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Chapter 9: I Grieve
Cruz's eyelashes fluttered as she opened her eyes. Her chest was heavy and her body was weak.
She saw Bosco next to her and she touched his arm lightly.
"Bosco" she whispered "We need to talk" He nodded. Her eyes closed in exhaustion.
She could feel herself draining away.
"Bosco, it won't be long now, I can feel it. I just can't do this anymore"
He nodded again though his eyes burned with tears "Bosco, I love you, so, so much. I just want you to know that.
Bosco when I'm gone I want you to go to my room. Underneath the bed is a box, it's white, it has your name on it. Open it, but not until I'm gone."
His voice was barely a whisper "Ok, I will"
Her eyes filled with tears "I'm sorry Bosco, I just don't want to be here anymore, it hurts too much. I don't want you to suffer because of me, promise me you won't"
"I promise"
Tears poured down her cheeks "Bosco, I can't do this"
He hugged her whispering in her ear "It's ok, if you can't do this you go, go somewhere where you won't suffer anymore"
She held him tight "Thank you"
Bosco nodded but everything in his body screamed Don't leave me! But he knew she would, he could see it too, she just couldn't hold on.
He held her for a long time before letting her fall back against the pillows. Her eyes were barely open and her breathing was raspy.
She shivered and she turned to Bosco "I love you Maurice Boscorelli" she said. He let a lone tear slip down his face "I love you too Maritza Cruz." She smiled softly, her face kind and loving.Her eyes slowly closed and he saw her slip away. He didn't hear the wailing heart monitor or see the bustling doctors. He saw his Maritza, now fading forever, gone.
Later that day
He sat beside her, what was left of her. The tubes were gone, the IV was gone, but it wasn't her. He held her hand gently as if wishing her back to life, but it wouldn't work, she was gone. Her body was the shell of what was left, it wasn't his Ritza. Her spark was gone, the twinkle in her brown eyes was gone, the spring in her step, the brightness of her smile. It was gone, all gone, taken away from him, gone forever.
That night
He left hours later and he went to her apartment again. Tears poured down his face as he entered the bedroom. The place where they had made love for the first time, where they had spent the good times and the bad.
It was only one hour ago -
It was all so different then.
Nothing yet has really sunk in
Looks like it always did
This flesh and bone.
It's just the way that we are tied in
But there's no one home.
Bosco sat on the bed and grabbed her pillow, drawing it close he breathed in deeply, her perfume was all over it and just smelling her scent broke him down again. His tears soaked the pillow but he held on to it.
I grieve ... for you
You leave ... me
He didn't know how he was going to make it, she had kept him alive, she was so strong. But he had promised her, he had promised he would at least try.
So hard to move on
Still loving what's gone.
Still, life carries on
Caries on and on and on and on
As he sat on the bed with her pillow in his hands he remembered the box under the bed. As he remembered he realized he wasn't ready to open yet. Not yet, he wasn't ready to let he go yet, and by opening the box that's what he would be doing. Accepting she was gone.
The news that truly shocks
Is the empty, empty page.
While the final rattle rocks
Its empty, empty cage.
And I can't handle this ---
He felt like someone had ripped his heart out and thrown it on the floor, he couldn't do this. He just sat there, until he realized the truth. The cancer had taken her, she was gone, and she would never, ever come back. He was too exhausted to cry anymore but he knew what he needed to do, he needed to open the box.
I grieve... For you
You leave... Me
He bent down beside the bed and lifted the sham. He saw the box lying alone in the middle of the floor and he reached out to it gently, pulling it from underneath the bed. H stared at it, it was white, with his name written in Cruz's flourishing letters on it. He traced his fingers over the script, trying to imagine her writing his name.
Let it out and move on
Missing what's gone.
Still, life carries on
Still, life carries on and on and on
He sat back on the bed and pulled it into his lap, just staring at it. He took a deep breath and ran his fingers around the edges. She was gone forever but what was in this box would keep him connected to her.
Did I dream this belief
Or did I believe this dream?
Now I will find relief
He gently lifted the lid off and peered inside his heart torn into pieces by her death.
I grieve ...
Peter Gabriel "I Grieve"
(A/N) If there is any way for you to get the song, get it! Listen to it during the chapter it fits so well:'(