Fried Money, Anyone?

To Sparky Genocide: Hey there, Sparky Genocide! Nice to hear from you again! I'm glad you liked the last chapter! Blob gives one of the twin Crimson Guard Commanders a mega-wedgie and the others feel it? I like that idea! I'll see what I can do with it, man! Enjoy the new chapter!

To todd fan: Hey there, todd fan! I'm glad you liked the last chapter! Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait for new chapters of "Slugs and Snails", "X-Men: Evolution, the Musical", "Little Shop of Mutants", and "Random Tales of the Magic Roundabout"!

To Red Witch: Hey there, Red Witch! Nice to hear from you again! I'm glad you liked the last chapter! Yeah, it's an old tradition in Cobra, the fight for cake. It stared way back when Cobra Commander tried to swipe a slice of pie from Destro way back in 1985. Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait for new chapters of "Evolution XMJ"!

To Raliena: Hey there, Rae! I'm glad you liked the last chapter! Enjoy the new chapter!

To the pilot of eva unit 04: Hey there, Eva! I'm glad you liked the story. It's based on the classic GI Joe episode "Money to Burn". Don't get me wrong Eva, I love to perform Kelly and Duncan torture, but it sure is difficult to pull off torturing those two in a stories that's not even set in Bayville. Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait to beta-read the new chapter of "Road Trip"!

Disclaimer: "For this I closed my bathrobe?" - Rabbi Krustovsky, the Simpsons

Chapter 10: Still Plane Crazy!

The skies above the Rockies

"Ace…" Ripcord looked at the mountain. "I got a funny feeling about that mountain…"

"What?" Ace asked.

"I got a funny feeling about that mountain." Ripcord repeated, still looking at the mountain. "It doesn't show up on radar, a plane flew into it and disappeared with no sign of wreckage…I don't think it's real, man. I don't think there's a mountain there. I think it's an illusion or something. What do you think, Ace?" Ace never answered. Ripcord blinked. "Ace? Ace? Are you listening to me?" He saw Ace staring ahead, an evil grin on his face.

Should I impale them on pikes…Maybe I should dip them in scalding oil…or maybe tie them down and make them watch a marathon of girly cartoons… Evidently, the pilot was fantasizing about what possibilities he had in tormenting Tomax and Xamot. Ripcord used the reflection in the canopy to tell the expression. "ACE!"

"WHAT!" Ace snapped, rather cheesed about being dragged out of his fantasy.

"Weren't you listening to me?"

"No, I was busy thinking about which of Tomax and Xamot's bones I want to break first. I hate them I hate them I HATE THEM! I WANT THEM TO DIE! I WANT TO FIRE MISSILES WHERE THE SUN DOESN'T SHINE RIGHT NOW!"

"Oh-kay. Easy, Ace. Settle…we all know you want to kill the bad twins right now…" Ripcord calmed Ace down. "Iwas just thinking about that mountain. A Lear jet flew into it with no wreckage, no explosion…Lady Jaye's signaler is still going…and the mountain doesn't show up on radar."

"Yeah…" The wheels in Ace's head started to turn. "It's almost like…that…that…that mountain's not there."

"That's what I was trying to say, man." Ripcord told the pilot. Suddenly, a beeping was heard. "Uh oh…"

"What?"

"It's Lady Jaye! Her signal's stopped! She's in trouble!"

"We have to call the Joes!" Ace said. Ripcord pulled a lever. The canopy blew away. "Ripcord! What in the name of God are you doing, man?" Ace yelled.

"I'm going down there!" Ripcord yelled back. "Lady Jaye needs help!"

"WHAT? I thought I was the psycho on this plane! Get back here!" Ace yelled. "Ripcord, you nut! Get back here! You don't know what's down there! RIPCORD! AW FUDGE!"

"YO JOE!" Ripcord yelled as he parachuted down toward the mountain. "Hey! This mountain is fake! I knew it! Whoo-hoo! In your face, Ace!" Ripcord noticed the big pink Cobra Base. He quickly grabbed his radio. "Hey Ace! You suck! The mountain's fake! It's just an overgrown hologram! Call Flint and get some backup here!"

"I am going to beat you into next year for this." Ace's voice darkly growled over the radio. A few minutes later, A group of cargo planes flew toward the holographic mountain.

"Alright! Let's go! Move! Move! Move!" Flint yelled at a group of Joe Greenshirt paratroopers. The last paratrooper stopped and started shuddering. "You gotta problem, soldier?"

"I'm scared, sir!" The paratrooper whimpered. "What if I get blown up?"

"That's an old wives' battle tale, soldier." Flint chuckled. "Don't worry about it, soldier. Just remember your training." Flint lightly smacked the Greenshirt in the shoulder. At least, he thought he did. He accidentally whacked the screaming paratrooper right out of the plane. Flint's jaw dropped. "Oh man…" Meanwhile, the cargo plane was also accompanied by Joe Sky Hawks. On the ground, the Joes brought out Snow Cats, Maulers, Armadillos, and Sluggers. The Joe armada raced toward the holographic mountain and through it.

"Spam spam spam spam spam spam LOVELY SPAM WONDERFUL SPAM spam spam spam spam spam…" Beach Head sang loudly from the passenger seat of a Snow Cat that Snow Job was driving.

"Man, we gotta hide you from Trinity. For some reason, they like hanging around with you." Snow Job shook his head. He then looked at Beach Head and slapped him. "I always wanted to do that, heh heh."

"Dead parrot! Ex-parrot!" Beach Head exclaimed. Pietro zipped beside the Snow Cat.

"What's with Beach Head?" Pietro blinked, wearing a special winter version of his costume.

"He got found by Trinity." Snow Job snickered.

"My brain hurts." Beach Head giggled. Meanwhile, Lady Jaye was skiing down the hill, trying to avoid the Crimson Guard Commanders.

"And to think, I gave up skiing in the Alps with Flint for this!" Lady Jaye grumbled to herself.

"Faster, Tomax! We must capture the TREE!" Xamot yelled. The twins barely avoided colliding with a tree. "Who put…"

"That there?" Tomax growled. "Trees suck. We must capture the ROCK!" Tomax screamed. The twins managed to avoid getting knocked on their faces by a giant rock. "Who put…"

"That there?" Xamot snarled. "Rocks suck."

The CobraTemple

"All units, attack and destroy the Joes!" Destro yelled into a microphone in the communications room of the pink. "I shall direct the battle from this remote location."

"Duh." Baroness rolled her eyes. "I'm not surprised." A crashing was heard. Destro and the Baroness looked out the door. They saw a couple Cobra Vipers playing tug-of-war with a chocolate cake. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me."

"Not this again." Destro moaned.

"Gimme that cake!" The Cobra Viper yelled.

"No! It's my cake!" The second Cobra Viper screamed back. "My mommy made that for me!"

"Didn't the Dreadnoks do something stupid like this recently (1)?" Baroness blinked.

"I don't know and I don't care." Destro sighed. "For some strange reason, I can't think what, I am feeling the urge to have some drinks right now." A trio of Cobra Vipers ran in, dressed in red.

"No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!" The lead Cobra Viper exclaimed.

"I'll join you for those drinks." The Baroness said.

(1) - See "Cobra Stops the World (NOT!)"

Well, well, well! Looks like Cobra's in trouble! What insanity will happen next? Can our heroes save the day? Will Destro and Baroness ever get a break? Find out in the next chapter! Suggestions needed badly!