Far Gone

See disclaimer in the Prologue

After a few days' worth of rest, Kumo was finally able to stand without his knees giving out on him or getting so dizzy he had to lie back down or he'd faint. He managed to persuade the doctor into getting him an oversized T-shirt (his clothes were still too torn-up and bloody to wear), and proceeded to camp out with Kaze in the main chamber of the submarine.

His appearance was heralded with staring, then gasps as members of the Comodeen noticed the fading bruises that mottled the skin of his arms and legs and the thin cuts and scratch marks that traced red patterns across the spatches of bruises that had only half-healed. An equal amount of gawkers couldn't take their eyes off the still-all-too-clear hand marks on his throat. Kumo shrank away from their beady, shameless eyes, looking shy and extremely uncertain, and hurried over to Kaze's side, curling up beside him and clinging to his arm, seeming almost like he was trying to disappear into the gunner's side so that no one could give him those looks of horror again.

This will never do, Lisa thought exasperatedly to herself, and put her hands on her hips. "Be ashamed," she scolded. "What would your mothers have to say about this? Stop staring at the poor thing, he's frightened! And you're being EXTREMELY rude! Don't you all have posts to go to?"

The soldiers of the corps suddenly remembered that each of them had much more imperative tasks than staring at Kumo like a bunch of stupid cows, and hurried off to accomplish those tasks. Lisa, sighing, sat down on the swordsman's other side and gently fluffed his hair.

"I'm sorry about that," she said softly. "I don't think any of them really had any idea how badly you're hurt..."

Kumo nodded, although he still looked as though he wanted to melt through Kaze's cloak out of pure shame. "K-kansha suru..."

"Just rest for now," she told him. "It's okay. You can sit here with Kaze and do whatever you'd like while I go try to convince Knave to let you stay a little longer. I don't want to turn you out... you've probably got nowhere to go but Gaudium... and that's where you were hurt, isn't it?" Kumo said nothing, but snuggled a little closer to Kaze's side and regarded Lisa with large eyes filled with worry. "Don't worry. I won't let them make you leave."

Those big, soulful jadeine eyes followed her as she turned her back and walked towards the room where she had asked Knave to meet her. The mingled fear and hope they held haunted her. She had to bargain the extra time out of the Comodeen's leader. He was only trying to ensure the safety of his troops, but all the same, she couldn't let him turn this helpless child out when he needed shelter so badly. She had seen more than the others suspected, had held Kumo with Kaze until his shaking stopped, given him a soft cloth to stanch the bleeding of the lip he'd bitten in his sleep, helped him wipe the sickly perspiration of terror from his skin. Some days he was barely able to keep his mind from going to pieces. He wasn't ready to go out on his own. He was as much her charge now as Ai and Yu were. She had to get him more time. She simply had to.

"The agreement was that he leave as soon as he was able," Knave grumbled as soon as Lisa shut the door behind her. "He looks perfectly capable of walking off to me."

Lisa frowned. "His physical wounds are beginning to heal, yes," she conceded. "But mentally... he's still unstable. Look at him... he's not himself. He clings to Kaze whenever they're in the same room together, bites his lip open and claws at his arms and wrists while he's asleep, wakes up in a cold sweat at least once every night... and it's taking everything I can possibly do for him to keep him holding on to his sanity right now. He was raped, Knave. Raped and terrorized by the same people who engineered that little incident with his brother in the city of clouds not so long ago. Please try to understand. You lost your home... you know what it's like to feel helpless... please."

Knave grumbled more. "How long is this going to take?"

Lisa fidgeted, then shrugged. "I don't know. Days. Weeks. Perhaps months."

"And all this time, we'll have an agent of the Earl with us," Knave pointed out. "Our safety depends on getting him out of here as soon as we can. You know this."

"But all the same," Lisa said with another frown. "You can't turn him out... he'll die on his own. Or if he's taken back to Gaudium, what then? The same thing will probably happen to him all over again."

Knave sighed. "This is impossible." He gave Lisa a look, then sighed again. "Fine... you can keep him here for a little bit longer. But only until he's fully able to leave. You can't keep him as a little pet, you know. He's a man, not a child. And he's made his choice."

Lisa sighed unhappily. "I know." Sometimes, however, it was easy to forget that Kumo wasn't just like Ai or Yu, a child who depended on her completely to survive. Though he clung to her and to Kaze and needed their help to pull out of his current state, and he certainly was young, his time with the Deathlords had hardened him. He was an adult, and as Knave said, he had made his choice... to stay with the Earl. She just wished that she could convince him to stay here instead...

Leaving the room, she headed down the hall, knowing that she would have to speak to several people and yet let Kumo know that he'd just gotten a little longer to recover. Passing Yu, she tapped the boy on the shoulder. "Yu, would you mind carrying a message to Kumo for me? I'm afraid that I'm too busy to tell him myself, but it's important."

The little brunet nodded with a smile. "Sure! Just tell me what it is, I'd be glad to help..."

Heading into the lower section of the submarine's main chamber, Yu spotted Kaze and Kumo instantly. The starkness of their forms, white on black, was easy to pick out, and Kumo's exotic appearance was even easier to spot when combined with his physical state.

Kumo was leaning against Kaze's side, clinging to his arm, head on his shoulder, eyes closed, looking overwhelmingly tired. His injuries were still stark and it made Yu wince to look at them, but they seemed to be fading quite a bit from their original state. The swordsman was healing... it was an immense relief to the boy to know that.

Kaze, who usually sat morose and alone and unapproachable, was leaning against the wall with his eyes closed and a strange familiar look on his faceit seemed to be a meld of tolerance and affection; Yu couldn't place where he'd seen it before, until... Lou, he thought to himself, remembering. He's acting just like he did when Lou was traveling with us. He let her hang all over him and didn't bat an eye... just like now.

"Hey," he said softly, coming up to them. Kumo blinked and looked up, and Kaze opened one eye to give Yu a brief and piercing stare before closing it again. "Lisa wanted me to tell you that you can stay here for as long as you need to now. Nobody's gonna kick you out."

Sitting up, Kumo inclined his head to Yu gratefully. "Kansha suru." With agonizingly slow movements, he pulled himself to his feet against the inner bulkhead. "I... am going back to the infirmary... I'm afraid that I... don't feel well." With careful steps, he began to head for the door.

Yu frowned a little. Was something still wrong? He turned to Kaze, then was about to look back at Kumo when he saw it.

Blood.

There was a small pool of blood where Kumo had been sitting, and when Yu turned back to call out to him, he noticed a bloody spot of about the same size on the back of his long T-shirt. Even as he tried to figure out what to say, he realized that the swordsman was leaving a trail of bloody splotches along the floor as he went; blood was dripping from somewhere beneath the shirt as Kumo walked, and one thin streak traced across his thigh to his ankle, pooling further onto the floor.

"Hey!" Yu cried, feeling cold and worried. "You're bleeding!"

As soon as he'd gotten the words out, Kumo's steps faltered, and he began to fall backwards, letting out a soft muted cry of distress.

And Kaze was there, catching the swordsman in the crook of his arm, trying to support him, keeping him relatively upright.

"I'll take him," he said bluntly, looking to Yu. "Go ahead and tell them that I'm bringing him to the infirmary. He needs help."

Yu nodded breathlessly and dashed off, going as quickly as he could manage without slipping in Kumo's blood.

Kaze looked down at his companion. Kumo's skin was pale except for his face, which was covered in a delicate pink flush. His eyes were half-open and vague, and they didn't seem to see anything. His joints still refused to hold, and so his entire weight rested on Kaze's arm. And still, blood dripped from between his legs, gathering in a little puddle at his feet. Kaze scowled. Kumo should not have been bleeding after all this time. Either he'd done something to reopen the wound (unlikely) or his mind was starting to affect his body. At any rate, it was probably the blood loss that'd made him light-headed enough to faint.

Gritting his teeth, Kaze carefully hoisted Kumo's limp body over his shoulder and started walking. Nothing would be accomplished by simply standing around.

"He's got a mild fever of 99.6ยบ, and as I'm sure everyone has noticed, he's bleeding quite badly from the rectum. His old wounds should not have reopened at this point, and as far as I know he hasn't been engaged in any further sexual activity that might have caused new ones." The doctor sighed and scratched his head. "As far as I'm concerned, the root of this problem is psychological." When Lisa and Kaze both frowned, he sighed again. "The real problem's not with his body, it's with his mind. He's trying to internalize the trauma of the sexual abuse, but it's too much for him to handle, and so his body chose this outlet for him. How has he been doing for the past few days?"

Lisa shook her head. "He dreams about it every night. He's been biting his lip open during his sleep, and he tears at his body with his own hands. He'll wake up sweating with some of his old scratches reopened and his lip bleeding very badly. I've tried to take care of him when that happens, but..." She shook her head. "He has to sleep, and he can't stay up every night to avoid this."

"He doesn't talk about it," Kaze added. "He's silent all day."

The doctor shook his head. "Then you're going to have to get him to open up somehow," he said glumly. "He won't get any better until he's resolved the conflict in his mind. Oh, this may improve, but then he'll bounce around from illness to illness... nip it in the bud when he wakes up. Get him to talk about it then. Be firm with him, but don't push too hard for details. Just his getting the general idea of what's happened out of his system will help a lot. I don't have much more advice than that to give you."

Kaze and Lisa exchanged grim looks, then stared back at Kumo. This could turn out ugly.

It was a few hours before Kumo managed to wake.

Letting out a soft moan, he opened his eyes a fraction, then rubbed at his face with the back of his hand. At first he tried to sit up, but apparently thought better of it when he realized that he was still bleeding and a pad of bandages had been placed beneath him so that he wouldn't stain the sheets. Instead, he lay back down, closing his eyes and sighing, looking unhappy.

"Good morning," Lisa said softly from beside him.

"Define 'good'," Kumo retorted wryly from where he lay.

She smiled and put her hand on his shoulder. "Well, at least you've still got your sense of humor, such as it is."

One jadeine eye opened, regarding Lisa with a defeated stare. "I fainted. And apparently I'm sick. What in the world is wrong with me? First I can't even say 'no', now this...?"

Kaze, sitting on the white-haired swordsman's other side, scowled. "That was not your fault."

"Oh, yes, it was." The eye closed; Kumo shifted, turning slightly away. "No matter what anyone says, it was my fault."

"Why?" Lisa asked. "How could it have been your fault? You were hurt, you were scared, and you were overpowered. And on top of that... it was the choice of the person who did this to you, not yours." She paused, and seemed to think of something. "Wait... Kumo, how long has this been going on?"

The eyes opened again; Kumo gave her a look of utter despair, then turned to face Kaze again. "He was... angry... when he learned that I hadn't killed you when I had the chance..."

Lisa blinked. "You mean... when you fought Kaze at the base of the Comodeen?" She stared, looking more than a little horrified. "That has to have been at least two months ago now...!"

"Who?" Kaze demanded, deep rumbling anger in his voice. "Who did this?"

Kumo crossed his arms over his chest and seemed to retreat a little further into himself. "The Earl," he spoke into the silence after a long pause. "The physical embodiment of Chaos.

"Usually, Chaos takes a form that represents its development and growth of power," he explained, his voice getting fainter and fainter. "But don't let that fool you. If necessary, he can tap the full strength of Chaos, becoming what Chaos truly is... or alter his shape to appear older or younger. Chaos is the age-old enemy... the fiend itself... you must never underestimate it, or... you'll end up like me.

"He called me in that day... he'd taken the shape of an adult human... he had us sealed in... so there would be no way out for me. I didn't suspect. He was angry... he... cursed me, then dealt me... a blow more powerful than I had anticipated... he grew condescending... mocked me...then..." He shuddered. "He... kissed me... told me I was a fool... and then... then..." His voice trailed off, and he shook his head, giving his listeners a dark and haunted look. "He hurt me," he said softly, looking like he wanted to cry.

"Oh, Kumo..." Lisa, unable to help herself, reached out and smoothed his hair, trying awkwardly to comfort him. "Don't you see? This wasn't your fault... you didn't know! You couldn't have known! You never got the chance to fight back!"

"I never fought," Kumo told her with tears in his eyes. "Not once in all that time... I never fought. I couldn't even get up the courage to tell him no. I was weak... I never even tried to defend myself... and..." He shook his head. "Like they all said... I deserved it."

"How could you possibly have deserved it?" Lisa cried, still trying to comfort him somehow.

"Because there's something wrong with me," was his reply, spoken in a tiny voice. "Like they all said... that anyone like me should have enjoyed it..."

"They couldn't expect that," Lisa told him firmly. "That monster raped you. No one can like an experience like that..."

"But they knew," Kumo said, curling into an implacable ball. "They knew about... about Niisama..."

Gently, Lisa shook his shoulder. "Kumo, I don't understand what that has to do with anything. Please explain to me why their knowing about your brother made any difference in how they treated you."

Kaze sighedwas Lisa imagining it, or did he look a little uncomfortable? "Aura thought so. I wasn't sure, but she guessed..."

Kumo's curl tightened. "You'll hate me too," he said softly, his voice choked with tears.

"It would take a lot to make me hate you," Lisa replied firmly. "Please tell me."

"They knew about... about us," Kumo told her in a tiny voice. "I don't know how they found out... but they knew. They knew that I... that I loved him. Am I sick!" Anguish had twisted his high tenor back into a childish treble. "Is something really... really that wrong with me!"

It finally began to dawn on Lisa, and she drew back, dumbstruck, staring at Kumo in disbelief and maybe even a little revulsion. Was he talking about incest!

"You cannot change who you fall in love with," Kaze said softly, looking at the distraught Kumo with deep sympathy in his eyes. "There's nothing wrong with you."

Incest, Lisa thought weakly, still having trouble comprehending it. He had an affair with his own brother. How did this happen? Kumo and his brother... I can't believe this. I just can't.

"You aren't mad?" Kumo peeked up at Kaze, his jadeine eyes huge with childish anxiety.

"I'm not," Kaze replied patiently.

Kumo sighed, looking considerably relieved. "I've... loved Kiri-niisama for as long as I can remember," he confessed, the words quiet but tumbling out of him in a rush. "He felt the same way I did... things started to happen, and... we just knew that it was time. We were starting to go through life-bonding when Mystaria... when our world was..." He couldn't say it. Shaking his head, he went on. "Niisama and I, we never... we would have, when the rites were complete, but... we never did. But I, we... had already made our pact that... we vowed to save ourselves, for each other." He covered his eyes with his hand, his voice twisting again. "I broke that vow... my sacred oath to my love..."

Lisa gave herself a mental shaking. You can deal with your prejudices later; right now this poor boy is suffering because of something that was not his fault and you need to help him. "You didn't have any choice," she said softly.

"Chaos was my first time," Kumo whispered, his words filled with pain. "I betrayed Niisama, and... I am bound to Chaos now..."

"You aren't bound to anybody," Lisa said, alarmed. "You make your own choices about who you love. You hate Chaos because he hurt you and destroyed your world... and you still love your brother. And no matter what you believe, you were forced into this entire thing because you couldn't fight Chaos on your own! Kumo... you aren't alone anymore! You have friends here who will defend you when you can't defend yourself! Kaze and I will protect you, so don't worry about Chaos... he can't hurt you anymore!"

Kumo stared at her. Apparently, that idea had never entered his head.

"Lisa is right," Kaze agreed, his deep hoarse voice stern. "We will never let this happen again." Reaching out, he gently traced a fading bruise on Kumo's cheek. "I know what pain is. And you have lived with it for too long. It's over now."

Kumo gripped Kaze's hand with both of his own and bowed his head, overcome with emotion. When he looked up, there were once again tears in his eyes... but instead of grief, a small smile touched his face. "Kansha suru."

(TBC)