Defending

by David Dee

Set in DB Sommer's "Avenging" universe. The world's strangest sort-of team of kind of superheroes is not really gathered, under the quasi- leadership of Dr. Strange aka Hikaru Gosunkugi . With so many parentheses, it has to be good!

3. Friend of the Devil Slayer

Ritsuko Fuchuu (Ritschan to her friends) had seen an awful lot of strange things over the years, working for Akamatsu Industries, Limited (Motto: We'll Build Your Doomsday Device—No Questions Asked!). Some were funny, like when Akamatsu got drunk, and started sing "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend". Some were terrifying, like when he started to perform a striptease halfway through. And some were simply weird, like when he'd begun to do a fan dance…

It was hard to figure out where being accosted in an alleyway by a pair of effeminate young men dressed in what looked like school uniforms gone bad went.

"Your life energy or your life!" shouted the slightly more masculine one with pale white hair.

"We mean it!" said the more effeminate one with brown hair (the one who may have been on closer examination, a woman). Both were pointing an item at her that looked vaguely like a gun, if it had been designed by someone who had been trying to create one based on secondhand reports, and a rather specious knowledge of physics.

Ritschan blinked. "Urr—if I give you my life energy won't I die?"

The white-haired one thought that over for a moment. "Well—yes. More or less."

"So what's the incentive for me here?" asked Ritschan. "If I'm gonna die no matter what, why should I do what you say?"

Her attackers looked at each other nervously. Finally, the brunette gave a long, exasperated sigh. "Look, we're pretty new at this…" he (or she) stated.

"Right," said the white-haired one. "We're still ironing out our methods…"

Ritschan stared at the two. "Who are you?"

The white-haired one gave her a smug grin. "I am Malachite, Master Strategist of the Negaverse!"

"And I am Zoisite, his common law companion in arms!" declared the brunette.

Malachite threw back his head and laughed. "So surrender now to—THE DARK LIEUTENANTS OF THE NEGAVERSE!"

"Hey, I've heard of you!" said Ritschan cheerily. "You guys go around fighting all the magic girls… Pretty Sammy…an' Chacha… an' Saint Tail… an' Kamikaze Kaitou —"

"Look, I'd rather you didn't recite the names of every damn one of our dire enemies…" said Malachite peevishly. "It's irritating."

"I thought you guys were the Dark Generals, though…" she continued, ignoring him. "And don't you have those youkai servant things…?"

Malachite and Zoisite glanced at each other in acute embarrassment. "We've been demoted," stated Zoisite tersely.

"There's been a change in management," mumbled Malachite. "He—isn't too happy with our low success rate…"

"That BASTARD Annhilus has left us to fend for ourselves!" shouted Zoisite.

"Zoisite!" corrected Malachite. "The Emperor might hear you…"

"Oh, like he gives a damn what we do!" said Zoisite bitterly. "Face it honey, he's tossed us to the curb and now he's just waiting for the trucks to collect us. We're on our own." He (or she) glanced at Malachite pointedly. "Read her that damn letter!"

Malachite sighed. "I don't see what the point is…"

"They've got to see how we've suffered!" spat out Zoisite. "Read the letter."

"Fine." Malachite yanked a scroll out of his sleeves. " 'To the imbecilic bumblers it is my misfortune to call slaves'…"

"That's his pet nickname for us," interjected Zoisite.

" 'Hereby the practice of giving nega-energy to create youkai is ceased, for the reason that is has been pointed out to us by our consort, the Lady Blastaar, formerly klept to you by the name 'Queen Beryl', that such beings seem to exist primarily to be beaten in combat by leggy young women using hearts and love as weapons, which we find most damaging to our imperial dignity. Henceforth my Lieutenants shall battle their opponents by themselves, and triumph or fall by the strength of their own arms. Annhilus decrees it!' "

"So you see what we're dealing with?" moaned Zoisite.

"We tried to start vast combat with our foes, but they kept beating us!" wailed Malachite. "We're on our last ropes!"

"It sounds pretty bad…" agreed Ritschan.

"Well," said Malachite, pressing her against the wall, "It will all get better once we take your life energy! I'm sure of it!"

"Not so fast," said a cool confident voice.

The pair turned just in time to be bowled over by a swift-moving, black and purple blur. Malachite managed—barely—to get himself balanced. "Who…?"

The young man who positioned himself before Ritschan was clad in the robes of a Buddhist monk, dyed black and purple. In his hands was a well-crafted staff, rings jingling on its head. He was handsome, in a rather rakish, cavalier way. "Stand back, vile curs! No flower of womanhood will ever be harmed on the watch of Miroku, THE DEVIL SLAYER!" He twirled his staff menacingly.

"Oh no!" shouted Zoisite. "Not Miroku, the Devil Slayer, who's dashing ways and awesome skills have made him the nemesis of evil beings everywhere!"

Miroku laughed. "That's right."

Zoisite glanced him over. "You're much shorter than I pictured you."

A slight frown came over Miroku's rakish face, following which he tripped Zoisite with his staff.

"Oh, hell," muttered Malachite. He raised his pistol. "I'll shoot! Believe me, I will!"

The Devil Slayer smashed his weapon out of his hands. Malachite watched dully as it fell to the ground, then glanced back at Miroku. "Not in the face," he said weakly.

Miroku struck him solidly in the solar plexus, no doubt due to some unwritten law of superheroic decency.

Ritschan eyed her savior appreciatively. "I…wow." She laughed. "Thanks. That was—amazing."

Miroku bowed. "Thank you fair maiden." He stepped forward and kissed her hand. "And now lady, I have a great favor to ask you—would you be the mother of my child?"

Ritschan's response was immediate. "I have mace," she stated calmly.

Miroku backed away. "Understood."

Ritschan nodded, then walked away. She didn't know what quite to think about what had happened to her, but she thought it could have gone worse.

It was some time later that she realized her purse was missing.

-----

Miroku sighed, as he rooted through the lady's purse. It was always disappointing when his efforts to sire an heir to his illustrious line were stymied, especially by the allegedly grateful beneficiaries of his heroics. Still, he had gotten some assistance from this one. He considered it payment for services rendered.

Malachite rose unsteadily, glaring at Miroku. "That hurt!" he whined.

Miroku shrugged. "It had to look real."

Zoisite glanced at Miroku, mildly amused, while brushing himself off. (Miroku was reasonably certain Zoisite was in fact, a male.) "I don't seem to recall you offering to take hits for the cause."

Miroku smiled benignly. "I do seem to recall being the one who actually lifts the purse." He handed them each a fistful of yen. "Here's your share then."

Malachite sighed. "To think a pair of Dark Generals driven to this…"

Miroku gave Malachite a reproachful glance. "You seemed happy when I offered you this position…"

Zoisite chuckled. "Just ignore Malachite, Miroku—he's always been a bitch. He knows as well as I do it's this or starving in the streets."

Malachite snorted. "Actually I don't." He looked at Zoisite pointedly. "We could have just killed the girl, and taken the money ourselves…"

"And have been immediately hunted down by the police," replied Zoisite. "I think I'll stick with Miroku's way…"

Malachite growled, and walked off, muttering about "backstabbers" and "brownnoses". Zoisite began to follow him, but paused a moment to glance at Miroku. "That was a flower of womanhood?"

"Flattery," stated Miroku flatly, " will get you everywhere."

"Hmm," said Zoisite thoughtfully. "It seems to get you nowhere, but then, what do I know…?"

Miroku considered his services to consist of easing people's mind by giving them a concrete example of good triumphing over evil. Which it did, as Miroku kept checkbooks and credit cards for himself.

Walking out into the street, Miroku glanced at a large moving truck that was bringing office supplies into that new business that was opening up across the road. At midnight.

Well, Miroku had to say this for them—they had interesting scheduling practices.

As he watched the vaguely distorted workers move their loads into the building a sense of unease grew in Miroku. While a normal person could afford to ignore such feelings, Miroku, a mystically taught Buddhist monk cursed at birth, displaced in time, and generally having a pretty strange go of it, could not. They were correct, more often than not. Something about this business was wrong. No, it wasn't wrong—it was WRONG. This was situation that would require immediate looking into.

Tomorrow. Or the day after that. Right now, Miroku was going to go back to his motel room, and enjoy its plentiful supply of pornographic movies, while he practiced forging Ritsuko Fuchuu's signature.

-----

Defending

Chapter 3—"Friend of the Devil-Slayer"

An "Avenging" Universe Spinoff

By David Dee

-----

The Emissaries of Evil were busily explaining their employer's insurance policy to a client.

Of course as the Emissaries of Evil were criminals, the insurance policy they were selling was far better than one you'd receive from a legitimate company. When a criminal sells you an insurance policy it is absolutely certain that the disaster he's selling it for will occur if you don't pay.

The Emissaries of Evil were stressing this point.

"You know," said Rei, the group's field leader, "Egghead doesn't like to be let down…"

"I'm very sorry sir," muttered the storekeeper.

"With the Emissaries of Evil, you don't get sorry," whispered Shin. "What you get is hospital bills if we don't get paid."

"Do you want a demonstration?" asked Gai, the most violent of the four enforcers.

"Yeah, 'cause we can do that!" said Gou, his voice subtly muffled by his faceplate.

"See?" laughed Rei. A man did not become an enforcer at his young age without a damn terrifying laugh. "The general opinion in this room is you should pay up…"

The shopkeeper was not a brave man, but he considered that a better option than being a brave corpse. He began to get them the money.

That was when the whistling started. It was shrill, slightly off-key, and had a quality that caused your teeth to chatter in your skull. Rei glanced at the others. Criminals are, as a rule, rather uneasy at having a protection shakedown being observed, as witnesses rarely grasp the subtle nuances of the deal. "Shin. Gai. Go outside. See who it is."

The pair nodded and head out.

Gou glanced at Rei, clearly offended. "How come you always send them out first?"

Rei froze for a second. This would take some thought. "Because you're the only one I trust to guard me."

"Oh. Thanks, Rei!"

Rei breathed a sigh of relief.

Gai returned. "Umm, guys—you should see this…." They followed him out.

There, on the side of a building, a young man in a red cape stood whistling.

This was far more disconcerting than it sounded, as he was quite literally standing on the side of the building, as if it were the ground, while gravity failed to have the least effect on him.

The Emissaries stared at him awhile. Finally, Rei coughed. "Um—excuse me—what are you doing…?"

The young man turned to look at him. His face was astonishingly pale, and rather strikingly ugly. He shrugged with almost suspicious casualness. "I'm out for a walk."

Rei glanced away. The longer you looked at the young man, the more you got the horrible feeling that you were the one in defiance of the laws of physics. "On the side of a building?" asked Rei forcefully.

This resulted in another shrug. "It's the only way to beat the smog, really." The boy gave a mild laugh. "Can you believe they're selling air now? I mean—air. Sad, isn't it?"

Gou scratched his head—or tried to, the large metal helmet getting in the way. "Are you a superhero?"

The young man snapped his fingers in apparent frustration. "Damn. You had to ask that question." He sighed. "Yes. Yes. I am." And with that he leapt off from the wall, floating down with eerie grace. He glanced at the Emissaries confidently. "So I guess now comes the part with all the screaming, and the yelling, and the cries of mercy, and the passing out?" He looked around distractedly. "Could you promise not bleed on me too much? I'm finding the dry cleaning bills horrible."

Rei stared at him. "Do you realize who we are, idiot?"

His opponent scratched his chin in thought. "An all-male Judy Garland impersonation group that's turned to evil?"

Rei frowned. "No!"

"Oh," said the superhero in resignation. "Liza impersonators, then?"

"NO!" shouted Rei, offended.

Now he seemed puzzled. "Don't tell me you're not all male?"

It was at that point that Gai lost his temper. "We are the Emissaries of Evil, you fool!"

"Gosh," laughed the hero bashfully. "That was going to be my next guess! Boy, I'm bad at these things…"

"Shut up!" shouted Gai. "You have no idea who you're dealing with! Well, we will tell you!"

The young man nodded. "Right, right. And then we'll get on to the part with all the screaming, and the yelling, and the cries of mercy, and the passing out…"

Gai raised his hands, revealing gauntlets with buzzsaws built into them. "I am the Gladiator! Master warrior, and assassin!"

"Because power tools just scream ancient Roman ritual warrior…" muttered the young man.

"Quiet!" screamed Gai.

Shin threw off his cloak, and flexed his muscles, revealing the greyish bodysuit underneath it. "And I am—Rhino! I have the strength and the charging power—of a rhino!"

Rei summoned a solar flare at the tips of his fingertips. "I am their leader, Solarr—the solar-powered man!"

Gou stepped forward, and started up his suit's power cells. An eerie blue glow covered him. "And I am Cobalt Man. The—well, cobalt powered man…"

The man nodded. "Took you a while to come up with those names, didn't it? I bet you strained your minds and stayed up the entire night, trying to think of something that conveyed the awesome spectacle of might that is you…"

Rei snarled. "Listen you—laugh all you want…you're outnumbered four to one!"

The young man smiled slightly. "But don't you want to know who I am…?" He spread his hands, and waved them menacingly. "I am… DR. STRANGE!" There was a peal of thunder, which was quite unusual when you considered that there were no clouds out at the moment. "Master of the Five Elements! Wielder of mystic forces beyond the mortal ken! Guy who can talk in a really florid manner, and use lots of adjectives!" Dr. Strange stared at them forcefully. "Can you say these things as well? Can you even understand them?" He smiled. "Please respond. We'd be delighted to hear from you."

"That's right!" shouted a female voice. A young woman dressed in a cat costume jumped out, and stood in front of Dr. Strange. A young man in a red kimono with a pentacle scrawled on it rushed after her. "And you were wrong about the numbers! He isn't outnumbered four to one! You're outnumbered three to four!"

The young man in the kimono looked puzzled. "Umm—they still outnumber us, Kag—"

The woman kicked him in the shin. "What did I tell you about using my name!" She crossed her arms sulkily. "And I was bein' metaphorical…"

The young man rubbed his leg, and shouted at her. "Well, you didn't have to kick me!"

"What are you two doing here?" Dr. Strange asked, clearly furious.

"We're helping you on patrol!" answered the young woman.

Dr. Strange began to rub his forehead. "But I don't recall asking you for help on this patrol. In fact, I don't even recall telling you where I was." He stared at the girl levelly. "So how do you know?"

She coughed awkwardly. "Well, we sorta—followed you back to your house last night, and then we just—kinda—waited for you head out tonight…"

"Okay," said Dr. Strange slowly. "We will discuss this… later. Much later." He turned to the Emissaries of Evil. "So, introductions are in order. These are my deranged stalkers, Hellcat and Son of Satan."

"Hey, she's the deranged one!" said Son of Satan. "I ain't got no choice about things!"

"Umm, hi…" muttered Hellcat.

"Pleased to meet you!" stated Gou.

Rei slapped his forehead. "All right everyone—stop wasting time—and ATTACK THESE PEOPLE!"

Gou raised his arm, the bluish glow concentrating at his hand. "Right. One radioactive charge on the way." He laughed. "Prepare to face the power of COBALT!"

Dr. Strange bolted forward, pushing Son of Satan and Hellcat out of the way, and waved his hand. The charge flickered and went out. Gou stared forward, startled. "Wha—what happened?"

"I've convinced your cobalt a couple of hundred years had passed. I recommend a change of name—Lead Man, the lead powered man…"

Rei stared at Gou. "Well, at least you could charge at them…"

Gou coughed. "Umm, Rei—this suit's propulsion system runs on the same cobalt that the weapon's system does… so I sort of can't move…"

Rei glared at Shin and Gai. "Well, what are you waiting for? Attack you idiots!" The Emissaries of Evil charged forward, while Dr. Strange and the others backed away.

Gou however remained exactly where he was.

"Umm, guys—I've got an itch in my back…" He coughed. "Guys…?" He coughed again. "Come on guys! Please! This isn't funny!"

He'd shouted himself hoarse when the police came.

-----

"—And I'm just sayin' you didn't have to take down that Rhino guy!" said Inu-Yasha resentfully.

"You hadn't beaten him yet," said Hikaru with dull calm.

"But he was mine! I didn't go after your two guys!" shouted Inu-Yasha.

"That might be because it took me three minutes to beat both of them," said Hikaru.

Inu-Yasha glared at him. "Hey, you callin' me weak!"

Hikaru sighed. "No—I'm saying that you tend to drag your fights on a bit too long…"

"Hmmph. Just 'cause I enjoy a good scrap is no reason fer you to steal my guys…" muttered Inu-Yasha petulantly.

"I don't recall this being a competitive sport," replied Hikaru, just a touch of anger coming into his voice.

Inu-Yasha growled slightly and glanced away.

"Well," said Kagome, questioningly, "I don't see why we had to leave right after I called the police. They're our allies in the fight against crime!"

Hikaru stared at her for a short while. "Well, if you want to explain to Tokyo's Finest what you are doing in the early hours of the evening dressed as a cat, be my guest. Just don't expect me to post bail…"

Kagome frowned. "I'm certain they'd understand…"

Hikaru laughed agreeably. "Certainly. The police are so tolerant of unusual behavior. Legendarily so, in fact."

Kagome seemed slightly uncertain. "I suppose we do have more evil to thwart…"

Hikaru nodded. "I knew you'd come around to my way of thinking. Now come on, mes pards, it's going to be a busy night—we have yet another apocalypse to avert…" Hikaru sighed. A half week into fighting demons, and he was already under great strain.

And the demons were only a small part of that…

-----

Miroku sat in bed thinking things over. The business that he'd seen a couple days ago continued to plague his thoughts. He'd actually walked by it several times in the course of his affairs, but it hadn't shown the slightest bit of activity. He should have felt relieved, but his sense of unease had only grown. Perhaps he should check the place out…

There was a knock on his door. Miroku, with ninja-like agility and stealth, rolled off, then underneath his bed. He waited for the latest assault on his crusade against evil. Finally, it came.

"Mr. Miroku—I know you're in there!" A pause. "This is the manager. Look, I'm not going to open the door this time, but next time I will. Your bill is two weeks overdue, and I can't wait much longer for it to be paid." Another pause, after which the voice resumed with increased warmth. "And stop ordering movies, if you're not going to pay for them! I mean, how many showings of 'Night Nurses IV: Hootersville Hospital' can one man watch?!"

Miroku listened as the man turned around and walked away, then shook his head. He received so little credit for his selfless fight against the forces of darkness. Which was another reason to look into this business—there might be some money in it, if not enough to pay his bill, then enough to skip out and go to a new place.

Miroku flipped on the television. If his timing was right he'd be able to see Nurses Hornee and Feelgood teach frigid Miss Icy the joys of loosening up. He took a deep breath. The immense burdens he was under, as a defender of righteousness.

-----

Daisuke sat in the Furinkan High cafeteria, staring at the most beautiful girl in the world.

Admittedly Sayuri might not make it into many people's top ten list as far as beauty was concerned, even though they'd admit she was easy on the eyes, but Daisuke was sure this was due to a flaw in their perceptions. Of course, if he'd been forced to think on it, Daisuke would have to admit that his perceptions had suffered a similar flaw until last week, when Sayuri became the "it" girl of Furikan High School, for the same mysterious reasons that Charles Ponzi became the financial wizard of Boston in the 1920s. But Daisuke was rarely forced to think on things, which was probably a good thing, as he wasn't that good at it.

Indeed, at the moment he was attempting that operation with limited success. He was (he realized this in a vague way) not extraordinarily (or even ordinarily) attractive to women. Thus he had no chance of getting in with Sayuri, as things now stood.

This seemed to him a monstrous injustice, and one that needed immediate rectification.

However, when he thought about it, Daisuke realized he had very little idea how to do this. A smarter man would have considered changing something about himself, but Daisuke wasn't a smarter man, so he chose a different route.

Politics. Or their high school equivalent.

Sayuri was a friend of Nabiki's. And Nabiki was a friend of…

"Hikaru Gosunkugi?" said Hiroshi, puzzled. "But why him…?"

Daisuke glared at him. Hiroshi was his best friend, but simultaneously, he bugged the hell out of Daisuke. A smarter man would have mused on this matter, but once again, Daisuke wasn't a smarter man.

"Because, he's the thing nobody is looking to use—the secret pathway…" said Daisuke. Plus, he owed Nabiki too much money to even consider approaching her directly.

"Oh, like in a video game!" Hiroshi smiled, immensely reassured. The conversation was about things he understood again. "You know the newest Dead or Alive game has the hottest chicks…"

Daisuke frowned. "That is not important right now…"

Hiroshi's voice lowered to a confidential level. "I hear there's a naked code for it…"

Daisuke started. "Really? How's it wor…?" He shook his head. "Oh, stop distracting me." He glanced over at the table where Hikaru sat by himself, flipping through some book. "My foolproof plan is going into effect. I will befriend Hikaru Gosunkugi, and then he'll put in a good word for me with Nabiki, who will put in a good word for me with Sayuri, who will then BE MINE!"

Hiroshi snorted. "My darling Sayuri would never fall for such matters. My declaration of love tonight is sure to win her heart." He brought up a small plastic bag. "After I cover her house in heart decorated toilet paper, she is sure to conceive a burning passion for me! And if that doesn't work, the pink shaving cream in her mailbox will do the job!"

Daisuke stared at him. "Hiroshi, do all of your declarations of love seem like childish pranks?"

Hiroshi turned away sulkily. "Only to eyes clouded with hateful jealously."

"Oh, why am I wasting my time here?" muttered Daisuke, standing up abruptly. He walked over to Hikaru. Hikaru was flipping through his book, and patently ignoring everything else in the room. Daisuke stood next to him, and cleared his throat.

Hikaru continued to read his book.

Daisuke went "Psst!"

Hikaru continued to read his book.

Daisuke nudged him in the shoulder.

Hikaru continued to read his book.

Daisuke leaned forward, putting his face between Hikaru and the book, and said, "Hi."

Hikaru put down his book, and glanced at him, in a rather annoyed fashion. "Why, hello. My goodness. Have you been standing there all this time, and I didn't see you?" Hikaru's voice seemed curiously flat. "How intolerably rude of me." He glanced Daisuke over, an uncertain flicker passing over his face. "Hiroshi, right?"

"Daisuke," said Daisuke uneasily. "Hiroshi has brown hair. Mine is black."

"Ah." Much to Daisuke's concern, Hikaru seemed to be filing that statement away for future reference.

Hikaru stared inquisitively at him.

Daisuke stared back, nervous.

Things were perfectly silent for awhile.

Finally, Hikaru went back to his book.

"You know, Hikaru," Daisuke shot out, "I never knew how much we had in common."

Hikaru gave him a sidelong glance. "Really? I never knew we had anything in common."

Daisuke froze. Crap! This was proving harder than he'd thought! "Well—" he at last ventured, "we're both guys. And we—both attend the same school…"

Hikaru actually blinked at that. It was the first time in his life that Daisuke found someone blinking terrifying. "My goodness!" stated Hikaru, a dangerous undercurrent of cheeriness in his voice. "That is an awful lot! On reflection, it occurs to me that we are both carbon-based lifeforms. Of the same genus and species, most likely." Hikaru grinned at him. Daisuke actually felt an urge to take a step back. "I now see that we have a suitable basis for a friendship. And an important part of friendship is being sensitive to the wishes of our friends."

Daisuke smiled. Things actually seemed to be working out. "Exactly!"

"Goodbye then."
Hikaru went back to his book.

Daisuke took a deep breath. This was Hikaru Gosunkugi, for godssake! The one person in Furinkan that every other member of the student body could look down on. He shouldn't be brushing Daisuke off! He should be happy that Daisuke was even deigning to speak to him! No—strike that, he should be ecstatic that Daisuke was even noticing he existed! It just wasn't fair. Things weren't supposed to go this way!

Hikaru glanced at him, half amused, half annoyed. "You haven't moved, Daisuke."

Daisuke practically jumped. "Umm, yes, well, I…"

"What do you want Daisuke?"

Daisuke gulped. "Nothing, nothing, I—"

Hikaru rubbed his forehead lightly. "Please don't lie to me Daisuke. I really don't have the patience for it. And don't tell me that you're here for the pleasure of my company. I'm a lot of things, but stupid isn't one of them." He thought that over. "Well, not that brand of stupid, anyway." He went back to his book. "So, out with it."

"I need you to put in a good word with Nabiki for me!"

Hikaru stared at him a moment. "Explain why I need to do this?"

"So I can go out with Sayuri!"

Hikaru seemed to stare right through him. "That explanation not only didn't clarify matters, it actually made them more opaque." He took a deep breath. "Now first—why do you need to go out with Sayuri? I thought you liked Yuka."

Daisuke frowned. "Sayuri is my true love. My feelings for Yuka were a passing phase…"

"Like your feelings for Akane," noted Hikaru.

"Uh, yes, like…"

"Or your feelings for Miss Midori, the kindergarten teacher …"

"Umm—what's the point of all this…?"

Hikaru waved his hand. "Just noting that you go through a lot of passing phases. Okay, now, how does my going to Nabiki and telling her you're a great guy get you Sayuri? Explain this, demonstrating how point A leads to point C, traveling through point B." He smiled slightly. "Use concise sentences."

"Nabiki is Sayuri's friend. You are Nabiki's friend. Do I have to spell it out for you?"

Hikaru squinted slightly. "Nabiki has friends? That's news to me." He went back to his book.

Daisuke stared at him. "Look, I know she's prickly…"

Hikaru laughed. "Nabiki Tendou is prickly the way a knife is prickly. Not the way a hedgehog is prickly, which seems to be what you're implying."

Daisuke stared at him. "Aren't you going to give me any help?"

Hikaru glanced back at him. "You love this girl?"

"With all my heart," replied Daisuke without a moment's hesitation.

Hikaru looked at him for a moment, then went back to his book. "Lick the floor, and I'll do what you asked."

"What?"

"Lick the floor," Hikaru repeated evenly. "Get on you knees, and lick the floor, using your tongue. Do that and I'll consider helping you."

Daisuke stared at him. "Are you crazy?"

Hikaru smiled. "A tad touched perhaps." A serious look came over his face. "Those are my terms. Take them or leave them."

Daisuke shuddered. "But what you're talking about is humiliating and degrading!"

Hikaru laughed. "And I thought you loved her with all your heart. You won't even consider my terms…" Hikaru glanced at him evenly. "You see, Daisuke, what I'm talking about is love. Degradation and humiliation are the primary ingredients. If you're not willing to drag yourself through broken glass and nitric acid—twice—with nothing more than her glorious memory to pull you through—well, it isn't very sincere."

Daisuke blinked. "What—what are you saying?"

Hikaru leaned back to look at him. "I'm questioning the depths of your 'feelings' for Sayuri. You pledge eternal devotion readily enough, but pledging is easy. Proving it's the hard part." He went back to his book. "I don't think you did. You may be interested in Sayuri, but it isn't love. Not by a long shot."

Daisuke's eyebrows arched in a position of supreme rage. "You dare! You dare question the burning passion I feel for Sayuri! I have half a mind to challenge you to fight right now!"

Hikaru chuckled. "And wouldn't that be an epic struggle of the Titans?"

Daisuke stared at him, angrily. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

Hikaru shrugged. "Well, I may not be able to tell you two apart easily, but I do recall you and Hiroshi were beat up by a group of eight year old girls…"

Daisuke began to shake apoplectically. "That is a vile lie! They were twelve-year olds! And ninjas!"

Hikaru smiled a bit at that.

Daisuke shook his fist. "Like you'd have done any better!"

Hikaru flipped a page of his book. "Well, that's generally the reason I don't go challenging people to fights…"

Daisuke swung his fist at Hikaru's face. There was a slap. Daisuke shook his head. The noise seemed to have come just bit too early. He looked down.

Hikaru, it seemed, had grabbed fist in midair. Without even turning. While reading his book.

Daisuke stared at him. Hikaru glanced up at him, and shook his head. "Ahh, Daisuke. Is this what our friendship has come to?"

Daisuke bit his lip and walked away. Faced down by Hikaru Gosunkugi! This was the sort of thing you never lived down—that required moving to other school systems in a desperate attempt to avoid the vile stench it left behind. Hiroshi glanced at him as he sat back down. "How'd it go?"

"Not well," muttered Daisuke.

-----

"Y'know Miroku, you're all right, by superhero standards," muttered Zoisite, slightly drunk. "You understand just 'cause a bloke's got to work in the service of evil doesn't make him a bad guy…"

Miroku took a sip from his bourbon. "I believe in judging people in a case-by-case basis," he stated evenly.

Malachite blinked miserably. "Once whole civilizations shuddered at the mere mention of my name, you know that?!"

"What you believe in Miroku," said Zoisite, "is making a quick profit."

"Okay, I admit they weren't very big civilizations, or particularly advanced ones but still—CIVILIZATIONS MAN!" complained Malachite emotively.

"Not that I have anything against that," continued Zoisite. "In fact, I admire it."

"I mean, do you realize that most of Belgium lived in terror of me at one point?" muttered Malachite.

"It's not just the profit!" said Miroku. "I consider you two good friends and invaluable sources of information!"

"Oh—and Finland! I was pretty big up there!" Malachite ranted drunkenly.

Zoisite gave a slight nod. The former supervillain didn't have much pride left, but what was there could be worked on. "An invaluable source…" A slight chuckle escaped Zoisite's lips. "What do you want to know…?"

"That business opening up downtown—there's something off about it…" began Miroku.

"And the Isle of Yapp!" said Malachite. "I had those bastards crawling!"

Zoisite shrugged. "All that I know about that place is that I know very little about that place. No sign of a boss—no idea what it does—no mention of hiring anybody." A smile spread over the handsome face. "Suspicious yet?"

"I mean, say what you will—that's an impressive body of work…" whimpered Malachite.

"Quite," said Miroku, leaning back and finishing his bourbon. "Tell me, Zoisite, would you and Malachite consider doing me a favor…?"

"Oh god," moaned Malachite. "Has my whole life been a lie?" He began sobbing inarticulately.

Zoisite laughed. "Where you're concerned Miroku, there's only two questions—'What is it?' and 'How much would we get paid?' "

Miroku nodded and leaned forward.

-----

Hikaru was not in a very good mood. In fact he was downright snippy. So, he had done what he always did when depression weighed him down so heavily he feared he wouldn't be able to move.

He'd skipped to read peacefully on the roof. In peace.

There were many reasons that he was in a snippy mood today. The Number One reason was that Akane was home sick today, allegedly with a cold, with the result that he had been denied the blessed oasis from fear that was her face. Worse, he'd seen Akane out walking behind her house, which meant that she'd fabricated the illness for some unfathomable reason. Hikaru was working out several theories, and was presently split between an attempted elopement with a foreigner who was going to sweep her away to Paris, and a secret life as a yakuza errand girl, living under the constant threat of rival families. Needless to say, all this theorizing was having a bad effect on Hikaru's disposition, which could not be called rosy in the most favorable of conditions.

Of course there were two other reasons for Hikaru's bad disposition of late, two reasons that ranked just below Akane's mysterious absence. Two reasons that caused him great irritation. Two reasons that lost him sleep. Two reasons—

"Hi, Dr. Strange!" said Reason #2, leaning over his shoulder with Reason #3 in tow. "How are you?"

Hikaru suppressed an urge to scream, as Reasons #2 and 3 jumped over Reason #1, and did a dance on top of it. "Kagome. And Inu-Yasha." He ground his teeth. "Why are you here?"

Kagome laughed. "Well, we wanted to see you of course…"

Hikaru stood up and glanced around. "Kagome… I'm on the roof…"

Kagome nodded. "Yeah, Inu-Yasha thought he smelled you up here, so we climbed up the walls…"

Hikaru glanced down past the railing. "This is a five story building…"

Kagome shrugged. "Well, I didn't say it was easy…"

"Maybe not for you," Inu-Yasha muttered.

"DON'T YOU TWO HAVE LIVES?" screamed Hikaru.

Kagome glared at him. "Well, you don't have to yell." She glanced around hurt. "And I'll have you know that Inu-Yasha and I do have lives—lives dedicated with every fiber of our being to crime-fighting…"

Hikaru let out an inarticulate moan, and then slumped forward, defeated. "Today is a school day," he muttered slowly.

Kagome glanced away. "Well, Inu-Yasha can't go to school 'cause he isn't registered—and I can't go to school 'cause I've got a government order, barring me from attending."

Hikaru's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "What?"

Kagome giggled nervously. "It's on account of my leprosy."

Hikaru's eyebrows remained up. "Leprosy?"

Kagome looked at her feet. "My grandpa got a bit carried away…"

Hikaru sat down dazed. One question was being screamed in his mind—what had he done to deserve this?

-----

"Well, here are the packages, Dr. Tofu…" said the delivery man. "Sign here."

Dr. Tofu Ono jotted down his name cheerfully. "Thank you. You have no idea how glad I am to get these…"

The delivery man glanced up in the trees. "Hey, is that an owl?"

Dr. Tofu glanced up and nodded. "It's been there for about…four months now. I believe it's a North Pacific Clicking Owl."

"That so, " said the delivery man. "What makes you think that?"

"Well," said Dr. Tofu, "if you listen very carefully you'll hear its call—a sort of clicking…"

-Click-Click-Click- went the owl, in a manner somewhat reminiscent of a camera, if one had a reason to make that connection.

-----

Hikaru sighed. Okay, okay. He'd take down his spy camera. And get rid of his picture collection. And…

Well, he'd take care of things.

"So," began Hikaru, "The actual answer to my question was 'No, you do not have lives'." Hikaru took a deep breath. "Well, I do have a life. It's a small, sad, pathetic thing, but it is my own, so please, please let me get on with it."

"Come on, Hikaru!" Kagome said pleadingly. "I know we're having problems working together, but I'm sure we can take care of that! We can learn how to function as a group, both as superheroes and regular individuals!"

Hikaru began to massage his forehead. "And how are we going to do that?"

Kagome shrugged. "Well, we can start by finding shared interests! Like reading!" She glanced at Hikaru's book. "What are you reading?"

Hikaru stared at her despairingly, and then held up his book. "Le Nausea, by Sartre," he replied.

"Ahh!" said Kagome. She thought about the title, as if trying to remember it, and then smiled. "So what's it about?"

"Man's existence in a bleak, amoral universe devoid of all ethical laws save for those we make," answered Hikaru.

"Sounds fun!" answered Kagome automatically.

Hikaru screwed up his face, and let forth a primal scream. "Damn it! Don't you get it! I'm not a deluded loser like you! I'm a completely different sort of deluded loser! We have nothing in common!"

"Oh, yes we do," said Kagome. "We're both superheroes." She immediately stiffened. "Fans."

Hikaru squinted in puzzlement. "Kagome, that was strange and nonsensical even for you." He noticed that Kagome was staring of in a fixed direction, nervously. Hikaru turned around, and immediately began frowning. "Nabiki," he stated in tones of sweetest vinegar. "Were you looking for me, or did you just happen to hear the sound of a yen piece hitting the ground?"

Nabiki frowned back at him. "You know, Gosunkugi, you have really taken to pressing your luck…"

Hikaru glanced away, irritated. "Yes, Nabiki, I know how horrible it must be to have one your marks grow a spine. My hearts bleeds for you. 'Flow my tears', the policeman said…"

Nabiki chose to ignore that. "So who're your friends?" Nabiki glanced Kagome and Inu-Yasha over with the forceful finesse of a police officer memorizing the people in lock-up. "I don't believe we've met."

Hikaru gestured at Kagome. "This Kagome, my…"

"Fiancee!" blurted out Kagome.

"Friend from my manga club," completed Hikaru with a bitter glance in Kagome's direction.

A rather amused, knowing grin came over Nabiki's face. "So, which is it?" she asked.

"Neither!" shot out Kagome.

"Both," muttered Hikaru with tired resignation.

"I'm his cousin!" squeaked Kagome.

Nabiki's look of cynical knowledge had been replaced by one of general confusion. "Umm, so are you engaged or not?"

"Yes!" said Kagome. "We are engaged!" She glanced at Hikaru. "Aren't we?"

Hikaru began to massage his forehead. "Yes, Kagome. We are engaged."

Kagome turned to Nabiki and nodded. "Yep. Most definitely engaged."

Nabiki's smile reappeared. "Well, well, well. When did this happen, Gosunkugi?"

Hikaru exhaled loudly. "It's one of those traditional intra-family arranged engagements. You know, pledged at birth, and so forth…"

A bit of skepticism appeared on the edges of Nabiki's eyes. "Didn't know your family went in for that sort of thing…"

"Neither did I," said Hikaru levelly. "And to think that I was going to rely on my good looks, and winning personality."

"Well," said Nabiki, giving him an overly familiar pat on the shoulder, "call me when you've got a date for the wedding. I'd be willing to forward my sister's services as a caterer, for a sizable discount."

Hikaru gave her a cool stare. "Kasumi, I assume."

"Why, no." Nabiki grinned merrily. "Akane! Everyone knows how fond you are of her cooking."

Hikaru's cool stare lowered a few degrees in temperature. No doubts what that meant. He took a deep breath. Time to begin 'Operation: Save Chances With Akane'. "Listen, Nabiki," he whispered, "I wouldn't expect a wedding announcement to appear in the paper any time soon. Or possibly at all."

Nabiki's eyes spread in shock. "Now, Gosunkugi, why would you turn your back on something like that?" she asked in an unpleasant murmur.

Hikaru coughed. "Note my cousin's halting confused speech, and twitchy ways."

"Ohh," said Nabiki with dawning comprehension.

"Don't mention a word of this to her—it would break the poor dear's heart." Hikaru glanced around furtively. "And I wouldn't mention anything about Santa Claus either…"

Nabiki turned to Kagome and nodded in a very patronizing manner. "Well, hello there. I'm Nabiki Tendou." She nodded again, and spoke very slowly. "How are you?"

"Fine," Kagome answered. She turned to Hikaru. "This is Nabiki? I thought she'd be some sort of giant…"

Nabiki glanced at Hikaru, somewhat angered, and found him rubbing his temples. She decided not to comment on things after all. She turned to Inu-Yasha. "And who's this?"

Hikaru's eyes snapped open in panic. "Why that's—that's—Yoshi! Yoshi Sai!" He began to laugh nervously. "My good friend from Nagasaki!" He coughed. "If you catch my drift…"

Nabiki nodded. "I thought that wasn't a costume." She grinned at Inu-Yasha. "A friendly word of advice—muties aren't too popular here."

Hikaru laughed. "Spoken with all the tolerance that I've learnt to expect from you."

Nabiki smiled. "Well, I heard you had some new friends Hikaru, and I wanted to see them." She walked off. "And now that I have, I've got to say—it's nice to see you've found—" She paused here, feigning to consider her next words. "Your sort of people." And with a mocking peal, Nabiki was off.

Hikaru began to clench his fists. "Do you think she suspects we're superheroes?" Kagome asked.

Hikaru glanced at her. "Trust me, Kagome, that is the last thing she would ever think." He scowled. This was turning into a really annoying day.

A peal of thunder was heard in the sky.

Hikaru seethed. And now it was raining. Perfect.

-----

Daisuke threw down his controller in frustration, nearly spilling the bowl of nachos set between him and Hiroshi. "Damn it, Hiroshi, that's the seventh time you beat me!"

Hiroshi gave an aristocratic sniff. "Is it my fault that you can't approach my level of vaunted skill?"

"That's because I don't play for eight hours a day!"

"I think someone's being a Grousy Gertie."

Daisuke blinked. "What the hell does that mean?"

Hiroshi shrugged. "I dunno."

"Oh, forget about this!" swore Daisuke, turning to the pile of magazines. "Now where's this nude code?"

Hiroshi thought it over. "I think it's in Video Game Maniac. Or maybe Video Game Fanatic. Or was it Video Game Zealot? No—no, I've got it—it was in Video Game Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder! I'm pretty sure that's the one."

Daisuke grumbled to himself, and flipped through the last designated magazine looking for the code. He wasn't having any luck, when he saw the ad.

'DO YOU WANT ULTIMATE POWER?', it asked, in bold red letters.

Daisuke found himself intrigued.

'Are you a pathetic failure, a poor excuse for a human being?'

Daisuke felt insulted by that. But he didn't stop reading.

'Do the strong and powerful take advantage of you with their superior martial skill? Do the witty and clever baffle you with their verbal byplay? Do the beautiful and desirable ignore your existence?'

Oddly enough, Daisuke found himself thinking of Nabiki, Hikaru, and Sayuri in short order.

'We can help,' promised the ad. 'Call Ultimate Power, Inc. 666-1313-DAMNED.'

Daisuke glanced at Hiroshi. "Hey, can I use your phone?"

Hiroshi continued to play his video game. "Are you going to call a sex line?"

"No!"

"You sure?"

"Yes!"

"Damn. Mom won't let me use them, and I thought that might be a way around it."

Daisuke glared at him, and called the number. After about eight rings, a female voice picked up the phone. "Hello, Ultimate Power, Inc. Offering your hearts darkest desires at a very reasonable price."

Daisuke smiled. "Hello, I—"

"Please hold," said the voice.

'I come from a land down under,' began the hold music, 'where women glow and men plunder. Can you hear, can you hear the thunder? You better run, you better take cover—'

The phone clicked as the flute music started. "Hello, sir? Are you still there?"

"Yes," said Daisuke.

"Just checking."

-Click-

'Love is a burning thing—And it makes a fiery ring—Bound by wild desire—I fell into ring of fire. I fell into a burning ring of fire. I went down, down, down, and the flames went higher. And it burns, burns, burns, the ring of fire, the ring of fire…"

-Click-

"Still there, sir?"

"Well, yes, now—"

"Good."

-Click-

'Who wants to play those eights and aces? Who wants a raise—who needs a stake? Who wants to take that long shot gamble—and head out to Fire Lake?'

-Click-

"How about now? Still on?"

"Yes! Now would you please—"

-Click-

'I shouted out, "Who killed the Kennedys?" when after all—it was you and me! Let me please introduce myself—I'm a man of wealth and taste—and I laid traps—'

This time Daisuke started shouting as soon as he heard the click. "Listen, what is the idea here?! I have been patient long enough, and now—!"

"You know," said the female voice on the other end, "we are a very busy business, sir. Our services are in constant demand by many people, often in high positions—lawyers, media moguls, politicians, celebrities, radio talk show hosts…"

"Um, sorry, miss…" said Daisuke, sheepishly.

"So would you like an appointment?"

"Uh, sure," Daisuke replied.

"Tonight at eight then," replied the woman. "It will be a pleasure doing business with you."

"Right," said Daisuke.

"By the way—not that this means anything—but are you the least bit squeamish about the sight of your own blood?"

-----

"Fiancée!" screamed Inu-Yasha, looking for all the world like a man about to have a conniption fit. "What was that about?!"

Kagome glanced at him, while continuing her archery practice. "I just needed a cover identity. It's not like it's real or anything."

"Yes…" whimpered Inu-Yasha, "But—Fiancée…?!"

Kagome set up her shot, and released. "It's all I could think of on short notice…" A grin broke out on her face. "All right! Bullseye!"

"Why not cousin?!" screamed Inu-Yasha.

"Did that too…" muttered Kagome, taking out another arrow.

"You know what I MEANT!" shouted Inu-Yasha. "Why'd you have to pretend to be engaged to that bastard?" He turned away. "He really, really bugs me. Like when he stole my fight last night…"

Kagome rolled her eyes. "Inu-Yasha, Hikaru did not steal your fight. In fact, he probably saved your life…"

Inu-Yasha crossed his arms. "Did not! I don't need my life saved by that whinin', flyin', energy-blastin' fake! I'm five times the man he is! No, ten! He wishes he was as good as me!" Inu-Yasha turned back to look at her. "You know that's right Kagome."

Kagome stared at him a moment.

Inu-Yasha gulped. "You do know that's right, don't you?"

A slight smile came Kagome's lips. "You're jealous."

Inu-Yasha immediately began to honestly and truly panic. "Wha—? Am not!"

Kagome giggled. "You are! You're totally threatened by him, and everythin'!"

Inu-Yasha crossed his arms peevishly. "I AM NOT!"

"Are too!" said Kagome, stringing her next arrow. "You are green with envy!"

Inu-Yasha began to pout. "Am not! And—and—and—your hair's really ugly…"

Kagome missed the next shot, by a significant margin. "What—did you say…?"

Inu-Yasha had an immediate sense that he'd stepped over an invisible line that was not to be crossed. "I… just said… your hair's…really…ugly…"

A nearby tree that Kagome's arrow had buried itself in exploded. "NOBODY INSULTS MY HAIR!" she screamed.

Inu-Yasha gulped at the sight of a very angry Kagome.

This was the end of all civil conversation between the two for the next few hours.

-----

Hikaru sat in the café frowning. Kagome and Inu-Yasha had been getting more and more irritating over a period of days, steadily reaching an annoying critical mass. He'd lost his temper with them this afternoon. He was going to lose it again—and it was probably going to be worse.

He signaled the waitress. "Another cup of coffee. Mocha Delight."

She glanced at him. "You've had six already."

Hikaru stared at her drearily. "Your point being?"

The waitress stared back. "If I give you another cup, you are probably going to have a heart attack right in front of me."

Hikaru shrugged. "I'm willing to take that risk."

"Well, I'm not," stated the waitress darkly. "Understand?"

Hikaru sluggishly raised his arm, and extended his wrist. "Take my pulse…"

"What?" stated the waitress, her eyes widening.

"Take my pulse." Hikaru sighed. "I'd make it simpler, but we're already down to single syllables…"

The waitress eyed him suspiciously. "This isn't some perverted 'touch of a woman' thing, is it?"

"Don't flatter yourself. Now take my pulse."

Grumbling something about 'rude young bastards', the waitress did as he asked. After about a minute, her face took on a rather startled expression. "Umm… Fifty-something beats a minute…"

"Yep," said Hikaru tersely.

"With six cups of coffee in you," continued the waitress.

"Uh-huh," replied Hikaru.

"Are you—legally dead, or something…?" she asked, quietly.

"I don't know—haven't checked. Now, that next cup? I promised myself I'd try every type of coffee you've got here, and I intend to keep that promise…" He tapped the counter. "Also I hope to resolve a long-standing suspicion of mine that Mocha Delight and Chocolate Hazelnut are actually the same flavor…"

The waitress headed back, eyeing him suspiciously. "Haven't I seen you before?"

"Probably," replied Hikaru. "I'm something of a regular." Hikaru tapped his fingers on the counter as she headed back into the kitchen. There was one benefit to being a sorcerer, he found—you no longer worried too much about the opinions of others. A slight smile came to his face. It was nice to have just a touch of self-respect.

At that moment, a glowing image of the Ancient One appeared beside him. "Hikaru, my disciple…"

Hikaru groaned. "Do you mind? I'm having a cup of coffee…"

"I am contacting you from afar to give you grave news."

"Well," said Hikaru grimly, "it was too much to hope it was to ask how I was doing."

"Dark forces are at work, my disciple."

"I know, I know. They're always at work. Evil is having a twenty-four hour love-in, and it's my sworn duty to breakup the party and confiscate the liquor."

"Umm… right," said the Ancient One, clearly puzzled by Hikaru's statement. Finally, letting it pass, he assumed a pose of great importance. "A force of evil of great power has come to Tokyo, Hikaru. It will bring a horrible—"

"Disturbance in the Force," muttered Hikaru tiredly. "I understand, Obi Wan." He leaned back. "I am on it. Like white on rice. Like flies on—well, I'm on it."

"This is no laughing matter, disciple."

Hikaru sighed. "I know that. I'm the one in the trenches facing Armageddon, and you know what? The world's still here, so I must be doing a halfway decent job."

A bit of a smile came to the Ancient One's face. "That is one way of putting it." He chuckled. "So how are you?"

Hikaru shrugged. "Oh, I don't know. Comme ci, comme ca."

The Ancient One nodded, and then turned into a column of bright light and vanished. Hikaru rolled his eyes. "No restraint…" He glanced up.

The waitress was staring at him, holding his cup of coffee. After a long silence, she spoke. "There was a—man—a glowing man…"

Hikaru took his cup of coffee. "You were hallucinating."

She stared at him. "You were talking to it…"

"I was also hallucinating."

The waitress's eyes arched cynically. "Two people can hallucinate the same thing?"

"Happens all the time." Hikaru sipped his coffee. "What do you know? They are subtly different."

-----

"Honestly, Zoisite," commented Jadeite, "I don't know why you and Malachite are doing this."

Zoisite continued to look across the street through his opera glasses. "Because unlike you, my old friend, we are interested in surviving our exile. Isn't that right, dear?"

"A lie," muttered Malachite darkly. "A bitter, empty, meaningless lie!"

"Of course, darling," said Zoisite, good-humoredly patting him on the head.

"Honestly, Zoisite, you and your persecution complex!" laughed Jadeite. "Annhilus may not like us, but Queen Beryl is still on our side."

"Don't you mean 'Lady Blastarr'?

"Let's not quibble. If we just do our jobs, she'll reinstate us. Just you watch." Jadeite glanced over to the side. "If you'd just excuse me for a moment." He walked over to a nervous looking salaryman who'd been hovering around the group for sometime. "Hello sailor. Mind if I siphon off your life energy…?"

"Umm… you have to understand—I usually don't go for—this sort of thing—not really—um—no—so—please don't tell my wife…" babbled the salaryman as the pair walked off together.

A second later a horrific scream emanated from the direction they'd headed in.

Shortly after it ended, Jadeite returned, grinning. Zoisite glared at him. "You're going to be caught one day…"

"Well, why don't you tell your friend superhero about me?" snickered Jadeite.

Zoisite shrugged. "Misplaced loyalty, I suppose. After all, it's not like I'm going to pull a Nephryte." Nephryte had abandoned the cause completely, and decided to spend his exile "finding himself". Last as any of his old friends knew, he'd wound up teaching 19th Century English Literature at a California Liberal Arts College.

Jadeite gave an insincere nod. "Admit it, you're just hoping that I'll put in a good word for you when I'm reinstated."

Zoisite gave a bored nod. "Right. When the Emperor magically decides to stop hating us."

"Believe me, honey," said Jadeite haughtily, " the Emperor may issue his proclamations, but Beryl's the one with her hands on his Cosmic Control Rod. If you get my meaning…"

Zoisite actually shuddered. "Don't give me bad thoughts…"

Malachite blinked wearily. "Weren't we supposed to tell Miroku if something happened at the store…?"

Zoisite nodded. "Why? What's happened?"

"Couple of guys are looking at it…" muttered Malachite, returning to a dull slouch.

Zoisite raised his opera glasses. "You're right. They're heading inside." A smile touched his lips. "Well, let's give the Devil-Slayer a call," he stated, helping Malachite up.

Watching the pair walk away, Jadeite chuckled. It was odd to think that Malchite and Zoisite had once been his superiors—they were so utterly defeated now. Oh, well—that meant more power for him when—

"Excuse me sir…" said a rough voice. Jadeite turned around. A pair of police officers stood there, staring at him.

Jadeite coughed. "Umm what is, officer…?"

The second officer answered his question. "We saw you walk off with that business man… AND we heard the scream…"

"Oh really?" said Jadeite nervously.

"Yes," said the first cop, "and we're wondering—could you handle—well, two at once…?"

"Certainly!" laughed Jadeite relieved. Linking his arms with the cops, he escorted them off. "Just follow me! The Empire is always happy for your assistance!"

-----

"Neat office, eh, Daisuke?" asked Hiroshi, nudging his friend in the ribs.

"Please don't do that!" whined Daisuke. Hiroshi had followed him to Ultimate Power, Inc. largely because Daisuke had been unable to think of a way to get rid of him.

"Sorry," muttered Hiroshi. He glanced around, then nudged Daisuke in the ribs again. "It is neat though, right?"

Daisuke groaned, then gave a quick nod. He had to admit the place was well furnished, and extremely fancy looking, though the mural of damned souls writhing in torment seemed an odd choice for an office…

Daisuke as said, wasn't very bright. Also, he'd never worked in an office.

"Ahem!" came a rather sharp feminine voice. The pair glanced up, and then tried to look away so as to not appear to be ogling. They didn't succeed.

The owner of the voice was a ravishing creature with long, blonde hair, pale skin, and a figure that wouldn't have been out of place in Dead or Alive, nude code, or no nude code. She was wearing a tight red dress that didn't so much reveal cleavage as exhibit it, along with a good deal of her chest and stomach. A pair of bright red vinyl boots were on her legs, while a pair of fingerless gloves covered her hands. Her face was marked by a group of strange tattoos. The overall effect suggested an SM mistress who'd decided to go into business, but had kept her old wardrobe. She looked over Daisuke and Hiroshi in a way that was rather predatory, amplified by the fact that she seemed to have fangs.

If they'd been looking at her face, the pair might have noticed that.

"Are you the eight o'clock appointment?"

It took Daisuke a moment to get his mind off more pressing matters, and answer her question. "Yes. Yes, we are," said Daisuke, his gaze immediately slipping back south.

"Good. I'm Mara S. Satana," she said offering Daisuke her hand.

Hiroshi looked puzzled. "What's the 'S' for?"

"Satana."

"Mara Satana Satana…" Hiroshi thought that over. "Is that Italian?"

Mara looked somewhat surprised. "Sure. Why not?" She glanced at her watch. "Now if you'll follow me…" She turned around, causing the pair's gaze to sink even lower, and led them to her office.

If they'd been looking at the office, they might have wondered why all of her furniture seemed to have been built partially out of bones.

If they'd been looking at the office.

"Now then," said Mara, sitting down in her office chair, "what is it you desire?"

A grave look came to Daisuke's face. "I want Say—no. I want to be the sort of person worthy of Sayuri's notice. Someone with force and power…"

"Ah," said Mara. "And would having the power to demolish a skyscraper with your bare hands fulfill that wish?"

Daisuke thought it over. "That sounds good."

Mara glanced at Hiroshi. "And you? What do you want?"

"The same thing he gets—only with an eyepatch," Hiroshi answered immediately.

Daisuke glanced at him, annoyed. "An eyepatch?"

Hiroshi shrugged. "An eyepatch makes everything cooler."
Mara nodded. "It's doable." She snapped her fingers. "Senbei! Two standard contracts, pronto!"

"Coming, oh effulgent mistress!" shouted a high-pitched voice. Before Daisuke and Hiroshi's startled eyes, a tiny man flew in, holding a pair of contracts that looked for all the world like loose-bound encyclopedias.

"What is that?" asked Hiroshi.

Mara gave a throaty chuckle. "That's Senbei, my office genie. He helps me with the office work—filing, light typing, carrying things, making the coffee…"

As Senbei dropped Hiroshi's contract before him, Hiroshi grabbed him. "Neat! He looks so lifelike!"

"Mistress!" shouted the so-designated 'office genie', "Senbei is having trouble breathing!"

"All simulated," noted Mara.

Daisuke began to flip through the contract. " 'I, the undersigned, hereafter and in the hereafter to be known as the damned'…" He scanned ahead. "What's this about 'twenty pints of virgin blood per annum'?"

"Typical legal jargon," replied Mara, who was now leaning back in her chair and playing a handheld videogame.

"Oh," said Daisuke. He looked further ahead. "And the bit about receiving my soul 'in perpetuity'?"

"Means we get it forever," said Mara calmly. "Oh damn. Killed by a bat."

"Sounds fair," said Daisuke mulling the matter over. "What do you think?"

Hiroshi was still poking and prodding Senbei. "Man the articulation's incredible…" he stated, raising the genie's leg.

"Mistress Satana!" shouted Senbei. "Senbei feels he is being touched in an inappropriate manner!"

"Deal with it," said Mara glumly as her character once again plummeted to its doom.

"Hiroshi," muttered Daisuke, annoyed, "put the woman's office genie down."

Hiroshi grunted disappointedly and dropped Senbei on the desk. The little man tottered off dazedly. Hiroshi glanced at Mara. "What ya playing?"

Mara remained focused on the game. "Castlevania: Songspiel of Uneasiness."

Hiroshi nodded. "Cool. You got the Cross Sword?"

Mara gave him an irritated glance. "No."

"Just take the secret passage in the Succubus's chamber," said Hiroshi confidently.

Mara threw down the game in frustration. "You lie! There is no such passage! I looked, and I looked, and I looked, and I couldn't find it!"

"No, no there is," offered Hiroshi cheerfully. "You just have to put out all the candles, and then jump through the left wall."

Mara glanced at him a moment, then picked up the game. After a few moments, a large grin broke out on her face. "Yes! Yes!" A haughty laugh escaped her lips. "Take that you mortal plaything! Nobody gets the better of Mara Satana!" She put the game down and glanced at the still wobbling Senbei. "Senbei! Get me one of the special contracts for my friend here!"

"Hey!" shouted Daisuke. "How come he gets a special contract?"

Mara glared at him. "Look, this is a decision on my part, based on what I think is best…"

"Well, I want the same sort of contract he gets," said Daisuke. "Otherwise, I'm not signing."

"All right, you big baby," muttered Mara. "Senbei! Make that two special contracts!"

The genie whimpered. "But, mistress, Senbei is not a well genie…"

"I said to get me two special contracts, NOT to debate me!" shouted Mara.

Senbei gave an unsteady bow. "Immediately dread one!" With that he rushed off, tottering. He quickly retuned with two more heavy contracts, which he deposited before Hiroshi and Daisuke.

Hiroshi blinked. "Do you expect me to read all that?"

Mara shook her head. "Nope. Only to sign it."

Hiroshi smiled. "Ah. Good."

Mara glanced at Senbei, who was lying on the desk, groaning in agony. "Senbei! The pens!"

"But, mistress… Senbei's back—he thinks he's thrown it…"

Mara drew out a fly swatter. "Now Senbei!"

Senbei gulped. "Of course, Stygian one!" With that he scurried off, and returned quickly holding a pair of pens with syringes attached to them. Handing them to Mara, he collapsed panting on the desk.

Mara rolled up her clients' sleeves. "Now, if you don't mind, we have a little quirk here—we sign our contracts in blood."

Daisuke glanced at her. "Why?"

Mara shrugged. "It's a legal thing…"

"Oh," said Daisuke, nodding in understanding.

"Owie!" said Hiroshi.

"Hey, that smarts!" shouted Daisuke.

Mara handed them the pens. "Well, sign."

The pair did so, and then started rubbing their arms.

"Excellent!" screamed Mara in triumph, clapping her hands. "Now gentlemen, we begin!" She laughed maniacally. "Senbei! The anesthetic!"

Daisuke blinked. "Why do you need anesth—?"

At that moment, Senbei hit him on the head with a mallet.

-----

It was the late hours of the evening, and Hikaru was lying in his bed listening to music. There was a knock on the door. Hikaru glanced up. "Hikaru," came his father's voice. "May I come in?"

"Sure, dad," said Hikaru.

Toshiro Gosunkugi opened the door to his son's room. Toshiro looked like a mustached, middle-aged version of his son—indeed, the thought that his father might be an accurate representation of himself in the future had caused Hikaru to awake in a cold sweat on more than one night.

Toshiro glanced around the room at the various mystical accruements. "Nice décor…" he stated nervously.

Hikaru nodded. "Thank you. I decided to give the Addams Family look a try…"

His father looked over at a bronze mirror. "That's lying crooked…" He stepped forward. "Maybe I should adjust it…"

Hikaru glanced up. "No, you shouldn't. Trust me."

Toshiro backed away, and looked around a bit more. Finally, he turned to his son. "So—what are you listening to?"

Hikaru leaned back and shut his eyes. "Philip Glass's Creation Symphony."

Toshiro smiled. "Well good…" He turned around awkwardly, then coughed. "Your mother tells me you joined a manga club…"

"Yes," Hikaru commented. "It is ever-so delightful."

"Well, good," said Toshiro. "I'm happy to see you making friends." He shifted slightly. "I just hope you aren't—being taken advantage of…"

Hikaru glanced up, puzzled. "What do you mean?"

Toshiro coughed again. "Well, son, when I was your age, I joined my high school soccer team, with the idea of impressing a—female mate of mine…"

Hikaru's eyes widened. "You played soccer?"

Toshiro shuddered slightly. "Well, I didn't so much—play as I—performed odd tasks…"

Hikaru blinked. "Odd… tasks…"

"You know—cleaned the uniforms—got drinks for the other players—that sort of thing…"

Hikaru rubbed his forehead. "You were the waterboy."

"Not officially," answered Toshiro. "The thing is Hikaru, the other players didn't like me very much… I was treated—rather poorly, and had to endure quite a bit of—teasing. Like towel snapping. And jock locks. And getting dragged around the playing field. And then there were those times they threw me out of a moving car…"

"This story does have a point, dad, right?" Hikaru said uneasily. "You're not just scarring my psyche for no reason, right?"

Toshiro blinked. "What was tha—oh, the point. Right. Well, you see eventually Meiko—your mother—told me that if I wasn't having fun, I might as well quit, especially as Nodoka wasn't impressed at all, and was calling me 'a sad, pathetic woman of a man', 'a hideous waste of protoplasm', and 'a shrill weakling who should be put out of his misery'. So I quit immediately—"

"Good move," said Hikaru.

"—After going to Nodoka and begging her to deny the awful rumor." Toshiro's eyes glazed over. "I started to suspect said rumor was in fact the truth after she called the police."

"Umm, right…" said Hikaru, beginning to inch away.

"Fortunately, your mother paid my bail, and the charges were dropped due to insufficient evidence…" Toshiro shook his head. "Anyway, Hikaru, I just want to say that you don't have to do anything like that to prove anything to anybody. You're a bright talented young man with a promising future, and your mother and I love you, very much."

Hikaru winced. "Thanks for the sentiment."

Toshiro began to head out. "Well, good night, Hikaru. It's been nice talking to you like this." He glanced back. "Any horrible, crushing secrets you wish to unburden, son?"

Hikaru shut his eyes. "I'll pass."

Toshiro nodded, and left the room. "All right then. See you tomorrow, son."

Hikaru leaned back and sighed. His father meant well—as did his mother, really—but he found their constant displays of affection unnerving, and just a bit depressing. He generally felt that his parents wanted to shield their progeny from the effects of a world that had beaten them down—a desire that they had failed quite spectacularly at. Hikaru shook his head. He really shouldn't complain. He was certain there were people worse off then him.

-----

Daisuke managed to open his eyes, and raise his head unsteadily. He seemed to be strapped to a table. He glanced to the side. Mara Satana was wearing a white lab coat, and pacing back and forth frantically, her arms waving in a manically animated fashion. "—Mad, they called me—mad, but I HAVE SHOWN THEM!" she was screaming. "At last, I have succeeded! AT LAST—"

Daisuke glanced at his body. He began to scream.

Mara stopped her raving to look at him. "Hey, you weren't supposed to wake up for another few hours. We're not finished operating on you."

Daisuke kept screaming.

"Senbei! Readminister the anaethestic!"

Senbei leapt up near Daisuke's head. "Immediately, mistress!"

Daisuke was still screaming when the mallet struck his head, though he stopped shortly thereafter.

-----

It was a bright sunny Saturday morning and Hikaru was musing on the calming effects of a little sleep, a little sunshine, a nice hot shower, and good music.

"My Lady D'Arbanville," he sang along with his stereo, as he toweled himself off, "why do you grieve me so? But your heart seems so silent—why do you breathe so low?" It was remarkable—all his worries of the previous night seemed small. He was going to enjoy himself today. Oh, and take care of that whole 'world threatening' situation the Ancient One had mentioned.

Eventually.

"I loved you my lady, though in your grave you lie. I'll always be with you—this rose will never die, this rose will never—"

"Hi, Hikaru!" said Kagome opening the door to his room.

"Die!" said Hikaru, freezing. Oh, please, please let the towel have been positioned properly…

"Oh, I'm sorry!" said Kagome, turning around. She glanced over briefly. "Are you sure you're eating enough? You look really, really scrawny…"

"I'm FINE…" muttered Hikaru as he adjusted his towel. "I just have a delicate build. Now, what the he—what are you doing here?"

"Well," said Kagome, "Me an' Inu-Yasha came here to chat—see what you got planned for the day…" She looked over the room. "Wow. You've got a lot of black in here…"

Hikaru began to rub his temples, then stopped as he realized that his towel was relying on him to keep it positioned according to the demands of modesty. "Kagome—does the impropriety of this situation strike you? Scratch that—does the sheer ludicrousness of continuing a conversation strike you?"

"Black curtains… black sheets… black walls… black closet…" Kagome blinked. "Is that a black teddy bear?"

Hikaru shut his eyes. "Kagome, did you hear my question?"

Kagome gave an absent nod. "Yep. Wow—he's even got a black SKULL stitched on him…"

"Then stop staring at Yurik Schaedenfreude von Angst and answer my question!" snarled Hikaru.

"Oh," smiled Kagome, "you even named him! How cute!"

"That's it!" shouted Hikaru. "I refuse to have my teddy bear critiqued while I'm in a towel! Get out! Now!"

Kagome gave an eep and then began to head out. "Honestly… you didn't have to yell…"

Hikaru leaned back against the wall, and glanced at the solitary teddy bear. "Yurick, my friend, I think we're in for a very long haul."

-----

Mara Satana grinned at the completed Daisuke and Hiroshi. "Well there. That wasn't so bad, was it?"

Hiroshi merely continued twitching. Daisuke uttered a low moan in response. At least, it might have been in response. It was hard to tell.

"Great to see you getting in the spirit of things!" laughed Mara. "Now then, I believe there was some girl you liked…"

Daisuke's eyes lost some of their glazed appearance. Hiroshi began to calm down. "Sayuriiii…" they groaned together.

Mara smiled brightly and spread her hands. "Right! Sayuri! Why don't you go—demonstrate your affections for her?" She chuckled. "Vividly. Violently. Make them—bleedingly obvious."

"Yes," muttered Daisuke. "We'll do that."

"Right," agreed Hiroshi balefully. The pair silently made their way out of the shop.

Mara sat down at her desk and smiled. Her father was right—the best thing about the damnation game was how little effort was involved when you got down to it. You just gave people of less than stellar virtue a great deal of power without much effort, and then let them do what they wanted. For example, in a little while her two proteges were going to break upon Tokyo like a destroying storm, and all that she'd had to do was give them a nudge in the right direction. That was the good thing about the damned—from Hell's point of view, they took care of a lot the work for you.

Hiroshi ducked back in. "Umm, Miss Satana—how do we find Sayuri?"

Mara glared at him as her reverie was broken. "Use the demonically enhanced senses I gave you, idiots!"

Hiroshi nodded cheerfully, and ducked back out.

Mara bit her lip. Okay, so they weren't so bright. That was all right. In fact, that was preferable. As her father liked to put it, stupid employees didn't get crazy ideas like unions.

-----

Hikaru went down to the breakfast table with the slow measured pace of a man going to face his execution.

The sight waiting for him when he reached the dining room was horrifying beyond all measure.

His parents enjoying a pleasant breakfast with Kagome and Inu-Yasha.

"—And that was when I emerged from the garbage can, sobbing in defeat and anguish," finished Toshiro matter-of-factly.

"Wow," said Kagome, putting down her orange-juice. "I didn't know that chess clubs could be so cruel."

Toshiro clenched his fists. "They were more beasts than men!"

Inu-Yasha glanced eagerly at Meiko Gosunkugi. "Could I have some more toast, Mrs. Gosunkugi?"

She gave him an affectionate pat on the head. "Of course…" A slight frown came to her face. "Oh, dear… you haven't given me your name yet…"

"Well, most people call me 'Inu-Yasha'…"

Meiko clicked her tongue. "People can be so cruel."

Toshiro nodded. "That's a fact." He glanced at Inu-Yasha earnestly. "Well, whatever persecutions you face normally, you won't face in the Gosunkugi household. Meiko and I are firm believers in love and tolerance. It makes no sense to persecute someone just because they look different than you. Or are smaller than you. Or don't think that practicing martial arts make you a man among men. Or…"

Meiko gave her husband a slight pat on the shoulder.

Kagome glanced up. "Hey—it's Hikaru!"

Hikaru watched in dim terror as his parents rose as one.

"Hikaru!" said Meiko. "We just heard!"

"We're so proud!" said Toshiro.

Hikaru gulped. Okay, so Kagome had blabbed. Still this was about what he expected from his parents' reaction to discovering their child was a superhero—total pride. Mind you, he would have gotten the same reaction if he'd declared that he was a serial killer or a pimp.

Sometimes Hikaru really thought that his parents took that whole 'unconditional love' thing too far.

"President of your club!" they shouted together.

Hikaru sighed in relief—which quickly vanished as their arms wrapped around him.

"We love you Hikaru!" they shouted.

Oh, crap. This was one of those times. Hikaru winced. He had for years sorted people into three broad groups—irritating, tolerable, and Akane. His parents generally were in the tolerable group. Generally.

"Guys," muttered Hikaru, "I find this very uncomfortable."

"Hurray for Hikaru!" they shouted oblivious.

Hikaru began to squirm.

Ten minutes of contortions finally freed him from his parents' embrace. Meiko shook her head as Hikaru sat down for breakfast. "Honestly Hikaru, I do wish you'd tell us these things sometimes." She shook her head. "You're just so touchy sometimes…"

Toshiro gave a pride-filled chuckle. "Now, now Meiko, Hikaru's a normal young boy with a normal young boy's need for privacy."

Hikaru sincerely wished that were the case.

"I understand what's it like," stated Toshiro with a fond shake of the head. "To be young—full of energy—surrounded by those who don't understand you—by those who torment you—but I SHOWED them. I showed them all! I'm successful and happy, while most of them are scrounging to keep together a pathetic existence. HAHAHA!"

Meiko rolled here eyes. "Of course, darling." She glanced at Inu-Yasha and Kagome and whispered, "Don't worry—he just gets like this sometimes…" She glanced at Kagome's cup and smiled. "More tea, Miss Dageru?"

Kagome laughed. "Yes, please, Mrs. Gosunkugi."

Hikaru finished up his marmalade-smothered slice of toast, and shuddered. This was getting genuinely disturbing. Kagome and Inu-Yasha had not only managed to get into the Gosunkugi household—his parents apparently found them charming. A vision flashed into his mind eyes—a vision of Kagome and Inu-Yasha gradually imposing themselves on his life until nothing that was his own remained. It felt fairly inevitable.

Hikaru sighed and picked up his tea.

Suddenly, for the duration of one infinite second, he felt a sensation of utter wrongness as if he were imprisoned in cold damp glass.

Hikaru dropped his tea.

Everyone glanced at him.

Hikaru stood up suddenly.

"I just remembered some vital business," he announced.

Kagome stood up. "Manga club business?"

"Umm, right," said Hikaru weakly.

Kagome nodded. "Right! Well, then, we'd better get going! Inu-Yasha!"

Inu-Yasha glanced up resentfully. "But I'm not done with my toast!"

Kagome glared at him. Inu-Yasha stood up.

Meiko looked at Kagome disapprovingly. "Kagome! I thought you at least would treat your friend with respect. Mutant or not, he is still a human being…"

Kagome blinked. "It's meant as an affectionate nickname!"

Inu-Yasha nodded. "Right…"

Meiko just sighed and shook her head. "Teenagers." She looked at Hikaru. "I don't see why this business can't wait until after breakfast."

Hikaru started to the door. "Vital paperwork. Necessary for the club's existence. Has to be filled out now."

Meiko sighed as Hikaru and his friends headed out the door. "Honestly, Toshiro—he really needs to put some meat on those bones…"

Toshiro chuckled. "Hikaru's just energetic. You remember what it was like to be young!"

His wife shuddered. "Please don't remind me…"

-----

Nabiki Tendou was, despite her best efforts, not happy.

"Oh, God," said Yuka, putting down her bagel. "I am stuffed!" She pushed her plate towards Sayuri. "Here Sayuri, you finish it."

Sayuri pushed it away. "Oh, I'm also stuffed. Here you try. I don't know if you're eating enough these days…"

Nabiki sighed. I am being paid for this, she reminded herself. Sometimes, she didn't know whether to regard the sudden crime wave in Tokyo (and Nerima in particular) as a blessing or a curse. It had increased her bodyguard services by 63%, but—well, guarding Sayuri and Yuka meant watching the eternal struggle for dominance between the two—a struggle to claim the position of "Most Desired Girl at Furinkan High". The position tended to cycle between the two, occasionally falling on some other girl at the school. Nabiki found it very tiresome. Sometimes she wished that a more—obviously desirable girl existed to settle the matter. She often thought that if Akane didn't have such a grim attitude—and well, hadn't been a cripple—she'd have claimed the position in a heartbeat. And the profits I could rake in that way… Nabiki thought cheerfully. She shook her head. She might as well wish that Akane were the one who had to practice martial arts. Reality wasn't going to change anytime soon.

"I'm telling you, my appetite was ruined by that monster attack," stated Yuka. "Why I'm still recovering from the trauma."

Sayuri snorted. "Come on, Yuka. You've worn that story out." She smiled. "I don't think it even happened."

"It did too!" shouted Yuka. "And I was saved by a vampire superhero!"

Nabiki shut her eyes. If she weren't hearing this conversation she'd have a hard time believing it was happening. Actually, she was still having a hard time believing that.

But she also had a hard time believing that a man named "Count Nefaria" had tried to use the Tokyo Tower as the transmitter for his Euthanoelectro Ray last week, and that had also apparently happened.

"Oh, like any superhero would bother saving a girl like you…" muttered Sayuri.

"What does that mean?" asked Yuka in offended tones.

"I think we both know what I mean," said Sayuri maliciously.

"Like you can judge!" Yuka retorted. "I mean, all the boys, hanging around you all the time, bumping into you, calling your name…"

"Sayuri!" came a harsh voice.

"Just like that!" said Yuka.

"Sayuri…" came another voice, a ghastly whisper.

"And that one too!" she noted. She smiled at the stricken Sayuri. "Ha! Dumbfounded you, didn't I? I can tell by that shocked expression on your face…"

Sayuri pointed over Yuka's shoulder. Yuka turned around. "Oh. I see." She gulped.

Standing in the doorway were two hideous, almost broken forms. The first was a black-haired man wearing a golden devil mask, though a close examination suggested the mask was almost fused with his head. His arms were covered in bulging muscle, and ended in golden clawed gloves. While his form seemed merely muscular at first glance, the longer you looked at it the more—unnatural it seemed, all the mass and sinew seeming to ripple unsteadily. But the worst thing was the pentagram on his chest. It was dark black, and it seemed to just absorb and bend all the light that got near it. The longer you looked at it the worse it got.

The second figure was more openly hideous, though he lacked his companion's subtle horrors. He was a emaciated brown-haired man, who seemed to have been withered and mummified, his skin having the greyish of a preserved corpse. A pair of mechanical hooks functioned for hands, while an eyepatch covered his right eye.

"Sayuri!" said the first figure. "I claim you now, I, Master Pandemonium, the most amazing being in Nerima!"

"Hey," said the second figure. "I'm the most amazing being in Nerima, so I'm getting Sayuri."

"Are not!" said Master Pandemonium taking a swing at his associate.

"Am too!" said the second figure, turning immaterial and causing Pandemonium's blow to pass right through him, instead smashing a large hole in the wall.

"Are not!" said Master Pandemonium. "How can you be more amazing than I am? You haven't even said your name yet."

"Oh, right. I'm Hiroshi…"

"Your supervillain name, moron!"

Hiroshi slapped his forehead—an act that was painful to watch as the metal hook collided with shriveled flesh. "That's right." He spread his arms and laughed sinisterly. "I am the Ghost!"

"That name sucks!" cried Pandemonium.

"Does not!" shouted the Ghost, blasting an ether ray at him.

"Does too!" shouted Pandemonium, as the star in his chest seemingly absorbed the energy.

"Oh, like yours is better Daisuke!"

Nabiki blinked, and stepped forward. "Hiroshi…? Daisuke…?"

The pair shuddered. "Nabiki?" squeaked Daisuke.

"What happened to you two?" she asked, slightly fearful despite her efforts to remain calm.

"Oh, we just sold our souls," answered Hiroshi cheerfully. "We're soldiers in the army of Hell now."

"Shut up!" cried Daisuke, releasing a blast of hellfire.

Hiroshi turned immaterial again, causing the blast to incinerate the table behind him. "No, you shut up!"

"No, you!" shouted Daisuke. He pouted. "Why are you trying to take Sayuri from me? You know I love her!"

"Hey!" said Hiroshi fiercely. "I should be asking you that!" Hiroshi gestured broadly at the young women. "How about you just take Yuka instead? She's pretty close to Sayuri…"

"Would you take Yuka instead?" asked Daisuke.

"Of course not," said Hiroshi. "I'm cooler than you, 'cause I've got the eyepatch."

Nabiki readied herself. From the casual displays of power the pair were showing she doubted she could do much, but she could probably distract them for a moment, and then slip away herself. She glanced at Yuka and Sayuri. "When I say go—go."

Daisuke was shaking his fist at Hiroshi. "For the last time, I'm getting Sayuri…"

"That's what you think!" a voice shouted out. A young man in Buddhist robes leaped into the shop. With one dazzling spin of a long cane he yanked Hiroshi to his feet, and then rolled in front of Nabiki. "No maiden need fear evil on the watch of—Miroku, the Devil-Slayer!" He turned to Nabiki. "Quickly! Escape! I'll hold them off!"

Nabiki glared at him. "How? Thanks to you, they're pretty focused on us right now—and they're blocking the exit…"

Miroku coughed nervously. "Oh. Right." He blinked. "Well, let's work something out…" Suddenly he knocked all three of the young women to the ground. A blast of energy knocked out the wall behind them. "There. See. An alternate escape route. I told you I take care of things."

Nabiki glared at him as she ran out the hole into the back alley. She'd heard about superheroes, of course, but somehow Mr. Devil-Slayer did not strike her as one of the top members of the business.

-----

"Okay, where are we goin'?" Inu-Yasha was following Kagome, who was following Hikaru, who seemed to be following some strange thing that lay in the magical land of being Hikaru.

"Somewhere else," Hikaru replied.

Inu-Yasha snarled. There it was again—another example of why Hikaru irritated him. Say anything to him and he gave you some curt joke of an answer that made you look like an idiot. And just like an idiot, Inu-Yasha found himself stepping up to the bait. "But where exactly?"

"The place that we're going to, of course," Hikaru stated in a monotone.

Inu-Yasha glanced away the resentment clear on his face. "Can't I get a straight answer out of you…?"

Hikaru glanced back. "Look, if you must know, I'm not sure myself. Some thing has left behind a trail, and I'm following it…"

Inu-Yasha laughed. "You expect me to believe that? I can't smell anything…"

Hikaru shut his eyes. "Look, I know your senses are very, very good Inu-Yasha but the fact is I've got more of them, so I'm going to pick up on things you can't sometimes, simple as that."

Inu-Yasha snorted, and muttered something to himself inaudibly.

"And no, I am not," stated Hikaru.

Inu-Yasha was about to mutter something else, but decided against it. "Look, I just don't think yer followin' the right…"

At that point, a panicked group rushed by them. "Oh my god!" shouted one man. "Supervillains! On the rampage! And they're destroying Tokyo!"

"It's worse than Godzilla!" cried another.

"Nothing's worse than Godzilla!" stated the first man. "He remains the epitome of destruction!"

"True," said the other, "but Godzilla will usually move on with little prompting! Supervillains on the other hand stay in an area, decimating it fairly steadily!"

"I'll grant you that!" said the first man. "But Godzilla's destructive power far exceeds that of the average supervillain! Thus he requires less time!"

"The average supervillain, I grant you," said the other, "but these days we're facing a new breed. Why do realize that supervillains exist now whose might equals that of atomic bombs? Or a particle ray…?" The debate continued as the participants traveled out of sight.

Hikaru glanced at Inu-Yasha. "Yep. I'm definitely barking up the wrong tree…"

Inu-Yasha snarled. "Why do you have to turn everything into a joke?"

"You just make it so easy, I can't resist," shrugged Hikaru.

Kagome watched as at the panicked mob faded from view, clearly puzzled. "Umm—Dr. Strange—how come nobody seems to notice us?"

"Why should they? We're not their business," said Hikaru. "I've got us traveling under their threshold of notice…" Hikaru smiled. "You see people have a tendency to ignore what they view as unimportant. Like the feeling of shoes on their feet. Or bills with a little time left to pay them. And what we choose to ignore—does not exist for us."

Kagome glanced at her feet, mystified. "Wow." She glanced up. "So we're invisible?"

Hikaru shook his head. "This is better than invisibility for most day-to-day things. Invisibility just means you can't be seen—people still hear, smell and feel you. Traveling under the threshold of notice, you could walk through a crowd singing at the top of your lungs, eating Limburger cheese, and jostling people as you went, and as long as you didn't stay in one place to long, or tried to pick a fight with someone, no one would notice you. The Ancient One said I had a knack for it."

"Neat!" Kagome nudged Inu-Yasha in the ribs. "Isn't that neat?"

Inu-Yasha glared at her quietly. "Yeah. Super."

"We're very close…" noted Hikaru, walking forward. "I can feel it." He frowned. "Someone's cut a deal with a devil…"

Kagome glanced around. She also felt—something, a sort of vague nausea, as if there was a bad odor in the air. "Black magic…" she whispered.

Hikaru shook his head. "That takes skill. I use it myself, actually. The Black is just being touch in the darker side of life—not pleasant but necessary. It requires discipline, effort and skill. Diabolism is—well, a lot easier. On the surface of things, anyway…"

"You use black magic?" said Kagome quietly.

"It's a tool—a dangerous tool but so is the White." Hikaru shrugged. "Magic's a lot less pleasant than is commonly believed."

-----

Miroku didn't want to admit it, but he was in trouble. A great deal of trouble. His opponents overpowered him by a rather sizable margin, and were willing to use said power a great deal.

"Die, Devil-Slayer!" exclaimed Hiroshi.

An ether blast ripped through the air near him, demolishing the wall next to him as he danced out of the way.

"You missed, idiot!" shouted Daisuke.

"Moron!" replied Hiroshi.

"Jerk!"

"Moron!"

"You said that already!"

"Moron!"

Fortunately the pair were somewhat lacking in brains and ability, but Miroku knew that it would take only one hit for him to be enjoying Buddha's mercy firsthand. He'd have to end this fight quickly. He took a deep breath. It was now or never. Twirling his staff, he rushed forward and swung at Hiroshi. The Ghost dissolved slightly, the staff passing through his immaterial form.

"Booya!" shouted Hiroshi.

"Booya?" muttered Daisuke irritatedly. "That isn't even a word!" He fired a horde of winged demons at Hiroshi.

"Is so!" shouted Hiroshi, evaporating the demons and several small cars.

"Is not, is not, is not!" screamed Daisuke, the building behind him bursting into flames.

"Okay, okay, it's not really a word," admitted Hiroshi, "but it's close."

"Things aren't close to being words!" shouted Daisuke. "They either are or they aren't!"

"Face my wrath, evil-doers!" cried Miroku as he made another charge forward.

"Hey! Stay out of this," said Hiroshi tossing Miroku against the wall. "This isn't your business."

Daisuke sighed. "Actually we are trying to kill him."

Hiroshi laughed in embarrassment. "Oh, that's right! My bad." He cupped a claw to his mouth. "Sorry about that!"

Nabiki glanced at Miroku quietly. "You know, you're really cutting a bad figure as a dashing hero."

Miroku rubbed his head. "I consider these sub par condition…"

"What—fighting an opponent?"

Miroku gave a deep sigh. "Do the heroic efforts of the brave go unappreciated in this city?"

Nabiki shrugged. "I make a few thousand yen a week…"

"Is that before or after taxes?" asked Miroku.

"Well, I don't list it, as it is more or less disposable in—" Nabiki paused and then shook her head. "Look, I'd love to compare notes with you, but we've got bigger problems…" she noted pointing to the rampaging Daisuke and Hiroshi.

Miroku's hand went to his gauntlet. "Right. I see. Much as I may want to avoid it, I must call upon my terrible secret weapon."

"Hey! Up on the roof!" cried Yuka. "It's the superhero that saved me! Baron Blood!"

"Oh, ri—" began Sayuri. "Hey, wait, there is a superhero up there."

"Calling upon my superhero allies," announced Miroku, his hand lowering.

"That doesn't sound very terrible," noted Nabiki.

"That is purely a matter of subjective opinion," replied Miroku. "After all you don't know these people…"

Nabiki glanced up at the alleged superhero, then blinked. "Gosunkugi…?"

-----

Hikaru Gosunkugi stood there surveying the scene and considering things.

"Okay, on the one hand, I can let a pair of idiots go on destroying the neighborhood. On the other, I can save Nabiki." He shook his head. "Man, talk about your lose-lose situations."

Inu-Yasha glowered at him. "Yeah, well take yer time…" he said. "Jackass," he added quietly.

"Now's not the time for rudeness," noted Hikaru.

Kagome started. "Hey that's Miroku! Look, Inu-Yasha! It's Miroku! He wasn't blown up like we thought!"

Hikaru glanced at her. "You know the guy with the staff?"

"Yep!" chirped Kagome. "You see back in Feudal Times…"

"It can wait," said Hikaru.

"I'll give you the short version," said Kagome eagerly.

"Listen, when I say 'It can wait' what I mean is 'I don't particularly care'."

"Oh."

Hikaru waved. "Now, let's go."

"Decided to move?" said Inu-Yasha snarkily.

"I like this street," said Hikaru. "I like it being here. I'm silly and emotional that way."

-----

Miroku was knocking back stray bits of rubble from Daisuke's and Hiroshi's attacks on each other.

"Jerk!"

"Double-jerk!"

For a pair of supervillains who mostly fought among themselves, he noted, they caused a great deal of damage to the area around them.

Behind Miroku, a rather heated discussion was going on.

"I'm telling you—that's Hikaru Gosunkugi!" said Nabiki.

"Oh, that's ridiculous," said Sayuri.

"Right!" said Yuka. "Are you trying to tell us we don't know what we're seeing?"

"What you're seeing is Hikaru! Hikaru Gosunkugi!"

"Don't be silly!" said Sayuri forcefully. "That man is wearing a cape! Hikaru does not wear a cape. Ergo, that man is not Hikaru Gosunkugi."

Yuka nodded in agreement.

Nabiki suppressed an urge to scream. What made it worse was that niggling little voice in her head that kept suggesting that she was wrong—that this wasn't Hikaru Gosunkugi… She shook her head.

Somehow, this all felt very wrong.

"Look!" said Yuka. "He's leaping down!"

Nabiki looked up at the (possible) (no, damn it, probable) Gosunkugi who was floating down with a sort of spooky elegance. Nabiki shook her head. Okay, maybe it wasn't Gosunkugi. "By the might of the Vishanti, I—"

At that moment a reddish blur carrying a yellowish blur sped past him. A high clear voice emanated from the blur. "Attention servants of ickiness! Prepare to face the anti-icky forces of HELLCAT AND SON OF SATAN!"

"You idiots!" screamed the cape-wearing superhero who looked suspiciously like Gosunkugi.

Hiroshi glanced up. "Hey! More superheroes!" He raised his hand. A blast of energy tore through the air. The Gosunkugi look-alike pushed ahead, and set a glowing shield over his allies.

At the impact, the three superheroes were knocked backwards and fell into a jumbled heap against the wall.

Miroku was suddenly doubting his chances of survival. Nabiki suddenly thought that it might just be Gosunkugi after all.

-----

Hikaru raised himself unsteadily, as he disentangled himself, and started to shake his fists. "Damn it! Don't you two ever listen? I said to hold back! To hold back!"

Kagome pouted at him. "We were just trying to help…"

"How does nearly getting turned into a pair of soot marks help me? How?" Hikaru paused. "No, wait, don't answer that, I can think of a few ways it does…"

Inu-Yasha stood up suddenly and began to ready his arm as if he were going to throw a punch. "HEY—!"

Miroku's rushing up to his side and grabbing his hand to shake it stopped what would probably have been a devastating blow. "Inu-Yasha? Kagome? How…?"

Kagome gave Miroku a confidential look. "Shh. We're superheroes. Pretend you don't know us."

Miroku gave a nod. "Of course."

Daisuke swatted Hiroshi on the back of the head. "You idiot! You missed!"

"Uh-uh! He blocked!"

"Same thing!" said Daisuke. "You should have let me do it!"

"No way! I'm cooler than you! I've got the eyepatch!"

Yuka waved at Hikaru. "Hi, Baron Blood. Remember me?"

"It's Dr. Strange," said Hikaru rubbing his temples, "and unfortunately, yes, I do."

"Ha!" said Yuka to Sayuri. "You owe me two hundred yen…"

"Right, right…" Suddenly Sayuri smiled in triumph. "Hey wait, you got his name wrong! That means I don't have to pay!"

Hikaru sighed, and then glanced over at the quarreling supervillains. "Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but are those guys Hiroshi and Daisuke?"

Sayuri nodded. "Yep. Apparently they've resorted to evil to try and win my heart. I'm actually kind of flattered."

Hikaru shook his head. There were times he thought the world had gone mad.

And there were times he knew.

Nabiki walked over to him and waved an intimidating fist under his face. "Admit it! You're Hikaru Gosunkugi!"

Hikaru gave the only answer he could think of on short notice. "Who?"

Nabiki began to claw at her head. "ARRGH! It won't stop! It's like my brain's at war with itself!"

Hikaru reached into his cloak and brought out a small bottle. "You want an aspirin?"

Miroku glanced at him. "You carry aspirin with you?"

"I find it necessary," replied Hikaru.

"All right," said Hiroshi, signaling to the small group that formed near the wall. "Master Pandemonium and I talked this out—I get the two superheroes on the left, he gets the two on the right." The pair of supervillains began to walk forward.

Hikaru gulped. He needed a plan, fast. At that point a very simple one came to him. "Which right—ours, or yours?"

Hiroshi blinked. "Hey—yeah." He turned to Daisuke and pointed accusingly. "Which right?"

Daisuke groaned. "Does it really matter?"

Hiroshi crossed his arms. "I think it does."

Hikaru glanced at Kagome. "Now Hellcat!"

Kagome loosed an arrow, which buried itself in the ground before the pair. They stopped bickering for a moment, and snickered. "Oh, real impressive," snorted Daisuke.

At that point the ground convulsed, hurling the supervillains in the air.

Nabiki glanced at Kagome. "Wow—you're not as awesomely incompetent as you seem." She blinked. "Wait—have I met you…" Suddenly, she fell to the ground, holding her head. "AHH! THE DAMN HEADACHE'S BACK!"

Hikaru glanced at Yuka and Sayuri. "Now would be a good time to leave." He gestured to Nabiki. "And you should probably take her with you…"

"Right," said Sayuri, helping Nabiki up. "Well, this is probably the weirdest breakfast I've ever had…"

"Two years ago, at your father's business meeting," said Yuka simply.

"Point," noted Sayuri.

As the three walked off, Kagome glanced at Hikaru. "Do you have any idea what happened there? Why'd she get a headache…?"

Hikaru glanced around uneasily. "I'll—check on it…"

Inu-Yasha glanced at Miroku. "Okay—how the hell did you get here?"

Miroku shrugged. "I was going to ask you that. After the explosion—"

Hikaru sighed. "Look, I've no doubt this is a fascinating reunion, but we are busy…"

Miroku turned to look at him. "Say, we haven't been introduced…"

"Right," said Kagome. "This is Dr. Strange, our superheroic mentor."

Miroku bowed slightly. "Proud to serve with a paragon of justice." He crept in closer. "Say, how much are you making from this? Just to—compare notes…"

Inu-Yasha grumbled to himself.

Kagome gave a calculated, devil-may-care laugh. "And now—we stand united, a formidable force of formidability!"

At that moment, something unexpected happened.

Hikaru broke down and wept.

"I'm sorry. I just can't take this anymore. I've tried—but I'm weak! I'm so very weak…"

Kagome stared at him in concern. "Dr. Strange? Is something wrong?"

"Yes!" screamed Hikaru. "My life has been taken over by a pair of imbeciles! My privacy is nonexistent! Just this morning, a certain someone saw me naked singing Cat Stevens! Something is wrong! It is very wrong, and it is getting to me!"

Inu-Yasha blinked, and glanced at Kagome. "You saw him naked?"

"Of course not!" said Kagome outraged. "There was a towel involved."

"I more mortified being caught singing Cat Stevens…" whimpered Hikaru weakly.

Kagome took a deep breath. "Look, Hikaru, I know we're having problems as a team…"

"As a TEAM? A TEAM?" Hikaru began to wave his hands furiously. "There is NO TEAM! We aren't even a group! The word 'team' does not apply to us! Do you hear me? It is inapplicable! Unsuitable! Inappropriate! Inapt! We are as far from 'team' as you can get! We are a 'non-team'!" Hikaru sobbed, and then took a deep breath. "Have I made myself clear? Just leave me alone, you annoying, obnoxious, stupid little girl and take your damn dog with you!"

"What about me?" asked Miroku.

"I BARELY KNOW YOU, BUT YES, YOU CAN GO WITH HER TOO!" shouted Hikaru.

Kagome blinked for a second. "Well," she gulped. "I'm—glad—that you decided to share that with me. O-open lines of communication are—are important." She turned away, a very slight smile on her lips due to what was clearly a Herculean effort.

Hikaru glanced away, his expression tired, and bitter.

Inu-Yasha snarled. "That's it!" He made a unexpected spring, and was suddenly lifting Hikaru by the lapels.

"Hey!" cried Hikaru. "Put me down! Put me down, you furry, oafish THING, or I will make you put me down, and you'll be thinking the scorpions were me being nice…"

"SHUT UP!" shouted Inu-Yasha. "I'M SICK OF THIS! Ever since this started, you been putin' me an' Kagome down, an' actin' like that's just how it should be! Ya never stop! Do you realize what it FEELS like?" Inu-Yasha bit his lip, as Hikaru glanced away nervously. "What gives you the right to be so—so—actin' so stuck up…"

"Patronizing?" suggested Hikaru.

"SHUT UP! So I ain't speakin'—so good…"

"Eloquent?"

"There you go again? Do you have to be so—"

"Sarcastic? Caustic? Ironic?" Hikaru smiled slightly. "Go on, take your pick…"

Inu-Yasha sputtered. "Yer doin' it again! Makin' fun of me! Showin' everyone how much smarter you are! Well, go ahead! Laugh all ya want! See if I care! But don't ya dare do it to Kagome! She's a good person…" Inu-Yasha blinked, clearly close to tears himself. "If yer heart was half as good as hers, you'd be five times the man you are now! No—ten times! She's willin' to put her life on the line, even though she can't aim worth shit…"

"I can to aim worth shit!" shouted Kagome, then covered her mouth embaressedly.

Inu-Yasha wisely ignored that. "She tries an' tries to do what's right, an' all you do is laugh at her!" Inu-Yasha sobbed, and then shook Hikaru violently. "Well, what gives ya the right, ehh, Doctor? What gives yah the right?"

Hikaru blinked and glanced away. "I'm sorry."

Inu-Yasha started. "What—?"

Hikaru glared at him. "I'm sorry! I was out of line! I admit it! Now let me down! Or do you want a written apology? Because I can probably manage one before the Dueling Morons return…"

"Umm, no," said Inu-Yasha. "I'm jus' surprised is all…"

Hikaru sighed. "Look, I was too harsh on you. I'll try to stop, but I don't promise any miracles. You have to realize that up till now, a long term acquaintance for me meant someone who followed up a kick to the stomach with a punch to the back of the head." He took a deep breath. "I mean look at it from my viewpoint. You two have been hanging around me despite what I asked for days now. Even a sociable person would have a hard time, and I'm not a sociable person."

Inu-Yasha squinted at Hikaru. "Are you sayin' the way ya acted is our fault?"

"No—I'm saying this whole situation is the result of mutual character flaws." Hikaru shut his eyes. "We are a group of rather clashing personalities, and if we're going to work together, we're all going to have to make some adjustments. So once again, I'm sorry for losing my temper."

Inu-Yasha glanced away awkwardly. "Umm—I guess—I'm also sorry fer yellin' at you like that…"

Hikaru nodded. "Well, thank you." There was a pause. "Are you going to put me down now?"

"Oh, right." Inu-Yasha set him down.

Kagome walked over some hesitantly. "I—guess I should apologize too. I really wanted this group to work, and I guess I might have pushed too hard."

Hikaru took a deep breath. "Well, I guess we all learned a valuable lesson about working together."

Kagome smiled. "I guess you're right. Group hug!"

Hikaru and Inu-Yasha struggled briefly against Kagome's embrace, then gave up.

Kagome shifted. "Miroku—move your hand. Right now."

Miroku backed away as the group hug reached its end. "I'm sorry. I was just so overcome by the moment. We've overcome a great hurdle."

Hikaru straightened his sleeves. "You know, people tend to use 'we' in ways I don't appreciate."

"Oh, Dr. Strange!" said Kagome annoyed. "Thank you for the sentiment, Miroku." She glanced back at Hikaru. "Check your wallet," she whispered.

"Well, well," came a mocking chuckle. "It looks like someone's had a poignant life lesson." Daisuke and Hiroshi hovered above the group, Daisuke grinning menacingly.

"I'll say," said Hiroshi, wiping the tears from his face. "That was so touching!"

"Shut up!" yelled Daisuke. "These are our opponents, Ghost! We're going to kill them! Remember?"

"Oh, natch!" said Hiroshi, giving Daisuke a hooks up, then straightening and attempting a menacing look.

Hikaru glanced at Daisuke, his expression laced with contempt. "Sure took you long enough to get back…"

"We would have been here earlier," said Hiroshi, "but we sorta forgot we could fly…"

"Shut up!" said Daisuke.

Hikaru slapped his hand to his forehead. "So among your many superpowers is awesome stupidity. Wonderful."

Daisuke snarled at him. "I've finally recognized you Gosunkugi, and you can't fool me. You're just jealous."

Hikaru stared at him incredulously. "You're exactly right. Look at all you've achieved. You've gotten yourself damned in the hereafter, you've been transformed into a hellish mockery of your former self, AND you've mostly demolished a city block. I stand in awe of your accomplishments. My own life looks so small in comparison."

"Yeah," said Daisuke. "I do rock."

"I believe that was sarcasm," pointed out Miroku.

Daisuke blinked. "Wait a minute—he was making fun of me?"

Miroku, Kagome and Inu-Yasha all nodded. "I thought it was pretty obvious," said Kagome.

"DIE!" screamed Daisuke, sending out a blast of hellfire.

Hikaru glanced at his associates as he held off the blaze. "Okay, here's the plan—you three take care of Hiroshi, and I get Daisuke."

Kagome and Inu-Yasha looked confused. "Which one's Hiroshi?" asked Kagome.

"The one with brown hair!" shouted Hikaru, as he strengthened his magical barrier to contain the mounting blast.

"Ahh! The eyepatch guy!" said Kagome cheerfully. "Gotchya!" She launched an arrow at Hiroshi.

Hiroshi disintegrated it with an ether blast.

"Yipe," whimpered Kagome.

Inu-Yasha and Miroku launched forward. "Just stay back!" shouted Inu-Yasha. "We'll keep him busy!"

Kagome, despite their advice, hurried after them.

Hikaru shut his eyes and focused. "Oh, Lords of the Faltine, lend me power. Oh, Hoggoth, lend me will. Oh Aggomotto, lend me vision. Oh Osshur, lend me wisdom…"

Daisuke snickered. "What's a matter, Gosunkugi? I got you so spooked that you're praying…?"

At that moment a blast of energy tore through Daisuke's barrage of hellfire, knocking the young supervillian to the ground. "I suppose you could call it that," said Hikaru, rubbing his hands together, "but the things I pray to are big on results."

"Hey," whimpered Daisuke. "That hurt…"

"That was the idea," said Hikaru calmly.

"You—jerk!" screamed Daisuke, launching another hellfire blast at Hikaru. "How dare you attack me like that!"

"Oh, come on!" said Hikaru repelling the blast. "Which one of us is the soulless monstrosity here?"

Daisuke spread his arms. "You should at least die when I try to kill you!" He smiled grimly. "Well this will take care of you!"

A wave of demons launched from the pentagram on Daisuke's chest, and sailed toward Hikaru, engulfing him in a spray of blood.

Daisuke laughed. "Well, well, Gosunkugi. I guess you see who's better now—that you're dead!" He cackled gleefully.

The mass of demons exploded. A completely unfazed Hikaru stood amidst a vast circle of blood. "That was the worst 'I just kicked your ass' speech I ever heard," he announced. "And the fact that you didn't only makes it more pathetic."

"Die Gosunkugi!" shouted Daisuke, launching a ball of hellfire at Hikaru's head.

Hikaru ducked under it with a surprising show of agility. "You first." He launched a shimmering group of missiles at Daisuke. "I insist."

Daisuke summoned a large demon in front of him, which quickly became a large mass of tissue and blood.

Hikaru gulped. This might just be a harder fight than he'd thought.

-----

Inu-Yasha's blade passed through Hiroshi once again.

Hiroshi snickered. "Still not used to the whole intangibility thing, are you?"

Inu-Yasha sheathed Tetsaiga. He'd tried and tried, but the sword could not hit the self-proclaimed 'Ghost'. It was clear now that he was going to have rely on his own might for this battle. Clenching his fist, he began to charge forward. "Iron-Reaver SOUL-STEALER!" he cried. A blast of energy tore through the air and smashed through rock and stone.

Hiroshi snickered again. "Wow. You really aren't getting this. You can't hit me!"

Inu-Yasha did a quick mental review of the fight. "Wait a minute. You can't hit me like that either, ya idjit!"

Hiroshi threw a punch, his arm passing right through Inu-Yasha. "Hey, you're right. Thanks. I'll just make myself solid."

Hiroshi materialized. Miroku smashed him on the back of the head.

Inu-Yasha smiled. "Ya know, there were times I almost missed you."

Miroku chuckled. "Why than—"

"I said 'almost'," said Inu-Yasha flatly.

Suddenly, a great burst of energy knocked them to the ground.

"Cool," said Hiroshi. "Didn't know I could do that." He glanced at his opponents' fallen forms. "Well, time to finish this." He raised a hook, a glowing corona of energy appearing there. "When you get to Hell, tell them I sent you." He glanced at them earnestly. "Really. That way I get a free drink in the employee lounge."

A large red arrow attached itself to his arm, and in short order, to a nearby wall. Hiroshi glanced up.

Kagome stood there, readying another arrow.

Hiroshi stared at her. "Okay, I'll kill you for that." He raised his hand.

Nothing happened.

"Okay, slight difficulty—I apparently can't use my ether bolts. I think it's the arrow." Hiroshi waved a hook casually. "I'll just dematerialize, and then I'll kill you." Hiroshi shut his eyes, and bit his lip.

Nothing happened.

Hiroshi opened his eyes, startled. "Okay, okay—another difficulty, apparently the arrow is keeping me from dematerializing. I'll just yank it out, and then I'll kill you."

Inu-Yasha and Miroku got unsteadily to their feet and watched as Hiroshi grabbed the arrow. A bright glow engulfed him for a moment.

- ZAP! -

"Ow!" Hiroshi whimpered. He glanced at the heroes. "This may take awhile. Just give me a moment, and I'll get around to killing you." He made a slight bow. "Sorry for the delay."

- ZAP! -

"Ow!"

- ZAP! -

"Ow!"

- ZAP! -

"Ow!"

- ZAP! -

"Ow!"

- ZAP! -

"Ow!"

- ZAP! -

"Ow!"

Kagome turned to the others. "Come on. We have to help Dr. Strange."

Miroku nodded. "Go on. We'll catch up to you."

Kagome rushed off.

Inu-Yasha and Miroku watched Hiroshi.

- ZAP! -

"Ow!"

- ZAP! -

"Ow!"

- ZAP! -

"Ow!"

- ZAP! -

"Ow!"

"Kind of hypnotic, isn't it?" noted Miroku.

"Uh-huh…" said Inu-Yasha.

-----

Hikaru stared at the sizable demon that Daisuke had summoned.

It looked something like the results of an octopus breeding with a housefly.

"Squaring the circle, I summon steel, from the blood I make it congeal…" chanted Hikaru quickly.

The demon began to sputter and then fall as its blood became a bunch of metallic shards.

Hikaru took a deep breath. There was a reason he didn't use that spell too often—it was a doozy. There was a reason, he thought to himself, that most sorcerers practiced some form of physical conditioning…

He glanced around. Daisuke was apparently still reeling from the telekinetic push Hikaru had given him. He ducked into an alley and reached into his cloak. Daisuke's tendency to summon up hordes of demons was getting on his nerves. Judging by the sheer number he could summon, and the speed with which they came, he suspected Daisuke had access to a dimensional rift.

Hikaru drew out the Book of Vishanti, and flipped it open. "On the closing of rifts" he muttered. Good. Time to even the odds. He glanced the article over.

Damn. First he'd have to find the rift.

He glanced around anxiously, and then extended his mystic senses. Hikaru winced. The location of the rift—was Daisuke. Somehow his masters had fused him with a planar portal. Hikaru sighed. Might as well it get it over with. He stepped back out onto the street.

Daisuke shook his head, slightly, then frowned. "So—finally ready to die?"

Hikaru shook his head. "Are you kidding? There are still movies I plan to see." He glanced down at the open page. "Glorious Osshur, I evoke thee. As the flame of a candle burns out, so the way closes. As the flower wilts, so the way closes. As the curtain falls, so—"

Daisuke's blast of hellfire was easily deflected. The piece of masonry it tore loose was not, and had to be hurriedly dodged.

It was when Hikaru had somersaulted out of the way he realized he wasn't holding onto the Book anymore. He glanced around desperately, then saw it. Ten feet away.

"Oh, crap…" he muttered.

"How did you dodge that?" screamed Daisuke, stamping his feet.

"It's called training," replied Hikaru. "You should give it a try." He shook his head. It was hard to believe that Daisuke stood a good chance of killing him—he was so incompetent, so thoughtless... That was then idea entered his head. It was risky, but—Hikaru would just have to chance it. He didn't know if he could reach the Book in time, and he had his doubts he could keep this up much longer.

"Daisuke—let's finish this!"

"I'm about to," chuckled Daisuke.

"Oh come on," sighed Hikaru. "You and I both know we can keep this up all day, with you summoning demons, and me killing them." Hikaru shook his head. "I say we finish this fight man to man, following the ancient tradition handed down to us by our ancestors, who probably knew what they were doing, seeing as so many of them died."

Daisuke blinked. He was having problems following that last bit. "What's that?"

"Hand-to-hand," replied Hikaru. "No magic, no demons, just us."

Daisuke stared at Hikaru incredulously. "But I'm—well, me, and you're—well, you."
"Of course," said Hikaru. "How else could it be? I being Stewart Granger and you being James Mason?" Despite himself Hikaru could feel the weight behind Daisuke's skepticism. Thanks to his demonic powers Daisuke had muscles in places Hikaru didn't. Hell, he had places in places Hikaru didn't. If I'm wrong about this, thought Hikaru, I'm dead. "So do you accept?"

"What the hell," snorted Daisuke. "I need a laugh."

Hikaru readied himself into a fighting position.

Daisuke grinned. "I'm gonna win, you know that?"

Hikaru frowned. "Shut up."

Kagome ran forward, Inu-Yasha behind her. "Dr. Strange!"

"Stand back you two—I can handle this…"

"Oh, bring it on," laughed Daisuke.

Hikaru pitched forward, and rushed Daisuke, moving with an almost eerie speed. Daisuke nervously brought up his swollen arms to block, but did so much too slowly, and with an absolute lack of skill. Hikaru laid into him with a surprisingly potent-looking uppercut to Daisuke's jaw that sent his head sailing back. The demonically-enhanced young man fell back, unconscious.

Hikaru rubbed his bruised knuckles gingerly.

Kagome glanced at Hikaru surprised. "Wow," she said. "I didn't know you had super strength."

Hikaru shook his head. "All I had was opponent with a glass jaw, and next to no fighting skills." He chuckled. "Poor Daisuke. He sells his soul, and winds up a bigger loser than ever."

-----

Senbei was quite startled when a stream of superheroes started to pour into the lobby of Ultimate Power, Inc.

"We're here to speak to the management," said Hikaru.

Senbei flexed his arms and grinned. Now was his chance to shine. "Foolish mortals! You will not be allowed to disturb Senbei's master. For Senbei is no mere office genie!"

Hikaru arched one cynical eyebrow. "Office genie?"

"No! Senbei is the Genie of Poverty and Misfortune! By taking the happiness of others, Senbei gains his happiness! Observe!" He waved a hand at Kagome.

"Ow!" cried Kagome. "I've got a hangnail!"

"See!" laughed the genie, doing his happiness dance. "And Senbei was just warming up! Now, Senbei will really get going!" He gestured at the frowning Hikaru, then blinked in surprise. "Strange—you don't have any happiness for Senbei to diminish…"

Hikaru leaned down to speak to the little man. "What can I say? My soul is awash in bleak darkness. But if you give me a moment, I could get some happiness."

"That sounds good!" giggled Senbei.

A moment later, Senbei, tied to a stick of dynamite flew through the window of Ultimate Power Inc. "Senbei did not mean that taking from his personal happiness was good!" he cried just before he collided with a wall, and then bounced down an open sewer hole.

Hikaru waited for the earth-shattering ka-boom. "There," he announced. "That cheered me right up."

Inu-Yasha glanced at him, surprised. "I didn't know you carried dynamite."

Hikaru shrugged. "I like to be prepared." He gestured to a door labeled 'Mara Satana, District Manager'. "Care to help me kick down the door?"

"I'd be freakin' honored," said Inu-Yasha.

In a very little time, the door to Mara's office became the door in Mara's office.

Mara, in the process of putting various papers in a stylish red leather briefcase, looked up at the heroes uneasily. "You know, that door was unlocked…"

"I did know," replied Hikaru, "but after seeing your homunculus strut his stuff, I really had to kick something." He glanced at his associates. "Guys, smash up the office."

Mara Satana gulped.

Inu-Yasha began to follow Hikaru's request.

Kagome seemed worried. "But isn't the wanton destruction of personal property wrong?"

Hikaru gave a dismissive wave. "The personal property of evil?"

Kagome gave a slight nod, and tipped over a rather tasteless vase. "I see your point."

Mara stood up. "Hey, that was a gift from Commodious! The evilest emperor of Rome!"

"I'm sorry for your loss," said Hikaru. "Now, here's the deal. My friends and I—consider us the spiritual yakuza—we don't like your setting up shop here, so we're going to bust the place up in hope that you move."

"And you think this will intimidate me?" said Mara sticking her chest out defiantly.

"If it doesn't we're going to bust you up," said Hikaru matter-of-factly, "so I'd definitely consider the option if I were you." He shook his head. "And please tuck your chest back in. It's a lovely piece of work, and I've no doubt you want to get your money's worth from it, but now's really not the time."

"Do you think you can come in here and insult me?" Mara sputtered.

"Seeing as I am, yes," answered Hikaru. He gazed at her coldly. "Let me make something clear, Ms. Satana. I don't like you. I don't like this business. I don't like the way you've set it up to get other people to do your dirty work for you, and think that you're doing them a favor in the process. I've just got a thing for the sad and desperate—I pretty much am one, and so I like to look after my own."

"Listen, you pathetic flea, I am a demon of Hell, allowed to—"

"Allowed to by the Concord, contact the truly despairing in their darkest moment, or those intentionally seek you out. Not to place advertisements in video game magazines to attract idiots who are too stupid to realize what they're getting into. That was a stupid move, it was a less move, and it was the move that's going to get you run out of town. So, pack up and leave. Vamanos, muchacha!"

"Who are you?" she asked suspiciously.

"The Ancient One's apprentice," he replied. "And these—" he said with a gesture to Kagome and Inu-Yasha, who were tipping over a knick-knack cabinet— "are my running crew…"

"Ahh, shit!" cried Mara. "Just my luck! I have to land in the personal stomping ground of the geezer's latest fresh-eyed disciple!" She straightened. "Well, you and the dilapidated pain-in-the-ass can go screw yourselves! In fact you all can! I'm a legitimate businesswoman, and I give people what they want for a very reasonable price."

Hikaru leaned forward. "No, Mara, you give them what you tell them they want, and your price is everything." Mara gulped. She didn't know enough about wizards to know what it meant when their eyes glowed, but she suspected it was a bad sign.

"All right!" she whimpered. "You've pushed me too far! I may have underestimated you, but you have also underestimated me, for I am the heir to a great power and now I shall use it!" Mara Satana took a deep breath. "Daddy! These mean people are picking on me!"

There was a blast of sulfur, and then a tall man appeared in the office, clad in a tight red leotard, and a surprisingly ragged cape. His hair was a brownish red too shocking to be auburn, and his expression was feral and merciless. "Behold! Mephisto has arrived!" Hikaru appraised him. His relation to Mara seemed obvious.

Mara pointed to Hikaru and the others. "There they are, Daddy! Beat them up!"

Mephisto glanced around absently. "I'm sorry! I thought I just heard my daughter, but that can't be right, because she's a big demon now who doesn't need any help from her old man with anything!"

Mara pouted. "Dad—I'm sorry, okay? I was wrong. Is that what you want to hear?"

Mephisto stared at her expectantly, toe tapping.

Mara stared back in shock. "You can't be serious—I-I'm not a little girl anymore…"

Mephisto continued to stare and tap his toe.

"Oh, fine!" whined Mara. She took a simpering pose. "Pretty please, daddikins!"

"That's better," said Mephisto with a self-satisfied smirk. He turned to Hikaru and the others. "Foolish mortal churls! You have meddled in affairs beyond your ken!"

"Hey!" shouted Inu-Yasha, "I'm a demon!"

"You're a half-demon!" noted Mephisto airily. "Plus you're one of those annoying nature spirit type demons. My daughter and I are pure extraplanar evil!" There was a thunderclap. "I am Mephisto, fools! Emperor of Evil! Lord of Lies! Viceroy of Vileness! All that is corrupt and foul is under my dominion!"

Hikaru glanced at Miroku. "Could I have your staff?"

Miroku nodded and handed it to him. "Of course."

"All tremble before my wrath! My fury destroys—!" At that point Mephisto's speech was interrupted by Hikaru whacking him in the stomach with Miroku's staff, and then following it up with a blow to the back of the head.

Hikaru glanced at Miroku. "Thanks. It has good heft."

Mephisto looked up at him, furious. "No fair! You attacked me during my monologue! No one ever does that!"

"Really?" said Hikaru. "I don't see how anyone could resist the impulse…" He struck Mephisto on the small of the back.

"Hey! Stop! I'm the embodiment of all evil here!"

"Not in red spandex you're not," replied Hikaru.

"Ow!" whimpered Mephisto. "Quit it!"

"Ahh, don't be such a big Satanic baby," said Hikaru, pressing the staff against the self-proclaimed embodiment of evil's throat. "Now here's the deal—you are going to reverse whatever your daughter did to Daisuke and Hiroshi, and I'm not going to rearrange your body in ways I think would be an improvement."

"HA!" crowed Mephisto. "Do you think you can actually kill one such as myself?"

Hikaru shook his head calmly. "No, but I do think that if I crush your throat, you aren't going to be jumping for joy." He glanced around the room. "Say, guys, would you mind kicking the devil for me? I'd appreciate it."

Seconds later, Mephisto was trying to curl into a ball. "Ouch! Ow! Hey, who kicked my shin?"

"Sorry daddikins," said Mara sweetly.

"Aagh! Okay, I give, I give!" screamed Mephisto.

Hikaru yanked him on his back again, and replaced the staff against Mephisto's throat. "So you're going to undo what was done to Hiroshi and Daisuke?

"I can't…" moaned Mephisto. "It's irreversible…"

"Oh that's too bad," said Hikaru. "Say, what was the title you mentioned earlier?"

"Umm, Emperor of Evil…" offered Mephisto hopefully.

"No, no, that wasn't it," said Hikaru pressing down on the staff.

Mephisto began to sweat. "V-viceroy of Vileness?"

"The other one."

"Lord of Lies?" whimpered Mephisto.

"That's the one!" said Hikaru cheerfully. "Word of advice—if you're going to lie to people, don't tell them that you're going to do it. It sort of spoils the effectiveness…" He applied an iota more of pressure to the staff. "Now, the truth…?"

"Okay, okay!" shouted Mephisto nervously. "I really can't change them back, but that's because they're under Mara's authority. She signed them up as her personal servants."

Hikaru glanced at the Devil's Daughter. Mara gulped. "Well, I needed help with video games and…"

"So you can change them back…" stated Hikaru.

"Well, I'm not gonna," said Mara defiantly. "My father told me never to give good guys an inch!"

"Do it!" shouted Mephisto.

"But—but daddikins," whispered Mara, "what about always fighting against the light with each breath, no matter what?"

"That was bullshit, coal-blossom! Cave in immediately!" panted Mephisto.

"All right, but I can't change them back either."

"What?" said Hikaru and Mephisto in unison.

"I didn't use—orthodox methods to give them their powers," said Mara quietly. "I used a process that combined horrifying magicks with hideous sciences, a blasphemy unto all creation, and I really don't know how to undo it."

"You—you—how could you, my little brimstone-flake?" asked Mephisto nervously.

"Well it's not like I thought I'd have to undo it," snapped Mara.

"Daddy really doesn't want to hear that, dear," muttered Mephisto.

"But they can take their original forms, in which they can only access their powers by changing back," noted Mara. "If you did that, then erased their memories of this, they wouldn't be threats anymore…"

Hikaru nodded. "That sounds acceptable."

"Good now, if you could just…" began Mephisto, squirming uncomfortably.

"With a pair of codicils," continued Hikaru. "First—your ads are gone, your business is gone, and neither one are coming back."

"Agreed!" said Mephisto and Mara eagerly.

"Secondly, everyone besides us who saw them doing their supervillain routine can't remember it either."

"But, Dr. Strange? Why?" asked Kagome.

"Because I don't want anything jogging those idiots' memories, and I think seeing their rampage plastered on the front page of the Mainichi Bugle might just do that." Hikaru glanced down at Mephisto. "Well?"

"It's a deal!" shouted Mephisto. "Just let me get up, and I'll take care of it!"

Hikaru nodded and stood aside, keeping the staff well within swinging distance of the archfiend. Mephisto shut his eyes nodded. "There. It's been done." He glared at Hikaru. "As far as anyone else is concerned, that area suffered a localized tremor." He glanced at his daughter. "Mara…?"

Mara was pushing a few buttons on what looked like a daily organizer, then nodded. "Daisuke and Hiroshi are back at Hiroshi's place. They have no idea they were briefly members of the army of Hell."

Mephisto turned away and began to open a slight portal. "And their contracts?"

"Terminated."

"Good," he noted with a breath of relief, "Hell has enough riffraff already…"

Mephisto and Mara filed out the portal. "So I trust we won't be seeing each other for a long time?" asked Hikaru.

Mephisto snarled. "Believe me, magician, nothing would make me happier."

-----

"Hooray for the forces of good!" cried Kagome merrily, as she polished off her banana split.

The group was enjoying a victory celebration at a local ice cream parlor.

Hikaru was halfway through his mint-chip sundae. "Agreed." He set down his spoon and smiled slightly. "You know, Kagome, I realized something today."

"What was that?" asked Kagome, scooping up a little melted ice cream at the bottom of her bowl.

"The universe might be a cruel, indifferent place," said Hikaru, "but sometimes you get to hit someone deserving with a blunt object, and that makes everything all right."

"That's the spirit, Doc!" said Kagome cheerfully, wondering if Hikaru would spring for another split.

"I don't get this," said Inu-Yasha to Miroku. "Ya wound up here six months earlier than Kagome an' me?"

"That's right," said Miroku. "I guess my being farther from the blast's source must have effected things…" He shrugged. "I was startled at first to be in the present Kagome had described to me but I… adapted." He smiled. "I've even won some small renown as a superhero. But alas, I am running low on funds, and need a place to stay."

"Don't worry, Miroku," said Kagome. "We won't let you stay on the streets."

-----

"And this is the guest room, where you'll be staying," said Hikaru calmly. Apparently he'd been a vital part of Kagome's 'we' when she'd said that. Happiness and satisfaction, it seemed, were destined to flow away him like water down a hill. "I hope you enjoy your stay here."

"Thank you," said Miroku. "I'm very grateful for your gracious hospitality."

"Don't be. It was insincere. I'm actually hoping you're hideously uncomfortable here, in retribution for your horrible imposition."

"Oh," stated Miroku. He coughed. "That's really no way to talk to a man who saved your life."

Hikaru frowned. "You didn't save my life, Miroku."

Miroku gave him an enigmatic smile. "Didn't I, Hikaru? Didn't I?"

Hikaru shook his head. "No." He glanced away dispassionately. "In fact, as I recall it, aside from handing me your staff, your only real contribution was to get creamed by the stereo-sound idiots until we showed up to save you, after which you hung around like a third-rate grifter looking for his meal ticket." Hikaru turned back and stared at Miroku pointedly. "Speaking of which, I'd like my wallet back. With all my money in it."

Miroku gulped and tossed Hikaru a black leather wallet. Hikaru flipped through it, then nodded. "Grazie." He looked back up. "Also this seems like the time to add that if any of my family's household furnishings turn up missing, you and I will have a brief discussion, after which you will probably require several major skin grafts." His parent had been too happy to provide boarding for a 'displaced manga club member' who was 'studying Buddhism' and Hikaru was not going to see that be repaid by them getting ripped off.

Miroku gave a distracted, but disarmingly calm nod. "Thank you for alerting me to that."

Hikaru shrugged. "I'm tough, but I'm fair."

Miroku set down his bags, and then began to adjust the nice suit he'd changed into before meeting Hikaru's parents. "Well, I really must be off. I've got a date."

"Good for you," nodded Hikaru absently. Anything that took Miroku away was tops in his book. "Who with?" he asked with little real interest.

"Miss Satana," replied Miroku cheerfully.

"Well, that ni—WHAT?!!"

-----

"I mean it Mara! How can you date that—that hero?" screamed Mephisto in the deepest pit of Hell, which he'd recently had refurnished.

"Well we got to talking while his partner was beating the crap out of you. He seemed nice." Mara adjusted her earrings. "Do I look all right?"

"Nice? NICE?" Mephisto bellowed. "Asking for 'nice' in a prospective demonic mate is like asking for piss in your drinking water."

Mara gave a disgusted shake of her head. "You're so old-fashioned, daddy." She looked at her reflection and put on a touch of make-up.

Mephisto grunted in anger and glanced away. "Why couldn't you go out with that nice Satannish boy? Or Belasco? He rules his own plane and makes a decent living for himself doing so!"

"DAD!" exclaimed Mara in offended tones. "Satannish and Belasco are total bores!" She smiled. "I'm young! I want to go out to someone exciting! Someone with moral ambivalence! Someone who might just try to make an honest woman out of me!"

"But do you have to go out with the associate of the man who repeatedly bludgeoned me with a staff?"

"Oh, daddy!" said Mara with an exasperated sigh, as she went back to primping.

Mephisto grumbled to himself. His pampered daughter could act like it was joke all she wanted, but the fact was he hadn't become Lord of Hell practicing 'live and let live'—he'd done it by practicing 'live and the let the other bastard suffer a thousand burning agonies'. Mephisto knew he wasn't the most powerful demon, or even the smartest, but he gotten his status in Hell by making it seem like he was. If he wanted to keep it, he'd have to retaliate for this outrage, but he also knew he didn't really have the power to attack Dr. Strange directly. He scratched his chin. It looked like it was time for the old stand-by—'wait for a moment when he's down, then show up to kick him while pretending the whole thing's your plot'. It was a cheap trick, but he'd built his career on it.

"There!" said Mara happily. "All finished!"

Mephisto's reverie was snapped back to the present situation. He glanced at his daughter concerned. "Now listen, my little sootcake, be back before 11:00, and if he tries anything—fresh, well remember that you're a Princess of Hell, and don't have to take that sort of garbage…"

Mara giggled. "Oh, daddikins…" She leaned forwards, and kissed him lightly on the cheek. "Love you!" she stated, then darted out.

"Hey!" shouted Mephisto. "What did I say about displays of affection?" He shook his fist futilely. "Don't you know what they do to me?" The Lord of Lies slumped back down on his throne. As far as he was concerned, the poets and evangelists had it all wrong. The fire and brimstone were just trappings.

Parenthood was the real hell.

-----

Nabiki walked unsteadily into her house. "Oh, Nabiki," said a concerned Kasumi. "I just heard about the accident. Are you all right?"

Nabiki blinked. She felt uneasy. It was as if two sets of memories were at war, one of which was hazy and indistinct, as if it was being taken from her. Nabiki snarled internally. It wasn't right. Someone was playing with her mind. No one was allowed to mess with her memories. The very thought made her blood boil…

She shook her head. That was insane. People didn't steal your memories. If she was thinking like that she might be going crazy, and if there was one thing Nabiki wasn't, it was crazy. Hell, she was the one sane person she knew! She was just a bit shaken from the accident, that was all.

"Yeah," she announced. "I'm fine. Just need a little sleep—that's all." And so with just a touch of unease, Nabiki Tendou went upstairs.

-----

Daisuke threw down his controller in frustration, nearly spilling the bowl of nachos set between him and Hiroshi. "Damn it, Hiroshi, that's the seventh time you beat me!"

Hiroshi gave an aristocratic sniff. "Is it my fault that you can't approach my level of vaunted skill?"

"That's because I don't play for eight hours a day!"

"I think someone's being a Grousy Gertie."

Daisuke blinked. "What the hell does that mean?"

Hiroshi shrugged. "I dunno."

"Oh, forget about this!" swore Daisuke, turning to the pile of magazines. "Now where's this nude code?"

Hiroshi thought it over. "I think it's in Video Game Maniac. Or maybe Video Game Fanatic. Or was it Video Game Zealot? No—no, I've got it—it was in Video Game Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder! I'm pretty sure that's the one."

Daisuke flipped through the magazine, frowning. In the back of his mind he felt a vague sense of loss. It was like he'd had something precious, but it had fallen just out of reach…

"Hey, Daisuke," asked Hiroshi. "You have an urge to rampage through Tokyo?"

Daisuke thought that over. "Oddly enough, yes…"

"Hmm," noted Hiroshi munching on a handful of nachos. "Must be the chips."

-----

The Emissaries of Evil made their way slowly to Elihas Starr's stateroom.

"Well guys," said Gou, "I'm really glad you got me my spare power cell…"

"Shut up," said Rei. Egghead had had to pay their bail (the whole affair would almost certainly never reach trial due to a lack of witnesses—at least witnesses who'd be willing to come forward). That would put their boss in a bad mood, and when Mr. Starr was in a bad mood, he made certain you were in a bad mood.

Rei was just having his prematurely. That Dr. Strange and his flunkies will pay for this, he thought. I swear it. "We're here boss," he announced as they entered Egghead's office.

"Come in, come in," said a calm, slightly jovial voice.

Rei stopped in his tracks. That wasn't Mr. Starr.

For a start, the voice was too high.

Also, it was a bit too happy.

And then, his boss had never seemed that fond of red.

The figure leaning back in Egghead's chair was clad in a voluminous red cloak, ending in a cowl that completely obscured its face. A half-finished glass of brandy was in its left hand, undoubtedly poured from the bottle Mr. Starr kept on his desk. On the desk's ashtray, the remains of a cigar rested.

"Gentlemen," said the mystery man, a touch amused. "Pleased to meet you." He popped open a box. "Cigars? They're quite good."

"Sure, I—" began Gou stepping forward.

Rei motioned him to stop. "Who are you? What happened to Mr. Starr?"

The man shook his head. "Questions, questions, always questions," he muttered. "No time to appreciate the finer things." He shut the box. "To answer your queries, I am called the Crimson Cowl. As to your employer—we were discussing matters and he couldn't see things my way." The Crimson Cowl spread his red-gloved hands. "You see, I happen to run my own team of super-criminals. Mine's the Masters of Evil, and well, I didn't appreciate the similarities between the names." He took a sip of brandy. "Thought it might cause confusion. Lead to all sorts of unfortunate mixups. Mr. Starr didn't quite agree with me, and lost his temper. Fell quite to pieces."

"Pieces?" said Gou, nervously.

"Yep—pieces. Arms, legs, internal organs—I'd never seen a man strewn about so." He opened a minifridge by the desk. "His head's right here, if you want to see it…"

"You killed him," whispered Gai.

The Crimson Cowl shrugged. "Well—yes." He sighed. "We're criminal masterminds. These things happen." He shut the fridge. "Now, I'm willing to offer some of you employment with my agency. Personally, I think you'll love it—Starr was using you as glorified enforcers. Stick with me, and I'll have you doing the real supervillainy." He leaned further back in his chair. "I'm talking earth-shattering stuff here…"

"YOU BASTARD!" screamed Gai, charging forwards buzzsaws blaring. This was a move he would regret the rest of his life, which was the five seconds it took for the sickle to reach his neck.

"Unfortunate," murmured Crimson Cowl, taking another sip of brandy. "Dispose of the rest."

Rei and Shin turned around immediately. In Shin's case this was to take a blast of energy straight to the head.

In Rei's it was a giant boomerang to the mid-section.

Gou immediately fell to his knees. "I-I'll work for you!" He gulped. "You could use a guy with radiation powers! I know you could!"

The Crimson Cowl rose slowly, and walked towards Gou, regarding him quietly. Reaching the cowering supervillain, he leaned forward. "Would you believe," he stated calmly, "that I turned down one just last week?" Then with one sudden motion, he snapped Cobalt Man's neck.

The Crimson Cowl walked back to the desk, refilled his glass, and lit himself another cigar. As he puffed contentedly, three figures stepped out of the shadows—two women, and one man. One of the women spoke. "We should not stay here. It is unwise to do so."

The Crimson Cowl chuckled. "Honestly. Don't you know my personal creed?" He sipped the brandy. "One should always enjoy a good glass of spirits, and a fine cigar." He took another long puff. "Ahh. Nothing burns like a Havana…"

--Next Chapter--

JINNAI: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Guess who's coming back, plebians?

HIKARU: Oh, no…

JINNAI: That's right, I'm back! And this time, Dr. Strange's going to pay for his ignoble defeat of me, which was no doubt achieved through the nefarious aid of Mizuhara! That bastard!

HIKARU: Right, right…

JINNAI: Well, this time, I'm stronger! Tougher! Better! And now I've got friends! So tune in next time to see the Frightful Four demolish Dr. Strange—and then move on to Mizuhara! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

HIKARU: Just ignore him folks—he doesn't know what he's talking about…

JINNAI: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yes, next time, the forces of evil triumph in "The Evil Alive"! Don't miss it! If you do—I'll torture you hideously! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

MIROKU: Umm, Hikaru, I thought I was going to do the end chapter preview…

HIKARU: Look, Miroku, in my mind you were damn lucky to get mentioned in the title…

----

Author's Notes

I still don't own any of these characters. Everybody I mentioned last time is owned by everyone I mentioned last time. Also—let's see, the Dark Generals are owned by Takeuchi Naoko, Mara is owned by Yusuke Fujishima, Ritsuko Fuchuu and Akamatsu Industries Limited (which should have been mentioned last chapter) are from Betterman and thus the property of whoever created that show. And to clear up another thing from last chapter—Stick and Balls are the property of JC Staff—not Rikdou, as they show up only in the Excel Saga show, not the manga.

I remember last time stating that the next chapter won't be so long. That seems like such a long time ago. My apologies, and thank you for bearing with me.