Required stuff: Don't own anything from HP series, this is slash (SSHP...I swear!...er, SSDD too?), listen to X-Ray Spex!
Something Wholly Unpredictable...(part 2)
"Highly inflammable
Waiting to explode
Neurotic tensions
Risen overflowed
You thought i was a woman
Ithought you were a man
But i was tinkerbell
And you were peter pan
Influenced by the fashion pages
Influenced by others' phases
It ain't hip if you are retro
You're a pseudo quasi intellectual
Supreme equality
We used to compete
The right to decide
Is denied to the sheep
You thought i was a woman
Ithought you were a man
But i was tinkerbell
And you were peter pan"
(Highly Inflammable- X-Ray Spex)
Harry was quite perplexed; Snape had been at the Dursleys for over a week now and showed no signs of leaving. In fact, he didn't even seem uncomfortable even though it was evident that his billowing pristine black robes were very out of placed in the planned normally, and barely comfortable furnishings of the Dursley's living room. No, contrary to what would be expected, Snape seemed perfectly at ease...And dreadfully close to Dudley.
That was yet another thing that bugged Harry. Why it bugged him he wasn't quite sure, but perhaps it was because it was so odd that Professor Snape, who appeared to think himself above all of Hogwarts promising young wizards, all the other professors (for Harry had heard that Snape rarely associated with any of them willingly) and possibly Dumbledore himself, seemed perfectly at ease with the blubberous mass now reclining on his lap.
'"Sevie?" kiss
"Yes, my little Duddle-kins?" kiss
"Am I your favorite Duddlesickle?" kiss
"Oh, Duddles, pookie mouw..." kiss kisskiss'
Harry had watched and heard many conversations that followed this generic pattern which ended in many-a smotherings of kisses between his disgusting obese cousin and his supposedly heartless Potions Master...Needless to say, it was quite disturbing and despite Harry's best efforts he couldn't seem to focus on anything else. Every second it seemed that Dudley was once again doing unspeakable things (mainly mild kissing, hugs, and mindless baby talk), and Snape always seemed to return his affections ten fold. (Or so it seemed to Harry.)
Needless to say, Harry was quite disturbed by this growing trend. Ewww.. thought Harry, mentally cursing his fate, I swear I must have walked in to some alternate dimension. Or at least, he hoped he had. What other logical explanation could there be? It had to be a parallel universe, either that, or at the very least a horribly terrifying nightmare...
But, alas, with each passing second, both options seemed less and less likely. For one, Harry pinched himself and it hurt...big time. For the other, Snape, Dudley, and the other Dursleys still treated him exactly as they always had and everything was utterly normal, or at least as normal as it could be what with all the Snape and Dudley kissing scenes...ugh.
All right, Harry couldn't handle it anymore, so he stormed out of the room and down to the little cupboard under the stairs. He was quite use to this room, as he lived in it for natural life, and didn't really mind being relocated to it. The only part he resented was the reason he was being forced to live there again...Snape was staying in his room.
(A pause: sigh Now, she's flicking the lights on and off!)
(A wail: panic attack She's going through my book collection! Hyperventilates)
(Umm...I know nothing has happened yet...but ummm...I've gotta go...More later, does it scare you?)