence followed.
"Washu," Ryoko started after a few minutes of no dialogue had passed. "In my nightmare, you died."
"Is that what you want? Me dead?"
"No! I really don't. You might treat me like scum sometimes, but I wouldn't want you dead. Because in that nightmare, it started with a fight just like the one we had, but it got worse, and worse and worse. Finally, we stormed out of each other's sight. I woke up early, and made you a bouquet to say sorry, but you had k-killed y-yourself." Ryoko stopped to wipe her tears away with the back of her hand, taking a few deep breaths to calm her sobs. "I wanted you back so badly. I didn't want you to die."
"Ryoko..." Washu breathed, stroking her daughter's hair, almost regretting feeling touched by Ryoko's free admittance of sorrow at her dying.
"I-I just can't bring myself to call you 'mom'." Ryoko sobbed. "I'm so sorry, Washu. If you don't love me for this..."
Washu pulled Ryoko away from her shoulder, and looked her sternly in the eyes, shaking the other body slightly to emphasize her point. "Ryoko. Get this into your head. I will never stop loving you, even if you don't love me back. Got that? No matter what, you'll always be my Little Ryoko." Ryoko wiped her eyes, and looked down.
"Don't worry, I know. But, I just don't know if I deserve to have a great mother, like you..." Her voice was no more than a whisper.
Washu, quickly sensing pain and sorrow and regaining herself emotionally to allow a change in her age, shifted into her adult form, even though Ryoko was still looking down at where her head used to be in the twelve-year-old body. "Never say that about yourself. I love you too much, Ryoko. I could have died in that crystal, but I didn't. All because of you."
"W-Washu!" Ryoko sobbed, throwing her arms around the now adult sized genius. "I wish I could be the daughter you want. The daughter you need. I'm sorry..."
"You already are, Ryoko." Washu soothed, stroking her daughter's hair and continuously sending comforting and loving thoughts through the link. "You already are."
"Washu, I'm so-so sorry. I really, really am. Please don't go anywhere. I need you, Washu. I'm sorry I just can't call you..." Washu hugged her daughter even tighter.
"I love you too, Little Ryoko." She tensed slightly, waiting to see what Ryoko's reaction would be. This could make it or brake it in terms of having Ryoko fully accept the fact that Washu was her mother, and could also either swing from Ryoko taking advantage of having a motherly figure or fully hating Washu for it.
"Mom," Ryoko grinned as she looked up into her ecstatic mother's eyes, emerald locking on golden, golden locking on emerald before burying her face into her mother's shoulder. Her arms wrapped around her mother's and Washu pulled Ryoko into a maternal embrace, like it should be. "I love you. Mom."
AN: Okay, here it is. I decided to put the author's note and disclaimer at the end, just because it's easier. I hope you like Fear, since I wrote it awhile ago. I don't think there are enough Mother/Daughter Washu/Ryoko fics out there. They make nice one-shots to write.
Ah yes, and other than the standard "please review", I don't own Tenchi Muyo! Masaki Kajishima (I think) does.