Disclaimer: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and all its characters belong to Nickelodeon.
"This is not what I wanted, Leonardo. This is not what I wanted..."
Those were my last words to one person on this planet I could possibly call friend. But I know, deep down, that I have no idea as to what I truly wanted.
My father is gone and I am an orphan once more.
I wish to hate the turtles, their master, and the Utroms. It is because of them that my father has been exiled into the darkest reaches of space, forever lost to me.
But I know, deep down, past all the lies I've been told, that is not the case. I know in my heart the truth. It is my father's fault. He who killed millions of beings. He who took me under his wing not as an act of mercy, but for the sole goal of having someone run his operations on Earth until he returned to conquer it.
He was my father, but I was not his daughter. I was nothing more than a pawn.
And for that I hate him as much as I can... but still, I cannot fully do so. If not for Oroku Saki, I would have no purpose in life. I would just be an orphan living off the streets of Japan until the day I died, a forgotten soul. He gave me purpose, a goal in life. He made me what I am today.
But all I was meant to be was a placeholder, an individual meant to keep the Foot under control until his return. I was a means to an end, not a daughter.
And yet, even now, despite that truth, I still love him as a father. Despite it all. Despite everything.
And I curse myself for it. The daughter of the Shredder would not be so weak as this. But I remind myself, I am not his daughter. Not by blood, and not by any connection he felt. And even if their was even a small sliver of love in his heart for me, I destroyed it. But I could not let him slay Leonardo and his family.
He hit me for such an act of dishonor. He was on the verge of killing me for that dishonor. Yet... how can there be dishonor in an act of honor? I turned, even if for but a moment, against my father... but it was to honor the pact I had made with the turtles in my father's name not so long ago. They are my friends, he was my father. It was impossible to honor them both, and in my attempt to do so, I have failed both. I fought the turtles for my father, and I stopped him from killing them. And none of the turtles know I saved their lives. Leonardo was unconscious from my father's attack... no, my attack. The Shredder may have thrown Leonardo into me, but I was the one who held the blade that spilled Leonardo's blood.
He lives, but I do not know if he realizes I was not the one who nearly killed him... not on purpose.
But what could I expect him to feel? He must hate me. I took advantage of him; he had saved my life when I fell, and I still took advantage of him. I took his blade, fought against him with it. He couldn't possibly know I saved his life from my master. I saw the sadness in Leonardo's eyes, if only briefly, after my father's exile. But was it sadness for me, or just sadness for what he feels I have become?
And my father, gone forever... He must hate me. I turned against him. I stopped him from doing something that would bring dishonor to his name. To bring further dishonor. Defeating the Turtles hadn't been enough he had intended to kill them while they were unconscious, vulnerable.
I know the Utroms spoke the truth. My father has dishonored all his different names over the centuries, long before I met him. He is a mass murderer, killer of millions. He never told me. He lied to me. Still I was naive to his ways. No, not naive. I just wouldn't allow myself to accept it.
I saw with my own eyes what he did to Baxter Stockman for his constant failures and betrayals. Stockman was far from an honorable man, but no one should suffer such punishments. It was another spot of dishonor on my father's soul. And I stood by and let him continue such acts, living in my own dishonor. The only honor I had left was to him... and that is gone now to, with my final act of defiance. Just another reason for me to despise the Shredder.
But he gave me all that I am. He made me what I am. Deep down, I love and thank him for that... but I shouldn't. And I-
I cannot take much more of this. There is no black or white in this world, only shades of gray. And those shades are tearing me apart.
How can I live like this? Somewhere out there my father is alone and miserable, a killer of millions, a monster. A monster cursing the name of the daughter he raised to be no more than a pawn. And somewhere out there is Leonardo, the one man besides my father I could find love in my heart for. And he is cursing my name for the things he felt I did, not seeing what I did for his family in their moment of weakness. And I... I have nothing left. No honor and no family. I am an orphan for the second time in my life.
My birth parents left me for dead on the streets of Japan, caring little for me. My memories of them are vague at best, but much like the Shredder, I feel for them an odd mixture of love and hate. They brought me into this world... and left me for reasons unknown. Their sins left me to die. And I would have if not for my discovery at the hands of the universe's greatest evil.
And because of his past and present sins, the Shredder, a man who was more of a parent to me then those who gave birth to me, is gone. Paying for the crimes deep down I know he committed, the ones he must pay for. His sins led to his trial and his exile; his sins led to him be taken from me.
No, my sins as well. If there was even a small sliver of love in his heart for me, perhaps I could have used that to make my father a better man. Perhaps I could have helped him transcend the evil that he was born into. Perhaps I could have changed him in time... but I did not try. And for that, I have sinned.
For all the sins that I have come across, my own and others... I am twice over an orphan of sin itself.
And I know not what to do anymore.
"Thus we are all servants of fate."
Those were the words I spoke to Leonardo so long ago. But what does fate decree of my future? How am I supposed to know such a thing after all that has happened to me in the last year and a half? No amount of meditation could bring me such answers. I am truly alone.
The Utroms are sending me back to Earth, to place me in the custody of the proper authorities. I do not know what they can truly charge me of... I know what I have done, but how are the Utroms going to put such crimes against me on a planet that knows not of their existence?
But it does not matter. Even if I were to be imprisoned alongside the good Doctor Chaplan, it will not last long. I am the heir to the Shredder and thus the Foot Clan belongs now and forever to me. They will be honor-bound to free me... and him as well, once they hear my request.
But what will I do with the Foot? I wish so much to live a life of honor, how can I run a clan forged upon acts of dishonor, my father's vile acts? How can I possibly do such a thing? By merely being a part of the Foot, to be its leader, I will be once more in direct opposition to Leonardo and his family. I don't want that, do I? He hates me, and the part of me raised by Oroku Saki demands I hate him. But how can I hate the man who showed me mercy and compassion so many times over?
I just don't know anymore. But it matters not. I can feel the part of me raised by the Shredder, raised to hate those who are his enemies. Perhaps... perhaps it would be best if I were to simply embrace it. Leonardo already hates me, there is nothing I can do to ask for any forgiveness, so perhaps I should simply take the simple road in life. Become his true enemy... if only so that we can put each other out of our misery.
Perhaps I shall, foolish as it is. It would only bring my dishonor to my name. But am I not already plagued by dishonor so great that it knows no bounds? Perhaps I should accept my cursed fate, allow dishonor to rule my life until it comes to an end, hopefully sooner than later. Let it come to an end at the one person worthy of taking it- Leonardo. Perhaps...
However, in that moment I am not only sent to Earth by the Utrom's teleportal technology, but to a future ruled by uncertainty as well.
The end.