*Chapter 6*
~On the Road to Paris~
The day began with rain; a cold, constant drizzle that seemed to suck the life out of the damp French countryside. The sky was a dark grey, the sun was blocked from the sky, and it wouldn't clear anytime soon. There was no lightning or thunder though, but that was little consolation to those who had to travel through this late April rain. The poor roads of this region were made even worse by the unending rain, turning some section into small, muddy streams.
The rain did nothing to improve Kitty's mood, not one bit. The weather had been wonderful when they had arrived in the coastal city of le Harve. They had disembarked without a problem and they had found an innkeeper who spoke some English. The group had stayed a few days enjoying the city and preparing to set off for their first goal, Paris. From Paris, they planned to make their way to the Germanic States unless they learned differently. Lord Xavier had only been able to narrow their search to the area around Paris and several regions in Germania so they would start with what was closest. When they left le Harve for Paris, however, the good weather abruptly ended and the rain began.
Now here they were, trekking towards Rouen, their next stop before Paris. If Paris came up empty, the plan was to travel to Reims, then Metz, and finally end up in Saarbrücken. In Saarbrücken they could begin their search of the Germanic States for the Destiny Scrolls. But that was far in the future at this point, right now Kitty preferred to think up every curse she had ever heard and apply it to the weather. But at least the rain was distracting her from other, less pleasant thoughts. She had not thought any further on what she had remembered on the boat and the rain so far had helped keep her from doing so.
Shadowcat re-adjusted her hooded travel cloak and glanced around at her companions. At the head of the line was, of course, Logan on his mud brown gelding named simply Horse. The feral man's black cloak was pulled tightly closed to shield him from the cold drizzle. A length behind him rode Jean on her yellowish mare, Goldenrod. Between Jean and Kitty rode Bobby on his white-gray gelding that he named Blizzard. And behind Kitty, at the end of their line, rode Piotr on his steel gray gelding. The Russian named the massive beast Ironheart for its strength and steady nature.
Kitty absently patted the neck of her gray-black mare, Phantom. The horse was special to her in that it was the first friend of sorts that she had at the mansion. When she had first come to that place she was a frightened and rather shy girl who said little. This horse had also only recently arrived and was still quite wild; the mare refused any who approached her. But Kitty had somehow made a special connection with this horse; she could approach the wild horse without a problem. She named and tamed the beast and this helped build her confidence back up. Without this horse she might still be a shy little girl who slipped through walls to avoid new people. But Phantom made all the difference; she would never leave her mistress, unlike some people.
Again memories began to trickle through her mind, but these were not as harmless as what she had remembered on the ship voyage. These were more painful, dark memories, things she tried to forget with all her might. Memories of times when she had been hurt, both physically and emotionally, and when she had been abandoned by everyone who mattered to her slid through her consciousness. Her family had left her when her Curse was known as well as her friends. Then he left, the only person who had stayed with her, kept her alive, kept her sane. Kitty couldn't even think of his name anymore or she would cry and she had given up on crying a long time ago. She forcibly shook the offending dark thoughts from her mind, she had no time for them, it would only distract her and she couldn't afford that.
"Why didn't Ororo come with us?" Bobby whined, fully breaking Kitty from her reverie. "She could do something about this rain for us."
"Why don't you do something about it Bobby?" Kitty teasingly asked. "You can affect the weather a bit can't you?"
"Do you really want me to do that? I can only make it colder; it may even snow a bit if I tried anything." Bobby complained.
"Then stop whining about it already. There's nothing we can do about it so live with it." Kitty snapped, her patience fraying at his childish whining.
//That wasn't very nice Kitty.// Jean mentally scolded. //You didn't have to snap at him like that. You two were getting along so well while we were in le Harve too. I know this rain is terrible, but that is no excuse. Is something else bothering you?// Jean wondered.
//I know I shouldn't have.// Kitty reluctantly admitted. //But I haven't been in the best of moods for awhile. And I haven't been thinking pleasant thoughts either. Sometimes I wish that Lord Xavier would help me forget most of my life before I met you all. Just about all my memories are in some way painful.//
//What do you mean by 'in some way painful'?// Jean asked.
//Well, some memories were good ones, but they became painful to me when my Curse came to be. Then it hurt because I would never have what I remembered again. The rest were just bad to begin with.// Kitty explained.
//Oh, I think I can understand that. Do you have any memories of your past that aren't sad or painful?// Jean asked, curious as to what the answer would be. Kitty was mentally silent for a moment before she replied.
//Actually, no, not really. Some aren't as bad, but none are good.// When Jean received this she detected a sense of sadness from the younger girl. Her whole past was a shadowy mass of pain for her, and it didn't have to be. Jean knew as much as Lord Xavier did about here, which wasn't much at all. If only Kitty would open up to them maybe they could help her or understand her better, but Kitty was still closed on the subject and no one would force her.
//Do you feel up to telling me something that isn't that bad?// Jean tentatively asked. Again, Shadowcat was silent as Jean hoped that the girl would say yes.
//Well, my 12th birthday wasn't too bad.// Kitty admitted.
//That sounds interesting, can you tell me about that?// Jean inquired.
//For one, the weather on my birthday is, as you know, usually like it is today, rainy. But this time it was a beautiful October day, not a cloud in the sky and it was unusually warm too. My favorite meals were prepared, since it was my birthday and all, and everyone was in good spirits. The relatives that did come to my party were the nice ones; the mean ones didn't come that year which made it even better. I received some nice gifts like books and a few nice dresses, nothing I didn't need or want. It was the birthday of my dreams essentially. Then my favorite part of my birthday came. No matter how bad the first part of my party was this part always made up for it somehow.// Kitty paused for a moment, Jean could sense the happiness behind it.
//What part is that Kitty?// Jean prompted, wondering what could make Shadowcat so happy.
//After dinner and gifts there is always dancing. My parents would bring in a small orchestra, smaller than what would be at a ball but enough for the people who were there. And we would all dance as long as we were able, that night I almost made it till sunrise. I'm always happiest when I dance, it's my favorite thing in the whole world to do, it never fails to cheer me up. I danced with my father and all my favorite male cousins; I even danced with a few servants who knew how.
Kurt even danced with me. He almost never dances, he just watches everyone else dance instead. When I ask him why he would always say that he hates to dance, that he's no good at it, but that's not true at all. He was the best dancer I knew, I always liked dancing with him. But this time he surprised me, usually my mother has to force him to dance, this time he asked me all on his own. I asked why and he told me that today was my birthday and that it was something of an honor to dance with the birthday girl. When the song ended he left, he said that he would let others have a chance at the honor, but I think he was just avoiding another dance. But all in all it was a great night. Too bad I'll never have a birthday like that one again.//
When Kitty spoke of this Kurt person there was a conflicting surge of emotion. There was a strange feeling of deep affection for this person, and yet there was also a feeling of deep sadness, pain, loneliness. What on earth could cause such emotions in her young friend, and who was this person she spoke of. Why had such feelings appeared when she mentioned his name? Jean ached to know more but she feared that if she pushed too hard Kitty might close up again or be hurt.
//That sounds like a wonderful party, wish I had been there to see it. But,// Jean paused, wondering if she dared ask.
//But what Jean?// Kitty asked.
//Forgive me if this question is to personal, but why did you feel that way when you told me about this Kurt person?// Jean asked nervously, she really wanted to know the answer to this. For several minutes there was a silence between them and tension began to build. Only the two of them felt it, however, as the whole conversation was mind-to-mind, their traveling companions were completely unaware of it.
//I really don't want to answer that. I will only say that he was someone important to me and he left me like all the others. I find it kind of amusing that he is the only person that I truly miss. I may miss the way my life used to be, but I don't miss any of the people except for him.// Kitty explained. Her pain increased as she admitted this tiny bit of information to her older friend.
//Kitty, I'm sorry that I asked. I shouldn't have, it's none of my business.// Jean apologized.
//It's okay Jean. Maybe the only reason I miss him is that he was different from all the rest. But, even so, he still left me in the end. If he had stayed my life might just have been bearable enough for me to stay home. Or maybe I could have brought him with me when I came to the mansion. But he's gone now so that will never happen.// Kitty said. The last part was nearly a mental whisper, her anguish seemed to spike when she said it, but it subsided after a moment. Jean was even more interested in this Kurt person now than ever before. She said he was different, that he was the only person she truly missed from her former life. Remembering him had caused joy but also a great deal of pain, he must have truly been someone to make such an impression on the Shadowcat. But Jean dared not press further lest she cause Kitty more pain; she'd already done quite enough for today.
The line of five horses and their riders continued on without pause through the rain. No one among them had spoken aloud since Bobby had complained of the weather and it did not look as if any more conversation would be made for awhile longer. The soaked horses trundled along the muddy road at a slow, steady pace, it would be a few more hours before it would be time to stop and make camp. No one was looking forward to doing that is this awful weather but no one wished to keep riding either. All their eyes were fixed on the path ahead so no one noticed what might have been a tear roll down Katharine's face. If anyone asked she would have claimed it was a raindrop.