Life Will Be What It Was

By Ryoko Kashino & Kitana blade studios

Ohayo!  Yeah I got a bit of inspiration at 4 a.m. and I couldn't pass it by.  I just heard a Norah Jones song and I found out my FAVORITE band booted out a member so I was sad all day long!  Bye Dirk Lance!  All INCUBUS fans will miss you; I shed tears and hope your heart will mend and that you and the fellow incubi will remain tight with each other!  OHHHHHH MERCY THIS IS SO FREAKIN' WRONG!  Aughh here's a new chappy.  I hope y'all like it. 

Chp 8 Haunting memories

           

Spike stretched what he could given the cramped spaced in the shuttle. The flight had at least three hours till it touched earth.  A yawn took him over and he slouched down as much he could.  His view grazed lazily at the star filled black tarp.  He ignored the memories that tugged at his brain.  Spike closed the small window shade then used his coat as a blanket and drifted to sleep.

For the last month the sky pulled at your heart with its cold grayness.  Her tears soaked the land and people inhabiting Mars. Today, however, the sky brightly shone a pale blue.  Spike took in the sight and called the only person he knew would enjoy today.

The two of them walked out of the car and bathed in the sunshine.  The car was parked by a deserted beach.  Spike carried all the necessaties for the day as Julia pulled off her shoes and ran in the hot sand.  Her flowered sun dress waved in the subtle wind as laughter filled the air, at this moment everything had been perfect.  Her blond tresses flowed freely about her.  The blue of her eyes stood out more then ever against the sea in the back ground.  This was also the first time they had been without their third part.  As strange as it felt; it still felt right.

Julia dropped her tennies; Spike now stood few feet from her.  She glanced over at him and gave a sweet smile.  Together the set up camp in a mater of minutes, while twenty feet away the waves washed up on the beach slowly.  Julia reached into a bag and removed her sun block.  She sat on the blanket and applied the cream to her legs.  Spike watched, this was the first time he was going to see her in a bathing suit. 

Julia removed her sun dress while Spike peeked from the corner of his eye. Her skin reflected perfection.  Her hourglass figure screamed look at me; Spike couldn't look away either.  He'd never seen any woman look so beautiful. She started to apply the sun block to her arms and stomach. A moment later, Julia tossed the bottle at Spike hitting him in the chest.  Spike looked at the bottle then at Julia.

 "What do want me to do with this?" he asked

"Put some on my back."

Spike nodded and applied it to her back.  He could feel himself getting a little too excited.  He had no idea why this was happening.  Why was he loosing his cool?  This is Julia. We both work for the syndicate.  We've killed people without thinking twice.  I tell her stories and crude jokes.  Why am I feeling like a teenager?, he thought.

"Thanks."

Julia's sudden words shook him from his thoughts.  Spike could still feel his over excitement. He ripped off his shirt stood up and ran for the water.  The freezing ocean water relaxed him.  He floated in the water and looked to see Julia lying on the blanket.  She looked up and waved. Spike raised his hand in response only as his mind filled of images of her clinging to him.  He shook his head and began to swim back and forth; tire yourself out, he told himself.  Maybe this would stop his imagination. 

The beach began to fill as the hours passed.  Spike removed himself from the water.  His plan hadn't worked.  The more he saw her the more his mind worked.  He groaned in agony as he slowly came closer to the blanket.  Julia was now baking her back.  He took his place next to her, but before lying down he shook his wet curls over her.  Julia screamed and flipped around cursing him.  Spike laughed and let the sun dry him.  He looked at his watch; the face read 5:30. They had started out late but it didn't matter, he was still enjoying himself. 

Julia sat up and reached for the rectangle picnic basket.  She set up the meal.  Spike ate while watching the people around him.  The silence was broken by a question he'd never been asked, "Do you ever think you'll get married?"

Spike nearly choked on his sandwich, "What!?!"

"Oh, was that too personal?"

"Not really, do you wanna apply for the position?" he joked.

"I'm serious, can you picture yourself married?"

"I dunno, I never thought of it."

"Oh."

Spike could tell that she wanted him to ask her if she did, "What about you?"

"Yeah, of course every girl does."

"Even those who kill for a living?"

Julia tilted her head and threw a dagger at Spike with her eyes.  He chuckled and took a bite of his sandwich.

"Are you planning to be a bachelor for the rest of your life?" Julia asked with a hint of teasing in her voice.

"I don't think I'll live that long. So, I think marrying some poor girl to leave her husbandless would be a little cruel."

"I guess it would."

"Why? Did someone ask you? Or are you in love or something?" Spike asked as he sat there shoveling potato salad into his mouth.

"I'm sorry.  Forget it."

"No, c'mon tell me."

Julia hesitated; her face showed there was something to tell but her mouth stayed shut. She shook her head, "Just never mind.  It was a silly question."

"Hey, if I am the closest thing you have to a confession booth, go for it.  Who am I gonna tell?"

Julia looked at him.  Her face didn't hide the fact she was weighing the option to have some one to confide in. Spike looked at her eyes; he was curious now.  He needed to know.  After a few minutes of silence Spike shrugged his shoulders, "Whatever, keep your secret but if you do need to tell someone, I'll listen."

Spike returned to his meal occasionally looking up to see Julia eating but her face looked a bit blank.  His mind filled with images of her with a faceless man.  He was jealous.  Who the fuck was he? Why was he making her so upset? I'll kill the son of a bitch bastard, he told himself.

Spike took a sip of his drink and reached into his shirt pocket to grab a cigarette.  As he took a long drag Julia stood up putting on her sun dress. 

"Let's pack up and then go for a walk?" she suggested.

"A walk? Where?"

"Just along the edge of the water, remember I didn't do an impression of a fish today that was you."

Spike rolled his eyes but did as she wished.  The sun began to set and the sky filled with beautiful hues of red, pink and orange.  The clouds lurked about in the distance like a lazy cat sleeping the day away.  Julia carried her shoes and let her toes get tickled by the cool ocean water.  A small breeze passed by as they walked.  Spike trailed a few feet behind Julia.  She had stopped moving as did he.  Her gaze looked upon the horizon, she took a deep breath and spoke, "I am in love, but I know he doesn't love me."

Spike looked at the sand below his feet and dug his toes into the soft wet sand as a wave swept over them, "How do you know he doesn't love you?"

Julia looked over at him and smiled sadly, "His love is power and money.  I am just someone he sleeps with."

"He's a fool."

 A sullen chuckle escaped Julia. She again tried to smile sincerely at Spike.  His face was serious.  That caught Julia off guard.  This had been a side she'd never seen of him. Spike had always been the happy go lucky fool.  The only time he was remotely serious was when they worked.  It had always been hard for her to keep cold hard facade when they worked. Only now as she spoke of the love that couldn't be hers was he so serious.  Odd, she thought.  Julia returned her view back to the ocean waves. 

Spike looked around and saw only a few other couples on the small beach.  All seemed to be enveloped in watching the horizon.  He looked out but this was the same horizon he'd seen all his life.  Really it didn't seem so captivating. Julia's head turned to look at Spike she then signaled to him to come closer; he did so. She reached out and clasped his hand in hers.  He looked at her unsure of what to do. A simple smile crossed her face.  Spike felt odd.  His stomach felt like a hundred butter flies had begun to flutter. His knees felt weak.  He could smell the sweetness of her sun block mix with the light ocean breeze.  Spike let go of her hand then placed his hands upon her shoulders, Julia turned slightly to face him.

Julia looked up into his eyes questioning him without a word.  Before Spike realized what he was doing his hands raised to cup Julia's face.  Julia dropped her shoes in the passing wave as Spike placed a small sweet kiss on her lips. 

Their lips held on to each other for only a second but it was enough to send a spark through Spike's being. His face slowly moved away from hers.  Their eyes searched each others for an answer. 

"I'm sorry." came out as whisper from Spike.

"Don't be. Let's just go."

The ride back to Julia's apartment was silent.  Spike parked the car right in front of her building's stoop.  He kept his eyes forward as Julia began to exit the car.  Before she closed the car door she spoke, "Spike, can you come up for a minute?"

"I don't think that would be a good idea."

"But I do."

Spike jolted awake from his dream. His head whipped around and his feet pushed him up from his slouching position.  He rubbed his face and lifted the window shade.  In his view passed the yellow beams of gate travel. He felt his heart calling for her.  There was no way he'd ever be able to fill that craving deep within. 

"Julia," he whispered, "how could you leave me behind again?"