Vampire Chronics: CH 2
"This isn't my house, cops… where's mom?" Jonny said. Now Tex was getting suspicious.
"Are you okay, kid?" Tex asked, thinking that just losing his mom to vampires must've made Jonny go crazy.
"Define 'you'," Jonny replied. Tex paused.
"What grade are you in, kid?"
"6th grade. I'm also fifteen years old. My teacher says that I have an IQ of 45 and that makes me 'mentally challenged'. Huh, 'IQ'. I can't even spell it."
"That explains all the… weirdness."
"Yeah. Stupid vampires. My mom had me in her tummy and her doctor told her to abort, or whatever, and… yeah. Yeah, cops?"
That night, Tex slept on the couch with the stake under his pillow, and Jonny slept under the bed with a steak under his. Garlic bulbs were all over the place, even in Tex's socks and underwear. In the morning, Jonny managed to get an entire bulb of garlic up his nostril. Everything smelled like garlic.
Tex had a shopping list. On it was listed: 'cross' and 'holy water'. Jonny wrote his own list. On it was listed: 'KROWZ' and 'ZODA WATER', right next to 'STEAC' and 'LEMANAID'.
It was a sunny day, and Tex and Jonny walked to church. "I've never been in one of these," he said, pointing to the mouth of a statue standing next to the front door.
"Stay by me." Tex said to Jonny.
"Sure cops. Are you going to use your… thing?"
Tex checked his pockets. He had forgotten the stake. Tex swore loudly, and people inside the church stared and wanted to throw Tex out.
"Don't worry cops, I've got mine." Jonny said, patting a large, squishy lump in his pocket. Tex received a couple of tiny metal crosses and two small jars of holy water. Tex gave one of each to Jonny. Jonny put the cross in his pocket. On the way out, Tex noticed that Jonny had drunk all his holy water.
"Mmm… that was some tasty water." Jonny said, putting the empty vial in one of the pews. "My tummy feels funny."
"You're not supposed to drink the holy water." Tex turned back to pick up some more.
Then Jonny started to glow. His fingers, then his body, to his feet. "Cool." Tex turned around to see Jonny. It was like a bright aura. It soon faded away into his pocket. It was glowing.
"Hey!" Jonny said pulling out the steak. It was glowing. "Cool! My steak has powers!"
"Uh… turn it around." Tex points to the steak.
Jonny turns it over to see the cross is glowing, not the steak. "Darn! My steak doesn't have powers!"
Jonny and Tex head out of the church. It was about 1:00pm and it was very hot and sunny.
"So cops? Was church fun or what?"
"Uh…hopefully we won't have to do that again."
"My head hurts…" Jonny complains, taking out his steak. "My steak smells weird."
"It's probably old." Tex looks at it.
The steak is turning green on the corners, and fuzzy mold is growing on the part Jonny was touching. A bad smell came from it. Tex almost passed out. "I think you better throw that thing away."
"But it's my protection, cops!"
"Jonny, that thing is over due. Just hand it to me." Tex stretches out a hand.
"No! It's my steak!"
"Jonny, kid. I'll give you my stake okay?"
"Okay cops." Jonny hands over the gross, smelly steak. Tex touches it and feels the fuzzy mold. He almost vomits as he lets the thing fall to the ground.
"Why'd you do that for? Cops?" Jonny stares at the steak.
"I need to wash my hands." Tex says, feeling light-headed.
"I have holy water."
"I…" Tex faints.
Tex's head hits the ground. Hard.
"Uh oh, was I supposed to do something?" Jonny said, staring at Tex on the ground. "Get up cops. People are looking."
But Tex is out unconscious. Jonny drags Tex's body to the bus stop, calling for a fireman. A bus pulls up to the stop and the doors open.
"Oh, Mrs. Fireman!" Jonny said to the black male bus driver. "Help Cops!"
The bus driver said, "Don't you need a doctor?"
"Yes! A fireman!" Jonny said. This lady's stupid! Jonny thought.
This kid's mental! The bus driver thought. The driver picked up Tex and gave Jonny and Tex a ride to the hospital.
Tex checked out of the hospital an hour later. By then, it was getting dark. Tex and Jonny were leaving, and then Jonny said, "I didn't know you had hair, cops!"
"Of course I have…" Tex started, feeling for his… hat. It wasn't there. "My hat's gone!" Tex shouted. As the sun went down, Tex ran back into the hospital. Jonny followed. Inside the hospital, Tex collected his precious hat and turned to leave. But the night had come. Jonny was coming through the door when it suddenly slammed shut, crumpling the edge of his shirtsleeve.
"Help! Help! The door ate my arm!" he screamed.
"Kid, it's only closed on your shirt."
"Help! Help! The door ate my arm! Cops! Fireman!"
Tex pulled Jonny's shirt from the door. Jonny was crying and pointing to the sleeve. Tex suddenly heard a noise, like a whisper. Jonny's cross was glowing. A vampire was in the hospital. Tex reached for a stake. Tex touched some old leftover steak in his pocket and fainted. Jonny remembered what he had to do and threw his cross at Tex's prone body instead.
"Oh crap." Jonny realized he forgot to catch Tex and picked up his cross.
Tex awoke immediately, grabbing his cross and pulling his stake out of his belt buckle. Jonny and Tex looked around suspiciously, eyeing for anything unusual.
Tex heard more whispers as he and Jonny walked closer to the morgue. Tex heard a sucking sound.
"It's in here." Tex points.
"What cops?" Jonny says.
"Shhh!" Tex opens the door and flicks on the light.
A nurse and doctor are drinking lemonade and watching a water polo game on TV. The whispers were the radio, playing classical music.
"What a relief." Tex said putting his stake away.
"They have lemonade cops!" Jonny walks in and takes the pitcher and pours himself a cup. The nurse and doctor look at him weirdly.
"Uh… allow myself to introduce… myself." Tex said. "I'm Tex Madden."
"Hi." The nurse smiles and looks at the T.V.
"What are you doing here?" The doctor says.
"What are YOU doing here?" Jonny echoes.
"We work here." The doctor looked annoyed.
"Well… yeah cops?" Jonny looked at Tex.
"Sorry for the intrusion." Tex said and pulled Jonny out the door, closing it behind him.
A group of nuns are gliding past them from the main hall. They are laughing and you can't see their faces. Jonny stares at them funny.
"I thought… they're wearing roller blades!" Jonny points. Indeed, they are wearing roller blades. They "float" across the floor laughing.
"Weirdo's." Jonny said, wishing he had roller blades too.
Tex and Jonny finally leave the hospital. It was now almost 11:00pm. Tex tummy grumbles loudly.
"Do you need to poo? Cops?"
"Uh… no Jonny."
"Well, when my butt grumbles, mom says I should poo."
"Uh, Jonny… when was the last time your butt grumbled?"
"Just this morning, cops."
"Did you go poo?"
"No thanks, cops. It's too late to poo."
Tex thought about this. Either Jonny meant that it was too late at night to use the bathroom, or… he did "use the bathroom", but not in the bathroom. Tex hoped it was the first one.
"Could I get roller blades, cops?"
"No Jonny. That costs money."
"Thanks cops! You're the best."
Tex and Jonny went to a restaurant to eat. They found a nice joint called KFC and went in. A sign said: PLEASE WAIT TO BE SEATED BY A HOSTESS
Tex read the sign out loud.
"I didn't know you could read, cops." Jonny said.
"I can count to a thousand, too." Tex said sarcastically.
"Wow." Said Jonny.
A man seated Jonny and Tex. "Thanks, Hostess!" Jonny called.
Tex ordered… a steak. Jonny saw it and started looking for vampires. Tex ordered the special, "Chicken of the Sea" and some lemonade for Jonny. When the food came, Jonny asked, "is this chicken that I have… or is this fish… that I have?"
"It's both." Said Tex, chewing some steak.
When they were finished, Tex paid the check. Suddenly, Jonny's stomach rumbled. "Uh oh," Tex said, "Go to the bathroom." Then, to make sure Jonny understood, he added, "and poo."
"You're not mom." Jonny said, pointing to Tex.
Tex did his best to sound like a woman.
"Go to the bathroom and poo, sweetie."
"Okay mom." Jonny said, and went to the boy's room.
Tex waited for a really long time.
Okay! I hoped you liked the second part of the story. It took me forever to write it. Please review!