"This will be my last lesson to you, son. Fetch the blade from its case."

I was an obedient child. I fetched the strange knife that my father had never touched. The blade my mother said stunk of death and despair.

"Always strike first. Attack before you are attacked. Kill before you are killed. Betray before you are betrayed."

He opened his shirt and stabbed the blade into his abdomen moving from left to right. Then he pulled the knife out and moved down stabbing himself again and dragging the blade upward. I grabbed his sword and attempted to finish the ritual. I was still too weak. Tears streaming from my eyes I raised the sword again. The sword was then lifted out of my hand. My sister moved me aside and with one fluid motion she finished the ceremony. Father's head fell over, still attached to the body by a small flap of skin.

"Moisten his lips," she said, "And then we need to go."

I have tried to forget that sight, but never the words he said. Those words would stick with me forever.

Once I almost forgot. Once I let myself trust. My father was right, Spike, I should have betrayed you before you betrayed me.

My father's death brought the first stirrings of hatred into my heart. I hated him for leaving. I hated myself for failing and I hated her for always doing what I could not. When my mother died, my sister took me in with her family and I began to hate her more, because she had what I did not.

So I betrayed her before she could betray me. Once again she would be the confirmation of my failure. She would find me one year later.

"Father commited kobara to protect us, to protect his kin," she said holding sharp steel to my neck, "And you would kill your kin. As of this instant you are dead to me. You have no family. You have no name. You are nothing but a vicious beast and if you do not prove your humanity, I will put you down like one. You have fifteen years from the day of the murder."

I asked why she was sparing me.

"I have a heart, you should go find one."

I found a brother first, someone who nearly replaced the family I lost. I showed you the loyalty I denied my sister. I was an envious child, but with you I learned to put my jealousy aside. Even though you were always the golden boy. I was your equal in a fight but you outshone me everywhere else. Mao, Annie, the men, they all loved you. You could put a smile on the face of every random person you met. I could never do that, I never had any talent with people.

That's why Julia meant so much. Few women would ever approach me and fewer would deal with my taciturn disposition. Your presence garaunteed that. Who goes toward the shadow when they could have the light. For a while Julia did, and together the two of you made me believe I had found my heart.

I trusted you. I had some doubts about Julia but my brother would never betray me. I wonder if my sister had once thought the same thing about me.