She's tired. All she feels like doing right now is crawling into a hole. And falling asleep- preferably forever. Realising you're in love with your best friend is surprisingly draining. Not to mention on his wedding day.
She knows when she became conscious of these feelings- this morning they had been playing around on the swing in Brookes front yard and he had wrapped his arm around her. She had looked up at him- about to make some teasing comment when something stopped her. His eyes. That's what had stopped her.
He saw her. He didn't see Haley James- Tutor extraordinaire. He didn't see Haley James- Nathan Scotts' girlfriend since high school. He didn't even see Haley James- good friend. He just saw her. He saw her and he loved her. That was all. And that was when she suddenly realised that, that was all she needed…no- all she wanted. It was when she realised that she loved the feel of his arm around her, that maybe she preferred his gentle grey eyes to Nathan's clear blue ones, that he made her feel complete- and it was a sense of completion she had never been able to find in anyone else.
She isn't sure when she actually fell in love with him. Maybe it was a moment you could pinpoint- like when she was 14 and got upset over some silly argument her parents had had, and he skipped a day of school just so he could spend it preparing a silly picnic/ party for 2, just to cheer her up. Or maybe it was a little thing that served as a catalyst….like when she was holed up in bed for a week, sick with the flu and he had driven 30 miles out of town to find some shop just because nowhere else sold the particular kind of soup she liked best. Or maybe it took place gradually, over a period of time. The simpler times. The times before all the drama. Before Nathan and Brooke. When it just the two of them- best friends forever.
What's going to happen now? She only wishes she knew…She's sitting in a taxi on her way to a church where, in about 20 minutes, her best friends going to walk out of her life. Probably forever. She'd like to think she could do something, but what can she do? She might love Lucas, but Brooke's her friend…she'd be heartbroken. And as for Nathan…Haley doesn't even want to think about it.
As she gets out of the cab she sees Lucas walking quickly over to her.
"Haley we really need to talk- I've been looking for you everywhere."
This is it. The moment. Crunch time.
"Well…um…here I am…"
Silence…..More silence…
"I just….I don't know if I'm doing the right thing here…"
Suddenly she knows what she wants to do. She wants to scream "I love you too…Don't marry Brooke…look we can go now- the taxis still here…" But of course she doesn't. The only thing she can see in her minds eye is Brooke. Brooke's excited face when they were flicking through bridal magazines together. Brookes crushed look when she and Haley went shopping for shoes and she found out the one of a kind Jimmy Choos in her exact size had been snapped up by someone else an hour ago. Times that face by a trillion add in a large dose of humiliation and that's the look that would be on her face when she realised that Lucas had left. And that's the one image that kept coming back. True Love doesn't triumph over all. Not really. Not when your best friends heart is at stake and you're not as selfish as all that.
She clears her throat and chokes back some tears that have appeared out of nowhere. This is the most courageous thing she thinks she's ever done.
"Don't be stupid Luke…it's just…y'know- cold feet…everything'll be fine." she musters a watery smile.
Lucas's face falls and he doesn't even bother to hide it. Haley knows he was hoping she would give him a way out.
"Right. Of course. You're right."
She watches him walk away and quickly brushes a tear away. Someone takes hold of her hand and gives it a soft squeeze. It's Nathan.
"It's ok Hales. I get it."
Now she feels like the worst person in the entire world. He's being so kind even though it's clear he knows. And anyone could see his hearts broken. She gives another wan smile and they head into the church together- as friends…and nothing more.
"I do." says Lucas. Haley winces and looks around at all the smiling faces in the congregation. Can't they see he doesn't mean it? Can't they hear it in his voice?
"If any person here present knows of any reason or lawful impediment why these 2 people should not be joined in matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace."
Speak now or forever hold your peace. It all sounds so final to her. She suddenly sees Lucas look straight at her….it's almost like he's pleading with her to say something. But it's the briefest of glances. Nobody even notices. She doesn't say anything. She thinks they both knew she wouldn't. Confessing your love for a man in the middle of his wedding, in front of the whole congregation is not something that happens in real life. Not in Haleys' real life anyway. It happens in Julia Roberts movies and cheesy car commercials. Not when there are real people involved. Real feelings.
Things will be resolved eventually. But not here. Not now. It will happen quietly- after all of this is over. Probably with a lawyer involved. Haley does not intend to embark on a relationship with Luke any time soon- but she knows that regardless of her intentions, Lucas will not be able to stay married to someone he doesn't love. And Brooke- regardless of what she thinks, will not be able to stay married to someone who doesn't love her.
It's ok. For now Haley will be ok. If not perfectly happy. And there will be closure. And maybe in time, there will be a chance for Lucas and Haley. A chance for her fairytale to come true.