*Chapter 17*
~Revelation~
I don't know where to start. If I start at the very beginning and tell all there is to tell then it might takes days, even weeks to finish. And if I start too recently or give too few details, then I might have too many questions to answer. So here goes nothing.
During the feast month of December, when I was eight years old I met a boy. I'd never seen him before which was unusual because strangers aren't allowed to most of my family's celebrations. I didn't think much of it though; I had other things on my mind such as how to get back at my evil cousins for tormenting me. Then at that night's feast, my Father made an announcement. He said that on this night he would honor a promise he made to an old friend long ago. He then said that he had engaged me to his old friend's son as per their agreement. And his friend's son just so happened to be the boy that I had run into earlier.
I was angry of course; Father hadn't asked me or even suggested that something like this might happen. I had no idea who this boy was and he frightened me a little. He was so strange and he was foreign too. I wanted to have nothing to do with him but my family left me little choice. The deal was set and sometime after my 15th birthday we were to be married. My Father's friend, a Germanic count, and his son stayed through all of December. My family put the two of us together at every opportunity to give us the chance to get to know each other better. For the most part, it was a mild hell. He could barely speak proper English and was always in a bad mood. I don't suppose that I could blame him being far away from his own family and anything familiar. At the end of December, they left and I heard nothing more from them for years.
As I grew older, I developed an interest in a neighboring boy, the son of a knight, Lance Alvers. He was two years older than I was and very handsome. He flattered me, made me feel special and I was deeply smitten by him. By the time I was eleven years old I had completely forgotten about the Germanic boy that I was to marry and only thought of Lance. Then one day a stranger came to my home, or at least I thought he was a stranger at first. He was oddly familiar but I brushed it off as my imagination and went about my business. But then this strange boy started to follow me around. It annoyed me and I tried to ignore him but it was no use. Then my Mother told me that the strange boy was my foreign fiancé.
I was furious again. He shouldn't have come yet; I still had four years of freedom from him yet; plenty of time for me to find a knight in shining armor to carry me away from my old life and obligations. Now I was out of time. Things back in Germania had taken a nasty turn, feuds between the noble families were heating up and it was no longer safe for him to remain there. So the wedding was moved up and he was sent to live with my family for a while. When the original wedding date arrived we were to travel back to live with his family as planned.
I wanted to scream. I wanted nothing to do with this boy and his Germanic accent, and his strange amber colored eyes. He was so odd running around in peasant style clothes, usually without shoes, and always getting into trouble with everyone. His father sent an old man to be his tutor and a young man to be his sword teacher and bodyguard with him to my home as well. The old man was a bit eccentric and the swordsman was something of a pervert, always getting into trouble with the women. The three of them combined turned my world upside-down. And made it nearly impossible for me to see Lance the way I wanted.
My life shifted between something tolerable and a complete nightmare. Some days I could stand him and other days he drove me near madness. He was the one who introduced me to the sword and made his bodyguard teach me too. He was the one who constantly stole 'snacks' from the kitchens and tormented to cooks to no end. He was the one who I loved to dance with. And he was the one who pulled pranks on any and every member of my family. With him around life was never dull.
He lived with my family for four years. During that time, I did all that I could to see Lance without my husband knowing. But I don't see how he didn't know. I would disappear for hours at a time and even miss some sword lessons. Either he was a blind and ignorant fool or he knowingly let me see him. Why, I have no idea. My infatuation deepened for Lance and I became oblivious to all his faults and flaws, to me he was perfect. I wanted nothing more than to be with him for the rest of my life.
Then a month or so before my 15th birthday the headaches began. At first, they didn't last long and were not terribly intense. Lance told me not to worry, they were probably nothing. But they lasted longer, hurt more, and came more and more frequently. Then it happened. My husband was off with most of my male relatives on a hunting trip leaving the women alone. I had a nightmare, the same one I'd had the past few nights, about flying then falling. When I woke, I was not in my bedchambers but in the servants' quarters several levels below. My phantom-like Curse was born.
I was terrified and confused, we all were. No one knew what to think or do. My family was in an uproar, one of their treasured daughters was tainted by some mysterious and evil malady. The fear and suspicion grew and fed into itself until a sort of panic gripped us all. I couldn't think clearly and as my panic intensified my tenuous control over my power slipped. There were time when for hours at a time I could not solidify. I couldn't sleep at night for fear that I would fall again and never stop. I couldn't eat or drink either; it all fell through my hands. I grew weaker and weaker; my mind became a tangle of fear and madness. No one would go near me for fear that whatever afflicted me could spread. Even my Mother could not bear to be near me for more than a few minutes at a time. By the end of the week I was dying, slowly fading away to nothing.
In my delirious state of mind, I prayed for Lance to come and save me from all of this, but he never came, not once. Then my husband returned. My family warned him off, told him to stay away from me, but he ignored them all. He came to me and tried to give me some water but the cup passed right through my hands as if they were made of nothing more than air. I expected him to run away and leave me to die alone like all the others but he didn't. He cleaned up the spilled water, brought me another glass, and tried again. He stayed with me until he succeeded and then he held me. He never said a word, just held me until I could keep myself solid. Then he carried me to bed and helped me to sleep.
From then on he rarely left my side ignoring all of my family's frightened pleas to leave me be. He patiently helped me regain my shattered control and even encouraged me to experiment with my newfound skill. He was never afraid and grew angry with those who were. He found ways to make me laugh again and made me believe that it would be all right again. Despite all that I had done to him, he still cared for me. He saved me from myself and helped me life again. I thought he would never leave me.
But one day a young cousin, I forget who exactly, came and told my husband that my parents wished to speak alone with him. He went leaving me behind in one of my family's gardens. That was the last time I ever saw him. I waited and waited but he never came back. At sunset, I gave in and went inside. Every one seemed more upset than they usually were, looking everywhere but at me. He wasn't at dinner, but I wasn't worried, he'd missed supper many times before. I stayed up as late as I could but he didn't come and visit me. I thought that maybe he was in trouble with my parents again, he usually was, and I would see him in the morning.
Breakfast came and went but my husband was nowhere to be seen. I became concerned, he would never miss seeing me today of all days. I went to his room to see what was the matter and received a devastating shock. The room was completely empty as if no one had ever lived in it. All his things were gone and he was nowhere in sight. I searched frantically for something, anything that might give me a clue to his location. I found nothing but a long thin bundle wrapped in burlap. It was a sword. It was thinner and lighter than most with intricate designs snaking from the hilt to the blade tip. I suppose that it was my gift, I couldn't see him using this pretty little sword that seemed made just for me. It was a wonderful present and I would've been overjoyed with it under most circumstances, but he was not there to thank and I felt hollow inside. This was, without a doubt, my worst birthday ever.
When I finally was able to pull myself back together, I sought out my parents for an explanation. They ignored my pleas saying only that he was gone and never coming back. They told me to forget him and move on. Lance came to visit me that day as well. He brought his customary gift of fine, expensive cloth to make a dress and tried to woo me with empty compliments. I found that I was no longer blind to his failings and felt no affection for him anymore. Where had he been when I needed him? Nowhere near me that was certain. When he learned I was Cursed he became strangely excited. So was he it turned out and he had heard rumors that my marriage would soon be dissolved giving him a chance at me. He only spoke of the future, how powerful our children would be, and how great his status would become. I had enough then and told him off in no uncertain terms. If I ever see him, again it will be far too soon.
But freeing myself from that pig Lance didn't assuage my pain. My husband was gone. I didn't know if he was even my husband anymore. I was a pariah among my own kin and I could find no escape. Then Lord Xavier came, took me away from my old life, and gave me a new one. I tried to forget my past and start over, but I couldn't. I was hurt and confused, I still am. I wasn't pressed to talk about my past, so I didn't, it hurt me too much. I never meant to hide anything from you all or hurt you, but I have and I'm sorry. So now you know pretty much all there is to know. I hope you all are satisfied.