Vampire Chronics: CH 3
Jonny came back 3 hours later.
"Y'know they have ice in the bathroom?" Jonny said.
"What?" Tex said.
"Yeah. At first it smelled sour… so I tried some." Jonny said, "It was sour."
"You ate the ice?" Tex looked at him dumbfounded.
"Yeah. Cause I thought it would be good with my lemonade."
Tex looked ill.
"Then I played 'bobbing for apples', except I used the ice for bobbing." Jonny laughed. "They kept slipping around this pool thing. I guess it was slippery cause the ice was melting. It was fun Tex cops. You should try it, except they need more ice."
"You ate ALL the ice?"
"Yep. Tex cops. Then I doo-dooed in the pool where the ice was. I was trying to flush the toilet, but the handle was broken. Only water came out."
"So the poo is still in there?"
"No Tex cops! I took some towels they had on the sink and threw the doo-doo away."
"So the doo-doo is in the trash can?"
"Yep Tex cops! In the trashcan! I'm so smart!"
"We should leave now." Tex left a tip, which Jonny picked up. Dumb Tex cops. Leaving money on the table, Jonny thought.
It was now 2:15am and Tex was tired. Tex and Jonny walked all the way home, which was only a block away. They went into the apartment and fell asleep immediately.
Tex awoke at 11:00am in the morning.
"Good evening!" Jonny said, happily watching 'Psycho.'"
"Are you scared?" Tex asked.
"No, if I were the lady in the bathtub, I wouldn't have closed the curtain. Then I would see the killer." Jonny said.
"Yeah, but the water would go on the floor."
"Yeah, but at least I wouldn't scream like a girl when he opens the curtain." Jonny turns the French subtitles on.
The doorbell rang and Jonny screamed a high-pitched, girly scream. Tex looked at Jonny.
"What?" Jonny said.
Tex laughed and looked through the eyehole. It was a woman with a cart. Tex opened the door.
"Food on demand?" the lady said.
"You ordered food?" Tex looked at Jonny.
"I was hungry."
The maid pushed the whole cart into the room.
"I'll be back with the other carts," The lady said.
"How many carts did you buy?"
"Only a few," Jonny said.
42 carts of food arrived.
1/3 of the carts had lemonade. 1/3 had garlic bulbs, and the last 1/3 had… steak-raw. Tex tried to send it all back, but the kitchen wouldn't take it. Tex's bill increased by over a thousand dollars. Tex and Jonny ate as much as they could and then Tex gave the bountiful leftovers to the homeless people on the corner. When they returned, Tex went to take a shower.
Right when Tex started singing Prince's "Raspberry Beret", Jonny pulled open the shower curtain and yelled "Ahh!" in a girly voice. He was holding a banana covered with… blood. Tex, annoyed but not scared, said "I'm the one who's supposed to scream, not you, kid." Jonny then closed the shower curtain and tried again. Tex took the banana away (which turned out to be covered with tomato paste, not blood) and told Jonny to get out.
"Okay, okay, but don't stab me," Replied Jonny, leaving. Tex ate the banana and got out of the shower, smiling.
At 3:30pm, Tex and Jonny went out to look for vampires. Tex had the stake, a cross, some garlic spray, and some holy water. Jonny had some garlic spray (the only weapon he wouldn't eat) and the cross. They passed the town cemetery at about 5:00pm, since they walked the whole way. The crosses started glowing. After that, Tex decided to stay around the cemetery until nightfall. At 7:30 the sun went down (not exactly 7:30, but close) Fog started to cloud the air, and Tex tried to move into an open area.
"I'm blind!" Jonny said, covering his ears.
The moon came out from behind some clouds, and the crosses were glowing like crazy. Then the fog cleared a little, and Tex saw that they were surrounded by vampires, who had gathered in the fog.
"Ooh, an angry mob!" Jonny said, "Let me be in the mob too!"
There were maybe, 20 vampires, some men and some women.
"Jonny," Tex said.
"Yeah cops?"
"I think we'll need to get some better weapons."
"Darn! I left my Super soaker TM at home!" said Jonny, stomping his foot.
As the mob began to move in, Tex said to Jonny, "Remember your garlic spray?"
"Yeah cops?"
"Well, spray anything that moves okay?"
"Sure cops."
Tex looked at the mob of vampires. He pulled out two stakes from his belt and unleashed a can of whoop-a$$. Half of the mob turned and rushed him and the other half laughed at Jonny and his spray bottle.
"Beware!" Jonny said, changing the nozzle from stream to squirt.
"What are you going to do?" A lady vampire said with a Russian accent.
"Whatever the f I want." Jonny said as he sprayed her in the face.
The lady vampire screamed as her flesh began to fall off her skull and ate away at anything it touched. She finally turned to dust as Jonny started spraying all the other vampires. Getting too spray happy, something banged into Jonny and he quickly started spraying it.
"OWW! My eyes!" Tex yells, "They burn!"
"Why won't you die?" Jonny said, still spraying him.
"Cut that out kid." Tex grabbed the spray bottle away from Jonny.
"What's wrong with you Cops?" Jonny asked.
"You were spraying my EYES!" Tex screamed.
A vampire grabbed Tex from behind. He dropped his stakes and the garlic spray. Jonny picked up the garlic spray and threw it to Tex. He cannot see as it hits him on the head and spills garlic all over the vampire.
"Jonny… goodbye." As the vampire turns to ashes.
"Mommy?" Jonny said as he runs over to Tex.
"Thanks kid." Tex said.
Jonny sinks to the ground as his mother's ashes blow away with the wind. Jonny started to cry.
"Kid, are you all right?" Tex asked.
"My mom's dead." Jonny replied.
"I'm sorry." Tex retrieved his stake and stabbed it into the ground where Jonny's mother's ashes were.
"I'm all out of garlic spray." Jonny said at last. He looked over to Tex, who is silently praying.
"I didn't know you were a pagan?"
"I'm not… I mean… let's just pray, okay?"
"For what?"
"Your mom."
"Do you think she's in heaven?"
"I hope so."
It is about 10:30pm. "We should go." Tex said.
"Okay cops." Jonny looked back one last time at his mother's grave.
Back at the hotel, Tex and Jonny threw down their gear and plopped down on the couch. Tex was relieved that his job was done, but Jonny looked sad.
"Still thinking about your mom, kid?"
Jonny nodded.
"Don't worry," Tex said, "I'll find you someplace to stay."
"You'll let me stay with you, cops?"
"Er… that's not what I meant-…"
"You can be my mom!"
"No, I-…"
"I love you, mom cops!"
Jonny hugged Tex tightly. But when he let go, he asked, "Mom cops, where do vampires come from?"
"Uh oh," Tex said, "The Vampire lord must still be out there somewhere."
"Do vampires come from eggs? Or cabbage patches? Or storks?"
"They come from other vampires."
"Ew! I know what that's called!"
"You do?"
"Duh, I read comic books," Jonny said. "It's called 'specks'!"
"You mean sex," Tex corrected.
"What's that?"
"Never mind."
"Hey, let's call ourselves the 'Vampire Chronics!'" Jonny said.
"Okay, kid," Tex said. "Just stop talking already."
END VAMPIRE CHRONICS VOL. 1
Well, how did you like it? It was my brother and my first story written together. Thanks for reading! Vampire Chronics Vol. 2 coming soon!