Chapter Two (Severus)

I glared about the staffroom, which was much larger, but more cheaply furnished, than Hogwarts'. Headmistress Dodson stood up to begin the staff meeting. The mere idea that I should be made to sit through this ridiculous waste of time was insupportable – it was nothing to do with me and I should infinitely prefer to unpack and be shown around the school, or proffered a brandy.

"So you see, Jessica, my colleague here is almost completely ignorant of muggle culture!" exclaimed Hermione. Snape shifted uncomfortably, dreading that he would be dragged into the conversation.

"Is that so? Well we must remedy that! Look… here is the itinerary. That should fix him, Hermione! Especially California." Glancing at the paper, the two began to giggle. Disgusted, Snape tried to think of how he could get out of it. He eyed the Salem potion master. He looked young and gullible enough. In fact, most of the Salem staff looked young. Yes, he would outwit them very easily.

Thomas Frader worried needlessly that Severus wasn't enjoying himself, and decided to cheer up the old chap with the prospective itinerary.

"So Severus… have you ever been to California?"

"No."

"Oh, well there's lots to do there, as you can see."

And why would I want to go to California… or New York or Washington, for that matter? Why bother carting us around Salem, then apparating to New York, then portkeying to Washington, then portkeying to California? Why bother seeing America? They were here to forge links with Salem Academy, not freaking American muggles! What a waste of time.

"We'll look around Salem tomorrow, and after that head over to New York, where we'll spend the night in the Hilton hotel. In the morning, we'll go shopping, and take a portkey in the afternoon to Washington, where we'll spend the night again at a muggle hotel. The next day is entirely taken up by touring around Washington, looking at all the historical stuff… then we'll go to California, and potter around there for a bit… and be back here in a week or so."

I wondered if he'd shut up any time soon.

"Of course in California there's so much to do. Disneyland might even take up a day-"

"Disneyland! Oh, I've wanted to go there since I was a little girl!"

The Salem staff all smiled – Snape looked ready to kill.

Disneyland? What did they think we were… better yet, who did they think they were? They couldn't take him to Disneyland! Oh well. It didn't matter… he'd still be at Salem anyway, with some 'rare disease'.

"And then of course you'll want to see some of the studios there."

"Oh how lovely! You know, I confess, I've always wanted to go to Oprah…"

Opera? Why would she want to go to the Opera? And why in California? She could go in Europe, it would be much better… Wait, no, she didn't say the Opera… maybe it was a city? And what were the studios?

Utterly confused, Snape coughed discreetly and softly asked Thomas what had happened to their bags.

"Oh, they've been put in your rooms of course. Actually there's an idea…Jessica, we should really show Hermione and Severus around the school."

"Oh silly me! I can't believe I forgot. Of course… right this way, c'mon 'Mione."

What ridiculous people these Americans are. 'Mione' indeed. Well at least my bags line worked. Finally we might get somewhere we can sleep. Then I can plan how to get out of this.

Chapter Two… and it looks like this will be slightly longer than I expected. Probably one chapter a week at best too. Sorry. Thankyou for the reviews. I've taken their advice into account (I've continued, changed the summary, and updated). Unfortunately, it's back to school in 33 hours for me... (