NOTE: FLAMERS WELCOME!
(Go on, I dare you! What are you, chickens-Phil)
(Phil are you provoking the readers again? –Adam)
(I'm not not provoking them –Phil)
Author's notes: This chapter's self insert is more commonly known on as Beloved Fool, but for the purposes of the story she will be called by her real name Hel. Only one self-insert left! And he will be the greatest of them all - except for Andrew Angelsword of course.
Chapter 3: The Quest Begins
Our young hero lies unconscious on a bed in the middle of a strange room. It's in the style of an old Chinese temple, with large dragon-like statues positioned in various corners of the room. A large brick wall sits to the left of Angelsword; a small rock pond nestles at the bottom. Bamboo sticks make an interesting pattern towards it, carrying water before landing in the pebbly pool, producing a rather soothing sound. A wind chime dangles above Andrews's head, swaying slightly, generating a quiet ringing noise.
Time passes and before long five elven figures walk into the room from a door in the corner. They surround the table that Andrew lies on. One of the elves looks a lot like Jackie Chan, but with some rubbish plastic pointy ears on him, that you would usually find at a car boot sale for about fifty pence. One of the lesser elves begins to speak.
"Are you sure he's the One?"
"Of course he is, the plot would be screwed if he wasn't," replied the Elven Jackie Chan.
"What do we do now?" asked another elf.
"I suppose we'd better wake him," commented one more.
"Angelsword… Angelsword."
Elven Jackie Chan looks round at his companions for suggestions, but all of them shrug their shoulders with nothing to offer. Jackie takes a deep breath.
"WAKE UP YOU LITTLE SHIT!" shouts Elven Jackie Chan.
"Wahh!" Andrew bolts upright.
"Ah Andrew, your finally awake."
"What? Who are you? Where am I?" Andrew looks around, and at all the elves staring at him.
"I am the Elven Jackie Chan, and you are in the ancient temple of 'Ding Dang Do'. We are the holders of an ancient prophecy, where a young boy is believed to hold the key, to save us all! Etc, etc."
"What! Are you telling me that Crazy Old Man back in chapter two was actually telling me the truth, and wasn't high of sucking too many sherbet lollies!" exclaimed Andrew.
"Yes, that is all true. Oh and also your half elf too" continues Jackie Chan.
"When did that happen?" he persists to query.
"Don't know really, just an afterthought of the author. I guess."
Before Andrew could ask any more questions a small voice interrupted, two separated away revealing a small feminine figure. Her long shadowy brown hair flowed gently, allowing to show off her elegant and petite face highlighted with large soulful water-filled anime style eyes.
"Help us Andrew Angelsword, you're our only hope." saying quietly I have believed in a prophecy where a young boy would save us all for many years, and if you refuse us, I don't know what the author will do"
Hel looks into Andrew's eyes, trying to get the support of the teenager.
"What happened to the village?" asked Andrew politely
"It was completely destroyed. The Dark Lord Phil killed everyone"
"Even my Grandfather?"
"Yes I'm afraid so…" being very mournful, so not to hurt Angelsword's feelings
"YES!" everyone looks at Andrew baffled and slightly disgusted "Oh… I mean that's such a shame."
"Will you help save the world Andrew?" Hel pushes him for an answer
Angelsword looks around at the elves around him, all of them with the same look on their faces, Andrew let out a deep sigh and finally relents to their badgering.
"Ok… I'll do it."
"Andrew you've taken the first step to the greatest adventure in your life." The Elven Jackie Chan stops to think for a second, "Oh I did not just go there!"
All the elves cheer, throw their fists in the air in anime style, the screen slowly fades out.
Elven Jackie Chan, Hel and Andrew are all in a modern looking sterile warehouse; Angelsword sits on a sleigh that has a lot of electrical pylons and wires buzzing away behind him.
"Are you sure this is safe?" queries Andrew
"Of course it is" replies Jackie
"So what is this again?"
"It's a time-machine, we have been working on this technology for decades. The prophecy said we would finish this time machine when the chosen one appeared." explains Jackie
"What about training, how do I use this thing?" the machine begins to shake violently and makes a lot of noise.
"Don't worry, I left you a book to read. I wrote down intensive training instructions in it." Andrew looks to his left and sees a book with the Elven Jackie Chan's face on it with 'Elven Jackie Chan's Guide To Highly Intensive Training' written above, "You won't need to worry about the co-ordinates, they're pre programmed, so you don't have to decide which dimension you go to." shouts Jackie, trying to beat the noise being made by the Time Machine.
"What! A Time Machine that travel's through dimensions? That s…" Andrew's sentence is cut short, as a blinding flash of light aluminates the room before disappearing.
"So when will our eyesight come back?" asks Hel
"Couple of days or so" replies Jackie
A new background beholds us, a dark misty graveyard lies silently, only disturbed by the cries of night animals. A full moon highlights the shadows of the gravestones. Suddenly sparking is seen from the floor and another bright flash lights up the graveyard. Angelsword sits shocked in the Time Machine, his hair still sparking with electricity.
"Wow, that was a rough ride" he looks around a bit, slightly spooked out by the new surroundings. "Where am I?" Andrew glances at a computer screen in the cockpit area
Hellsing Dimension
Year: 2005
Mission: Retrieve Excalibur
(Get the gal)
Have a nice day!
"Well this is weird" says Andrew
The screen fades out on our somewhat freaked out hero.
-
Today Soviet Man and Sponge are not going to do anything this chapter, as they are on strike due to poor pay. But I'll soon sort that out. (Loads shotgun) See you next chapter!
Chapter 4 preview.
"I'm Adam"
"And I'm Phil"
"We're here with another preview"
"Didn't we do this style before Adam?"
"Next chapter I, Adam will make my debut"
"Yeah, but nobody cares"
"Well you're on fire"
"No I'm not"
"Yes you are"
(Brings out cigarette lighter)