These characters are from the sweat-beetled brow of Craig Bartlett... lucky stiff.
Rated PG-13 cause I felt like it, and some characters might end up nude later. We'll see...
Enjoy.
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There is a fine and subtle art to passing notes in class, every playah' knew that!
Now, you could train a lemur to fold a note and attempt to hand it off during a thoughtless moment on the teachers part, but where's the sport in that? It is the illicit thrill of the act itself that was the game, not the trivia the note contained.
And to those risky booters that took this dare, there was no summit so challenging as the fearsome Ms. Umberworthy in World History. This wily octogenerian was quite the hellion in her pre-academia days and as such knew ALL the tricks of the trade by heart... or so she liked to believe. To pass a note in her class was considered the crowning feather in many a sophomore's cap. And it was to this end that Lila and Helga set about to devise as many new ways to transmit data during the period as humanly possible.
At ten minutes into the period, Helga absentmindedly knocked a pencil off her desk as she bent over to fish her notebook out of her desk. Bending over Lila retrieved the errant scriptic and handed it back to Helga as she sat upright. At least, that's what transpired to the untrained eye...
The idea had hit them while enjoying (in a fairly loose interpretation of that word) Chinese food at Wung Fung Ho's, and Helga was idly rolling the fortune from her cookie between her fingers when suddenly she shared something with Newton, Einstein, and Moe Howard; a flash of genius!
Taking a box of Emberton's Yellow No.2 pencils, Helga gingerly removed the erasers and inserted a small drill bit about a quarter inch into the barrels. With the eraser back in place, this space was perfect to contain a message the size if a rolled note... about the size of a fortune cookie message. The dropped pencil contained a note, and a second pencil was actually what was returned to Helga's desk. This allowed two conversations to be carried on at once...
After a full period of drops, swaps and palmings, the following conversations were had:
LILA: Have you kissed Arnold yet?
HELGA: Want to hit a movie on Friday?
LILA: Sure. What?
HELGA: Yes! Tongues!
LILA: NO WAY! WHEN?
HELGA: 'Yo Arness the Movie's playing. Or maybe 'Cloudburst'
LILA: 'Cloudburst sounds good. Early? Late?
HELGA: IN HIS ROOM! SCORE!
LILA: WOO! Still not putting out? -
HELGA: Early's good, let's get you a date.
As they shuffled out into the hallway at periods end, each seemed more interested in the other's conversation. "Arnold's got five more school days till he takes off, nine real days. If we're going out on Friday, we'll need to find you a date so we can double. Anybody on your gotta have list?" asked Helga hopefully.
But Lila was having none of that,"Forget that crap, when'd you get the tongue sandwich? Arnold taste as good as he looks?" grinned the redhead.
"Ugh! Lila, a lady of quality doesn't kiss and tell..." Said Helga, putting on airs.
"Yeah, so spill it!"
Eyes atwinkle, Helga said, "Okay, so we were up in his room just talking and stuff, and I didn't think anything was gonna happen because, like, we're just making plans for keeping in touch when he's gone, y'know? So then, he like, is right up to me and he, like, puts his hands on my shoulders, y'know... and he pulls me to him and, like kisses me REAL slow like and then he..."
Helga's tawdry tattling was cut short as the pair was stopped short by another pair, namely, ten pounds of silicone riding the rib cage of one Rhonda Wellington- Lloyd.
"LILA...!" chirped Rhonda with a smile as bright as Vegas, then "...Pataki." looking at Helga like a bucket eels.
As the pair acknowledged Rhonda's greetings, she launched into her pitch, "Lila dear, I'm putting on the sweetest little get together this weekend, and I'm just firming up the guest list. I have to be careful not to let in too much of the rabble, y'know, just a few carefully chosen misfits for appearances sake. So I..."
Not missing a beat, Lila beamed, "Oh Rhonda, that is so terribly, terribly sweet of YOU! And rest assured that Helga and I will be there with bells on!"
"Er, um... Well I..." stammered Rhonda.
"Y'know, I just knew all that restroom chatter about you being a frigid bitch was just jealous talk amongst wannabes, isn't that what I said Helga?"
"Absolutely, and when they said that Rhonda earned all her money on her knees, I thought you were gonna punch that one girl. Whatta little tramp!" Said Helga with as straight a face as humanly possible.
"WHAT!" shrieked Rhonda
"OOOOOH, That just burned me up, I don't mind telling you. The nerve of those bitches! It's pretty obvious they were part of Katrinka's pack. She's SO jealous of you!" frowned Lila.
"Um, Well...I ... thank you for sticking up for me... "
"You betcha! So don't you worry your pretty little head about a thing. Lila and I'll show up to your party as a show of solidarity. We'll teach her!" beamed Helga, and with that, she and Lila turned heel and trotted off to class, leaving a fuming Rhonda in their wake.
"Well, that was mean... FUN, but mean. I don't think I've ever seen her so red in the face..." grinned Helga.
"Oh really? Wait'll we don't show up for her dance. THEN you'll see some red..." smiled Lila.
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With more than a little bit of theatrics, Helga let her head thump down onto the lunch table. "GAH! Lila, would you PLEASE give me something to work with, here! There has GOT to be SOME boy in this school you wouldn't mind spending an evening out with?" but the redhead was noneplussed.
Sighing, she said, "Look Helga, this whole evening is an excuse for you and Arnold to get some face time, but I'm not feeling especially romantic at the moment. If I'm to be saddled with my weight in Y Chromosomes, I want to make sure that at least I having a good time."
"Fine. Super. Not a problem... just give me a list of suspects. How bout Stinky Peterson? He's nice and easily bullied. You won't have a bit of trouble out of him. Trust me, I know."
"Nix. He'd remind me too much of Pleasantville." she said as she took an extra long drag off her strawberry milk.
"Okay, how about Pea Pod Kid? Well off, gentlemanly, not a bad choice if you changed your mind about sucking face, eh? Eh?" she asked hopefully.
"Nah, I hear he has it bad for Nadine. No need to get in the middle of that..."
"Eugene? He's... um... well, let's just say you won't have to worry about him getting forward with you."
"Spending the evening cooling my heels in a hospital emergancy room while you and Arnold tonsil box isn't my idea of a good night. Sorry."
"GRRRRR! Well then who... hey, wait a minute..." Standing with her hands down on the table, Helga bellowed across the cafeteria, "CUUUUURRRR-LEEEE!"
Eight tables away, Thaddeus Gamalthorpe looked up from his Power Puff Girls lunch box, as stern faced Helga wiggled a finger "C'Mere" at him.
"...so that's the deal. A nice evening out, dinner and a movie with friends. Whattaya say Curly?" smiled Helga over folded hands.
"Interesting... and what exactly is the payoff for ME in all of this? I mean, it's not out of line to expect some recompense for my time. You understand, strictly business..." he mused.
"Payoff! Your payoff, you little dung beetle is for one brief moment in your sad little life knowing the touch of a woman..."raged Helga.
"HELGA..." snapped Lila, "let ME handle this. Okay Curly, you obviously want something; name your price. A Monitor Lizard? Box of M-80's? Nude photos of Rhonda?"
"I like you, Lila. You're an astute business woman. What I want is simply the promise of a favor. At some point in the future, I reserve the right to ask for a boon. Nothing that would test your morals, mind you. But a big favor none the less. Agreed?"
"Lila, run, don't walk away from this little freak. This deal stinks of doom.." urged Helga, but Lila shushed her with a raised hand.
She considered Curly carefully for several minutes before softly saying, "Alright Curly, you got it. BUT, your are to be on your best behavior this Friday. The slightest bit of dementia and the deal's off. Got it?"
"You may depend on me, lady fair. Servo Est; I serve thee!" grinned Curly, and with a flourish disappeared from the table.
Lila seemed rather pleased with herself as Helga said, "When he has you hogtied and honey glazed, don't forget that I was against this..."
To Be Continued ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo