Life Will Be What It Was

By Ryoko Kashino & Kitana blade studios

Hey all! Anyway please read and review! And please be warned: Flame and soon know that you'll soon feel the burn from the flames of Karma coming around to get ya! Okay this chapter was inspired by a CD or two. Lol. It was fun to write again. I have a new muse, well two new CD's and one guy that is really awesome. He's a lot like Jet; even he admitted it well minus the gambling. Lol. I love him and this chapter is dedicated to him. Thanks, Soldier. (muah!)

Much luv & L8rs,

Ryoko

Ch. 19 – A Penny for your thoughts?

Spike sat at the edge of the Bebop's deck. He had smoked nearly another pack of cigarettes. Another three hours had passed and he had been left alone for most of them. He had let a lot of thoughts come and go. He thought about her, Julia. He had felt a lump in his throat build and instead of let it out he swallowed it hard and smoked three cigarettes in less than five minutes. Each one hadn't calmed him nor tasted all that great. Maybe he'd just lost his passion for smoking. Ha, right he was sure his blood was straight nicotine. He sighed heavily and then a cold wet nose nudged his hand. He looked to his side and saw Ein trying to get his hand to stroke his head. Spike raised an eye brow and said, "So it's come to this? Everyone so afraid to talk to me they send the dog?"

Ein looked at him quizzically and continued to try to get Spike to pet him. Spike sighed and gave in. He pet the dog and then began to grab Ein's ears he raised them to make the dog look ultra alert and made fake howling noises. It wasn't all that funny but it was entertaining the poor dog just sat there and took it. Finally when Ein had enough he barked playfully and backed away from Spike. He still barked at the man and jumped around in circles. Spike sat there and ignored the mutt. He'd had his fill of the dog and just wanted to be alone. Ein continued to bark at him. Then the dog made a whine and finally was irked enough to get close and nip at Spike's elbow.

"Damn dog! Leave me alone."

Ein instead barked at him again and spun in a circle.

"What? Do you need to shit or something?"

Ein wagged his tail and Spike groaned. He got up slowly and followed the dog inside the bebop. Ed was asleep on a large pipe with some drool hanging from her mouth that made Spike make a face of disgust. There was a smell of cooking food so Spike knew Jet couldn't take the dog out. He began to look around for that woman.

"Faye! Faye, where are you damnit?"

"What do you want?" she screamed from the bath.

"Never mind! Damn people want an animal and I get stuck fucking taking care of it! I knew we should've sold you for some Peking duck!"

Ein barked too quickly for Spike's liking. He had a quick vision of him kicking the damn mutt. Spike found the dogs leash and attached it to his collar. The whole time as they walked outside Spike was grumbling curses. He reached into is pocket and then lit another cigarette. He walked lazily behind the dog and also watched as Ein sniffed here or there. C'mon get it over with you stupid mutt. Just as he'd finished the thought Ein turned his head and barked at him. Spike looked at the dog and narrowed his eyes. He bent down low and Ein came close to him. Ein then placed his paws halfway up on Spike's shin and looked the man in the eye.

"You're a scary dog you know that. It's almost as if you can read my mind. You're almost too human dog."

Ein barked again only confirming Spike's worst fear, that for some reason beyond anything this damn dog could almost be holding a conversation with him. Spike shook that thought away and again stared into the dog's eyes. Ein's brownish red eyes looked wise wait what the hell this was a damned dog! Spike stood up and the dog continued to walk and suddenly Ein barked again. Spike looked around and there was no one and nothing around them except for the giant shadow of the bebop's haul.

"Okay fine, say it I know you want to."

Ein turned and barked again. He knew he'd ware down Spike into talking. So here was his chance, Ein looked up at Spike and then sat down and barked.

Spike covered his face and shook his head, yes he was going insane. He was gonna talk with the dog. Damn he needed some booze. He let out a sigh and got down to Ein's level.

"I dunno what I was thinking when I came back. I lost it all when she died in my arms. I was hoping to start over. To not look back and just have a new life, maybe even the life I would've had if I'd never joined the syndicate or met her. A simple uneventful life; maybe even I dunno I just never thought I'd run back into to Jet or the rest of you. I thought Ed left with you?"

Ein interjected with a few barks and then looked back at spike. Spike nodded and continued, "Yeah, well we'll get that rat bastard later. Jesus fucking Christ I'm talking to a dog."

Spike ran his hand across his mouth and dropped his hand to the dirt. He played with the sand for a moment. Ein watched and whimpered lightly. The dog sat there quietly for a few minutes and then looked away.

"Damn, I knew it; I just knew I couldn't walk away from this life. Damn it how could I want something so calm and far away from what I actually know? Chaos is the reigning theme in my life. Why the hell should I want different! I'd go nuts I would damn it. Ugh!"

Ein watched as the Spike's eyes darted around in their sockets. Spike reached into his pocket and pulled out his pack of cigarettes he tapped it and saw nothing come out. He crushed the packet and then threw it out into the bare plain land that stood before them.

Spike had been so consumed in his tirade that he hadn't heard her booted foot steps. Faye was a few feet away and Ein was looking at her. She had a lit cig in her fingers. She stepped closer and reached her hand down in front of Spike's face, "Here take it. You may need it more than me."

Spike grabbed the thing from her fingers and took a deep drag on it. He handed it back to Faye who in turn took a drag and handed it back. Ein barked and Spike held the cig in his lips as he removed the walking chain form the dog's leash. Ein ran back into the bebop and left the two there to talk.

Jet was looking down at the site and smiled. He knew they'd have to get down to talking but this was sooner than he'd anticipated. A small groan came from Ed's direction and Jet looked back down to see his fellow bounty hunters walking.

"So, did you and Ein have a long deep conversation?" asked Faye as she lit a new cigarette.

"Yeah, we talked theology. He's got some good points, but I still think he's full of shit. He is after all only a dog."

Faye laughed and handed her pack towards Spike. He reached over and grabbed one out. He tipped his head to her in thanks; and used his lighter to get it started. Okay that was the one good thing about her; she smoked almost as much as he did. He had a smoking buddy or at least someone he could steal one from. It was better than nothing.

Faye always wondered how they could do this. They could hate each other one minute and then later be buddy-buddy again. Or at least somewhat buddy like. Maybe they were more of a family than any of them cared to admit. Faye could at least now admit she knew what a family was. She had her memories back and the memories helped her. She was right they were a family; a family that needed each other so badly, but too prideful to say.

Spike had nearly finished the cigarette when she spoke suddenly, "Why did you run?"

"What do you mean?" Spike turned only his head to look at her profile.

"You know what I mean Spike. Why didn't you come home after you woke up?"

"I dunno…"

"That is the biggest steaming pile of bullshit."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah and you damn well know it too."

"It doesn't really matter, Faye."

"Yes it does. I came back because this is all I had. It's all I knew to be my life. Nothing that I wanted to go back to was there. It was ruble on the ground. I had nothing but this. And you know you had this too. So why didn't you want to come back to it?"

Faye had turned to look at Spike's face. He looked away from her and stared at the floor. He noticed his boot was scuffed, and hoping still his ploy to avoid answering the question would work. He still kept quiet after a few minutes. Faye's hand now rested on her hips and she was glaring at him. Spike moved his eyes and looked at her from the corner of his eyes. She looked like a girlfriend waiting for the lame ass excuse from her lying boyfriend; he really hated it when she looked at him that way. They both had never really liked each other that way. She had a body to kill for but her attitude could kill any hard on a man could get. She was just such a bitch. She was so opposite the girl he loved. He looked again at the dirt and prayed she'd just walk away in anger.

"C'mon spike, I'm not gonna leave until I get an answer from you."

Damn her and per pushy ass tactics. Spike put his hand in his pockets and headed back to the bebop. Faye stomped after him and grabbed his arm jerking him to face her. Spike was really getting ticked off. She really should stop this shit before she pushed him too far.

Faye stared at him again hoping her hardass behavior would make him talk. He never did anything when asked. This had to be the only way.

"Faye you don't want to know. And quit pushing this. You'll regret it."

"There's a lot of shit I don't regret. So just tell me."

Spike turned back towards the bebop. He began to walk away and then he heard the click. He turned his head and saw she was pointing her gun at him. He shook his head and spun around. He dropped down and extended his leg. He swiped her legs out from under her and as she fell she dropped her gun. She kicked herself up from the floor and lunged at Spike. A fist grazed his cheek, as she moved past him he connected an arm chop to her back and she fell to the floor.

Faye was getting pissed. She got up and waited for him to come to her. As he did she set on a spin kick that connected to his ribs. Spike got the wind knocked out of him and he was really angry now. He didn't want to hurt her and kept telling himself, don't hit her; don't punch full force just enough to make her stop.

Faye had been able to dodge most of his swings. There she was fists raised and ready to connect hard. It didn't matter how hard she threw them he never really got hurt. Although she knew she could kick some ass, she didn't really want to hurt him. She was angry and she knew it. She ran towards him and he moved. She almost fell and that really ticked her off.

Spike still had his moves. He had a smirk on his face as he saw her dusting off her shorts. They both now stood a few feet away. Each watched the other. Twice he faked her out and the third time she caught on and landed a punch to his chest and then a good hard and fast left to his jaw. The punch threw him back. He stood up and spit out some blood from his mouth. He could taste the coppery flavor in his mouth. He raised his hand to his mouth and wiped away the wetness. He then saw the blood on his hand and it made him snap. He looked up to see a smirk on her face. That was it the kid gloves came off now.

Faye saw something in Spike's eyes change. From concentrated to wild. He charged her and she dodged him. He recovered quickly and as she came to face him his hand was already an inch from her face.

Spike was already too far into the slap to stop. He connected with Faye's cheek and she fell to the ground hard.

Faye eyes stung with tears and her cheek was throbbing. She slowly got to her knees. Her hand rose to her cheek and she could taste blood in her mouth. He'd really hit her. Faye turned her head to look up at him.

Spike stood there frozen just watching her. Faye's hand had touched her cheek; it was already beginning to bruise. Her face turned to look at him. It was covered in dirt. Spike rushed over to her side and tried to help her up. Faye shoved him away and got up on her own. A single trail of tears fell from each eye. Spike felt his chest tighten. He had actually hurt Faye.

"Faye, Jesus I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hit you."

"Fuck off, Spike. You stay the fuck away from me or I swear I'll shoot your dick off."

"Faye, c'mon you know I'd never hit you like that."

"You just did you asshole bastard."

Spike tried to help her and instead she kept shoving him off of her. The whole walk into the Bebop Spike kept trying to stop her so he could look at her cheek. She just kept walking. They both stomped past Jet in the kitchen.

Jet heard them fighting and he could sworn he heard Faye crying. He shut off the flame and came out into the hall. Faye and Spike stood at the end of the hall. Jet came closer and saw each was a mess. Covered in dirt and each had blood stains. He looked at Faye and saw that she had tears falling from her eyes. Her cheek looked huge as well. Faye caught Jet's eye. Jet could read her so well now it wasn't funny.

"What happened?"

"Spike hit me."

"Oh, God damnit! What is wrong with you two?" Jet shoved past Spike and he gently touched Faye's cheek. Her eyes were still watering and not from the pain in her face. Jet could tell Faye's spirit had taken a major blow.

Spike tried to get close but Jet kept shoving him back. Finally, Jet opened the door to the bathroom and made Faye sit down. He began to clean her up. Jet wasn't used to seeing her cry so freely. It was making him upset. Spike was in the door way and making it worse. Each time Faye saw him she cried harder. Jet got up and stepped out of the door. He grabbed Spike buy the collar and told him to use the other bathroom to clean up for dinner.

"Jet, I didn't mean to hit her. We began to spar like always. She was fighting like a man, not Faye."

"She's still a woman, Spike. God damn it. Leave her alone for now. Kiss her ass in a few days."

"Jet..."

"I mean it Spike keep away from her."

Jet stomped back towards where Faye was. Spike could feel the anger in him turning to regret. Why couldn't he just tell her was afraid to come back? He had always been afraid to really care that much about these people he lived with. He didn't want to hurt anymore people than he'd already had in his life. It didn't seem to matter much because he left a trail of tears everywhere he went. He even left one in his own heart. Spike walked into his room and closed the door behind him. He locked the door and hit the bed for some sleep.