The Luck of the Draw (2/?)

For Notes and Disclaimer, see Part 1

"Morning, Josh."

"Hey there, kiddo." I turn towards my eldest son. "Who are you, Jack the Ripper?"

Adi's got a thing for animals. He has three; he got them right after he and Lanie came back to the States, because he had to leave his pets in Italy behind. There's Dusty, a sweet Australian Shepherd, and Tux, a ferret Sandy adores.

And Toula. She's sitting on his shoulder, ruffling her green plumage. She's a character, some variety of an Amazon parrot. Recently schooled in parrot etiquette, I acknowledge her presence. "Good morning, Toula."

"Top of the mornin' to ya."

I smile as I walk down the hallway, and just as I'm about to ask Adi his plans for the day, Toula speaks once again: "Ya got a Tootsie Pop, Josh?"

Huh? Then I remember the ending of the heart-to-heart Donna and I had last night. I whirl around, my face already beet-red, and catch sight of Adi's grin as places Toula on a perch. "How the-...You little-"

At this point Sandy bounds up to us, with cheery greetings. But I have one thing, or rather one person, and one person only, in my radar. Taking advantage of the momentary distraction of Sandy, I tackle an unsuspecting Adi to the ground and tickle him mercilessly. His entire body writhes with the wild laughter and tears that only a serious tickle match can bring. Sandy dances around us in a circle, screaming "Tickle fight! Tickle fight!" at the top of his lungs, in between bouts of hysteria. I catch Adi in the eye and nod, and he grins in understanding. The two of us surge upward and grab Sandy, one at each end, and proceed to tickle him senseless. At this point, the shrieks get so loud that Toula begins to squawk and crow in distress, as well as in what I could swear is amusement.

"Gentlemen?"

The three of us look up from the floor to find Donna above us, her hands on her hips, wearing an expression of both exasperation and resignation.

"As much as I hate to break up this barbaric male bonding ritual, we do have a day. Joshua, take Samuel into the kitchen for his breakfast. Aidan, I suggest you take Toula upstairs and calm her down. She'll need it after being subjected to that testosterone-laden display, poor thing."

"Donna!" From the kitchen, to which Sandy and I have hastily withdrawn, I hear Adi's voice rise and break slightly from mortification.

"What? I know testosterone. I'm rather intimately acquainted with it, in fact."

"Don-na!!!!" His voice scales higher and cracks dismally.

"You're messin' with the big leagues now, kid. Next time, don't go mocking things you're not supposed to hear about in the first place. Got that?" She pauses, then delivers her parting shot: "Oh, Adi? About the Tootsie Pop... the world still doesn't know."

All I can hear is the hasty pounding of retreating feet and Donna's soft chuckle.

CJ comes to kidnap Donna for a day of relaxation, and I drive into DC with the kids to visit Norah. As we walk through the corridors, I keep an eye on Adi. He spent a lot of time in the hospital during the last month with his mom; he had already moved in with us at that point. If this place bothers him, he does a damn fine job of hiding it.

We peek into Norah's room. She's sleeping fitfully; I know a nightmare when I see one. I put a finger to my lips as I glance at the kids, and then walk in the room.

I think I'm going to cry, or worse.

She's so pale. So tired. Her freckles stand out against her translucent skin, and I can see the pale blue veins in her eyelids. Tears trickle down her cheeks, but they don't wake her. I rub my face with my hand, and turn away for a moment. Adi catches my eye, and quickly distracts Sandy and Liza. I move closer to Norah and drop a kiss on her forehead. "Norah, sweetie, wake up."

Her eyes, with their long lashes, flutter open. "Daddy?"

"Hi, baby."

"Daddy. Oh, Daddy..."

"Shhh...I know, baby, I know. Calm down. It's over now. I'm here." I dry her tears, gently wiping her face with a tissue, and give her a hug. Looking towards the doorway, I see that despite Adi's best efforts, the eyes of my youngest two are wide with anxiety.

"Look who I brought to see you. Come on, guys, it's okay."

They enter timidly, followed at a distance by Adi. "Hi, Norrie," Sandy offers tremulously. He elbows Eliza, who hurriedly adds her own greetings. I grin at Sandy's brotherly efforts. My grin would be wider if Norah could do more than just smile in return, though.

"Well," I begin lamely. Adi jumps in, once more to the rescue.

"Sandy, don't you have something to show Norah?"

Sandy's smile brightens as he remembers the drawing clutched in his hands. But his face falls as he realizes that in the process of carrying it, it has become extremely wrinkled. His lips begin to quiver. Adi, sensing the coming outburst, grabs the drawing and places it between two books lying on a nearby shelf. "See, Sandy? It'll be fine."

Sandy refuses to be comforted and begins to cry, Liza joining him in sympathy. I consider the best way of handling this, but am saved when a nurse, Sara, walks into the room.

"Hi, Senator. Hi, guys. Doing okay over there, Norah?"

She nods weakly.

"Good. Ah, Senator?"

Everyone here is extremely reluctant to call me Josh, try as I might. "Yes?"

"Dr. Feldman would like to speak with you."

"He's here? On a Saturday?"

The look in her eyes speaks volumes. "Yeah."

Oh, God. I swallow hard. "Sure, yeah, okay. I just need to-"I gesture towards my sniffling children.

"I'll take them to Daycare. It might be a little while."

"Okay, ah..." I turn towards Norah.

"I'll stay." Adi says quietly.

"Yeah." As I leave the room, I place a hand on his shoulder and give it a squeeze.

Man, this cannot be good. I know that look, the look on the nurse's face, Josh's face. It's not a good look.

I glance at the bed. Norah's eyes are closed again; I can't tell if she's asleep. She's really small under the covers.

I always wanted little brothers and sisters growing up. I wanted a big family, but it was just my mom and I. I tried to make up for it, though. I worked at the preschool and daycare at the American School in Rome, and I helped to coach a soccer team on weekends. I like kids. I guess that makes me weird, but I don't care.

Anyhow, I'm not really sure how to approach Norah. I know her even less than the rest of the family, for obvious reasons, and I'm just not...

"Adi?"

I look over at her. "Hey, bella Stella."

"Can I have some water?"

"Sure thing."

After I help her get settled back on her pillows, she asks, "'Bella' means beautiful, right? What was the other word again?"

"Stella. Star."

"Like stellar."

"Yeah." I'm surprised. "Where'd you hear that?"

"Mommy used it," she says simply.

Figures. I grin, which probably brings out my stupid dimples, because she says, "You look like Daddy. 'Specially when you smile."

I reach over to hold her hand. I can't help it. "So everyone says. So do you. You're prettier than he is, though." She actually giggles, and I get a warm feeling in my chest. I made her laugh!

So this is what being a big brother feels like.

"Do you miss your mom?"

Where did that come from? "You know about that?"

She gives me a 'are you stupid' look, then nods solemnly. "Mommy and Daddy told me."

"Yeah. I do. But I have you guys, though."

"Do you think it hurts to die?"

Uh oh. How do I handle this one? I go for honesty and a quick change of subject. "I don't know, sweetie. Hey! Did I tell you about my animals?" Real smooth.

She does this little half-smile thing that I've seen Josh do, like she knows exactly what trick I'm pulling, but she lets me off the hook. Thank goodness for that, 'cause what would I tell her? I am so not saying she might die. Apart from everything else, Josh would kill me. I refuse to think about it, anyway. So I tell her about the latest things I taught Toula, and how Sandy lost Tux for an hour this morning, instead.

A little while later, I look up and see Josh watching us. I just finished telling Norah about the wrestling match this morning, and she laughed a bit. Josh's eyes are moist. Jeez, what a softie.

Not that I blame him.

"Hi, Daddy!"

"Hey, lady. You guys having fun?"

"Uh-huh."

He shifts uncomfortably. "Norah, honey... you're gonna have chemo today."

Her impossibly large eyes fill with tears, but all she utters is a single, soft, heart-wrenching, "Daddy."

Josh's jaw twitches, and he stares at the floor. I go and lean against the doorframe. I feel like I shouldn't be watching this.

"But I just had it, Daddy!"

"I know, baby, but..."

"And I'm so tired!" She wails. "I'm tired, Daddy. I'm tired. I'm...tired," she whispers softly. And then she starts crying. Josh is across the room in two seconds. He cradles her against his chest and rocks her, murmurs softly. It looks like he's trying to shield her with his body.

I can't take it any more. I quickly walk outside and lean against the wall again.

I know it's pointless to say, but...this is so not fair!

A few minutes later I hear Josh come out and stand next to me. I ask him point-blank: "Josh, what's going on?"

He looks at me, measuring. Then he sighs, and rubs his hand through his hair. "The chemo and radiation aren't working, not as well as we'd like."

"So what else can they do?"

"Well, it's leukemia, so they can try a bone marrow transplant."

"That's good, though, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but it'll make her even more susceptible to infection, and she's already so weak... They want to see if they can do it anyway, though. They're gonna try intensive therapy for the next few days, and if nothing gets any better, we're gonna have to start looking for a donor." He pauses. "I'm going to stay here. She doesn't handle it well, after. Why should she?" he spits out bitterly. "Can you take the kids home? I'll get you guys a cab, and...Oh, shit!"

I look at him. "What?"

"Sandy's game. I promised him...shit!"

"I'll take him. If Donna can't get home, I'll take both of them. In a cab," I elaborate.

He's getting all worked up. "No, you don't understand. He's not that good, he might not get to play, he's really sensitive about it..."

He's getting panicky, and he's got that glassy look from yesterday. I caught it just before I ran out of the car. "Josh. I said I would do it. He'll understand. I'll make him understand. Do you want me to call Donna, too?"

"Yeah. No. Yeah. No...it's the first day she's had to herself in weeks... she'll kill me if I don't tell her..."

I decide. "I'll call her."

"No, I should... You shouldn't have to..."

"Jeez, Josh, you can't even talk in complete sentences! I'm calling her." He looks at me, torn. "Josh. Get the kids."

"Yeah."

I'm enjoying myself. I'm enjoying myself. Much as I hate to admit it, Josh was right. This is most definitely rejuvenating. Not that a part of me doesn't feel like crap, being out in the sunshine when my daughter's in the hospital, but...oops, there's my phone. I bet Josh can't find Sandy's shoes. I don't know how many times I've told him...

"Hello? Adi? What's the matter? Where's Josh? What? Oh, god...okay...yeah. Yeah. What? All right. What about the kids? Sandy has a...are you sure? I know Josh promised him...you're sure...I really should go, but I need to...okay...thanks, sweetheart...I appreciate it...I'll try and round up some people to come...tell Josh I'll be there as soon as I can. Thanks. Bye."

"Donna?" CJ looks at me with concern.

"Norah needs more chemo."

"But I thought..."

"It's not working. She needs more. Adi said something about a bone marrow transplant...the doctor talked to Josh...Adi says he's freaking out. I need to go. I need to go now. I need a cab, I..."

"Donna, stop. What about the kids? What do you need?"

"Adi's got them. He's taking them home in a cab. Thank God for that boy. I don't know what we'd do now without...CJ, there is something you can do. Sandy's got a game today. You know how he is right now. Could you round up as many people as possible to go? Adi's going, but Josh promised him he would..."

"Don't worry, Donna. We'll handle it. Everything will be fine. Just fine."

She sounds so sure. How can she be so sure?

Damn.

I'm crying.

Sandy scowls as I attempt to pull him towards the field. "Hurry up, Sandy! We'll be late!

"Don't care."

"But there's a whole bunch of people here to watch you. Aunt CJ, Uncle Sam, Uncle Toby and Huck and Molly... I bet you have the most people out of everyone..."

"I don't want the most people! I just want Mommy and Daddy! He promised! Anyway, they're just coming 'cause Daddy's not, because of Norah."

I squat down and look into his face. "Norah needed him, Sandy. She's really not feeling well, buddy."

"They always say that! When's she gonna get better?"

"I don't know."

The resignation in my voice gets through to him like words cannot. His shoulders sag, and he turns and begins to trudge toward the dugout. "It's not fair," he mutters.

"What's not fair?"

"Everything...I don't know."

You and me both, kiddo. You and me both.

I can hear the murmuring voices of Josh and Abbey Bartlet coming from inside. From my place on the porch, I look out over the fields.

Josh wanted to talk to Abbey about Norah, so I got to come along. I'd never met the Bartlets before. They're nice.

Well, they are. I mean, what else can I say about the Bartlets that hasn't been said before? They're nice. Although the Secret Service guys do kinda bother me.

"May I interrupt?"

Yah! I jump, then turn to see Jed Bartlet grinning at me. "Sure, yeah. I mean yes, of course."

"Good."

He limps over to the couch, leaning heavily on his four-pronged cane.

"May I help you, sir?"

"No, son. You just sit down. That's what the suits are for," he says, gesturing towards the agents. "So. How are you doing?"

"Me, sir? Just fine."

"You don't have to call me sir, Adi."

"What should I call you?"

"Well, most of the kids call me Grandpa Jed. You do whatever you're comfortable with."

"Um, how about Mr. B, for now?"

"Mr. B. I like that. It has panache." He smiles, and I grin at him. "Are you settling in all right?"

"Yes, si...Mr. B."

"Josh told me about the fight." I look at him, and see the fire burning in his eyes. I resolve then and there never to cross Jed Bartlet. I want that anger on my side, never on the other.

"None of what those little bastards said is true, you know."

I look at him, surprised, and see him regarding me steadily. "Yeah."

"Just thought I'd get that out in the open, add my two cents to everyone else's. Now," he says gleefully, rubbing his hands together in anticipation, "time for the cross-examination to begin. Josh said you speak Italian?"

"Yeah, and French, and German rather well. Some Spanish, too."

"Excellent, excellent. Given some thought to what you want to do yet?"

"Well, isn't it a little early for that, sir?"

"Never too early. Goals are important. So, how about it?"

"Well, I don't know. I like traveling, being overseas. Maybe journalism, reporting. I like kids, too, so maybe I can work that in, somehow. I used to coach a soccer team in Italy. I want to do that over here, too, I just haven't...

"How are you getting along with Josh and Donna's kids?"

"Fine. It's a little...a little hard right now, with Norah and everything. Josh and Donna are both pretty exhausted. Sometimes...sometimes I can't help but think that my coming made things worse for them, added more stress... you know."

"You're a big help to them. They wouldn't manage half as well without you. I want to thank you for that," he says quietly.

"Me? Why?"

"Because they are important to me. Josh took a bullet for me, you know. I hate to see them in pain. Your being here, helping, helps them bear everything."

Wow. I can see why Josh and everyone loves him so much. When he looks at you like that, it's like you're the only person in the world, the most important person ever. Wow. "Thanks."

"Yeah."

We sit in silence for a while. "So how is Norah, really?"

"She's...sick. They're probably going to do the transplant. They're testing us all next week. I hope Sandy matches." He looks surprised. "He's been so sensitive lately, volatile," I explain. "I think, if he matched, if he felt like he was helping, he'd feel better. About himself."

"Getting some attention wouldn't hurt, hmmmm?"

"Yeah. He understands, but then he doesn't, too. I try to spend as much time with him as I can, but it's not me he wants. It's Josh, or Donna. But Donna's basically living at the hospital now, and Josh is running around like crazy trying to take care of everything else. I just wish...," I trail off.

"Yeah."

He puts his hand on my shoulder, and we sit there, quiet, for a long time.

"Believe it or not, Adi is the closest match."

I hear my name, and snap to attention. Huh? Me?

"But, I thought...Sandy and Liza...they should be the ones, shouldn't they?"

"No. Not in this case."

"Are you sure you can't use Sandy's?"

Dr. Feldman looks at me strangely. Josh stares at the floor. Donna whispers, "Adi."

"Yeah. Yeah, I'll do it."

I watch Adi as he sleeps. Everything went well. Now we just have to wait. Wait. I hate that word. I always have. Donna would say I have no patience, usually, but I know she agrees with me on this one.

Adi stirs, grimacing, and I cover him with the sheet. I wonder what he looked like asleep when...when he was little. I loved watching my kids sleep when they were babies. The little noises they made, the fall and rise of their chests as they breathed. It's one of the memories I use to try to ward off the nightmares, the fears.

I watch Adi as he sleeps.

Ow. Owwwwwwwww. Shit. This hurts. This really hurts. Pain. Painpainpainpainpain. Pain.

"Hey."

I open my eyes slowly, drowsy. "Hey, Josh."

"How ya doin'?"

"Shit."

He laughs softly. "Yeah."

"How is she?"

"We're still waiting."

"Tell me when you know."

"Yeah." He pauses, bites his lower lip. "Thank you."

Huh? "What?"

"Thank you, For doing this. I can't imagine why you would, after everything...after I never...after landing in the middle of all of this, I..."

I am way too tired to have this conversation right now. Too tired to reason with him. "Dad, shut up. I need to sleep."

He looks up, smiles. "Ahh-kay," he says after a minute. "So sleep."

The next time I wake up, he's smiling so widely that I wonder hazily whether he might actually, I don't know, break his face or something.

"It's working! It's working!"

Good.

I'm going back to sleep now.