AN: Oh my God, it's not a drabble! Nor is it Trouble Sleeping, which I need to update and edit so horribly badly :( Oh well, Naruto clone-cest one-shot, because I have a dirty mind and Naruto's such a pretty little boy. :evil grin:
Disclaimer: Not mine :(
He could remember being very young and wondering what it would be like to touch another person. Not sexually, he was only six, after all. But just feel another person's skin under his fingers, breath on his cheek. A hug. A gentle, friendly embrace. Something safe and something warm.
And six years later, he got just that. A hug; the warmth of strong arms wrapped tightly around his lithe little body, shielding him from all of that cold, cold hate that threatened to break through his dreams and crack at his skin and seep into his soul. He received an embrace from the one person that could accept him for him, not for the demon fox that his body was vessel to. And he wanted more, but he could never have more. Not from Iruka, because Iruka saw him as no more than the little boy who needed attention and hugs and ramen every once and awhile. He saw Naruto as a little brother, as a younger version of himself, not as a lover.
So Naruto would never ask for more from Iruka, because he knew that what the teacher gave him was more than he had earned, and to break that special bond was something that he would never forgive himself for. Naruto would stay lonely and cold at night, hugging his flimsy blanket to his skinny frame and shivering, not from the chill in the air, but the chill that was his life.
It was a day or two after that first hug that Naruto was able to discover that something more he craved, when a stupid kid knocked him forward into his stupid rival and he managed to steal his first, albeit informal, kiss. Unfortunately, it wasn't very nice. Not nearly as warm and comforting as he had imagined it would be. It was as cold as the boy he had received it from, and he could taste the chill all the way down into the back of his throat, down to his toes and in his very blood.
And so Naruto kept on wondering and never really knowing because they kept on hating he just kept away. He wouldn't trouble them with his problems, he could fix anything on his own, anyway. He didn't like them very much, either, quite frankly. He imagined they'd be just as cold as Sasuke. Very cold, like the January air that blew in through the cracks in his walls and the water from his shower that was never very warm to start with, just stingingly colder every minute he stood in its prickling spray. He imagined icy hands scraping violently over his bare skin, red, angry welts for the pain he never caused.
That wasn't what he wanted, not at all. But that was what he needed. He needed to be touched, to know the feeling of skin on warm, soft skin. Because if he could feel then he'd know he was maybe still alive, and he would know he wasn't alone.
The solution was so simple, he was surprised he hadn't thought of it sooner. Four years after his first, and thus far only, kiss, Naruto laughed out loud. Who loved him more than himself? For so long he had been the only one to care about Uzumaki Naruto. Others may have come up along the way, but for as long as he could remember, no one had spared more than a glare in his direction. If he had wanted a friendly face, the only place to turn had been his own mirror.
A deep breathe, a burst of chakra and one Kage Bunshin no Jutsu later and he was face to face with himself. That didn't explain his nerves fluttering, why would he be nervous around the only person who had always cared? Why would he feel awkward around himself? But there was no denying that he was, so he swallowed hard and pushed his doubts to the back of his mind, reaching out a tentative hand as he watched his clone do the same. Shaky, their hands were shaky. And they met in mid air, rough fingers, calloused from years of training, brushing shyly, exactly the same and still so new.
He locked hands with the blond in front of him and the question of whether this was considered incest, or if it was more like touching himself at night in bed, briefly fluttered across his mind. Maybe a mix of the two. It didn't matter, social constraints had never properly held him down in the first place, if one could even go so far as to say that he was bound by them at all. Social was not a word normally associated with Naruto, mainly because society seemed to swat at him like he was a mosquito carrying malaria. So, wrong or not, he couldn't have cared less.
He let his hand glide softly over the torso that was taunting his vision, and he was oh so glad he had taken his clothes off before performing his jutsu. Firm muscle under soft flesh met his touch, warm and strong and delicious. Did he really feel like this? He felt smooth skin marred by the rough ravines of scars from fights and training, scars that he saw every day in the mirror, scars that he knew by heart. But they were so different now. So different, so amazing, and all too familiar.
A startled gasp breathed past his lips as Clone Naruto decided to return the favor. Oh God, yes, finally, yes. Skilled hands knew just where to touch, what to caress, massage, scratch, rub. They knew how to make him melt because they were his own hands, and that taboo just made it so much better.
He mewled and fell back against the bedroom wall, panting for breath with his eyes shut so tight he wasn't just seeing spots, he was feeling them. And he was feeling those hands and that mouth and that heat that he had never felt before. The cold was gone for once, gone. Completely. And he wasn't just warm, no, oh God, He was hot. Burning, boiling, steaming, smoking hot like he had never ever even dreamed of.
This was such a new feeling, such an orgasmically good feeling. Being touched, being worshiped instead of feared. And for an instant, one magical, heaven of an instant, he forgot he was hated.
But as he lay in bed hours later, dry sweat gluing sheets to his naked body, sticky and not nearly as clean as he had been after getting out of the shower oh so long ago, he couldn't stop the feelings that overwhelmed him. He was too tired to move and too tired to fall asleep and too tired to stop the tears from stinging his eyes. After all, he was still so obviously alone.
AN: If someone will beta for me I will give them cookies and hugs :( And all the Naruto-y goodness they could ever want. (be warned though, if you accept the position, some of my stuff gets very.. squicky :D) but anyways, review please?