Defending

by David Dee

Set in DB Sommer's "Avenging" universe. The world's strangest sort-of team of kind of superheroes is not really gathered, under the quasi- leadership of Dr. Strange aka Hikaru Gosunkugi . With so many parentheses, it has to be good!

8. Masters of War

"You see, Mr. Matsui, I'm an old-fashioned negotiator," noted the Crimson Cowl, stepping over the desiccated corpses of the yakuza boss's bodyguards. "Medieval style, actually. Kill them all, and let God sort them out, that's my motto." The Cowl spread his arms gracefully. "Do realize a bishop said that? I kid you not. A bishop!"

Aikage Matsui spat on the floor before the Cowl. "You're a monster."

"What? For agreeing with a pious and devout bishop?" The Crimson Cowl sighed. "This is truly a sad and misguided world." He glanced sharply at Matsui. "Don't even think about picking up your gun. I like this conversation we're having, but you know, I like lots of things I have no problem destroying if it becomes necessary. I'm eerily practically in that fashion." He glanced at his underlings. "Oddball! Powderkeg! Everything okay?"

"Just fine," noted the juggler idly.

"Yep," said the short redhead with a flamethrower on her back. "Everything's copasetic, boss!" She gave him a thumbs-up, then turned back to the bodyguard at her feet, lighting another match.

The Cowl turned to Matsui. "You see you have to communicate with your underlings—work up a bond. Make sure you understand their hopes and dreams." Matsui's bodyguard made a dull scream. "Then—and only then—can you be called a leader."

Matsui turned away. "Why are you people torturing me like this?"

The Crimson Cowl slammed his hands on Matsui's desk. "Because we're the Masters of Evil! Do you think the name's an exaggeration? I have brought together some of the most thoroughly vicious criminals I could find, criminals who even push the limits of humanity, and I have done it so we can push further! We are torturing you because we like it and because you made the great mistake of not doing what we wanted you to when we wanted you to." The Cowl waved a finger admonishingly. "That was stupid of you, I feel obligated to point out."

Matsui gulped. "Y-you can't do this to me! Do you know who I am? I am Aikage Matsui, and I will not be mocked by a costumed-wearing freak..."

The Cowl's hand darted forward and grabbed Matsui by the throat. "I think you'll find lots of things you always thought wouldn't happen—are going to happen. It's a changing world, my friend, and your kind just moved a notch down the food chain." He yanked Matsui up towards him. "Now—where is the ring?"

Matsui shut his eyes. "Go—go to hell."

The Crimson Cowl gave a compassionate sigh. "Wrong answer." He yanked Matsui over his desk, and then smashed him into the window. "You see, I'm very sensitive about how people answer my questions. A wrong answer—it hurts my feelings. Gets me all out of sorts. I don't like that. Hope you understand." He glanced at Matsui's cringing form. "Hmm. You didn't go through. .."

"I-it's plexiglass," whimpered Matsui. "It doesn't break."

"Everything breaks," drawled the Cowl. "Just some things take a little more time and effort." He rammed Matsui into the window again. "Allow me to demonstrate."

It took the Cowl seven tries to finally get Matsui through.

"There," said the supervillain cheerfully. "Just proved my point." He glanced down. "My goodness—that is a long fall. Now, let's get back to our discussion. The ring. Its location. Now."

"Yea—ya—err—ahh…" stated Matsui.

"I know," said the Cowl. "You're thinking 'he's going to drop me', right? The truth is—I might. I haven't decided yet. I like to think things through. I'm a very deliberate man. But I must remind you, Mr. Matsui, there are two things you can do. You can give me reasons not to drop you, or you can give me reasons to drop you." The Cowl gave a good-humored shake of his head. "It's all in your ballpark."

Matsui shut his eyes, panicked tears running from their corners. "Behind the picture. There's a safe. The combination is—"

"Irrelevant." The Cowl glanced to the side. "Moonstone! Attend to this matter." The pale girl in the corner floated over to the safe. "So," said the Cowl slowly, an almost sensual tone to his voice. "You broke. Just like I knew you would. A typical yakuza. No art. No will. Just greed, and the ability to lean on people weaker than you are. How pathetic." He pulled Matsui forward. "It's about time for you to be put out of your misery—and we've come to do it! The heirs to Zemo—to Moriarty—to Fantomas—to Vep! Men and women who accepted no laws—no rules, but their own undeniable wills! True men! Not pathetic cowardly thugs like you! Dear god, you make me sick, you heap of human refuse, I find breathing the same air as you to be an insult…" He glanced to the side. "Moonstone. Have you got the ring?"

"Yes," replied Moonstone. "Some time ago."

"Ahh. Good," said the Cowl calmly. He released Matsui. "I really wish you'd mention things like that without my asking you, Moonstone. This air of utter servility you assume is very irritating."

Powderkeg stared at the Cowl. "You just sent that man falling towards a horrible death with the utter casualness of a man crushing a fly."

The Cowl turned to her. "That's right. Anything you want to say to me about that?"

Powderkeg pouted. "Well, I was hoping to burn him is all…"

The Cowl stared at her for a moment, then tussled her hair. "You're a sweet child." He glanced over at Moonstone. "The ring, please."

As Moonstone handed her employer the ring, Oddball sniffed the air distastefully. "What's that smell?"

"Mr. Matsui I believe," the Crimson Cowl said abstractly. "He seems to have messed his pants during our discussion, and the smell is lingering." The Cowl gave a distracted look out the window, then shook his head. "As he, it seems, is not. Dead on impact. What a way to go." The Cowl spread his hands to the heavens. "When I see the transience of human life, sometimes, it makes me weep." He turned and headed to the door. "Let's get going then."

"See, I'm not getting a chance to burn the building, so I figured I'd get him as—what do you call it—compensation!" noted Powderkeg to Oddball.

The Cowl glanced at the jagged purple gem in the ring's center. "So few left to gather…"

-----

Hikaru Gosunkugi woke up with a start, his body drenched in a cold sweat. He took a few deep breaths, then shook his head. "Damn. There goes another one…"

-----

Defending

Chapter 8—Masters of War

An "Avenging" Spinoff

David Dee

-----

"Hi-YAAA!"

Inu-Yasha raised Tetsaiga panting. He readied it, then slashed down with as much strength as he could muster.

"Hi-YAAA!"

"Do you have to keep doing that, darling?" asked Lum, glancing up from her sunbathing. "You've been at it for three hours now, and it's getting weally, weally boring…." She pouted at him.

Inu-Yasha glared at her. "First, don't call me darlin'. Second, I've got to keep practicin' cause I'm gettin' to be a joke."

Kagome glanced up at him, as Kilala curled around her shoulders. "She does have a point, Inu-Yasha. You're pressing yourself kinda hard." She shook her head. "Anyway, you're no joke…"

Inu-Yasha stared at her. "Name the last time I beat a top-rung villain…"

Kagome blinked then coughed. "You—took out the Wal—"

"I thought we both agreed that we were never goin' to mention that guy again!" shouted the half-demon.

"Umm—right." She glanced away. "Well—you took out twenty—no wait, thirty of those HYDRA goons last week…"

"Small-fry. That's all I can handle these days." A frown came over his face. "Let's be honest—if this is group's gotta weak link, it's me…"

"Hey, Miroku's generally does worse than you!" said Kagome cheerfully. She laughed slightly. "Well, except for those times when he's saved you. Like when you got yourself surrounded by those angry lava people…"

"I REMEMBER WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ME WITHOUT YA HELPIN' ME!" screamed Inu-Yasha. He took a deep breath. "It wasn't so bad before. I told myself I was the muscle, that I was supposed to take the hits, but these days…" He frowned. "I gotta get better. And practicin' is the only way to do it."

Lum sighed. "Oh, darling, you're being foolish. So you're a joke as a fighter, a bold fool who goes in and gets the floor mopped with him, over and over. So what? That's what I love about ya!" She leapt up, wrapped her arms around him, and pinched his cheek. "That silly, willy ol' spark of foolish pride! I wuv my widdle darling, yes I do!"

Inu-Yasha glared at her. "Let go of my face, or I'll chop off yer hand."

Lum laughed. "No you won't, darling. You love me, and anyway, I'd smash you utterly you ever tried." She rested her head on his shoulder, and cooed.

Inu-Yasha stared grimly ahead, and readied his sword, then slashed down. "Hi-YAAA!"

Lum pouted and walked away. "Fine, be like that." She went back to her sunbathing. "But I'll have you know that's the last offer to make out you'll get from me for—oh, the next twenty minutes or so…"

Kagome glared at her briefly, then glanced at Inu-Yasha earnestly. "Look, I know what this is about. It's what Yandroth said. Cheer up—he was just being an evil dobblegunker, like Hikaru said. You shouldn't care about what he says to you…"

"Except that he was right," said Inu-Yasha raising his sword once again.

"But—look, nothing's changed," offered Kagome. "I mean, yeah, Hikaru can beat you, but he always could and you always knew it, so everything's exactly like it always was."

Inu-Yasha glared at her. "Well, I don't like it that way, so I'm changin' it. Understand?" He glanced back at his sword. "Hi-YAAA!"

Lum looked at Kagome, confidentially. "Umm—look, you've known darling longer, so maybe you can tell me—what does he think this will do?"

Kagome sighed. "I honestly have no idea."

Inu-Yasha glared at her. "The Wind Scar technique…"

Kagome slapped her forehead. "That's right, that super move that you managed to use once, and haven't been able to duplicate since." She smiled nervously at him. "So, how's it going?"

Inu-Yasha frowned. "Not good."

-----

"Are you sure this is a good idea?"

Hikaru glanced at Miroku. "Of course not. I have no idea what a good idea actually entails these days. My entire sense of what the sensible course of action is has been demolished by entering a shadow universe where the laws of common sense and logic fall before impulse, luck, and deus ex machina. But my idea of what's a bad idea is unimpaired. Letting these evil bastards run around and continue this murderous little crime spree—that's a bad idea. Which is why we're not doing it. We're going to chase down this narrow little lead, and see if it goes anywhere." He walked towards the slightly rundown building with the sign that said 'The Better Path'. Nadia stared at the building oddly. Hikaru glanced back at her. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head. "It's nothing. Just a—headache."

Hikaru nodded, a touch of cynicism in his expression. "Well, then let's take care of this then. If we're lucky, we'll have a lead when we come out. If we're unlucky, we'll just have some of those annoying pamphlets they pass out…" The group walked into the building.

'The Better Path' was simple place, little more than a large room with a number of cots in it. Most of them were filled by people in ragged clothing, either sleeping, or in a drunken stupor. The difference between the two states was often difficult to detect. The handful of cots that were empty were being made by a tiny staff—two or three people, busily cleaning and straightening things. Hikaru approached a short blonde who was in the middle of changing sheets. "Hello there, I'm looking for Maron…"

The blonde glanced at him coldly. Her face had deep lines that seemed oddly premature, making it impossible to guess her age. "You've found me. Now, what do you want, and why are you wearing a freaky big cape?"

Hikaru blinked. "Umm, yes, well, I'm Dr. Strange, and—" He coughed slightly. "I thought you were the manager of this place?"

"I am," answered Maron darkly. "But there isn't much to manage, so I usually wind up doing a lot of the work here myself." She stared at him oddly. "But let's see—Dr. Strange." She smiled slightly. Hikaru, despite himself, noted she was missing a front tooth. "I've heard of you."

"Really?" began Hikaru hopefully. "Because I really need—"

"You put five of my clients in the jailhouse last week," she noted clinically. "Except for Toru. He wound up in the hospital."

Hikaru's eyes narrowed. "I believe I know the individuals in question. They were in the employ of a fellow who called himself Shocker. He was trying to rob a bank. Nearly succeeded."

Maron stared back at him levelly. "They're wetheads, Doctor. They'll do anything if they see a chance for a bottle of malt liquor on the other side of it."

"Including drawing guns?" said Hikaru sharply. "Because that's what Mr. Toru did."

"And so it was all right for you to cause him bodily injury." Maron nodded. "Thanks for making your views on the subject clear."

"Actually, Dr. Strange is one of the reasons he's in the hospital instead of the morgue," stated Nadia lightly. "He helped—restrain Captain Oni, an ally of ours who takes a rather formal view of fights where weapons are drawn."

Maron stared at Nadia for a moment. "Have we—?"

Nadia glanced away. "I would have no idea whether we've met or not. I wasn't in—the best possession of my faculties until recently."
"Right." Maron glanced the group over. "Look, I know what you're thinking—I'm just another civvie giving you shit." She shook her head. "The truth is, I used to walk the gilded path of superheroism myself." She glanced away. "Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne. League of Magical Girls, founding member…"

Hikaru blinked, and stared at her in surprise. "What the hell happened to you?" He shook his head. "I'm sorry, but—I remember the League. Vaguely. You guys were popular, well-loved, had your own merchandising chain. And now I've met two of you, and you're both…umm, well…"

"Drunken has-beens?" chuckled Maron. "Well, I think what got most of us was that Japan's fondness for Magical Girls tends to fade when they become Magical Women." She frowned. "Also, in my personal case, all I can say is when a guy claims to have been involved with you in another life, you should realize that if it didn't work then it probably won't work now…"

Hikaru looked away awkwardly. "You know—you guys saved the world once…"

"So they tell me," said Maron, glancing over the crowded hall. "I have my doubts."

Hikaru coughed. Maron took a deep breath. "Look—I know you think what you're doing is important, but in the long run stopping people while they're breaking the law just cures the symptoms. Me, I work on the disease."

Hikaru took a deep breath. "Look, we're on the same side when you get down to it…"

"I don't know what gives you that idea," said Maron.

"Malachite and Zoisite sent us," said Miroku.

Maron glanced over at him. "You must be Miroku. They talk about you a lot."

Miroku bowed. "I'm honored…

"Yep. Say I should trust you about as far as I can throw you," Maron noted cheerfully. "Said that you're the sort of guy, who if his own mother was on his fire, would charge her for water."

Miroku glared at her. "Oh, I'd make an exception for my own mother!" he noted in offended tones.

Hikaru slumped forward, and covered his face with his hands. "All right. You win. Don't tell us about the Masters of Evil."

Maron glanced at him. "Did you just say 'Masters of Evil'?"

Hikaru shook his head. "No, I said, 'don't tell us about the Masters of Evil'. That's a complete sentence. If I'd just said 'Masters of Evil' it would have been sentence fragment."

Maron glanced at him. "Has anyone ever told you you're an asshole?"

"Quite a few people actually," noted Hikaru. "I try not to let it ruin my disposition."

Maron sighed. "Like it needs any help." She shook her head, and turned away. "Follow me." She walked towards the back of the shelter, heading towards a small office. The others went after her.

As he walked into the room, Hikaru noted it was filled with a clutter of papers and boxes. Maron shuffled through the papers idly. "You have to understand—I try to avoid judging my clients. What they tell me generally stays with me. It's the only way I can make them feel safe enough to keep coming to me."

"How magnanimous," said Nadia quietly.

Maron glanced at her. "It's no real challenge. I've done a lot I'm not proud of." She gestured to a pin her collar. "Sober one year now. It'd be three, but last year, I had a bad week, and had to start from scratch."

Hikaru coughed. "I'm surprised you haven't tried to get Ms. Power to go to them."

Maron shrugged, and went back to looking through the papers. "I have, but Saori was never good friends with the rest of us, and doesn't always have access to a phone." She sighed. "Plus, do you know how many ex-Leaguers I've tried to drag to meetings? About the only ones I can think of without substance abuse problems are Chacha—that cult she's in frowns on that sort of stuff—and maybe Pretty Sammy, who has fallen off the face of the Earth, and whose habits, thus, I can't confirm." She glanced at Nadia again. "I remember you now. You stayed for—almost a week, last month."

Nadia frowned. "Well, I'm glad I can account for at least part of my whereabouts at the time now."

Maron stared at her. "A man came by the week after you left, with a picture of you. Said he was your uncle. Didn't really look it though. So I told him I hadn't seen you. Good call?"

"Sounds it," answered Nadia distractedly.

"I thought so." She opened a folder that was filled to overflowing, and pulled out a pair of files. "Ahh! Here they are!" She turned to Hikaru. "Now, like I was saying, I try not to judge my clients, but sometimes, they don't give me much choice in the matter." She handed the files to Hikaru. "Sugeru Teshigawara and Hayato Myojin. A couple of grade-A creeps from my group therapy sessions. Both were able to dodge actual criminal sentences thanks to outside influence, both were insufferable, and both found the other to be the only person in the group who'd actually get along with them. Teshigawara dropped out several weeks ago, and shortly thereafter, Hayato started hinting that he'd been considered for membership in a criminal syndicate called… 'The Masters of Evil'. I admit I was worried, but Hayato—well, he's odd, so I didn't give it a lot of thought." She glanced at Hikaru quietly. "So—they really do exist, eh?"

"Unfortunately—yes," muttered Hikaru. "And they're actually fairly unpleasant."

Maron nodded. "Right. Well, you got what you came here for. Now leave. And don't expect any repeats. I'm not a stool pigeon, and if all the cape and cowl brigade start hitting me up for information, it'll probably chase away all my clients."

"Umm—yes—I see…" Hikaru coughed nervously. He glanced at the others. "Well, then—we'll get going." Nadia and Miroku quickly walked out of the office. Hikaru glanced around awkwardly, then reached idly into his pocket, pulled something from it, then dropped it to the floor. "Well, I'll be going. Thank you for your information." He patted his pockets idly. "And, oh, my, I seem to have lost a surprisingly large amount of yen. Oh, well, I've no doubt if you find it you'll put it to good use."

Maron stared at him quietly. "It's on the floor behind."

"Like I said, I've no doubt if you find it, you'll put it to good use," noted Hikaru loudly.

Maron blinked. "I see." She began to straighten up papers. "You are a strange little man, you know that?"

"I'm vaguely aware of my condition, yes." Hikaru walked away. "And please don't let this get out—I'm trying to get a reputation as a hardass, and I don't know if it's quite taking." He paused suddenly. "Umm—by the way—do you know why Mr. Myojin is wearing an Octopus mask?"

-----

"Vengeance!" shouted Hayato Myojin. "Vengeance shall be mine! When I defeat that virago I will purge the stain on my honor and will be able to show my face again with pride!"

"That's very nice, Hayato," muttered Gypsy Moth quietly, his voice slightly muffled by the handkerchief he'd placed over his mouth. "Now please be quiet."

"For the last time—when I am undertaking acts of villainy, I am—Dr. Octopus!" said Hayato loudly. He crossed his arms in frustration. "Will none give me the respect I deserve?"

Man-Killer shuddered slightly. "He's kept this up for the last hour…"

Oddball nodded. "We can't fault his enthusiasm, I'll say that much." He coughed. "Is your friend coming here soon?"

"Pfft! She's not my friend. Just somebody who works for her." Man-Killer sighed. "It turns out all my old crowd from school have become villainous capitalists and evil masterminds who frown on muscle work." She sniffed slightly. "I tell you—you think you know someone all through school, then you begin a quest for vengeance and boom! You discover what they're really like!"

Powderkeg nodded. "I know exactly what you mean. When I gave up my previous career ambitions for arson—well, I discovered who my real friends were!"

Man-Killer blinked. "Previous career ambitions?"

Powderkeg smiled. "I was interested in becoming a seeing-eye dog trainer. Then one magic day, I realized that I had never tried burning down a house before. Well, I did it, and from that moment, I was hooked. Four years and many complicated surgical operations and genetic modifications later, and I can safely say I made the right choice." She sighed. "Of course, my parents weren't happy, but they saw the light. Literally!" Powderkeg chuckled fondly. "One of my better works, that one…"

Man-Killer glanced at her companion nervously. "Umm—yeah—I'm real happy for you…"

Gypsy Moth sighed. "Fantastic. Not only am I out here in this slum, being exposed to God knows what kinds of bacteria, but I have to listen to the rantings of a deluded street performer."

"Hey, don't knock a career in the Circus of Crime," said Powderkeg severely. "A lot of good villains got their start there! Hell, the skills I learned as the Fire-Breather really helped me work with others without immediately setting them on fire." She shook her head. "You won't believe the problems I had with that…" She smiled at Gypsy Moth. "I mean, really, you won't. So—what was your power again?"

Gypsy Moth had a sudden coughing fit.

A taxi (riding strangely low on one side) drove up to the curb near the abandoned building they were staying in. Its passenger exited with a clank, then turned to the driver. "And if ya say a word about this—yer freakin' dead! I personally will come after ya, rip out yer lungs, and use yer intestines as dental floss!" As the group watched, the cabbie nervously nodded, then drove away. "Hey!" shouted the supervillain. "Ya forgot yer fee, ya dumb bastard!"

Gypsy Moth slapped his forehead. "Oh, just what we need—another menstrual female with superstrength."

"What was that?" muttered Man-Killer, cracking her knuckles.

Gypsy Moth glared at her. "I said, 'another—"

A billiard ball hit the wall near his head. "I think we all agree this discussion's gone as far as it needs to," noted Oddball quietly.

The door opened just as the pair started to walk away from each other with sullen glances. "Wazzup, losers?" said the latest recruit. "The names Karinka, but you can call me—MOLTEN MAID!"

The Masters of Evil glanced over the metallic-skinned girl in the skimpy outfit. "All right," began Powderkeg. "I get the 'maid' part, but the molten…"

Karinka glared at the short redhead. "My skin! My skin!" She tapped her arm with her finger, producing an audible ping. "My skin is molten metal!"

Powderkeg laughed and shook her head. "No, no, if it were molten, it would be melted." She snapped her fingers, producing a spark, and pressed the trigger of her flamethrower. "I can help you with that."

Oddball glanced at her harshly. "Powderkeg…"

Powderkeg slapped her forehead. "Oh, right, I'm doing it again…" She chuckled. "Oh, well. You know how hard it is to break a habit…"

Karinka stared at her, then glanced over at Hayato. "Are all of you this screwy?"

"Speak more respectfully when you speak to—DR. OCTOPUS!"

Karinka nodded. "Okay. Right." She glanced. "Why don't ya take me to this Cowl person now, and we all don't talk to each other?"

Oddball nodded. "That sounds like an excellent idea."

-----

Hikaru and Nadia headed into the large hotel. "So, once more," said Nadia, "why are we doing this?"

"For the same reason Miroku is checking out those addresses," said Hikaru, adjusting his cloak. "We need a lead. This is a place where the Masters of Evil struck, and it might give us one." He looked at the overwrought engravings on the walls, which suffered from a surfeit of cherubs. "Trust me, I'm not overjoyed about visiting a yakuza hotel myself…" He shuddered slightly. "Just remember, whatever you do, be inordinately polite to anybody with an exceedingly elaborate lapel pin." He glanced at the front desk, where the concierge was making out with a blonde chambermaid. "Lovely service, here," he snarled. "It really completes the overall experience." He thumped his fist against the desk bell, causing it to emit a harsh, jangling ring. The concierge and maid turned around, leaving off their frantic necking.

Hikaru stared at them stunned.

Katsuhiko Jinnai and Excel stared back at him, stunned. "D-Doctor Strange…" stuttered Jinnai nervously.

"Napster," noted Hikaru quietly.

"It's TRAPSTER!" Jinnai froze. "—Is doubtless what that daring rogue would tell you." He gulped.

Hikaru sighed. "You do realize I recognize, don't you, Flapjack?" He glanced at the blonde. "You too, Excel."

Excel blinked in badly feigned dismay. "Why, whatever do you mean? I am the innocent chambermaid Convoy Butterfly, not the supercool embodiment of electricity Excel."

"Of course not," muttered Hikaru.

"That's right! Definitely not her! Oh, sure, we look exactly alike, and both possess the same electricity powers, but we aren't the same person! We might live in the same building—the same apartment even—and occupy the same physical space, but we aren't the same person!" She blinked frantically. "Not at all! Nope! Different people!"

Jinnai glared at her bitterly. "You really should have quit while you were ahead."

"That would have entailed staying bed today," said Hikaru with a slight sigh.

"Whoa—he obviously doesn't know what our apartment's like," noted Excel.

"If you would just get rid of that damn dog, like I keep asking you to, the smell would go away," muttered Jinnai savagely.

"Ohh, but Menchi's heart would be broken," Excel cooed. "And what would we use for our emergency food rations? I mean that case of instant ramen you brought with you is running out, and I don't think I want to have bread crusts every night, even though that pudding you make out of them is damn good, though I don't particularly care for the soup…"

Jinnai glanced at the exasperated Hikaru, and clearly amused Nadia, then back at Excel. "We can talk about this later." He took a formal stance. "Now, how may I help you two?"

"We need to know what room Aikage Matsui was staying in…" began Hikaru.

Jinnai crossed his arms. "I am not allowed to divulge our guests' room without either their permission, or official notification." He smiled slightly. "Now, as I know you don't have Mr. Matsui's permission, and I am reasonably certain you are not affiliated with the police, you can go to hell." He turned to Excel, grinning. "HAHAHAHAHAHA! Did you just see that? I just foiled him—WITH LAW! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Only you, Lord Trapster, possess a criminal mind so devious that it would even use petty bureaucracy to further your ends!" shouted Excel admiringly.

"Damn straight, Excel!" snickered Jinnai.

Hikaru shook his head. "I think you can make an exception in my case."

"And why should I, after the figuratively libelous statements you have made, identifying me as the master of stickiness, the Trapster?" said Jinnai.

"Because, sidestepping the entire supervillain angle, I am prepared to tell your supervisor that you were making out on the job," said Hikaru in a low voice.

Jinnai blinked. "Umm—we weren't making out…"

"Right!" chirped Excel. "We were undertaking our mandatory seduction lessons!"

Hikaru shut his eyes. "And why do hotel staff need seduction lessons, pray tell?

Excel gulped. "For… tips?"

There was utter silence for a moment. Finally, Jinnai handed Hikaru a key. "Mr. Matsui was staying in room 9F. It's the first door on the left-side of the hall when you get out of the elevator."

Hikaru took the key and nodded, then headed away. Nadia glanced at Jinnai and Excel, chuckled, then followed him. "Have a nice day!" shouted Jinnai as he watched the pair head into the elevator. As soon as the door slid closed, he turned to Excel. "Do you know what this means?"

Excel blinked. "Maybe, but why don't you just tell me so I can emphatically agree with you?"

"Makoto Mizuhara is on to us!"

"Damn that wily scoundrel!" yelled Excel, pounding her fist on the desk.

"And so," said Jinnai darkly, "there is only one thing we can do—SPEED UP THE SEDUCTION LESSONS!"

Excel began to unbutton her blouse. "On it! Roger!"

Jinnai brought out a small sign that read 'Back in fifteen minutes', then began to shrug off his vest "Let's try to make this quick. I don't want our new employers to think we're unpunctual."

"Right," said Excel, unzipping her pants. "We don't want to repeat the pizza parlor incident…"

-----

"I see a lot of stupid kids being born from that pairing," groused Hikaru as the elevator took them to the ninth floor.

"You know the nuttiest people, Hikaru," chuckled Nadia.

"Naturally. I know you, don't I?"

Nadia frowned. "You know, I sometimes think you don't know quite how to address a woman who can bend your spine like a Silly Putty."

"It involves safe words, doesn't it?" said Hikaru.

Nadia's eyes narrowed. "You're fortunate I'm a pacifist, you do realize that?"

"A pacifist who has apparently trained in most fighting styles, and possesses a surprisingly large knowledge of combat tactics," said Hikaru.

"What's your point?" snapped Nadia.

"I just find it a little odd."

"Well, it's not like I'm an absolute pacifist," said Nadia with a shrug. "I don't deny that violence is occasionally a necessary course in this imperfect world, and thus I prepare for it as best I can." She turned away. "Honestly, you're worse than my mother. I always told her she was too idealistic, but…" Nadia voice caught in her throat.

Hikaru blinked. "You just—"

"—Remembered something," said Nadia, a slight sob in her words. "But—it's gone. All that's left are a few vague facts…" She glanced down at the floor, as the elevator's door opened. "That happens sometimes. I remember some little aspect of my past for a moment and then—it vanishes…"

"I'm sorry, Nadia," said Hikaru.

"Let's just get on with this," said the Sub-Mariner sharply.

Hikaru nodded. "Right." He turned to the door labeled '9F' and unlocked it. He glanced around the ruined executive suite. "So—let's find some clues…"

Nadia watched as Hikaru walked into the middle of the room, sat on the floor, assumed the lotus position, then shut his eyes. After a minute, she coughed lightly. "So—Hikaru—how is this—looking for clues?"

"I am scanning the area for psychic impressions, past events, magical auras…"

Nadia nodded. "And what am I supposed to do?"

Hikaru's eyes snapped open. "Ummm… well, you can—look around at—stuff and—the like…"

Nadia crossed her arms. "You don't really have anything for me to do, do you?"

"To be honest, it was more a favor to separate you from Miroku," said Hikaru with just a dash of exasperation.

"Oh, Miroku gets along fine with me." Nadia shook her head. "I've managed to convince him that any unwarranted advances on his part will result in amazing unimaginable pain, and since then we've been like that." She snapped her fingers.

Hikaru nodded. "I'm happy for you. Now, how about you just keep an eye out for onlookers? I do not want to be seen kneeling in tattered room."

Nadia took a deep breath. "Would you at least admit that you asked me along because you wanted company?"

"I admit no such thing," said Hikaru airily. "In fact, I am highly resistant to admissions of all kinds. I wasn't there, officer, and even if I was, there's no way you can prove that I was the one with the bicycle pump."

Nadia stared at him a moment, then turned away, and began to sort through the rubble. "You know, I'm just going to stop having this conversation with you."

"A wise and praiseworthy decision," agreed Hikaru, shutting his eyes.

Nadia picked up a book and began to leaf through it. "Hikaru—why would you buy a book that consisted completely of blank pages?"

"If you were a crimelord with deep-seated insecurity about your own intelligence, and desired to come across as a cultured man, you'd buy a huge amount of them, and then pretend they were real books," said Hikaru quietly. "Also, you'd make references to books you've never read, and plays and movies you've never seen. And you'd smoke flavored cigarettes. Especially licorice."

Nadia blinked. "You picked all that up by going into a trance?"

Hikaru nodded. "Except for the cigarettes. There's a package of them next to the ashtray on the desk."

Nadia picked up the package idly, then glanced at him. "Is there a reason we had to be here to do this? A reason you couldn't do this in the comfort of your own room?"

Hikaru's eyes snapped open. "The hand that strikes is not the heart that plans. Look to the darkness for the father. What is desired is not what is taken."

Nadia stared at him a moment, then coughed. "Hikaru—are you having another of your—episodes?"

"My episodes?" Hikaru frowned. "What episodes?"

"The others have mentioned—occasions where you—blanked out due to spells you had cast earlier," said Nadia concernedly. "They're—a bit worried, actually."

"I'm fine," said Hikaru. "That was just the last thing I got when I tried to find out what the Crimson Cowl was planning with a spell. Divination is useless for details unless you're on the spot or have some sort of—well, physical link to the subject." He coughed slightly. "Which is why I haven't found out who it is that wiped your mind and apparently has a contract on you. If you're wondering."

"I admit that's crossed my mind occasionally," said Nadia absently.

Hikaru took a deep breath. "Well, now you know."

"And knowing is half the battle," she added on lightly.

Hikaru's eyes snapped open. He shot her a dark look. "Why'd you say that?"

Nadia blinked. "It was on a—show I used to watch. I don't remember the name…" She looked around awkwardly, then picked up a small picture on Matsui's desk, which she began to study nervously.

"Please never say anything like that in my presence again," said Hikaru sharply. "I heard my entire share of clichés during my apprenticeship, and really don't want to acquire an excess…"

"Your trance not going well?" asked Nadia quietly.

"Not particularly…" Hikaru stood up and leaned despairingly over the desk. "I don't know exactly what it is the Cowl does, but he's swept the area clean of any impressions he might have left."

Nadia sighed. "So this was a pointless endeavor."

"Pretty much," said Hikaru slowly, righting himself with a slightly resigned air.

She turned the picture towards him. "Any idea who these people are?"

Hikaru glanced at it, then snatched it out of her hands. He looked at it for a while, then laughed manically. "Ah ha, fate! Who's guiding who now, eh?" He turned to Nadia. "Right. We have a lead. So let's go." He darted out of the room.

Nadia watched him leave. "Glad to be of help."

-----

"So, anyway the Controller sent me, to tell you that she really, really respects all the killing, and violence, and stuff, and she supports you utterly, and wishes you well, and she hopes you realize that she's on your side, and please remember that, and she's willing to give you any help you need, and maybe you could do her a favor in the future." Karinka nodded. "I think that was the whole thing."

The Crimson Cowl sipped his martini idly. "You have an admirable recall."

"Thanks."

The Cowl's gloved fingers began to tap abstractly on the table. "So how is Miss Sumeragi anyway?"

"Oh, she's fine," said Karinka absently. "Her usual bitchy—" She blinked. "Umm, how do you the Controller's name?"

The Crimson Cowl leaned back in his chair. "Well, I must have some secrets, my dear." His hands went to a small box on the desk, and pulled out a cigar. "So, allow me to outline your position. You work for me now. You do what I tell you. You do not report back to the Controller. And you get to enjoy a long healthy career. Understood?"

Molten Maid gulped, then nodded.

"Excellent!" said the Cowl, lighting his cigar. "Then welcome aboard! Now go acquaint yourself with the others. Have fun." He waved her out. Karinka nodded nervously, then ran out of the room.

Machinesmith passed her walking in. "You do know how to inspire loyalty, Crimson…"

The Cowl puffed idly on his cigar, looking at her. "Loyalty is overrated. Give me good, solid fear, and I can move mountains."

Machinesmith stared at him for a moment. "They're going to just desert you one of these days," she said. "You do realize that, don't you?"

"That would be a problem if I were worried about the long-term," answered the Cowl. "But I'm not. So it isn't." He put his cigar out in his ashtray, then leaned forward, and rested his head on his hands. "I'm doing a supremely difficult balancing act, Machinesmith, between a group of short-sighted, delusional sociopaths on the one hand, and my—employers' watchdogs on the other. It is so difficult that I am regularly relieved that it is only temporary." He took a deep breath. "Sometimes I think you're the only person I can trust. Other times, I realize that even that's an optimistic estimate."

She sighed as she walked over to him. "Sometimes I think you're not the man I fell in love with…"

The Crimson Cowl pulled off a glove and studied the hand beneath. "I'm not a man at all. You know that." He stood up slowly, replacing his glove. "Tell the others to get ready. It's time to move."

-----

"This is big, Nadia—BIG!"

"I've figured that out by your constant repetition of that fact, Hikaru."

Hikaru sipped eagerly at his coffee. "Well, can I help it I'm excited? This is my chance to turn things around! Get the jump on the Cowl! Go on the offensive!"

Nadia nodded, then glanced at Haruka. "For future reference, only give him—"

"Decaf," said the waitress. "I'm on it."

Hikaru glanced at Nadia. "Aren't I allowed to be happy on occasion?"

"No," answered Nadia. "I thought you realized that. You say it often enough."

Hikaru frowned. "I hate my life sometimes."

Haruka shrugged. "Eh, Doc, you don't have it so bad. Now me—do you have any idea what's happened since I showed up on television? Suddenly, my whole family knew where I was, so I've been getting calls from my mother telling me to come home and face righteous judgment for my wicked lifestyle, my deadbeat nephew trying to hit me up for money, and my loser ex-boyfriend trying to convince me to go on a dig with him 'for old time's sake'." She shook her head. "I've had to change my number it got so bad…"

Hikaru glanced at her. "Two nights ago, I faced a Urrexgeid, Lord of Living Slime, in a battle to the death. And then I took several hot showers."

The waitress stared at him awhile, then glanced away. "I really shouldn't try to compare our lives, should I?"

"No, you shouldn't," answered Hikaru.

The café door slammed open. "And I am getting sick of your NEGATIVE ATTITUDE, SON OF SATAN!" Kagome glared at her partner. "I can't believe you said that to Sota! I mean, really!"

Inu-Yasha winced. "Look, if I say I'm sorry, will that make things better?"

"No!" said Kagome darkly.

"Oh, what are you yelling at my darling for?" said Lum coyly. "All he said is that you were a pathetic joke. Since we all know that's the case, he was just saying the truth, and you can't hate him for that! And I know you will accept this argument, because you use similar logic on darling all the time!" She wrapped her arms around Inu-Yasha's waist. "Right, darling?"

Kagome's scowl deepened.

Inu-Yasha shut his eyes. "Lum—shut up, okay?" he muttered quietly.

"SIT!" yelled Kagome, waving her fists.

Inu-Yasha fell stoically to the floor, only to realize that he had tumbled on top of Lum. "Oh, darling," cooed Lum. "I knew that your dashing manhood would eventually fall prey to my irresistible charms!" She began to massage his back. "Come on! Let's discover new plains of ecstasy together!"

Inu-Yasha began to frantically break away from the Oni.

Kagome sat down next to Nadia. "Personal troubles?" asked the Sub-Mariner quietly.

"I don't wanna talk about it," muttered Kagome darkly.

"That's the spirit, Hellcat," said Hikaru. "We'll make an embittered outcast of you yet." He took a deep sip of his coffee, then smiled at her. "Now, the first rule is that everyone else is a bastard who hates you for no good reason…"

Inu-Yasha dragged himself to the table, Lum clinging to his legs. "Just tell us why ya called us here, Doc…"

"I found a lead on the Masters of Evil."

Kagome stood up and gasped. "Not the dastardly Masters of Evil who bested us last time! Whose skills pressed us to the utmost! Whose leader Crimson Cowl is your archnemesis!"

Hikaru stared at her puzzled. "Is there a reason you're repeating things we both know? I mean, is there another Masters of Evil?"

Kagome sat down again, and looked away awkwardly. "It's what they always do in the comics."

Nadia coughed. "We have reason to believe that the Cowl is collecting a jewelry set called 'the Demon's Breath'. The set was owned by one Sentaro Kontsu, a prominent yakuza head, who split among several allies during a truce as a sign of good will."

Hikaru nodded. "The Demon's Breath was constructed using Shikon shards, and consists of five pieces. The Cowl has already killed one of the bosses—now we have to figure out which one he'll strike at ne—"

Miroku ran into the café, panting. "Dr. Strange—thank Buddha I found you…" He took a few deep breaths. "I went to your place, and you weren't there, so I came here…"

Nadia blinked. "So you didn't get the message?"

Miroku stared at her. "Message?"

"We left it right on your box of horrible porn," said Hikaru.

"I didn't have time to look at that. This was important," replied Miroku seriously.

Hikaru gave a dumbfounded nod. "It must have been. It's rewritten one of the elementary rules of your behavior."

Miroku raised a walkman, and hit play. "Hello!" came a cruel voice, laced with static. "You have reached the home of Hyato Myojin, better known as—DR. OCTOPUS! I can't come to the phone right now, as I'm busy storming the palatial estate of Sentaro Konstu with the rest of the Masters of Evil. If you have information regarding that vile harridan Ukyou Kuonji, WHOM I HAVE SWORN A THOUSAND VENGEANCES UPON, simply leave it after the beep. And if you're calling for my catering service, just leave your number and the date of your party or event, and I'll get back to you. Remember—for the best octopus balls money can buy, go to Doc Ock!—BEEP!!"

Hikaru glanced at Nadia weakly. "You know—it's moments like this that I actually wonder if there's a point to being intelligent."

Nadia gave a slow, sad nod of agreement.

-----

Sentaro Kontsu's country house was a combination of several European puzzle houses, which in themselves had been based on various castles, mansions, and momentary whims. The end result was a jumble of styles and bad ideas that was uniformly agreed to be the ugliest house in Japan.

This was not Kontsu's fault, actually. He was a man with excellent taste, a man whose friends generally felt safe in asking his opinion of dress, fashion and furnishing. Indeed his house had turned the house from an abomination into an eccentricity. Kontsu's mansion had been acquired from an actor friend of his who'd had it built during the height of his popularity. The aforementioned friend's lifestyle had relied on his always making pictures, his various bad habits remaining secrets, and his various bad loans never getting called on, and when in the course of time, all these hopes had failed him, the actor had found himself in Tokyo Harbor, and Kontsu had found himself with one monumentally ugly house.

Normally, Kontsu's impulse would have been to sell the place—possibly for scrap, but his own house had been firebombed during a spirited dispute with some of his business associates shortly after acquiring the mansion, and so he'd wound up living in it. Once that had begun, the place had grown on him, partially due to several charming features, such as the rather pretty flower clock in the backyard.

"Heads up!" cried Powderkeg, as an explosion scattered turf and plants.

A pretty flower clock that the Masters of Evil were presently using for target practice.

"Okay," said Molten Maid slowly. "How do you do that?"

"Turn ordinary golf balls into fragmentary grenades?" asked Powderkeg cheerfully.

"Uhh, yeah…" muttered Karinka.

"Well, back when I was starting out," began the redhead, "I realized arson was a lot of trouble, so I wound up hooking up with this gaijin surgeon—Harrow, he calls himself—and getting all kinds of improvements. He made me fireproof, and super-durable, and he replaced my sweat glands with ones that secrete nitroglycerin on command."

Karinka nodded nervously.

"And that's just the least of it. I've got this—well, it's kind of a bladder that let's me shoot methane out of my mouth, and I've got other glands that produce alcohol, if I want a sustainable flame—oh, and this is the best part—I can shoot napalm out of my—"

"They don't want to hear where you shoot napalm out of Shidou," said Oddball calmly.

"But it's cool!" whined Powderkeg.

"Hmmph." Dr. Octopus stood tall. "Boast all you want, woman, when you all see the power of Dr. Octopus, then you will know the true nature of 'cool'. You will know it—IN SPADES!"

Man-Killer glanced at Gypsy Moth. "Did you have to invite this guy to join?"

Gypsy Moth sighed, as he waved a handkerchief in front of his face. "Trust me, Man-Killer, the thought of killing him has crossed my mind…"

-----

The Crimson Cowl glanced out the window fondly. "Spirited, aren't they?" he noted, glancing at Kontsu as he poured a drink.

Kontsu stared back at him with a defiant air. "I'd say thuggish myself."

The Cowl mused on that. "Mmm. Perhaps you're right." He stopped pouring, and held the glass up to the light. "Still, they are mine, and I love them." He walked towards Kontsu casually. "In a purely platonic manner of course. I'm a firm believer in guarding one's vital essence." He began to pour the drink down Kontsu's throat.

Kontsu spat it out.

The Cowl glanced down at his soiled shoes, then slapped Kontsu. "Damn you, you up-jumped scum, I was being courteous!" He shook his head, the pulled a handkerchief out of his sleeve. He began to lightly daub at the yakuza boss's face. "I'm sorry. That was rude of me. I'm afraid that I'm a bit on edge. I've got company coming, you see, and I'd hate to disappoint them…"

-----

Hikaru glanced at the Tudor-style tower attached to a Georgian-style gatehouse with pseudo-Roman front and a sizable garden done up in the style of Versailles, only smaller. "That is one ugly mishmash," he muttered quietly.

"I like it!" announced Lum. "I was starting to wonder if you inferiors had any idea how to build houses, and then I see something magnificent like this, and it says 'Yes, Miss Lum, we do have a vague inkling, indeed we do!' Teeheeheeheehee-tcha!"

Nadia glanced at Hikaru. "How did we get here so quickly?"

Hikaru shrugged. "We walked."

"Yes, but—look this has been bothering me for some time." She looked around worriedly. "How is it we're able to move so quickly through Tokyo? It seems whenever we have to go somewhere, we reach it in minimum time, with little in the way of obstacles…"

"You're traveling with a magician," replied Hikaru. "Expect the laws of causality to weaken. It's what I do."

"But how?" asked Nadia.

"I don't know!" shouted Hikaru. "How do you breathe?" He glanced around nervously. "When the Ancient One—trained me, a lot of things he just—inserted into my head—basic magic—fighting styles—basically anything that he didn't quite have the time to train me in depth for. That's probably one of the reasons I've been able to last as long as I have—I'm more experienced than I normally would be. But the problem is, some of that stuff I understand more on a subconscious level than an active one. So a lot of things I just do without understanding them."

Inu-Yasha blinked. "So wait—we've been followin' a guy who doesn't know what he's doin'?"

"First of all, Inu-Yasha, I'd have thought that would be obvious by now," snapped Hikaru. "Secondly, I haven't gotten you killed yet, so you really don't have any reason to complain. When I get you killed—then you do."

There was silence for a moment. "You really know how to put together a cogent argument, Hikaru," said Nadia dryly.

"Can we just get back to stopping the Masters of Evil?" asked Hikaru. "I mean, there's a dead body out in the yard there! I like to think that's important!"

"Oh, yeah…" said Inu-Yasha quietly.

"I don't believe I missed that," said Miroku.

"I'll say!" added Kagome. She glanced at Hikaru. "So what's your plan, Doc?"

Hikaru looked over the grounds. "We sneak in, surprising them, carving a quick path to the jewel shard and the Crimson Cowl," he began.

A giant boomerang burst through the trees. Hikaru glanced at his scattering companions. "Okay, it appears the plan is going to need a little alteration."

As it streaked towards her, Lum leapt over the boomerang, and landed lightly on the ground, ducking as it circled back, so that it passed over her head. "Ah-HA! Trying to outflank Captain Oni! A fruitless effort!"

A sickle and chain erupted from the ground, and entangled her ankles, tripping her. Lum stared at the armor-clad youth who emerged from the ground beside her. "That was a mistake," she noted earnestly. With one smooth motion, she came to her feet, and drover her arm through the figure's chest. "See what I mean?"

The boy stared stoically at his gaping chest wound, then punched Lum away. As she fell backwards, the wound knit itself closed. "Umm—guess not!"

Kagome blinked. "It's—that guy!" Inu-Yasha yanked her out of the way of the boomerang as it cut another destructive swath. "And look! Over there! It's that boomerang girl that's always with him!"

Suddenly, the pair were jerked up by their costumes, into the air. "I'm glad you've met," said a familiar figure in a butterfly costume. "He's the Black Knight. She's Boomerang—naturally enough." He brought his hand up to Kagome's face, seeming to avoid touching it. "And as for me—well, I'm certain you remember your old friend Gypsy Moth." He frowned slightly. "Because I definitely remember you. Oh, I have thought about your little betrayal quite a bit since the—"

A dark fist smashed into the back of his head. Gypsy Moth gave a slight grunt, then fell to the ground.

Nadia quickly snatched up Inu-Yasha and Kagome to keep them from joining him there, then hovered over to where Hikaru stood fending off the sickle and boomerang attacks with a mystic wall. "Got them," she noted.

"Good…" said Hikaru absently.

"Dr. Strange! We know these people! See, back in feudal Japan—"

"Now's really not the time to talk about it, Kagome…" he muttered between clenched teeth.

"You never let me talk," said Kagome sulkily.

"Now is really, REALLY not the time to talk about it!" shouted Hikaru.

"No, wait, she has a point," said Nadia. "You do tend to dismiss her ideas out of hand."

"That's because they're never any good," Hikaru seethed, as he reinforced the force field.

"There!" said Nadia. "You're doing it right now."

Hikaru turned to face her. "Do not encourage her, Nadia! That's like giving a hyperactive child caffeine pills!" The force field flickered. Hikaru turned frantically, and began to chant something, causing it to become more substantial again.

Nadia glared at him. "Oh, I see. It bothers you when she talks, does it? But, naturally, all the rest of us have to put up with your endless prattle."

"YES!" cried Hikaru. "Because I am great and terrible, and Kagome is small and meek!"

Nadia raised an eyebrow. " 'Strange', you're much too short to be 'great and terrible'."

Hikaru's mouth set in a grim line. "I am five feet tall."

"In lifts maybe," chuckled Nadia.

"I am five feet tall."

"Well, even if you are, she's got a couple inches on you," said Nadia.

"LOOK, MY ACTUAL HEIGHT IS IMMATERIAL IN THIS!" screamed Hikaru. "I MAY HAVE THE BODY OF SHORT MAN, BUT I'VE GOT THE SPIRIT OF A FREAKING GIANT!"

The force field flickered out of existence. Hikaru winced. "Oh, crap." Suddenly, a golden shield of energy appeared.

"Go back to yelling," said Lum. "It's funny."

Hikaru stared at her. "So—you could have done that any time?"

Lum nodded. "Yep."

"But instead of doing that to help us, you do it so Nadia and I can get this pissing match over with, correct?"

Lum thought it over. "Yeah. Pretty much."

Hikaru glared at her. Lum smiled back at him cheerfully. His eyes narrowed. "Are all you Oni this—oblivious?"

Lum shrugged. "I have no idea what that means, but probably, yes. We are paragons in every way, after all."

He turned to Nadia. "Well, I see how they conquered most of the universe. They're so annoying, you just surrender in the blind hope the hurting will stop."

"So I'm making progress?" asked Lum eagerly. "Great! I'll have this planet conquered in a year at this rate!"

Nadia blinked. "Remind me why we let her stay around…"

"For the same reason I keep the Box of Ineffable Doom under my bed," sighed Hikaru. "It's nice to know where it is." He turned to her. "Look, Nadia, I think we have to talk about this. You seem to be getting—edgier lately. More critical. And I think it's really affecting the group dynamic."

"Oh, really," said Nadia. "I thought we didn't even have a group dynamic."

"No, no," corrected Hikaru. "We don't have an organization. But we do have a group dynamic. I mean, there's no bylaws or ranks, or names, or other crap like that, but naturally there's a group dynamic, because we have a group of people interacting, as a group."

Nadia nodded. "I see." She coughed. "So you want me to tell you—why I am messing up this—group dynamic? And you yourself have no idea what could be making do this? About what could be making me tense, and spiteful, and bitter?"

"I have several ideas, actually," said Hikaru, "but I'd rather hear it from you."

Nadia glared at him, then turned away. "You know, I cannot believe you sometimes! Usually, you seem to be extraordinarily perceptive, but then you do something that shows what a complete and utter ass you can be!"

Hikaru's eyes narrowed. "Like right now I sup—" He blinked, then glanced around. "Umm—how come I can't hear things bouncing against the force field?"

Lum smiled. "Why, that's because nothing's been bouncing against the force field."

Hikaru turned to face her. "And you didn't think to mention this because—?"

"Well, it clearly wasn't important," answered Lum.

Black Knight burst up from the ground, flailing his chain around his head. Hikaru frowned. "Captain Oni, if we survive this, I am going to yell at you like you've never been yelled at before in your life."

Lum nodded. "Oh."

"And if we don't survive this, I will make sure to track your spirit down in the afterlife, and yell at you like you never were yelled at during your life!" Hikaru jumped to the side as the Black Knight's sickle shot towards him, whistling through the air.

"Gotchya!" noted Lum, as she readied a blast.

"Hey!" cried Inu-Yasha, rushing the armored villain from behind. "Take this!" With a single balanced blow, he struck the Black Knight's head off. It flew off the youth, and hit the ground with a bounce.

The decapitated body turned resentfully on Inu-Yasha, and with a quick spin entangled him in the chain. The half-demon gave a pained scream as the scythe slashed into his arm. Lum charged forward, smashing into the headless form. "Nobody hurts darling! Especially not someone who refuses to stay dead, even in situations where he should clearly be so!" As the Black Knight's body bounced backwards, she let loose a blast that tore the body to pieces. "It's very inconsiderate to stay alive when I don't want you to be that way," the alien noted in scolding tones.

"Son of Satan!" yelled Kagome. "You're bleeding!"

"It's nothin'," groaned Inu-Yasha. "Only a scratch…"

"Ahh, my poor widdle darling," whimpered Lum. "You want me to kiss your booboo an' make it bettah?"

Inu-Yasha recoiled from her, only to scream in agony.

Hikaru glanced around. "Lum—you're not keeping up your barrier, are you…?"

"No," said Lum. "Why do you ask?"

A large wooden boomerang struck her in the torso. Hikaru rubbed his temples. "Oh, the yelling I am going to do. Such yelling…"

A large girl who had apparently been coated in gold landed before him. "Prepare to do some screamin', Doc!" She raised her fist at Hikaru's rather vulnerable head. A hand grabbed her arm.

"Might I give the same suggestion to you?" asked Nadia politely, before flipping the metal-clad supervillain over her head.

Her opponent gave a desperate gasp before standing to her feet. "Damn it, you bitch! Do you know who you're messin' with?"

"A gilded airline stewardess?" suggested Hikaru.

"Molten Maid," the girl seethed.

"Oh, I get it," said Nadia. "How cute."

Molten Maid snarled and charged forwards. Nadia punched her midcharge. The villainess tumbled backwards. "You don't learn, do you?" noted the Sub-Mariner.

"I don't need to!" shouted Molten Maid, leaping back to her feet.

Captain Oni immediately slammed onto her back and began wailing on her. "How dare you hit me with a boomerang!"

"That wasn't me!" moaned the supervillain. "That was Boomerang! The one with a Boomerang!"

"Oh, like I believe that story!" replied Lum. At that moment, the giant boomerang smashed her from behind. It circled back and fell into the hands of Boomerang.

"See! See!" said Molten Maid, pointing at her associate.

"This proves nothing," muttered Lum, rising unsteadily.

Kagome glanced at Miroku. "You help Inu-Yasha."

The monk nodded. "On it."

She drew her bow. "All right, villains! Prepare to face the Hellcat's migh—"

At that moment, several exploding billiard balls landed near the confused heroes. As they coughed from the raised dust, a short redhead leapt down and twirled a torch over her head. "Hello! I'm Powderkeg!" she said companionably. "Prepare to die!" Molten Maid rose to her feet, joined by the reconstituted form of the Black Knight. The masked head of Hayato Myojin loomed into view from the bushes, followed by Oddball.

Hikaru glanced at his allies. "All right, there is only one reasonable course of action to take in this situation—run."

Nadia turned. "I second the motion." The pair darted off.

Miroku nodded to himself. "We have such wise, tactical leadership." He followed after them, tugging Inu-Yasha and Kagome along.

"Hey!" cried Lum. "Don't run! We can take these guys!" She turned back.

The villains glowered at her menacingly.

Lum rushed off after the others. She glanced at Hikaru. "Realize, I'm only running so that I can continue to yell at you for running."

Hikaru nodded. "That's just peachy."

Nadia glanced at him. "Have you got a new plan?"

"Well," said Hikaru, pursing his lips, "I was thinking we would try to scatter our foes, so we could face them at our own—"

He stopped running, and stared at what looked like a huge television that had apparently been left in the middle of Kontsu's lawn.

"—Convenience," he finished awkwardly.

The screen flickered on. "Why, Doc-tor Strange," enunciated the Crimson Cowl. "So good to see you." The Cowl was seated at an ornate table, a glass of wine before him. He clapped his hands together lightly. "And you brought all your little friends! How joyous!"

Hikaru crossed his arms. "You know, Cowl, you're hosting skills are definitely questionable."

The Cowl shook his head. "I'm offended, Doctor. And hurt. I've just notified my men to give me a little time to talk to you and this is how you treat me. My dear, dear Doctor Strange."

Nadia glanced at Hikaru. "Is he always so… threateningly flirty?" she whispered.

Hikaru shrugged. "I lack the direct experience to answer that question, as I barely know the man. But when I'm around, he is usually like this, yes."

The Cowl turned to glare at Nadia. "I can hear you perfectly, you realize?" He reclined slightly in his chair. "I have to say, Strange, I can't approve of your choice in female companionship at all…"

"We are not involved," shouted Hikaru and Nadia simultaneously.

The Cowl nodded slowly. "Ahh. My mistake. I must have been seeing things that weren't there."

"They make medication for that," noted Hikaru.

The Cowl gripped his hands together tightly and twiddled his thumbs. "You are making me reconsider calling off my men."

Hikaru bowed. "My apologies. I really don't want to do anything to interfere with you enjoying the sound of your own voice."

The Crimson Cowl stood up and walked a few paces, the 'camera' following him. "I think my information will interest you." He reached the tired form a man bound to a chair, and rested his hands on the figure's shoulders. "May I introduce you to Mr. Sentaro Kontsu? I'd wake him—well, have him regain consciousness, really—but then I'd be wasting valuable torturing time." The Cowl stood to his full height again, and spread his hands. "Now, Mr. Kontsu and I have been discussing the location of a certain item. I think he's going to tell me soon." The villain leaned back casually. "If you can reach the room we're in—the top of the tallest tower on the east side—that may not happen." The Cowl drew a long curved knife from his cloak. "In fact, Mr. Kontsu might actually not die."

"That's what I love about you, Cowl," muttered Hikaru. "You're all heart."

"I care for your deep sense of compassion as well, Strange," noted the Crimson Cowl sincerely. "Now, don't bother teleporting—I know how much it upsets your stomach, so I've installed a device that will scatter your atoms if you try. Just to make certain you don't disturb yourself with efforts that will harm your well-being."

"Gosh, what a polite archnemesis I've got," stated Hikaru. "Aren't I the luckiest boy on Earth?"

The Cowl moved his hand towards his mouth as if stifling a yawn. "Well, Strange, I could probably keep this conversation up for hours—and I know you can—so let's just get things going." He threw Hikaru an odd salute. "Be seeing you."

As the image blinked out, Nadia frowned. "Well, I see why he's your archnemesis—a few minutes of listening to him, and I want to punch him."

Hikaru seemed about to say something, when he stiffened, and grabbed Nadia's arm. "Everybody—move!" As the group rushed away, the screen promptly exploded, spraying glass and bits of metal in sizable radius.

Nadia looked at him earnestly. "Okay—make that eviscerate him."

"You'll have to get in line," said Hikaru quietly. A yellow ball landed next to them. "Oh, crap," he muttered. "Looks like the Shiny, Happy People have found us again…" He and Nadia quickly rolled away as the ball dissolved into a cloud of yellow gas.

"Dr. Strange!" yelled Kagome, crouching behind a bush with Inu-Yasha and Miroku. "You go on to the mansion! The rest of us will hold them off!"

"We will?" asked Miroku.

"Yes!" shouted Kagome.

Hikaru nodded. "Much obliged." He darted off, dodging an explosion, and a sudden burst of flame as he went.

Nadia watched him leave. "Oh to hell with this," she muttered, then started running after him. "Hey! Strange! I'm coming with you!"

Inu-Yasha took a deep breath, then looked at Kagome. "Okay, so what was that about?"

"Honestly, Son of Satan!" said Kagome energetically. "A man's life hangs in the balance! An evil plot must be foiled! We must aid Dr. Strange in reaching the Crimson Cowl in time! It's the superhero way!" She looked at him with concern. "Umm, so how's the wound?"

Inu-Yasha managed a smile. "Gettin' better."

"He's lying," stated Miroku levelly.

"I am no—" began Inu-Yasha. Miroku poked him lightly in the arm, causing him to scream in pain.

"As I said—lying."

Kagome nodded. "Right. Well—I'll handle things." She drew an arrow. "Hellcat style."

Lum gave a mild, derisive laugh. "Oh, you silly girl! How are those stickpins going to do anything?"

Kagome glared at her. "Like this!" She released the arrow, which then got tangled in the branches of a nearby tree.

The tree immediately dislodged Oddball from its branches, and landed him with a thump on the ground.

Lum coughed. "Oh. Yes. I see. Carry on then…"

-----

Hikaru and Nadia rushed toward the mansion. "Is there a reason you're coming with me?" asked Hikaru sharply.

"Do you have to lash out at those who want to help you?" replied Nadia.

"Do you have to answer questions with questions?" Hikaru shook his head. "That is a really annoying habit."

"Oh, you're one to talk about annoying habits!" shouted back Nadia. "Like the way you eat! It should be a crime—"

"ENOUGH!" shouted a voice.

The pair stopped mid-run, quieted by the confidence of the command.

Dr. Octopus stepped forward triumphantly. "So," he announced, his voice muffled by his mask, "it falls to Dr. Octopus to defeat the pair of you. Well, I think you'll find me well-equipped for the task." He raised his arms. "Before I kill you, I must know—do either of you know the whereabouts of Ukyou Kuonji?"

"No," said Hikaru.

"Not a clue," added Nadia.

"A pity," said Dr. Octopus quietly. "It is she who placed this mask on my face as a lad—the mask I wear to—"

"Look, we're sort of working under a time limit here," noted Hikaru abruptly. "Is there anyway we could skip the whole origin story?"

Dr. Octopus flexed his arms in an offended manner. "As you will not listen to my wisdom—taste defeat!" With a flick of each wrist, he sent two spheres hurtling towards Hikaru.

Hikaru blinked as a pair of pastries bounced off his forehead. He glanced down at them, as they settled in the dirt. "What were those?" he asked.

"Octopus balls!" cried Hayato. "The hereditary arm of the Myojin family, which I hurl with startling accuracy!"

Hikaru looked at Nadia. She looked back at him. They each nodded at each other.

The pair charged forward, striking Doc Ock in the stomach with their shoulders before he could launch even a single octopus ball.

Hikaru looked at Myojin's cringing form, then turned to Nadia. "What exactly were we fighting about?"

"I have no idea," she answered.

Hikaru nodded. "Yeah. It's funny how our quarrels and differences seem small, when compared with the sheer gut-wrenching stupidity we have to deal with from these freaks."

"I heartily agree," said Nadia. "So—race you to the mansion?"

"You're on."

-----

"You're not getting away with this," noted Oddball calmly. "You are facing the Masters of Evil. We will tear you up in the end. That's what we do."

"Miroku—quietize the prisoner," said Kagome.

"That's not a word," said Oddball.

Miroku bopped him on the back of the head. "We decide what the words are here, capturee," growled Kagome in a manner that was more cute than threatening.

"Also not a word," said Oddball.

Miroku bopped him once more on the back of the head.

"Wow," said Lum to Kagome. "You're good at torturing prisoners. Are you oni-trained?"

"No," answered Kagome. "I just watch a lot of movies."

"Ahh, yes, the moving pictures which tell amusing stories," chortled Lum. "Those are neat! Especially the short ones with talking animals, and loud explosions."

Oddball sighed. "I wasn't trying to intimidate you—I was stating a fact. Even if you could handle the others, Black Knight and Boomerang will destroy you. Those two make ME nervous. I mean, I may be bad, but I do have moments of compassion and good will. Why, just last year, I patted a child on the head, with no ulterior motive whatsoever!"

"Would you stop tryin' to distract us while yer buddies get into position?" groaned Inu-Yasha.

"Was I that obvious?" said Oddball plaintively.

"Nope," replied Inu-Yasha. "My nose is that good."

Miroku glanced at the others. "Let's see—I count Molten Maid up that tree—Powderkeg over in those bushes—Gypsy Moth hovering above us, and Black Knight behind that fountain, but I can't find—"

A giant boomerang flew at them from the roof of a nearby gazebo.

"Bingo," said Kagome, drawing an arrow.

Lum blinked. "We're playing bingo now?"

Oddball suddenly tore free of his bonds, and tosses a blue ball at Miroku, who staggered backwards as it hit his head.

And then a lot of things happened—all at once.

-----

Hikaru and Nadia rushed up the marble stairway to the next floor of Kontsu's mansion. "So far, this has been fairly easy," noted Nadia.

"Almost deceptively so," commented Hikaru, as they reached the top of the stairway. "You'd think the Cowl'd have somebody here to guar—"

Here Hikaru was interrupted by Man-Killer's bursting through a door and throttling him. "Hey, Doc. Remember me?"

"V-vaguely," sputtered Hikaru. "We met—in Beijing—right? The—longshoreman convention?"

Man-Killer tightened her grip. "I obviously am not choking you enough."

"Stop it!" yelled Nadia commandingly.

"Why?" chuckled Man-Killer as Hikaru squirmed desperately. "He might die?" Hikaru gave a desperate gasp, then fell limp. Man-Killer grinned. "Oops. Spoke too soon."

"No!!!" screamed Nadia.

Hikaru suddenly straightened, and slammed his head into Man-Killer's face. She released him and brought her hands to her face. "My nobe! You broge my nobe!"

"For starters," noted Hikaru, as he quickly tripped the burly supervillain, sending her tumbling down the stairs. "Next time, don't try strangling a man with near-complete control of his bodily functions. Just a friendly bit of advice."

Nadia stared at him. "Hikaru, next time you do something like that, I'll kill you myself."

Hikaru sighed. "Your concern is touching. And thanks for asking about my health." He rubbed his neck idly, as if trying to relax stiffened muscles.

"You had me scared," she explained.

"You were scared? How do you think I felt?"

----

Lum grappled with Molten Maid as Kagome fired shots at Oddball, Gypsy Moth and Powderkeg, and Miroku tried to fend off the attacks of Boomerang.

Inu-Yasha leaned against a tree, and took a deep, steadying breath. His shoulder still ached and throbbed where the Black Knight's sickle had sliced into it. Which got him thinking—where was that undead son of a—

"Ah-ha!" laughed Lum. "Is that the best you can do? I snort at your alleged expertise! Snort at it!"

Molten Maid screamed. "Shut the hell up, bitch!" She threw a wicked uppercut at Captain Oni's head.

"See?" noted Lum, as she easily dodged the blow. "Aiming at the head first thing's usually a bad idea against an experienced foe. Small target—moves quick."

"Oof," grunted Molten Maid as Lum's first collided with her stomach.

"Now the stomach—that's a good target. Sensitive, and it don't move too good. Teeheehee-tcha!" Lum darted forward, pressing her attack. "Also legs. Very good targers—disable them, and you've really scuttled your opponent." Molten Maid gave an incoherent shout of pain as she toppled to the ground. "And then you go for the headshot to get a knockout, or even a quick ki—"

The Black Knight's chain wrapped around Lum's neck, jerking her off-balance. Molten Maid rose slowly, smiling. "So—what was that ya were sayin' about startin' with the stomach?" She cracked her metal-plated knuckles. "Don't mind if I do…"

Lum's hand darted up to the Black Knight's chains. With one yank she pulled it loose, then sent the Black Knight hurtling at her opponent. "Well, I do mind, so you're gonna have to pass on that."

The boomerang struck her from behind. "Nice shot," said Oddball to his teammate. Boomerang did not respond. Oddball sighed to himself. "Oh well, I rather prefer the silent type myself." He raised his hand, an orange ball resting securely in his palm. "So I guess it's up to me to finish this, eh?"

"Don't you dare Oddball!" said Kagome, leveling her bow at him.

Inu-Yasha blinked and stepped away from the tree.

"Dare what?" asked Oddball, casually tossing the ball at her.

Kagome yelped in surprise, then fired her bow. The arrow streaked forward, and hit the ball, exploding it in midair. Oddball was knocked off his feet by the blast. "Don't dare that," she stated, her voice slightly shaky. "I don't think I'd react well to it."

Suddenly, a fiery burst appeared before her, setting her sleeve aflame. Kagome leapt back in surprise, then started to roll on the ground.

Powderkeg glanced at the supine Oddball, a finger pressing down on her left nostril. "Now are you glad I had that napalm gland installed in my right sinus?"

"Oh, I'm pleased as punch," muttered Oddball.

Miroku ran forward. "Don't worry, Hellcat, Devil-Slayer will—URK!!!" He suddenly jerked backwards, and fell to the ground. He and Kagome both began to squirm uncomfortably, as if trying to rise.

"Both of you stay put now," muttered Gypsy Moth. "There you see, my little kitten? You can beat me in the short term, but in the end—I always win. I'm too smart not to win. And you're much, much too stupid to beat me."

Oddball groaned. "Could someone please help me up? I think I may have sprained my ankle…"

"Ah, shut yer wordhole," growled Molten Maid. "You don't need any help…"

"Yes, he does…" came the harsh whisper.

The gathered Masters of Evil glanced at Inu-Yasha, holding Tetsaida in the one hand he could use right now. His other arm was held limply at his side, blood flowing down it. "Ya all do…"

Gypsy Moth snickered as he watched Inu-Yasha wobble unsteadily. "So—are we to believe that you—one clearly wounded, rather unimpressive superhero can beat all of us—by yourself?"

Inu-Yasha staggered slightly as he raised his blade. "Yep." He choked back the bile rising in his throat.

"I see," laughed Gypsy Moth. "Why aren't I scared?"

"Cuz yer not as smart as ya think you are," suggested Inu-Yasha, as he watched the swirling lights that seemed to dance in front of his face. "In fact, in my book, yer pretty stupid. Especially for dressin' up like a butterfly."

"I'm a MOTH!" screamed the sartorially challenged supervillain. "And when I get done with you—"

Inu-Yasha gave a fumbling slash down. The very air seemed to erupt into chaos in response.

-----

"Well, we made it," said Hikaru.

"Surprisingly easily," noted Nadia.

"I'm guessing that ends now." Hikaru opened the door to the chamber. "The Cowl loves his surprises."

"Very much so," said the Cowl, tossing the Shikon shard idly in the air.

"Oh my…" began Hikaru, staring at the bloodied corpse of Sentaro Kontsu.

"He held out almost until the very end," noted the Crimson Cowl. "But you know about 'almost', 'horseshoes' and of course, 'hand grenades'." He chuckled slightly. "Speaking of which—do you realize that you were only thirty-four seconds too late? Thirty-four. I was counting. Not that many when you get down to it. In fact, damn few in rea—"

"Just shut UP, you sick, sick, sick ball of sick!" screamed Hikaru.

The Cowl tucked the shard into his sleeve, and then cleaned off his knife. "What's the matter, Gosunkugi? That razor sharp wit of yours finally getting dull?"

"He knows your name—" began Nadia.

"Nadia, you're not making him shut up," said Hikaru. "I'd really appreciate it if you would…"

Nadia cracked her knuckles, and began to jog forward. "Right. Well, Mr. Cowl, I think you're about to discover what it's like to be on the receiving end of a lot of pain—very shortly…"

The Crimson Cowl's hand disappeared into his hood, as if to stroke his chin. "Mmm—actually—no I won't." He turned to side. "Moonstone—some help please." A flash of light appeared before him, which transformed into a shuddering explosion.

Hikaru lowered his force field as the blast cleared. "Did I raise it in time?" he asked Nadia. "You look a little—dazed?"

She shook her head. "Yes—you did find—my ears are just ringing from the explosion…" She glanced ahead, then froze. "No…"

Hikaru blinked. "What's wrong?"

Nadia was staring in horror at the figure next to the Cowl, a small, pale child who was hovering in midair. Her face, hair and clothing were all the same eerie white color. "I don't know you!" shouted Nadia, backing away desperately. "There's—there's no reason you should torment me! No REASON!" She rushed forward swinging, only to have her fist knocked back by a sphere of light that appeared around the child.

"Moonstone," said the Crimson Cowl quietly, "why don't you and the Sub-Mariner go off and play? Dr. Strange and I—want to be alone."

The pale girl nodded, and flew directly into Nadia, ramming her through a wall. The Cowl glanced at Hikaru idly. "Now then, I believe we had a fight to begin…" He charged forward, swinging his knife. "Everybody's trying—to get to the bar," sang the red-garbed supervillain lightly. "The name of the bar—the bar is called Heaven." Hikaru ducked under a vicious slash that would have slit his throat. "The band in Heaven," continued the Cowl, "plays my favorite song." Hikaru repelled himself off a wall, and rolled beneath the next Cowl's next swing, putting a good distance between himself and his opponent. The Cowl twirled his blade. "Play it once again—play it all night long…"

Hikaru picked up a bit of broken masonry and hurled it at his enemy. "Would you stop singing that?"

"Why?" asked the Cowl, ducking. "Not a Talking Heads fan? That's such a shame. Personally, I think they capture the vital anomie of the modern urbanite…"

Hikaru ran forward and kicked the Cowl squarely in the chest. "For the last time—JUST SHUT UP! I don't want to hear your opinions, you murdering bag of slime!" As the Crimson Cowl fell backwards, Hikaru stared at him angrily. "What is with you? Do you think that you and I are going to be trading criticisms on world culture while you go around on killing sprees and try to conquer the world? Do you? Because we aren't, Cowl. It just isn't going to happen."

The Cowl leapt back to his feet. "Listen, Gosunkugi—Sentaro Kontsu killed his first man when he was fourteen. His stiffing on building materials caused the collapse of several hundred homes during an earthquake, killing quite a few people. Aikage Matsui once ordered a man kicked to death so he'd serve as a lesson to his rivals, and beat his several wives and numerous girlfriends. I have not been harming the innocent young flowers of spring here…"

Hikaru sent forth an energy blast that sailed over the Cowl's head. "Don't even try to pretend you have noble purposes, Cowl. Not with a straight face, anyway."

"You can't tell whether I have a straight face or not," muttered the Crimson Cowl. "And I must say—you're really slipping, Gosunkugi. Not only did you miss—but you forgot that it wouldn't have made a difference if you did hit me."

"I wasn't aiming for you," said Hikaru, as a large part of the wall toppled right on top of the Cowl. He smiled slightly. "At least—not directly." As Hikaru watched, the Crimson Cowl reared up through the heavy debris. He blinked. "Okay—I'm calling shenanigans."

The Cowl drew a small metal cylinder from his belt, and propped open the top, revealing a button. "Doctor—I'm a villain. We always use shenanigans." He pressed the button.

The entire mansion burst into flames.

-----

Kagome shook her head, and rose slowly. She blinked several times, then glanced over to the side. Inu-Yasha was lying unconscious a short distance away. She gasped and dashed to his side, then nudged his shoulder. "I-Inu-Yasha…"

The half-demon's eyes opened weakly. "Hey—Kagome. I got 'em—didn't I?"

"I saw it, Inu-Yasha," she whispered back. "Ya did good."

"Well, isn't that sweet?" said Oddball, rolling an orange ball between his fingers. Molten Maid, standing behind him, pounded her fists together. "I think those of us who are still standing will take you down right now…"

"Back away, right now," said Miroku. He walked before his downed comrades. "You don't want to deal with me…"

Oddball, Molten Maid, and Powderkeg all laughed. "Oh, come on," said Oddball. "You may be a fairly formidable fighter—but you are simply one ordinary man. I've seen you fight, and I don't think you have the skills to take on me and my associates…" He smiled slightly. "Why, Gypsy Moth alone was able to beat you…"

"True," muttered Miroku, a touch of nervousness in his voice. "But I have a secret weapon you have not counted on…" His hand went to his gauntlet.

"A peeved-off Captain Oni!" shouted Lum. She struck Oddball and Powderkeg soundly on the back of the head, and then threw Molten Maid into a tree. As the glistening villainess rose, Lum sent out a dazzling blast that hurtled her into the tree again. "Don't ever try to hurt me and my darling! And especially don't try to hurt me! It doesn't work, and I just wind up hurting you worse!" She turned to the others. "Well, darling, I took care of things, lickety-split, wid a chewwy on top! Aren't you pwoud of your liddle—?" A look of utter horror came over her eyes, as she saw Kagome lightly embracing Inu-Yasha. "NOOO!" She took several deep breaths, and shut her eyes. "Darling—what is that—girl doing to you?"

Kagome released him nervously. "Umm, I was just—"

Inu-Yasha rubbed his head. "Hey, you ain't got no reason to apologize!"

Kagome straightened. "Hey, right!"

Lum's right eye twitched, a tiny bolt of energy darting out the corner.

Kagome gulped.

Miroku coughed, and walked away. "Well, I'll just let you three discuss this between yourselves…"

-----

"Leave me alone!" screamed Nadia, pounding desperately against the white shield of energy surrounding the pale girl. She flew into it with all her might, screaming at the top of her lungs, while the mansion burned around her. "Why are you doing this to me? I couldn't know! I just couldn't!" Moonstone gestured, and Nadia was thrown backwards, into the wall. The Sub-Mariner wiped the sweat from her brow, and stared at her opponent.

Moonstone regarded her for a moment, then turned. "Go then." Suddenly, Nadia felt as if a great weight were pressing against her from above. The floor beneath her crumbled, and she fell, unable to take to the air as she would do normally. Fortunately, she was too resilient to be winded or bruised from such a fall. As the sensation of weight left her, Nadia looked around. She was in a tiny room, surrounded by all sides by flame. The gaping hole she'd fallen through was already a ring of fire. She glanced around nervously. She may have been bulletproof, and extremely heat-resistant, but in the end, smoke inhalation would get her just like everyone else—it would just take longer is all. And despite her resistance, she was hardly flameproof…

She sat down, and shut her eyes. She had no idea why that little girl had affected her like that, and she didn't necessarily want to. It had been frightening to lose control to the extent she had. And doing so had placed her in the position she was in now, of having lost the ultimate control of whether she lived or died.

Nadia il'Karthon began to sing softly to herself, though what the words of the song she sang meant, she could not say.

-----

"You see, Gosunkugi," explained the Crimson Cowl as he swung his knife at Hikaru's slender frame, "it occurred to me that your vaunted strategic abilities might perhaps be nullified by an environment that's innately hostile to you."

Hikaru kicked desperately. "I'm happy for you. Your bursts of originality are rare enough to warrant noting."

The Cowl grabbed him by the shoulders, and threw Hikaru through a burning wall. "You hurt me with that summary dismissal," muttered the supervillain in peeved tones.

For a moment, Hikaru's world was a mass of pain and the black swirls before his eyes, but he shook his head, and started to focus. "Okay, Hikaru, like the Ancient One always said, think of a fountain full of clear running water," he muttered softly. "Now—up—up—up…" He stood up, unsteadily, working to regain his sense of balance.

"Dogturb Stwanj! You broge my nobe, you babsturb!"

With a weary sigh, Hikaru turned to see Man-Killer rushing right at him. He stepped out of the way. Man-Killer tripped on his cloak, and stumbled out of a nearby window. "Ole," said Hikaru quietly.

The Cowl burst through the wall, and gave Hikaru a vicious hit to the stomach that sent him sprawling. "And when this dance is over—we'll start again. Won't be any different—will be exactly the same…" sang the Cowl softly.

Hikaru got to his feet. "For the last time—STOP THAT DAMN SINGING!" He wiped his forehead, and noted, with a sort of detached idleness, that he was bleeding. "If you don't stop—I'll make you…"

"How will you do that?" asked the Crimson Cowl.

"Well, you see," said Hikaru, "there was a fatal flaw in your plan. You stuck a guy who can call himself a Master of the Five Elements in a burning building." Hikaru raised his hand and gestured emphatically. The flames circled around him, twirling into complex patterns. "Not the wisest idea." He pointed forward, and a pillar of flame rushed out to engulf the Cowl.

"Oh, hell," whispered the supervillain, the second before the flames hit.

-----

Miroku blinked as he saw a cloaked form fall from the window. "Oh no," he said quietly.

"—And I'm telling you to keep your dirty, genetically inferior hands off my darling!" shouted Lum.

"What makes you think he's your darling?" snarled Kagome.

"Because I want him!" whined Lum. "And I've never not gotten anything I wanted when I wanted it! Never!"

Kagome scowled at her. "Well, what if someone wants it more?"

Miroku coughed. "I think Hikaru's in trouble."

"What makes ya think I 'm anybody's darlin'?" grumbled Inu-Yasha.

Kagome and Lum turned to him, their faces full of anger. "SIT!" shouted Kagome, as Lum unleashed a bolt of cosmic energy. As soon as they were finished, they turned and glanced at Miroku. "Now, what's that about Dr. Strange, Devil-Slayer?" said Kagome sweetly.

He gestured to the form that lay on the lawn, the smoke pouring off it. "I—think he's in trouble…"

Kagome's eyes widened in shock. "No! Dr. Strange can't be in trouble! He's pretty much our leader! He has to be fine! Leaders don't die! Only the handsome young rogue dies. On occasion." She glanced at Inu-Yasha, still lying stunned on the ground. "You know, maybe you should be more careful."

Inu-Yasha gave an wordless groan in response.

Kagome turned to the motionless cloaked form, and shouted. "Dr. Strange! Tell us your all right! Yell at us! Do something!" There was no response. Kagome fell to her knees wailing. "Oh, Dr. Strange! I failed you! I could of been a better sidekick—or partner, or whatever it was that I was to you! I could of—aimed a tiny bit better. Tried to figure out ways to not bug you! Paid for my meals every now and then!" She stood up proudly. "But this is a turning point! My moment of truth, justice, and stuff! I swear to lead Alpha Flight in your—"

"Kagome, not only is that the worst name yet, it's already taken," noted Hikaru darkly.

Kagome turned. "Dr. Strange! You're alive! Sooty, and kinda beat up—but alive!"

Hikaru nodded. "Yep, and you should see the other guy—though actually, you did…" he noted, walking forward. He knelt next to the Cowl's fallen form, and ripped off the cloak.

Kagome gasped. "The Crimson Cowl—is a robot!"

Hikaru frowned. "No. This isn't the real Crimson Cowl."

Suddenly, an image of the Cowl appeared, hovering over the mechanical form, apparently being projected from the automaton's eyes. "Ah, Gosunkugi. No doubt you're wondering what's going on here. Well, it's simple—I had an associate of mine put together a nice robotic replica of myself, which I then controlled via remote control. Thus, while you were engaged in a vicious fight to the death, I've been sitting here, cozy in my lair, reading a good book—Les Miserables actually, that Victor Hugo writes a cracking good novel—and listening to good music." The Cowl gave a fond shake of the head. "But don't worry about me, Dr. Strange—I've still learnt from this fight, and have gained all sorts of information that I hope to use to destroy you and all that you hold dea—"

Hikaru kicked the robot's head away, causing the image to break up and vanish. "So," said Kagome, "there really is a team called Alpha Flight?"

"Yes. They're Canadian. Now let us never speak of them again." He turned. "Where's Nadia?"

Miroku stared at him. "Last we saw her, she was with you."

Hikaru bit his lip, and nodded. "Right. We got separated." He idly picked up the Cowl's cloak, and tore a strip of fabric from it, then headed off. "I'll go get her then. Kagome—you pick up the shard on that robot."

Kagome saluted. "On it, boss!"

Lum frowned, and followed after her. "Hey, we still haven't ironed out the fact that you're going stop chasing after my darling!"

Miroku watched the two young women squabbling, and then glanced at Inu-Yasha. "You know, you'd think I'd envy you, what with having two gorgeous women in love with you, but oddly enough, I don't…"

"Would ya just help me up?" groaned Inu-Yasha. "I think I can feel my legs again."

-----

Nadia nodded to herself. It had been some time, and no one had come. She sighed. So this was how it ended—her burnt to a crisp, never discovering the answer to who she was. Well, she'd face her death like a true daughter of the Sunken Kingdom…

The wall next to her collapsed. She glanced to the side, to see Hikaru standing there in an attitude of feigned nonchalance. "Coming?" he asked.

Nadia glared at him as she stood to her feet. "Give me a moment. I need to adjust my hair."

Suddenly, there was the cracking shudder of a building falling to pieces. "Stwange! Ahm gonn kee you!" The pair turned to see the battered form of Man-Killer standing in the large hole she'd just made in the wall opposite them. She snarled. "Pwepaw to day!" The ceiling above the villain suddenly gave way. "Oh, shid," muttered the Man-Killer, as the rubble collapsed on top of her.

"That was odd," noted Nadia.

"A very special moment," agreed Hikaru. They walked out of the mansion.

Kagome smiled at them. "Glad to see you got out okay, Nadia."

"So am I," said Nadia quietly.

"And guys—here's the best part." She gestured for them to follow. "Before we headed to the building, we rounded up all the Masters we could find, and restrained them. The only ones we missed were Black Knight, and Boomerang. We even got that Doctor Octopus guy! Pretty good—" She froze.

Aside from Hayato Myojin, all the Masters of Evil had vanished.

"Oh, great!" she yelled. "Now we'll have to do it all over again!"

Hikaru nodded. "I wouldn't feel so bad, Kagome. You did the best you could. We all did. Now, if you don't mind—I have to rest."

The others gave a cry as Hikaru immediately collapsed on the ground.

-----

The Crimson Cowl glanced at his minions, his hands cradled before him. "On the whole—I'm disappointed."

Oddball coughed. "Sir, Captain Oni alone proved more—"

"DID I SAY YOU COULD SPEAK?" shouted the Cowl. "DID I?"

"No, you didn't," muttered Oddball, looking away.

The Cowl turned away from his men, looking at the wall. "I'm looking into things. She will be neutralized. We will not find ourselves in this position again…"

"Sir, about Black Knight, and Boomerang…" began Gypsy Moth.

"They'll be fine. As will Man-Killer. Machinesmith's looking her over right now." The Cowl leaned back.

"And what about Doc Ock?" added Powderkeg.

"Someone had to serve as an example," replied the Cowl. "Anyway, he proved of very little use, so good riddance. The important thing is we will be back up to our full operating capacity in a very short time. Trust me." He waved them away. "Now go. And understand that I'm very disappointed."

Molten Maid glanced at the others as they filed out. "Well, I'm surprised. The Controller never lets a screw-up like this happen without electrifying the asses of half the crew…"

"Do you want to give him ideas?" hissed Gypsy Moth.

Machinesmith came in through the secret door as soon as they were gone. "She had a point. A mild dressing down, and getting rid of the one member everybody hated—not exactly stringent punishments."

"They're distractions," answered the Cowl quietly. "If you don't think a hat on a stick is taking enough shots, you stick it out a little further, and wave it a little faster. You don't tear it into pieces." He leaned forward on his desk, slouching somewhat. "I know what I'm doing."

"I hope so," said Machinesmith. "I've got Man-Killer's prognosis. It doesn't look good, actually. That—serum of hers really did a number on her metabolism…"

The Cowl opened up a drawer, and took out a bottle of scotch, and a shot glass. "I trust you to handle this matter as you see fit."

Machinesmith looked at him awkwardly. "I—thank you, sir." She gulped slightly. "I'll get right to it." As she headed back towards her entrance she looked at him. "Unless you'd like me to stay the night…?"

"I'd rather be—alone right now," he answered, pouring himself a drink. "If you don't mind."

Machinesmith nodded. "As you wish." She headed away, then turned to him. "You are a visionary. Never let anybody try to convince you otherwise."

The Cowl chuckled slightly. "Thank you, Machinesmith. It's nice to hear that."

She smiled at him, and then shut the entrance behind her.

As the Cowl began to sip at his drink, Moonstone appeared before him. "The demon hunters have been sent hurtling back to the void," she intoned direly. "This is your failure. This is your mistake."

"I'll get them back," muttered the Cowl. "We both know that they can be sent hurtling to the void and called back a thousand times. And if we lose them, others can take their place. They're unimportant. Minor details."

"The shard is not a minor detail," said Moonstone.

"All that matters with the shards is that either we have them, or they do," said the Cowl forcefully. "That's all." He gulped down the remainder of his glass. "Everything else—it doesn't matter." He shook his head and sighed. "Not at all."

-----

Dr. Octopus glared at Officer Kobayanshi as he filled out his release forms. "Trust me, woman, I shall note this insult, and when the time comes—an elaborate vengeance SHALL BE MINE!"

"That's nice, sir," said the policewoman with tired resignation. "Now just sign here."

Myojin grumbled, and put his name down at the bottom of the document. Tsuyaka looked him over for a moment, then idly reached over, yanked his mask, and then released it. It snapped back noisily to his face, causing the supervillain to emit a brief cry of pain. "Eighty-sixth ones up against the wall!" he shouted. "Do you hear me? Eighty-sixth!"

"Now why'd you do that?" Kobayashi asked her partner, as Doc Ock left the police station. "The creep will probably file a complaint."

Tsukya shrugged. "It bugs me that a scumbag like that will get off scot-free. We know he had something to do with the fire up at Kontsu's mansion, but he won't talk, and his family is cutting him loose…"

"Just let it go, . There are bigger things here than you or I." Kobayashi flipped through the paperwork. "Hey—Kei and Yuri have invited me out for drinks. You wanna come?"

"Nah. It's best to avoid those two. There's a reason they're called the Dirty Pair."

"What—do all their arrests result in massive property damage or something?"

"Nah. They're just in with the Yakuza up to their ears."

"Ahh."

Hayato Myojin snarled to himself as he walked away from the station. His career as a supervillain had had little success so far. He had no idea why. Perhaps he would have to increase his odds somehow… Passing by a magazine booth, he saw a picture of a tall gaijin wearing a metal harness with four—well, tentacles attached to it on the day's Mainichi Bugle. 'Dr. Otto Octavius's Amazing Metal Arms' said the caption.

A proverbial light bulb went off in Myojin's head. Such a marvelous invention! It was just perfect for him! With it, he could make the name 'Dr. Octopus' more than just an idle boast! With it—with it—

"I could throw six octopus balls at once!" said Myojin, overcome with emotion. He rushed off to make Dr. Octavius an offer he couldn't refuse.

-----

Hikaru shook his head as he, Miroku, and Nadia walked back to his house. "Well," began Hikaru suddenly, "that didn't go too badly. We held our own—and this time we got the shard, even if most of the Masters escaped. Yep—much better this time! Hahaha—"

"Hikaru," said Nadia quietly, "I appreciate what you're trying to do, but if you don't stop, I'll rip your tongue out."

"Right." He shrugged. "I'm really no good at this whole 'jovial optimism' thing anyway. Now, you want soul-searing depression—that I can do…"

"When you passed out," Miroku said suddenly, "I did a little check. You were walking around with—three cracked ribs, what I think was sprained knee, a dislocated shoulder, possibly a concussion…"

"Well, I'm fine now," said Hikaru firmly.

"Yes," said Miroku. "I saw. Everything sort of—popped back into place..."

"Well, with magic, anything's possible," muttered Hikaru. "You just have a little headache afterwards."

"You're going to get yourself killed at this rate," said Miroku. "I hope you know that."

"I have an inkling to that effect, yes," said Hikaru.

There was absolute silence for a moment as they walked on. "Nice of you to check out Inu-Yasha's wound like that," said Miroku. "Funny thing, wasn't it?

"Very," answered Hikaru.

"Odd how after bothering for so long it just—healed like that," continued the monk.

"On the other hand, he is a half-demon," noted Hikaru.

"True," said Miroku.

"Umm, Hikaru," said Nadia softly. "Why are there two disheveled individuals camped out on your lawn?"

Hikaru slapped his forehead. "Right. Tour's over." He bit his lips, and took off his cloak. "I'll—take care of this." He walked forward. "Hey, Dad. Mom."

Toshiro Gosunkugi looked up at his son, blinking furiously. "Hikaru! Good to see you! Your mother and I can't find our keys."

Hikaru walked up to the front door, and unlocked it. "Right. So—how was the tour?"

His mother's head shot up suddenly. "The crowds were huge, drunk, and surly—the music was played ten times louder than it needed to be, and into the early hours of the morning every night…" She shook her head furiously, then stared at him. "In other words—BEST BLACK HEAVEN TOUR EVER! WHOOO!"

Toshiro coughed. "I think you need some sleep, dear."

Meiko Gosunkugi grunted dismissively. "That's for the weak! I'm telling you, Toshiro—I can see the atoms! THE ATOMS!"

Hikaru stared at his parents for a moment. "Umm—right." He looked away for a moment, then smiled at them slightly. "I just—wanted to say that—if I go—missing one of these days—it's—I love you, and it has nothing to do with you. You—did all right. On the whole."

"That's nice to hear, son," said Toshiro dazedly. "Now can you let us in? I think the purple alligator is hungry now, and we're probably very tempting targets."

"Oh, Toshiro!" said Hikaru's mother. "The purple alligator is the avatar of truth! We have nothing to fear from him! Let us cavort before his mighty jaws!"

Toshiro stared at her. "Meiko, in the unlikely event either of us remembers this, I'm going to use it as proof that, contrary to your repeated claims to the contrary, there are substances that can't be mixed. Understood?"

Meiko slumped against his arm. " 'Kay, Cap'n Kangaroo…" She began to snore fitfully.

"They're usually more cogent than this," noted Miroku.

"I would certainly hope so," answered Nadia.

-----

As soon as he'd put his parents to bed, and gotten some food mixed up for the others, Hikaru went up into his room. He'd need a good night's sleep—several good nights' sleep, actually—to get over this fight. But before he went to bed, he pulled a small scrap of red cloth out of his sleeve. "I'd just like you to know that bit by bit, fight by fight, I am getting closer to you, asshole, and in a little while, you won't have any place to hide any—" He blinked. "Oh, what am I doing? I'm talking to a piece of cloth." He tossed it on his desk, flopped on to his bed and Willed the lights off, as he settled in for what would be a long, dreamless sleep.

-----

Meanwhile, on the other side of town, someone was checking into a hotel.

"Well, miss," said Jinnai eagerly, "here's your key. Enjoy your stay here."

"Thank you," said Ran sweetly. "I'm sure we will." She glanced at her companion. "Rei! For the last time—no pens! You know what a mess they make!"

As the pair walked off, Excel approached him, carrying numerous towels. "Hey, Lord Trapster—the boss says that if you want to keep on working, to go ahead, but he's not paying you, and if he smashes your ugly grinning face, it's your own damn fault."

Jinnai mulled that over. "I think I shall leave this employ, Excel."

Excel nodded. "Right. Well, let's go pick up Medusa—she should just be finishing her shift at McDonald's."

"An excellent suggestion," said Jinnai, as he headed off with her.

"Well, I'll say this about that job," said Excel cheerfully. "We got lots of new clothes—and towels. Oh, and shampoo. And soap." She smiled. "Now all we need is some rain, and we'll be all set."

"Mmm," said Jinnai, nodding. "You know, Excel, I was thinking. That encounter with Dr. Strange has shown me—we have to step up our vigilance, so this weekend I'm thinking—"

"More seduction lessons?" asked Excel eagerly.

"I figure I could manage about—three tomorrow," said Jinnai. "That sound good to you?"

"I am always eager to increase our readiness against the devil forces of Mizuhara, sir!" shouted Excel.

"Good to know, Excel," said Jinnai. "You know, you're the best partner in wickedness a supervillain ever had."

"And you're almost as dashing and dynamic a force of evil as the Wizard," said Excel fondly.

Jinnai thought that one over for a moment. "Ehh, good enough. Anyway, we shall be triumphant, and so forth. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

-----

-Next Chapter-

RAN: Vengeance. A dish best served cold. Or hot. Or with seventeen different spices. But the important thing, for those who desire to sup on vengeance, is to eat it. That is the ambition of those who seek to dine at the table know as retribution! That is why they seek REVENGE! And in our next tale, you will meet many such people! Yes, you will meet many hungry for vengeance in 'Brought to You By the Letter V—For Vendetta!' Be there!

HIKARU: That was almost atmospheric.

RAN: Why, than—

HIKARU: I said 'almost'.

MIROKU: You took away my chance to do the closing—for THAT?

NADIA: How come you aren't saying anything, Crimson?

CRIMSON COWL: Ehh, I kind of think my gag's played itself out.

-----

-Author's Notes-

I don't own any of these characters. To Marvel, and roughly 80 of the animation studios, and manga artists of Japan—please don't sue.

I told you this one would take some time. And it did—more than I expected. Hopefully next chapter will go quicker—but don't expect any miracles.