Author's Note: Well, this is my first AWTR-related piece, so I hope it goes down okay. This is inner perspective, and set a while after the movie. It was a response to a community I belong to, where we set quotes for challenges.

LEARNING TO BREATHE

She was different in so many ways, when I first met her. Of course, when I first met her, we were both little kids, less than aware of what we'd face in years to come. We were both too concerned with making friends and having fun; playing games and laughing. Well, I was anyway. I don't really know about her… I never asked her. Maybe I should have. But then it doesn't really matter… back then, we didn't know what was really important, did we? No one does at that age.

Of course, I still didn't know what was really important at the end of high school, when we made Clay Gephardt jump into the water. Well, I pushed him, really, but the point is I didn't really think anything mattered back then, apart from being popular and staying on top. And I was popular… but for the wrong reasons. I mean, I was a bully and a lot of people liked me because they felt they had to. But when I had to work with her… with Jamie, everything changed. It wasn't quick. It was a slow transformation. Landon Carter stopped being a bully, piece by piece, and actually opened his eyes. Sure, I lost 'friends', but Tracie was never really worth it anyway, and when I heard Dean had dumped her… well, I just about hugged the guy. But that's beside the point… Jamie made me realise what a true friend was. I'd had it in Eric all along I think, but together with the others, we had been cruel for years. We were the cool kids, you know? It was like it was our job to be cruel… the 'cruel cool kids'.

What a joke.

But Jamie… wow. Jamie Sullivan was something else. She always will be, even if she's not 'here' anymore. She had dreams… she had vision, and ambition.

She had faith.

I'll always admire her for that.

I'll always love her for that.

Her dreams may have been big… well, they were grand, some would say. Many people would have said they were impossible… that they were too big.

But where is it written that all our dreams must be small ones?

Jamie really took that to heart. She must have known about her sickness for a long time before we got together, but she kept fighting. She still had her list. She never gave up. The leukaemia didn't stop her from dreaming… from wishing and hoping. And she kept fighting for me, as well. Her father… my father-in-law… he said I was her miracle. The first time he told me that, I don't know why, but I felt sad in a way. I don't know why either. I should have felt… blessed, I suppose, and I do now. To think that Jamie strived to change and save me like she did… and that she succeeded. I mean, she did succeed, didn't she? Before I had her help me with my lines; before I fell in love with her, my ambition was to be popular as long as possible… pathetic, huh? Afterwards, when I made my own list… well, here I am in medical school. I never would have done it without her either.

I wonder how much of her list she really crossed off before the end of that summer. I know she got a few of them… I made sure of that. Two places at once; getting a tattoo; making friends with someone she 'didn't like' – Jamie never really disliked anyone – and getting married in that church. Of all the things I did for her, I'm most proud of that one. That one really changed me, I think. For the better. Being married to Jamie Sullivan for the last months of her life was… indescribable. It was heartbreaking, certainly, to watch her deteriorate, but she was happy. She was free, and enjoying herself. She was Jamie… my wife.

She changed me in more ways than I'll probably ever know.

And I'll never forget her.

Fin