Feasibility Study

Chapter 5: Basic Instincts

July 12, 2005 (Day 81)
Lab Break Room
10:09 p.m.

With envious eyes, Sara watched Greg, Warrick and Catherine enjoying their jumbo mugs of piping hot gourmet coffee.

Caffeinated coffee…symbolic of the freedoms of non-pregnant life.

"Sure you don't want a cup, Sara?" Warrick asked. "You look like you're ready to pounce and kill me for mine."

"I'm sure." She raised her bottle of Aquafina to her lips and sipped.

Aquafina Pure Drinking Water…the liquid representation of the restrictions of pregnancy.

"What's with the java ban?" Greg asked, while savoring his steaming mug of caffeine. "I made this pot with my own stash…Kona Diamond Reserve. I know you love it."

"No really. I'm uh…doing this special health regiment." She pushed out a smile. "You know…purging my body of toxins."

Watching her down the large bottle of water, Greg goaded her. "Does this mean you're switching from Vegetarian to Aquatarian?"

Warrick laughed into his mug. "Would that make Grissom Aquaman?"

Their laughter made Sara's head hurt worse.

"Come on, Sara." Greg prodded. "That should have gotten a laugh from you. I think this new health regiment is bad news for your personality. You've been moody for days. We want the old Sara back. What's going on?" Extending a fresh cup of coffee, he said, "One cup and you'll cheer up."

Breathing in the tantalizing coffee aroma, she was forced to retreat to the corner of the break room. What's going on you ask? Greg, you're not the only one who wants to know. And while she was thinking it, as if on cue, Grissom entered the room to hand out assignments. Her eyes shifted to him…the other interested party.

"Hey boss." Greg greeted while presenting the mug that Sara declined to take. "Kona Diamond."

Wearing his excitement on his sleeve, Grissom took the mug and said, "Thanks, Greg. You know I love this stuff."

Catherine cracked, "Little does Greg know it's the only reason you kept him around back in the old days."

Sara's eyes widened. Was he going to…was he really going to drink that in front of her.

"Ahhh." Grissom smacked lips for effect. "That's one good cup of coffee." It was even better than usual, because he was downing it in front of Sara while she stewed in the corner of the room.

Bristling, she clenched her water bottle tighter. He sounded like a damn TV commercial and he was doing it on purpose. On purpose! Deep down she knew she deserved it.

Catherine peeked at the assignment in Grissom's hand. "Where am I going?"

"You and Warrick have a 407 in Torrey Pines Estates." He handed her the slip of paper. "The owner thinks it was one of his disgruntled employees."

Warrick placed his mug in the sink and followed Catherine toward the door. "Robbery…nice change of pace. No DB. Good neighborhood. Thanks, boss."

Sara simmered some more as she watched Grissom and Greg chat over the savory coffee. Unable to contain her irritation for another second she blurted. "What's my assignment tonight?" She knew what he'd like to assign her. The same assignment he gave her earlier today…the same thing as yesterday and the day before and the day before that. "What would you like me to do tonight?"

Of course he didn't say it. He was dying to say it but he couldn't because they were at work and Greg was in the room. But she knew he was thinking it because he had been thinking and talking of nothing else for eight days straight.

He knew she knew what he really wanted to say, but this wasn't the time or the place and what difference did it make anyway? He asked twelve hours earlier and got nowhere just like he had the day before and the day before that and every day for the last eight days.

Instead he said, "Sara I need you to accompany Greg to the firing range. He needs help if he's ever going to get firearm certified and…" He stopped himself from saying it but he thought it…and you need to release a little tension, honey. Smiling he said, "…you are an adept markswoman and a patient instructor so I'd appreciate you helping him."

His mouth said one thing but she saw another message in his eyes. "I'll do whatever I can to help."

"How thoughtful of you." He remarked before savoring another big gulp of coffee.

Greg chortled while looking at Sara. "Uh…I'm a little afraid to be near her when she has a gun. This new health regiment of hers has left her a little edgy."

Grissom feigned ignorance. "Really? I haven't noticed." His gaze turned to Sara as he thought. I haven't noticed except for every day for the last eight days and I don't know if you've noticed but it's driving me crazy…you are driving me crazy and there's no rational explanation for your behavior. It's wearing me down. I'm thinking things I don't want to think…I'm saying things I don't want to say and now I'm doing things I don't want to do. We're playing games again, Sara and this time we're not on the same side. It shouldn't be like this. Why are you making it like this?

With a vice grip on her water bottle Sara stared Grissom down. "Let's go, Greg."

Greg handed his mug to Grissom. "Promise you'll look for me if I don't come back and if I am end up dead, tell my mom I love her."

Sara let Greg walk out of the room but she stopped at the door and folded her arms across her chest. "How's that coffee, honey?"

"It's great. There's still more in the pot." He took another sip. "Oh wait… you're not sure you can have some."

Shutting the door, she stepped into the empty room with him. "Stop it."

Cooly he replied, "Only you can."

In a jittery voice she said, "And that's driving you crazy…the loss of control…not knowing the answer."

"No." Putting his mug down, he dropped his guard. "What's driving me crazy is not understanding why you don't want to know." Try as he might not to let the hurt show, it poured as easily as Kona Diamond. "Would a positive result be so horrible? Is that why you can't bring yourself to do the test? How long are you going to keep us in the dark? Why are you doing this to us, Sara? Why are you doing it to me?"

"I…because…" On a dime she turned and left the room. "Greg is waiting."

Alone in the break room he sunk into the nearest chair and wondered how they had gotten to this point.

Eight days ago Sara was sitting in her home office reviewing her calendar when she finally admitted she was two days late. Of course since her cycle was no longer regulated by pills they knew there could be an alternative explanation.

"Honey, it doesn't mean…"

"I know." She smiled as she turned the calendar page on her daytimer.

"And if you are we will…"

"I know."

Anxious to know the answer, he said, "It will only take a minute to find out. When we go to work we'll draw some blood and…"

"No."

"Why?" Her expression puzzled him along with her answer. They spend every day performing tests and getting results. Why should this be different?

"I'd rather wait." Standing up she walked out of the room.

"Sara…I'm sorry, are we done talking?" He called after her. Wait? Why would she want to wait when the answer could be revealed right now? "Sara?"

"I'm meeting Carrie for lunch to review some ideas for the back pack project." Returning to the room she kissed his cheek. "We'll talk later. Bye."

Before he hit the hallway he heard the front door shut.

As promised, they talked later but nothing was resolved because moments after they started conversing, Sara said she was tired and went to sleep. Since then, day after day it was the same conversation only some of the words changed. Instead of leaving to meet Carrie, Sara would say she had to finish some work or that she had a hair appointment or that she was too exhausted to discuss it. She kept avoiding the issue. Why?

As of this morning, she was ten days late and still refusing to take a test even though she was living like she was pregnant. Why? He racked his brain. Does she instinctively know and won't tell me? Did she secretly test and find out the answer but won't share it with me? Why won't she open up to me?

The unanswered whys were breaking him down.

Police Firing Range

10:58 p.m.

Once Greg realized he and Sara were alone inside the firing range, he eased his stance. "At least no one will be watching."

Focused on Greg and the task at hand, Sara relaxed for the first time today. "I know you hate this but you need to do it."

"It's the only part I hate," He groaned. "I love the job. I wake up every day looking forward to learning more and doing more. I hate the gun, Sara. I hate it." Scratching his head he said, "The cops have guns. That's enough protection for me."

"Relying on someone else to protect you is nice but it doesn't always work out." Loading her cartridge, she sighed. "You never want to think of the scenario. None of us do. But it's happened and it could happen again." Snapping her cartridge in her pistol she said, "Speaking of protection." She grabbed a set of ear guards and Greg followed suit.

Behind her, Greg watched her pump out nine perfect shots to the kill zone of the paper target. "Damn, Sara." He exclaimed as the paper target returned on the pulley.

Quickly she snatched it and replaced it with a new one. "Your turn." She pulled off her ear guards and motioned for him to do the same. "Before you shoot let's look at your form." She handed him the empty pistol.

Taking the gun he stepped up and took a stance, trying his best not to shake.

"Good." Taking the gun back from him, she loaded it while he put on his ear guards. "Focus on the target and empty the cartridge."

Shaking uncontrollably, he fired, missing the kill zone every time. "I'm never…" Ripping off his ear guards he tossed them. "It's useless, Sara."

"It's all mental." She softened. It was easy to relate since she was wrestling with her own mental block at the moment. "I know what's going on. You're scared and you're letting your fear stop you from doing what you need to do."

Putting the gun on the counter he knew she was right. "If I can't pass the test then I can't carry a gun and since I don't want to carry a gun…I don't pass the test."

"Exactly." Leaning against the wall she turned her focus inward and ran through her own scenarios. If I take the test and find out I'm not pregnant I will be scared. Scared because I know I'll see disappointment in his eyes and he might see relief in mine. Would he see relief? Or would he see something else? Something I can't admit to myself? That scares me too. The study was going so well…I was getting comfortable, even excited and then…this had to happen and thrust me into uncertainty.

Greg leaned on the opposite wall and wrestled with his own demons. If I pass the test I will be forced to carry a gun. If I have a gun, one day I may be required to use it and if I do what if I make a mistake? What if I shoot the wrong guy? What if I shoot my team mate? In that split second, what if I hesitate and it costs me my life or worse…it cost one of my team mate's his or hers?

Sara closed her eyes. If I take the test and find out I am pregnant I will be scared. Scared because everything will change and I'll be on my way to being something I'm not sure I'm capable of being. I'll be required to give something I barely received…a mother's love. What if I don't know how? What if Grissom is disappointed in my ability? Hell, I've been worrying about that since the day I met him but I've always been able to impress but this time I'm not sure I can rise to the challenge.

Dropping his head in his hands, Greg ruminated further. If I carry a gun, one day I may have to use it and when I do, what if I kill someone…even the right person…the bad guy. Can I handle the blood of another on my hands even under the right circumstances?

Her stomach churning, Sara tried to find solid ground and wondered why it was so hard. How is Grissom so confident that everything will be okay? How is it that he was so terrified of a relationship that he hid for years but as soon as we got together he got calm about everything? He's even calm about the possible pregnancy. I've been so crazy with fear I know I'm hurting him. I know I am and yet…I can't stop. Unbelievable…I've turned into the old Grissom. Is this what it felt like to be him when I was pursuing him? I'm paralyzed with fear and while I know he's right there, I can't open up to him because I'm afraid I'll ruin what we have. Although I know I'm ruining it right now by doing nothing. Unbelievable…we've gone back in time and traded places.

Greg felt the knot twisting in his stomach. Grissom gave me multiple chances to pass my field test. He had every right to deny me the CSI position but he didn't. He had faith in me. Now I'm disappointing him. This time he isn't going to be as forgiving and I don't blame him.

The voice of the range manager boomed over the loud speaker. "Are you two sleeping down there?"

Snapping out of their individuals hazes, they looked up to the control booth. Sara shook her head at the man and then turned to Greg. "I guess we better get back to the task at hand."

"Yeah."

"Gun's empty." She handed it to him. "Take your stance."

He did as asked.

Stepping behind him she said, "Now we're going to talk through your concerns." Wrapping her arms around him, she placed her hands on the gun with his and steadied his arms. "You're not alone." It was a therapy trick to help a person feel secure and open up. She thought it might help. "What's on your mind?"

"Um…" Taking a deep breath, he said, "How can I be sure I'll know what to do in that critical millisecond of time? What if I freeze and I don't do anything at all? And what if my hesitation has a price?"

"You won't hesitate."

"How do you know?"

"Basic human instinct." She spoke calmly. "Tell me what you know about the subject."

"Humans are born with certain instincts…like the instinct to survive."

"And part of that instinct is fear." Currently, she related to the emotion quite well. "Fear allows our bodies to react before our conscious mind has even registered danger."

He cleared the lump in his throat. "Fear is a defense mechanism. So even before my mind knows what to do, my body will respond."

"Right." She smiled. "Can you think of another?"

"The instinct to compete?"

"Yes…the will to win." She chuckled. "Men used to fight over dinosaur meat now they fight over a football. We're all primitive creatures, including you."

"So when I shoot, I'll shoot to win."

"Yes." She could feel the tension leave his body. "Now focus on the target while we keep talking. Visualize hitting it. What's another instinct?"

"Okay." Finally loosening up he said, "There's sexual instinct...which is necessary to keep the population going. Do you know that women are instinctively drawn to men with wide shoulders when they want sex?" Rolling his eyes, he groaned. "They cry on the shoulders of the scrawny guy."

"Explains why Nick saw so much action for so long." She teased. "Also explains why you've been going to the gym more."

They shared a laugh.

"Of course the strongest instinct of all doesn't apply to me," he said while he eyed the target. "A mother's desire to protect her offspring. Although if I had a kid I'd fight to protect it with my life."

"You think about having kids, Greg?" She was surprised.

"Well right now I focus on prevention but some day, yeah, I want a family."

She couldn't resist the tease. "Some day…when your shoulders are bigger?"

He laughed.

Feeling comfortable and needing a shoulder…no matter what size, she inquired, "Can I ask you a question and be sure it will stay between you and me."

"Of course." Pleased to be chosen as someone's confidant, he smiled. "Does this mean I'm taking Nick's place as your favorite brother?"

Is that what she was doing, she wondered. "Between Nick's new job and Carrie his time is limited these days so maybe I'm trying you on for size?"

"Is that why you have your arms around me?" He grinned.

"You're not getting excited about that fact are you?"

"No!" Laughing, he quickly informed her of the new reality. "You're strictly sister material now."

Laughing with him she remarked, "My, how far we've come. If I had my arms around you like this a year ago you would have asked me to marry you."

"Absolutely."

They didn't notice Grissom had walked up behind them.

Watching Sara with Greg, Grissom's pain intensified. It was the first time he heard her laughter in a week and it hurt that she was laughing with Greg. Clearing his throat he alerted them to his presence. "I hate to interrupt all the fun you're having."

Startled they jumped and Greg dropped the gun.

"It's not loaded!" Sara alerted both men as Grissom tensed and Greg shrieked. So much for Greg's survival instinct, she thought as she picked up her gun.

"Target practice without bullets?" Grissom hissed.

"We uh…had bullets." Greg pointed to the target.

"Nice job, Greg." He shook his head. "You shot a pinky finger off the enemy. Hopefully it was from the hand in which he was holding his gun or you're dead."

"You're not helping." Sara snapped. Her words applied to both hers and Greg's dilemmas. "More pressure doesn't make things easier, it makes them harder."

Greg cringed as he flashed back to his parents disagreeing over his quitting the swim team. Dad was disappointed and mom got in his face telling him not to push so hard. "I'm fine, Sara." He said while turning to Grissom to face the music. "I'll pass the test the next time I take it. If I don't I'll go back to the DNA lab."

As much as he hated to say it, Grissom replied, "That's exactly what's going to happen."

Greg swallowed hard. "Speaking of DNA…I need to bug Max for my results on the Garvey case so I'll uh…be going now." As he walked down the hall he imagined mom and dad would now disagree over the handling of the matter.

Alone in the firing zone, Sara snipped. "You're being way too hard on him and you know it."

"Unlike other matters, Greg is solely my responsibility and I'll handle him how I see fit." Posturing he reminded her of the facts. "Every time Greg goes into the field with someone he can't provide adequate back up. I can't send him anywhere alone until he gets certified. He needs to pass his test or he'll have to go."

Sara, her eyes welling up, stared at Grissom. "What's going to happen to me if I don't pass my test? Will you send me packing too?"

Glancing around he made sure no one was coming. "I can't believe you'd think something like that no less verbalize it to me. We made a promise to one another…a commitment. If you think I could dismiss you then you must feel you could just as easily dismiss me." Anger filled his voice. "Besides, you can't possibly know how I feel or what I'd do because you won't talk to me about the issue and you won't listen to anything I say. You've shut down and shut me out and you know exactly why that unnerves me, which makes me wonder how you can do it to me at all."

Unnerved by his forceful tone, she gulped. "Again…you're not helping."

Realizing he was raising his voice, he took a deep breath. "I'm upset. I have a right to upset but I don't have a right to yell. I'm sorry."

She knew he was hurting and she fought to find the courage to spill her fears.

"Sara, this is getting out of control and for what reason? I don't think I've done anything wrong but only you can tell me. Nine days ago we were perfect and now…" His pager interrupted his plea. "Double homicide." Rubbing his temples, he said, "Get the details and take Greg. I've got an interview to conduct in twenty minutes and then I'll meet you at the scene. It's in the mountains so gear up."

Nodding, she slapped another full cartridge in her weapon, holstered it and left the range.

July 13, 2005 (Day 82)

Crime Scene

Dales Trail – Blue Diamond, NV

5:36 a.m.

The sun burst over the horizon signaling the beginning of a new day. No doubt another scorcher since yesterday peaked at 110.

Sara and Greg had arrived on the scene at one o'clock and Grissom showed up an hour later. The darkness and the rough terrain didn't make things easy for them to do their jobs.

The two DBs were males in their twenties. The deaths weren't random, they were executions…one, took a bullet in the third eye without struggle and the other had been brutally beaten and shot three times. No doubt who died first. Drug related crime was the assumption by Vartan and his boys, who did their jobs and secured the scene then waited for the CSIs to process along with the coroner.

By five a.m. the cops were done and rather certain that no evidence would be found. The killers were professionals and left no evidence behind.

As usual, Grissom and Sara weren't giving up that easily and now with day light shining down on them they knew they'd find something. Funny how their personal worlds could be off kilter but their jobs didn't suffer. Actually not that surprising since they function that way for many years. Work was always the safety zone and the communication never difficult.

Looking out over the rugged landscape, Sara commented, "Only one set of tire tracks and only one way out."

With his back to hers he looked at the location of the tire marks. "Four sets of footprints leading from the car."

"Two vics."

"Two killers."

"No murder weapon." She scanned the mountains.

"No fingerprints."

Pointing to marks in the dirt she said, "One of the guys ran and was dragged back"

"How far did he get before they got to him?" He turned around. "And why are there tracks in varying directions?"

She turned too. "What did they leave behind as they were chasing him?"

Their eyes met for the first time in the full light of the day.

Suddenly overwhelmed, Sara softly said, "Grissom, I want to…"

"I'm back." Greg bounded over. Nature had called and as he had learned early on in his CSI career, you answered the call as far away from the crime scene as possible. "What's the plan? I see everyone else is packing up. Are we?"

Breaking away from Sara's gaze, Grissom switched gears. "No. You and Sara need to stay here and extend your sweep of the area. I need to return to the office to conduct another interview." Brass was on his case about the empty position and no amount of banana bread was going to get him off his back.

"Hey Grissom!" Vartan yelled from the trailhead. "I need you over here before we head out."

"Keep me posted." He said as he turned to walk away.

Sara filled her lungs with warm air. "It's divide and conquer for us, Greg. And I'm not going to be happy leaving here until we find something."

6:14 a.m.

Ten minutes ago, Sara left Greg by the truck and walked a half mile with a plan to canvass the area and meet in the middle.

Tedious as it was to walk and search each inch of desert she welcomed the task. The area was picturesque and the only sounds were that of the chirping birds flying overhead. It was a great place to clear her head.

When she saw something glittering in a bush she reached down to inspect it. She readied her tweezers. A silver match book. Could be something relevant. Could be something left behind by hikers. From her pocket she produced an envelope and dropped the potential evidence inside.

Next to her foot she noticed an ant hill and she paused to watch the busy insects dart about around her. They reminded her of home…of Grissom…of their little family…of the baby that could be growing inside her. What have I been doing? Am I crazy? Reaching for her cell phone, she couldn't wait to call him and when she saw the 'out of area' indicator, her heart sank.

"I'm back." Grissom said as he dropped to one knee beside her.

She jumped. If it was the middle of the day she would have assumed the heat had gotten to her and he was a mirage, but it was morning and it was only eighty degrees and she knew he was really there. Her voice sang with delight. "I was just trying to call you but I'm not getting any service."

"Yes you are." Smiling he produced a large take-out coffee cup. "Decaf Iced Mocha."

"Where did you…"

"That little tourist trap out on the highway. He set the cup on a boulder next to her. "They were opening when I was driving by and it hit me…decaf coffee. I'm sorry about the coffee thing this morning, Sara. It was juvenile but I was hurting…I still am. However, I think I finally understand why you're doing what you're doing. All I had to do to understand it was remember I behaved the same way in the past. Anyway…I brought the decaf as a peace offering. With the peace I hope we can start talking."

"Where's Greg!" She impatiently asked.

"I got him a coffee too." He pointed. "He's taking five lying down in the truck listening to garbage on the radio."

That was all she needed to hear. Throwing her arms around his neck she exclaimed, "I'm so sorry. I know I hurt you. I was scared…I'm still scared but I never should have shut you out. Please forgive me."

Without hesitation, he returned the embrace.

For a minute they relished each other's touch…something they hadn't enjoyed in week.

Sara broke the silence. "What I said at the range…I didn't mean it. I know you'd never send me packing, that was fear talking and I'd never walk away or send you away. I'd never break our commitment to each other. Please believe me."

"I believe you." Feeling her tremble, he tenderly stroked her hair. "I'm sorry too. You needed some space and I pushed too hard. I knew you were scared but I was scared too. You were just getting comfortable with saying the words when this happened. It was too soon for you to deal with it."

Clinging to him, she whispered, "I love you."

Three words never sounded so good to him. "I love you too, honey."

Pulling back she caught his eyes with hers. "As soon as I get home we'll do the test."

He smoothed her hair. "Thank you. The not knowing is killing me."

Wiping away her tears, she said, "I know it's going to be positive."

With trepidation he asked, "And how will that make you feel?"

"It will make me feel so many things…nervous…frightened…tense." Stroking his cheek she released the next adjective. "Happy."

"Me too…all of those things." Glancing over his shoulder he saw the coast was still clear so he stole a kiss.

"This is getting out of hand." She chuckled. "We've never kissed at a crime scene. We're ruining our perfect reputation. I'm going to have to change my name to Catherine. I hope the boss doesn't find out and fire me."

"That reminds me." He checked his watch. "I'm going to be late for my prospective employee."

"Please hire someone."

"No one fits." Pulling his CSI ball cap out of his back pocket, he put it on her head. "It's getting sunny. Promise me you'll stay hydrated." Then he produced a Power Bar from his shirt pocket. "To go with your coffee. I noticed you didn't eat anything all night."

"So protective." Her heart soared.

"It's primal instinct now." He grinned as he stood. "You know…preservation of the species."

Tipping her cap at him with one hand, she grabbed her drink with the other. "I'll see you at home."

"Call me and let me know when you're on your way." He hated to leave her and toyed with canceling the interview but realized it would be irresponsible.

"Okay." As he walked back to his truck, she sipped her coffee. Across the field she yelled, "Best damn cup of coffee I've ever had!"

Turning back he smiled and flashed the I love you, sign.

She sighed. Who needs caffeine when you're high on life?

When Grissom's truck finally disappeared down the road, Sara went back to work. Although it was sad to see him go, it wasn't like he was really gone. She had his hat on her head and his future child in her womb. She laughed at her own sappy thought and blamed the influx of new hormones. As the minutes passed she grew more comfortable with the pregnancy and she couldn't wait to take the test and make it official.

7:01 a.m.

Combing the ground Sara couldn't stop grinning and when she heard footsteps, she called out. "Greg, you'll be happy to know my mood has improved and I forecast it will keep getting better as the day progresses."

"Move and you're dead!" An unfamiliar voice snarled.

Denying the terror trying to seize her, she remained calm. "I'm not a cop." Without knowing who was behind her or what weapon he was pointing, she had no choice but to cooperate because by the time she drew her weapon he could have a shot off.

"Put your hands in the air and don't turn around. Do it now!"

While following the instructions she said, "I'm only here analyzing the crime scene." She could feel him right behind her but she forced herself to remain calm and stuck to protocol. "I don't know what you look like. I don't have a radio on me. My cell phone isn't working. If you want my truck take it." Without turning her head she scanned the area for Greg but didn't see any sign of him. "I'm not a threat to you."

The voice barked. "If you're not a cop then why do you have gun?"

Before she could reply the man's hand was over her mouth and her own gun was pointed to her temple. "Oh wait…you don't have a gun…I do. And if you're hoping your partner is going to bail you out forget it...I already took care of him but he didn't have the keys to the truck."

Sara pushed the attacker's horrific comment about Greg out of her mind. Focus on the moment, she silently screamed. The moment! Nothing else!

"Yes, I want your truck but you're coming with me. My partner left me out here when I hit my head on a rock. I woke up when I heard the sirens last night and hid. Must have passed out. When I woke up again, you were here." His voice turned ugly. "Thanks for staying baby because now I have a ride and I bet you're a real nice ride."

Upon hearing those words Sara knew cooperation wasn't an option. You never get in the truck because if you do you're not coming out of the situation alive and before you die the attacker would make you wish you were dead. In that moment she knew…now it's about finding the right opportunity. Now it's primal…it's either him or me.

Deciding her odds would be better if they were closer to the truck, she let him walk her across the landscape while using the time to assess the situation…to consider the options. Remembering the attacker would be the one surprised she knew the first two seconds would be hers but if those two seconds didn't go well he would once again have the upper hand.

The best defense against a gun is to remove yourself from the line of fire. In an open field that wasn't an option, which meant she had to take control of the weapon and disarm at all cost…and now the stakes were higher than ever…preservation of the species…but her drive was higher too.

They neared the truck. Twenty feet…fifteen feet…ten feet…now.

Faking a sneeze she distracted his mind for just long enough to set the defense in motion. It ran perfectly…stomp his toe while grabbing the gun, twist around, kick the back of his knee send him down but before he fell he latched onto her arm taking her with him.

For the first time she caught a glimpse of her opponent, he was huge, covered in tattoos and blood caked on the side of his head where he must have hit the rock.

"Bitch!" He screamed as he wrestled her for the gun.

Each fighting to win, the battle was fierce…he using his strength, she using her knowledge of weaponless defense.

Finally the gun flew, landing twenty yards away in the dirt. Jumping to her feet, Sara attempted to race for it but the attacker grabbed her foot sending her crashing to the ground.

Her vision was blurry from her head slamming against the packed desert soil and rock, but she saw and heard enough to know he was rushing for the gun and she was powerless to stop him.

Her mind turned back to the happy moment she had shared with Grissom only an hour ago and when she heard the shot ring out she closed her eyes.

"Sara!" Greg screamed as he continued to point Sara's gun at the attacker's lifeless body. Shaking uncontrollably, blood ran down the side of his head and over his shoulder. "Sara, are you okay!"

Breathing deep Sara realized she was still alive. "I'm okay."

Greg's voice trembled in rhythm with his body as he kept the gun aimed. "I'm…uh…pretty sure he's…dead."

As her vision focused she saw her attacker's body splayed on the ground as if he were in the middle of making an angel in the dirt. His white t-shirt soaked in blood from a direct hit to the chest, she had no doubt he was dead. "Lower the gun, Greg."

"I don't think I can move, Sara." He couldn't even blink.

Reaching over, she grabbed Grissom's ball cap which had flown off her during the struggle and returned it to her head. Then slowly she rose to her feet. Covered in dirt and aching from head to toe she walked over, stood behind Greg and put her arms around him. Placing her hands on the gun she pried his fingers off of it and took it out of his hands. Her voice was steady. "You did the right thing at the right time. You saved my life."

His voice quivered as he stared at the dead man. "One minute I was looking for evidence and the next thing I remember is waking up and hearing you scream. When I came around from the other side of the truck I saw you on the ground and him running toward me and then I saw the gun…" Turning his gaze to Sara he said, "I don't even remember shooting the gun."

"Instinct took over." Putting her arm around his shoulder she smiled. "Now help me back to the truck before I pass out."

"Okay." He slid his arm around her waist and they both stumbled. "Damn, my head is killing me."

Wobbling, she said, "We're only calling Brass, understand? Even if I pass out, don't call Grissom."

"What if we both pass out?"

"You won't." She smiled. "You're a superhero now...with very big shoulders."

Las Vegas Crime Lab
Grissom's office
7:44 a.m.

Following the department's interview packet to the letter, Grissom went through the motions with this latest CSI candidate but he already knew she wasn't the right one.

Moving onto the next question he droned, "Tell me about your education."

Before the woman could answer the office door swung open.

Grissom's eyes darted up. "Jim, I'm in the middle of an interview here."

"I know and I hate to interrupt but I need your help with something. You need to come with me." Brass paused in front of the interviewee and smiled. "Please see my secretary about scheduling another appointment. I'm terribly sorry for the inconvenience."

The woman nodded and proceeded to gather her materials.

Baffled but glad, Grissom closed his interview packet. "You're the boss." Standing up he inquired, "Where are we going?"

"To the hospital." He replied casually. "I have a couple of witnesses and I'm going to need you to process them."

"Why me?" He wondered as he walked out of the room with Brass.

"The situation is a little tricky so I want someone with your expertise." He fortified the ruse with a laugh. "And like you said…I'm the boss so whatever I want, I get." Soon they would be out of the building and in the car, in fifteen minutes they'd be at the hospital and that's when he'd break the news. Then he would only be seconds away from Sara which Brass figured was the maximum amount of time Grissom could hold it together after hearing the news.

Spring Valley Hospital
Emergency Room
8:01 a.m.

Sara lay in bed wearing her filthy clothes while the ER nurse drew a vial of blood from her arm.

The nurse smiled. "It won't take long and once we have the results we'll know if we can take you to x-ray and give you pain medication. Change into the gown on the table next to you."

"Okay." Sara softly replied. "Can you tell me how Greg Sanders is doing?"

"He needs stitches but he's doing fine." The nurse informed her as she pulled back the curtain to exit.

Beyond the nurse, Sara saw Grissom rushing through the ER, his face white as a sheet and his eyes blazing with worry.

Seconds later he was sitting on the bed cradling her in his arms.

The nurse closed the curtain to give them privacy.

"I'm fine," she whispered. She could feel his heart pounding in his chest.

Remembering she was injured, he loosened his grip on her. Bringing his hands to her bruised face, his fingertips gently traced a four inch scrape. Tears, not words, flowed.

"Everything is okay." She assured him while wiping away the drops. Never had she seen him so distraught. "I look bad but it's not serious."

Guilt finally fueled his words. "If I didn't leave you at the scene…"

"There was no reason to believe it wasn't safe. It was cleared. This was a fluke." Wrapping her arms around him she whispered, "If you hadn't come back and given me the coffee and Power Bar I wouldn't have had the energy to put up a fight." Now her tears flowed. "If you hadn't come back I wouldn't have had the chance to tell you I love you and I'm happy about the baby. In that last minute when I thought I was going to die…" The reality finally crashed down around her.

Clinging to each other they let their emotions run their course.

Eventually Sara choked out some words. "Let's…let's stop thinking about what could have happened and look forward."

They wiped each other's tears while Sara said, "The nurse took my blood." The corners of her lips curved into a smile. "We should know the results any minute."

"Did you sustain any injuries that could jeopardize…"

"No." Tenderly she caressed his face. "Did Brass tell you how Greg saved me out there?"

Inhaling sharply and finding confidence in Sara's smile, he continued to regain his composure. "Yes. He did. I guess your bullet-less training technique worked. By the way, Brass is with Greg right now in case you were worried he was alone."

"I was." She smiled brighter. "Good thing I gave Greg that lesson when I did."

Relief finally washing over him, he said, "Suddenly it doesn't bother me anymore that you wanted to name my child after Greg."

As much as it hurt her bruised face she chuckled.

Without warning the nurse pulled back the curtain. "I have your results."

Clasping hands, Sara and Grissom looked at each other as the nurse read the paper.

"Ms. Sidle, you're not pregnant."

"Are you sure?" Sara asked her voice fraught with disappointment.

Grissom gripped her hands tighter.

"We ran it twice." The nurse backed away. "I'll give you a few minutes and then we'll take you to x-ray."

"I thought for sure..." Sara's voice faded as she thought, how odd that I could be so frightened of a positive result but get a negative result and be so incredibly devastated. Breathing in she reminded herself it wasn't the end…it was the beginning. Now they were both on the same page. Looking at Grissom, knowing what almost happened and seeing how much he loved her, any doubts she ever had were gone…she wanted a baby with him and soon wasn't soon enough.

His emotions getting the best of him again, Grissom sadly said. "During this study I've been focusing on whether or not I was strong enough to be a father and have a child with you. I never thought to ask myself if I was strong enough to survive losing a child." His voice cracked. "After today I know I'm not strong enough to lose you. I don't think I can do it, Sara. I really don't think I can take the risk." As in the past, self-preservation kicked in and the fear of loss overpowered him and prevented him from moving ahead. Old fears never really go away, he realized, they hide waiting to pounce in a weak moment. "I'm sorry."

Listening to him talk, she realized they had traded places. She was certain and he was scared. "Could we let some time pass and see?" She asked in a hopeful tone. "Right now I think we're a little too emotional to make a decision."

In a weak voice, he asked, "You want to keep the study going?"

"Yes." She replied confidently while bringing his hand to her heart. "Can you do that for me?"

Overcoming the urge to say no, he forced an affirmative answer for her. "Yes. I'll give it some time."

Next Chapter: The Patter of Little Feet – Part 1