The Freak of Vader II: beware evil has a new name…
Disclaimer: umm yeah I don't own any characters, names, places, things associated or owned by George Lucas or Star Wars…
By: Aldaron Moonfaling
Luke couldn't believe it! Not only were his worst fears confirmed, but he was introduced to his younger sister. Melinda, a gothic sith apprentice with an uncontrollable tongue, heavy make up and the thing the seemed to be the source of the entire dark side of the force. He still believed that in this or, any galaxy for that matter could that… creature even be remotely related to anyone he knew remotely. Why me! Luke asked no one in particular.
Glancing down at his instrument panel studded with glowing sensors and navigational devices. His eyes traveled further to his artificial reminder of that horrific day on Bespin. The knowledge of who his father turned out to be plagued his mind everywhere he went.
To keep his mind off the new factors of his life, Luke had furthered his Jedi training with master Yoda. The short green alien beat him with his toothpick staff everyday. On top of it all the wrinkly fogi put him through strenuous exercise followed by long and stupidly worthless meditation sessions.
At first he had been depressed and unfocused though soon he found the force growing stronger inside him each day. Then without warning or reason Yoda kicked off one dreary night leaving Luke with two vital answers accompanied with several million questions.
"Only when you face lord Vader, will you a Jedi master be…" and "Leia your sister is..."
Luke had left Dagobah confused and annoyed, he never wanted to be in transmission distance with Vader and his spawn ever again, much less face him again. He would much rather destroy him at long range with a giant laser from a star destroyer or something to that effect.
Now he sat fidgeting in his x-wing cockpit traveling though hyper-space thinking of that which he had tried to erase from his mind. He also learned only a few hours since leaving dagobah that Leia had found and gone after Han Solo with the falcon. Lando had reported sometime afterward that she had been captured by the fat hutt Jaba.
The hyper drive started to bleep as he came out of hyperspace. Luke took hold of the controls and angled the x-wing toward the hot desert planet. He kept well away from inhabited areas scanning for R2-D2's tracking device. There a small dot on the radar screen. Altering course slightly he flew across the sands toward Jabba's camouflaged palace.
The main hall of the palace was dimly lit and smelled as if several things had crawled in, and died. Jabba's right hand goon greeted him and tried to turn him away. Non-pulsed Luke used the force to twist his thought patterns into the affirmative. The ugly twilek took him straight to Jabba. Yes. Thought Luke.
The Throne room stank of alcohol, stale and fresh sweat, grime, and something suspiciously like rancid perfume. Jabba sat and –oozed- on a dais in the middle. He was probably too drunk to even lift his increasing body mass even if he wanted too.
Luke waited impatiently as the goon presented him to the drunken and pathetic court. Upon hearing "Jedi" the bodies of the aliens pressing around him instantly dissipated toward the walls.
"JEDI?" Jabba screeched, and then he did something Luke didn't expect. The fat slug-like thing started to laugh. He laughed just laughed. All five thousand tons of him. As soon a Jabba had gained control of his rolls of wiggly fat he gestured behind Luke with a tiny deformed tiny fat arm.
Not willing to crush his pride Luke extended his force awareness and nearly lost every meal he had ever digested. Yet again the small demoralizing dent in the force.
Swiftly Luke spun as fast as he dared palming his precious light saber in the process. The smelly crowd pushed back more as his blade shot glowing into the air. The frightened occupants gave way to the most evil blond dreaded evil of the universe.
There on the sandy floor stood Melinda. She held a purple light saber that clashed violently with her neon-yellow tank top and black miniskirt. She wore yellow and black striped knee high boots with a glare shining off them that could blind.
"Hi Luke!" she said brightly raising her light saber. "Father is very disappointed in you." Her voice was as light and fluffy as ever almost breaking Luke's weak defenses.
Deftly Luke raised his saber and got ready for attack.
"Daddy said you wouldn't come without a fight. Too bad." With that she raised her light saber to attack position and raced foreword to clash blades with Luke. Luke met her blows and delivered a few of his own.
Vaguely Luke wondered how she could move in such a small skirt. He would never find out as Melinda smiled evilly then hit Luke with the force and knocked him out. Vaguely Luke heard Leia screaming in the background as he lost consciousness.
Luke awoke sometime later with a throbbing headache and an overwhelming sense of helplessness and fear. Since when did a Jedi feel fear? Oh well, Luke got to his feet and looked around. He was in a huge room filled with furniture and ottomans for meditating. On one sat the dreaded out line of the figure he knew so well.
Vader sat there just breathing. Whoopaww. Whoopaww. Whoopaww. Over and over. On the ottoman next to him sat a hunched over figure Luke did not know. The figure was laughing hysterically softly to himself.
Well since he wasn't going anywhere soon Luke walked over when he was sitting in the chair across from Vader and the strange laughing man. Vader just sat there even when Luke waved a hand in front of his mask he just kept breathing. The other man kept laughing. Creepy. Luke thought.
Luke decided to use a different tactic.
"Father?" suddenly Vader was animated. He started and looked around as if he did not know where he was. Catching sight of Luke, Vader stopped.
"Son?" suddenly in reaction to Vader's voice the creepy laughing man suddenly stopped and jumped up and pointed at Luke.
"You. You, did SHE bring you. SHE brought me and now, now…" Luke didn't hear the rest because the man he now recognized as Palpatine muttered jumping from chair to couch to ottoman then table and back again. Vader grabbed Luke's shoulder.
"Luke! Leave, run, before…" too late Melinda was back.
"Hi dad. Hi Luke Palpy! Now we can be the happy normal family we always wanted." Then she proceeded to laugh an endless evil laugh that gave Luke no hope of ever seeing the rebellion leia or anybody else for that matter. He was imprisoned by his demonic little sister for all eternity.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Luke screamed.