Hunger

A/N: Wow. This came out...messed up. Much like Tsunade's state of mind. I had to remember what it was like to grieve, and thus this short fic took awhile because of that. I'm still uneasy if it's complete or not. This takes place right after Dan dies, so take that into consideration. I hope this doesn't disappoint, and as always, thank you so much for reading and more so for reviewing.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. But now, Shopro does...gripes

You've always gotta be there, can't you get it? If you're not them who am I?Pain is only bearable if we know it will end, not if we deny it exists.
-Viktor Frankl

Hunger

She didn't know how many minutes had passed.
Or how many hours...
How many days...
It was strange, how she drifted in and out of sleep, flung unto a mattress that didn't deserve a bed, in a position one would usually find uncomfortable. Right now, Tsunade awoke groggily, her eyes bloodshot and her cheeks dirtied from tears that only came when she slept. When she was awake, she felt too numb to do anything but stare at the white, bare walls.
She didn't care anymore. And she was so tired. So sick and tired of everything.
Tsunade couldn't move. She didn't want to move.
So she didn't.
Everything began to slow down, so hours stretched into what seemed like days, and the Sannin didn't want to do anything more than let the white walls consume her mind, flush it out and cling to it's surface, and then maybe...
Maybe she'd stop crying.
It didn't occur to her that she didn't even have the energy to do that.
Her head contained this dull ache, and she didn't have the enthusiasm to figure out it was because she had not eaten or drunk anything since she got here.
Wherever here was...
Her arm she was half on top of had gone to sleep, and tingling sensation running throughout it.
But her eyes, unfocused, stared blankly at the white walls.
Atleast they weren't red...
The color of blood...
Blood...
It was on her hands, she could smell it, it was all over him...all over him...
Over them...
Her brother...oh god her brother...
The white was like an easel, painting a picture in her head.
Already the image was blurry.
Becoming Hokage is my dream!
But I am a man!
Hey, Sis, wait up!
He was there, grinning like an idiot. He was sitting on a bench, already eating the chicken that was supposed to be for dinner. She was present, scolding him. Why did she scold him like that...? Dinner...
Food...what did that feel like?
Nawaki liked it, he liked it a lot...And when she said a lot, she meant it.
The pictures, faster than blinks, spun through her head, getting dimmer and unclear as they kept reeling, slipping through her fingers like kite string.
But he couldn't leave her. Not now. Not now.
His back. He was leaving. He was...he was...
What are you doing, out here all alone?
To protect everyone...Becoming Hokage is my dream.

Dan...He used to put his arm around her, in that meadow on the outskirts of the forest.
Trees...
And his silver hair would tickle her face when the wind blew, and she'd laugh a little. But his face...it was darkened, why was it? She wanted to remember him, remember his eyes and his lips and his voice, speaking to her softly.
She would wish she could hear it, if she had the energy. She missed it...
But...why? Nawaki...Dan...they didn't do anything wrong.
Nothing...
And here she was, doing nothing. She was dying. And why!
Tsunade suddenly felt a flicker of emotion well up inside her, and her grip on the mattress tightened.
They were...they were...they were dead.
Dead.
I love you so much Sis!
Tsunade...I love you.
What do you mean, I can't go outside and train? I can't get stronger by CLEANING!
I'll walk you home.
Dead.
They were her life. Her life. Then what was she...? Why was she still here?
Why!
Don't worry about me, heh...
It's fine, don't concern yourself so much...
She would cry. But somehow, she couldn't. Her eyes were dry. All that came out was a small, pathetic chocking noise.
She should've died with them. She shouldn't have been there, in some forsaken room with a mattress.
In a daze, she sat up, her mind awhirl. Head rush made her dizzy. But she didn't care.
Tsunade bit into her forearm, the dots still dancing in front of her eyes. Blood dripped out, and fear seized her heart and made it beat faster.
The blood...
Her eyes went wide in total panic, and she slammed her arm against the wall, staining the white as the red dribbled down it's surface.
Afraid, she was...afraid...afriad of the very thing that Dan and Nawaki did not have in the end.
She hit her head against the wall, the dull ache in her head becoming a roar. Pain...so much pain...blood...
Trees...
Silver...
His eyes...she couldn't remember what color they were.
White...
No...no...they weren't...she couldn't...
She grabbed the mattress easily with her strength and flung it to God knew where, not wanting to hear the thud as it landed.
She was too exhausted.
Tsunade collapsed onto the cold floor, onto her side, her bleeding forearm a little bit away from her face.
She would let the white consume her, kill her pain and sorrow and life.
Tsunade came to a realization, a landmark with her hollow conscience.
She was...hungry.
And the white wall was stained with red.