If Only

Chapter 8 – Reality

I stare out the window as Carter drives us to the hospital, the rain trailing down in small rivulets, my mind elsewhere. The radio is on some 'good morning' show, breaking up the silence. I feel Carter place his hand on my knee and I turn to look at his concerned face.

"You okay?"

I smile and nod, turning back to watch the tiny rivers on the jeeps window. His hand stays on my knee for another few minutes until we reach our destination. I don't move to open the door even after he shuts the engine off, and neither does he, watching me for a second before he grasps my hand.

"What are you thinking?"

I roll my eyes and sigh, not in irritation, but the hurt look that flits across his handsome face tells me it seemed like it, so I smile. "Just that I wish we could have a few more days like yesterday before going back."

He grins in agreement, moving in to kiss me. "Tonight?"

"What do you suggest, doctor?" I ask playfully, our antics in the shower only an hour ago still on my mind.

"Pizza and a movie?" He asks as he presses butterfly kisses along my jaw line.

"Sounds good." I smile again as our lips meet heatedly, and we both pull away simultaneously, seemly remembering where we are at the same time. His grin is sheepish as he looks at me a final time before opening his door. I reach out to grasp his hand as we walk from the parking garage. He smiles at me again before we hear the wail of approaching sirens; two ambulances entering the ER bay.

We go our separate ways, each taking a trauma from the rigs and I'm immediately swept up in the ER vortex.

"Abby, you got a minute?" I hear Susan call from behind me.

"Sure, just a sec'." I replace my patient's chart at the end of his bed and head out after Susan; her bright smile as infectious as always.

"Coffee?" She throws over her shoulder as she leads me in to the lounge.

I nod, sitting myself down at the table and grasping one of the newspapers left there.

"So…"

I look up at my blonde friend, for the first time noticing that her smile is mischievous. "So…?"

"I hear you and Carter arrived together?"

I smirk; berating myself for not having guessed there would be the County gossip mill clocking Carter's and my every move. "So?"

"He drove you to work, he spent the weekend at your place, he arrived at the same time as you, he hates your guts, what?"

I give her an innocent smile. "Don't know what you're talking about."

"Really? That's funny because look what I found in this morning's social page." Susan produced a ripped-out newspaper photo and placed it in front of me. My eyes widened as I saw what she meant. There in the foreground was Carter and I, dressed as we were on Friday night for the benefit. I was smiling up at him as he pulled his jacket around my shoulders, the scene looking very intimate to the casual observer. "So what's going on? I can't believe you didn't tell me!"

"It was a charity thing, he asked me to go at the last minute." I explained, gamely meeting her eyes.

"And you happen to arrive at the hospital two days later together?"

I open my mouth to protest, but the man himself saves me from doing so as he enters the room.

"Hey, girls. Is that coffee?" Carter breezed in, completely oblivious to Susan's accusations. He pulled out the chair next to mine, dropping his head into his folded arms tiredly.

"Not sleep well, Carter?" Susan asked pointedly, sending a devilish grin my way.

He looked up to meet her innocent expression, confusion on his face. "Tough shift."

He glanced at me with a questioning gaze and I shook my head slightly, mouthing, "Don't ask."

Susan gave us both a glare at not getting any answers, then turned to make the coffee. I could see John stretch his arms upward out of the corner of my eye, and then brought them down to his knees under the table. As he leant forward I felt his hand rest on my thigh, provoking an inquiring stare from me. I pretended to read the paper in front of me, trying to distract myself from the circles Carter was drawing on my thigh with his fingers. Susan placed two cups of steaming coffee in front of us, before retrieving her own and taking a seat opposite us.

"Do anything interesting at the weekend, Carter?" Susan began the inquisition again.

Another glance at me and he answered; "Nothing much. Benefit was Friday, had a shift Saturday." As he said it I knew he'd spotted the newspaper clipping that was still on the table in front of me. Susan saw that he had too.

"Busted, Carter." She smirked smugly.

"Do you remember anyone taking this?" He asked me, and I spotted it as a diversion tactic against Susan.

I shook my head, unable to suppress a smile at his helpless look.

"I should get back…out there." I stumble out as Carter's hand clamps down on my thigh, not happy I was leaving him alone with the one-woman investigation team. I smile sweetly at him and get out the door before either he or Susan can stop me.

Another four patients later, I'm still managing to avoid Susan, and I had yet to run into Carter. The four-year-old in curtain one had just thrown up on me, so I changed into scrubs in the storage closet where they're kept. As I pull the handle to leave the tiny room, the door suddenly swings inwards and closes instantly behind him.

"Carter! What are you doing?"

"Hiding from Susan." Came his sheepish answer.

I laugh, unable to stop myself at finding their behaviour so amusing. I make a move to go around him, having taken a little longer than I should've to get changed already.

"You dropped me in it, Lockheart." He told me in no uncertain terms, placing his arm across my path to the door.

I send him a defiant glare. "I've got patients, Carter."

"Five minutes and she'll stop looking." He promised me with a grin.

"You don't think she'll find it a little strange she can't find either of us?" I ask sensibly.

"Don't care." He leant forward to press a kiss to my lips, wrapping his arms around me.

"Why do I get the feeling you've done this before?"

He grins at me before replying. "Hiding or kissing you in a storage closet?"

For once my patient load actually winds down towards the end of my shift, so I retreat to the lounge for my sixth coffee of the day. Nearly colliding with Pratt as he rushes out, I see Susan sitting with little Bethany on her knee, trying to jot down notes in a journal without jostling the baby from her sleep.

"Hey." I whisper with a smile, moving across the room to sit beside her. "She's peaceful today."

"I'm making the most of it." Susan replies with a tired smile. "You done for the day?"

"In half an hour."

"Don't let Kerry catch you in here thirty minutes early." She warned, continuing her awkward writing.

"You want me to hold her while you do that?"

"Would you mind?"

I shake my head with a smile, taking the small bundle from her arms. Bethany's tiny eyes open as if to see what's going on around her, but she stays quiet as she studies me.

"So you and Carter…" Susan starts again, her voice still hushed.

I smirk at her, but my attention is drawn away as Bethany starts to squirm a little. I pull her into a sitting position on my knees and support her there, bouncing her gently and she smiles.

"Oh she knows when she's being left out."

I laugh at her tone, knowing she loves her daughter's little attention seeking tactics. "So how's Chuck doing?"

"He dotes on her. If he buys one more stuffed animal we're going to need a bigger place." She says it with a feigned annoyance, and its obvious how happy she is with motherhood.

Before I can reply, Chuny poking her head around the door interrupts us. "Doctor Lewis, your patient is coding."

She doesn't wait for a reply, the door swinging shut behind her. Susan looks guilty as she stands. "You okay with her for a few minutes?"

I nod, watching her rush out before returning my attention to the baby in my arms.

Ten minutes later, Bethany is still smiling, much to my relief, and Susan hadn't returned. I get up to walk Bethany around the room, a trick I learned as an OB nurse to calm newborns when overwhelmed new mothers needed a break. She looks around, taking in all of her surroundings from her new vantage point. I spot Susan out at the admin desk through the blinds, and I ask Bethany if she wants to see her mum. Her inquisitive blue eyes watch me, and I take it as a 'yes'. We move out the door and Susan spots me as I move to stand next to her.

"Abby, I'm sorry."

I smile and shake my head. "She's been good as gold."

"That's because she saves all her bad moods for her mum." Susan tells me assuredly, smiling at her daughter never the less. "You want me to take her?"

"She's okay. My shift's pretty much over anyway. How's your patient?" I inquired, hiking Bethany up on my hip.

"Doing okay now." She signs the chart in front of her and drops it back in to the rack.

"Finally finished- " Carter suddenly appeared behind Susan, drawing our attention away from Bethany. He erased a couple of names from the transparent patient board and turned to us, seemingly just noticing the baby in my arms. I saw him do a double take, not saying a word.

"Carter?" I ask gently, reading the sudden pain in his eyes.

"I- patients- " He stumbles away as quickly as he can, leaving Susan and I watching his retreating form in bewilderment.