Note: To Princess Oats 435, star429, skippingpunk88, I hope I don't disappoint any of you.
PS. Note: The song used below is by Lifehouse, called 'Everything' it's a very mellow song and I liked the lyrics. The quote used at the end of the chapter is by a fellow named Robert Anthony. Again, Thanks for the reviews, and I beg more of you.
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However long the night, the dawn will break.
--African Proverb
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Life is full of interruptions and complications.
-Love Actually
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Find me here
And speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place
Where I find peace again
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The ride to the hospital was the longest of Sandy Cohen's life. It was even longer than rushing to the hospital when she was pregnant with Seth and her contractions had awoken her. At least then he knew what was wrong. Seth was stubborn, even before they met him he chose to drive his mother into a crazy labor.
He half frowned, half smiled at the thought, as if his mind was deciding on his emotions for that particular day.
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He was sound asleep, and it was close to four am.
"Sandy?" "Saaandy?"
Nothing.
"SANDY!" She smacked his forearm.
That jolted him awake.
"What?" He stumbled out of bed looking around sleepily he was very disoriented. "What do you need, honey?" He ran a hand over his face, and through his hair.
"We. Have. To. Go. Now." Uncertainty flashed across her cringing features as another contraction hit.
That woke him up.
He grabbed the bag they had packed from the corner of the room. He glanced over at her as he got the car keys and smiled.
She was so beautiful.
Another moan shook him from his reverie and he went over to her, grabbing her coat and helping her into it.
Getting her situated in their car he rushed to the hospital, amazed he didn't get pulled over by any cops. He hurried into the hospital, yelling to the nurse his wife was having the baby and she rushed out with a wheel chair.
When they got her situated in her hospital room, things slowed down and Sandy could breath a little. He called both sets of parents, and her mom, Katherine, was on her way almost immediately.
He went back into her room, sitting down at her side, brushing the sweat soaked hair off of her face.
"You're beautiful, you know that?" He whispered to her.
"Mmm, yeah I doubt that right now," she groaned.
"Baby, you have no idea. You're so gorgeous," his deep voice rumbled against her ear. She smiled up at him and he leaned up and softly kissed her forehead. She moaned again and took his hand placing it upon her stomach and he could feel the contractions beneath it. He winced, "Sorry honey, I wish I could take it away."
"Mmm hmm," she mumbled. She had just been in labor a little over thirteen hours. "Sandy, I'm not feeling so good."
She looked at him, he looked so concerned and he smiled at her reassuringly thinking that the labor was taking it out of her and another contraction was coming on. She knew in her heart if he could burden the pain that he would. He caressed her face with the back of his hand and leaned over to kiss her. Another contraction hit her and it hit her hard. She gasped and her vitals started to fly off the charts, alerting doctors and nurses.
She paled instantly, the pain searing through her belly was the sharpest she ever experienced. She grabbed the bedrail and his hand so tightly that her knuckles went white.
His knees buckled slightly at the stab that went through his own hand.
She sucked in air by the gallon, moaning. "SANDY, NEVER AGAIN. YOU WILL NEVER TOUCH ME AGAIN; WE'RE NOT DOING THIS EVER AGAIN. GOD. Something's wrong Sandy, it hurts to bad. It hurts," she whimpered now. The doctor's faces were anxious as they rushed around her and he caught the words "Bleeding out," before felt someone grabbing his shoulders. "YOU CAN'T BE HERE ANYMORE SIR," the orderly yelled at him. Literally yelled.
He looked down at his wife, the grasp on her hand had gone limp, the monitors flashing, beeping. Her flushed face went from rosy, to pale white, and then a tint of blue.
Something was seriously wrong.
He didn't comprehend what was going on. He fought the whole way out the door, not wanting to leave her side. He grabbed anything he could find that held him close enough to her.
"NO. THAT'S MY WIFE," he yelled as they dragged him through the doors and tossed him out. He stumbled and managed to catch himself before he face planted into the shining hospital hallway. It wasn't like he was in a bar and got into a fight. He had been HURLED OUT OF A HOSPITAL ROOM. That's the kind of stuff only happens on TV, not real life.
"That's my wife," he whispered, tears running down his face. His fist connected with the wall at least twice before any energy he had gave out. He slumped against the wall, no, no. This cannot be happening, this can't be happening. The words may as well have been a broken record in his head. What the hell was he going to do without her? Raise a baby by himself? Hope that in time he could maybe find someone and love her. That thought was impossible; he would and could never love anyone like her.
He sighed.
This. Can. Not. Be. Happening.
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You are the strength
That keeps me walking
You are the hope
That keeps me trusting
You are the life
To my soul
You are my purpose
You're everything
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Slumped against the wall was where Katy had found him. He was the only one who called her that. He was an emotional mess, tears streaming down his face, and his hair resting wherever his hand had last run through it. She had gotten there in time to hear the commotion and came running but they wouldn't let her in either.
She crouched down beside him, and took his tearstained face into her hands. "Come now Sandy, up off the floor. We can at least wait together in the chairs." Her heart broke for the young man slumped in front of her. He loved her daughter, so very much, and it was evident now more than ever. She had always liked Sandy ever since Kirsten had brought him home. He had shown nothing but affection for her little girl, and now he had a burden on his soul that she might not make it.
When Katherine Nichol said something, most people jumped to their feet. Sandy simply stared at her like she had asked him to jump from the Empire State building and couldn't comprehend English.
"Sandy, I can't have you down and out too. Do you have any idea what my daughter would do to me if she ever found out I left you on the floor?" She was trying to coax him into going with her.
Again he just stared at her, his expression completely blank.
He was in shock.
Katy looked around the hospital quickly before she reached out and slapped him on his cheek.
"SANFORD COHEN, GET YOUR ASS OFF OF THIS FLOOR NOW."
He bolted from the floor and then stared down at her, his pupils dilating, registering what was going on. She got up slowly, fixing her outfit and then reached up again and touched his face and he stared at her, willing her to make the decisions. "It's okay now love," she spoke softly to her son-in-law, "Lets go sit down."
He let her guide him to the waiting room chairs where he sat, hunched over and defeated. Sandy had the hero that lost the war look. The saddest look in the entire world.
Defeat.
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And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be
Any better than this
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Three long, tedious hours had passed when the doctor finally came back to the waiting room, his scrubs covered in blood; he had a smile on his weary face.
This was a good sign.
"Mother and baby are just fine. You have a healthy boy."
Katherine Nichol's hand went to her heart and Sandy heard her sigh in relief. He ran to the nearest garbage can and threw up. His heart was thumping a million miles a minute, and he was probably going to have to be admitted for either a heart attack or a stroke. He closed his eyes, 'Just fine. She, they, are just fine.' The words sounded like a broken record.
The doctor smiled sympathetically at the young man before going over to him and placing a hand on his shoulders. "You can go see her when you're done, son."
Sandy managed a nod and Katy came over to him. "You okay there?"
He nodded again, his brain and mouth not cooperating.
He went to the restroom and he watched at Katy went into the room that held her daughter, and his wife, his son, her grandson.
He rinsed his mouth and looked at himself in the mirror, attempting to straighten his looks out, but failing miserably. The exhaustion was evident on his face, and the rest of the night's events had taken their toll on him.
He had almost lost her.
Never again.
He sighed again, bracing his hands on the sink in front of him and he bent his head, his chin touching his chest. "Thank you God."
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You calm the storms
And you give me rest
You hold me in your hands
You won't let me fall
You steal my heart
And you take my breath away
Would you take me in
Would you take me deeper, now
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He stood shakily in the doorway and when Kirsten's tired eyes met his exhausted one's he felt his knee's go weak.
Katy must have left, knowing he would be in at any moment.
She smiled softly at him and for a moment nothing existed other than Kirsten. Nothing else mattered, just the beautiful smile on her weary face.
He didn't remember crossing over to her but he did somehow. His knees were jelly and her hand reached for his, pulling him close, bringing him back to his senses.
"Never again, Kirsten. He's our one and only. I can't lose you again," he trembled as he bent his head and kissed her. Her hand reached up and rubbed against his stubble that had grown in the past twenty-four hours and she kissed him back.
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And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be
Any better than this
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A small wail shook him out of his reverie and for a second he had forgotten about his new baby boy, he felt ashamed.
He walked over to the bassinette and slowly peeked over the edge to find a bundle of blue, his little face pink.
"Hey there, little man," his voice rumbled and the baby stopped instantly as if to say, "Who goes there?"
Little Seth whimpered and he reached down to pick him up, holding him to his chest the baby quieted and his eyes gazed into Sandy's. He gurgled as if to say, "Hi daddy, where have you been?"
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When how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be
Any better than this
------
He walked over to Kirsten and sat on the edge of the bed with Seth. He placed him in her arms and shifted enough so that he could hold both of them. They both were safe.
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Would you tell me how could it be
Any better than this...
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Sandy looked down at his exhausted wife, moving his hand he felt her forehead, and she was feverish again. In honest truth over time he did want another child, and he knew that the chances of that being incident being repeated were slim to none. However, by the time he felt this way Katy had gotten ill and their chances slowly went out the window.
They finally arrived at HOAG, without any incident of Kirsten throwing up, which Sandy was relieved for. Ryan parked at the ER entrance and ran around, opening the car door, and helping him with Kirsten. As Sandy slid out of the Rover and stood up his wife in his arms, Ryan was eerily reminded of Tijuana and carrying Marissa to the doctors of the foreign country.
This time Kirsten didn't reach up and wrap her arms around Sandy's neck. She was lifeless weight, and she looked like death had been knocking on her door and was just invited in.
Normally walking through the ER doors would draw attention just because people were nosy and wanted to see who was coming through, as if maybe they knew them.
Walking through the ER doors with a woman in your arms who looked like she hadn't seen sunlight in twenty years, her arms hanging limply from her sides was enough to scatter nurses and bring a gurney.
Sandy lay her gently down and the nurse and attending handsome doctor began firing rapid questions.
"What happened? What are her symptoms?Is she in any pain?" Sandy was taken aback, he only knew she was vomiting.
Luckily Ryan chose to bring the bucket because at that instant Kirsten sat up and beckoned for it. As she emptied the contents of her stomach again, the doctor began his questionnaire once more, only to her this time.
"All right, there ya go gorgeous, when your done, tell me what's wrong."
Sandy raised an eyebrow to the pet name that only he liked to call his wife, but he was positive every man thought it about her.
"Fever. Nausea, headaches, vomiting…" she trailed off again.
When she came up for air the doctor quickly checked the glands in her neck and was surprised at how swollen they were. He then reached down under her arms and felt the glands there. They were swollen also.
"Night sweats? Have you been sweating?" He was a rapid-fire man, Sandy was semi sure that he could even tie Seth if they had a quick paced conversation.
She nodded. Oh yes.
"Tiredness, have you been fatigued?"
She nodded, her head in the bucket. Definitely.
"Achy?" Damn this guy's good.
"Yes," she whispered weakly.
Sandy's mouth hung open slightly and even Ryan looked shocked, the only thing that registered on their face was, how long had this been going on?
Sandy and Ryan stood off a little ways away their faces etched worry and fear. If she could smile at them and reassure them, she would.
They began to wheel her away down the hall to her own examining room, leaving the boys standing there in the entrance way. They appeared startlingly eerie in the way the bright lights hit them and door closed behind them.
They looked like broken warriors in a battle not yet won.
"I'm going to get you something to quell the nausea, beautiful, and then maybe we will be able to talk a little more."
She nodded again, and she winced when she felt the needle sink into her tender skin.
"She's very dehydrated, let's get her started on two IV's."
A nurse grabbed her hand and inserted the needle and she flinched when they placed IV number one in her hand, the second one went into her upper arm.
The nausea finally at bay Kirsten was able to talk. "I've had headaches, constantly throwing up, sometimes in the morning, sometimes at night. I've been achy, dizzy, exhausted, running a fever and I've been waking up covered in sweat."
That was all she could remember at the moment. She was just glad to be able to breath.
The doctor nodded, and then started rambling instructions to his nurse with a clipboard.
"I want a, ABG, CBC, Chem. 7…" she tuned him out, her mental exhaustion was evident and everything moved in slow motion. The doctor spoke in slow motion, she felt drowsy.
"Her blood pressure is 140/90, a little higher than normal."
The doctor turned to her and slowly spoke, "Is it possible you are pregnant?"
She felt herself sluggishly shrugging her shoulders, and mumbled something that sounded like, "I'm married, anything's possible."
He smiled again, and told the nurse to add that to her list of tests.
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Sandy watched as they rushed her to her own examining room without a second glance in his direction.
He ran his hand through his hair in frustration. A nurse appeared out of nowhere and thrust a clipboard in his hands.
"Bring your insurance card too when you're done filling those out," she eyed him up and down and took off to go sit at her desk.
"Okay, robo-cop," he muttered, finding a nice hard plastic chair and sat down.
Ryan rushed in the waiting room after parking the Rover. He saw Sandy with his head down filling out paper work.
"I had to park a million miles away."
Sandy jumped.
Ryan looked startled. "Sorry…I…"
Sandy waved him off.
"No problem kid, I'm just jumpy that's all," he grumbled. 'Fucking paperwork. It's a damn hospital; we could pay for this in cash for Christ sakes. We could buy this hospital. She is Caleb Nichol's daughter, he could add another wing to your hospital if he wanted to.'
He was irritated. And when Sandy was irritated he wasn't the most rational thinker in the world. In fact he used to have a temper like Ryan, especially when it came to his wife.
"Shit!"
Ryan jumped out of his chair, "What?!" His blue eyes flashed daggers across the room.
"Sorry kid, I forgot to call Caleb. He'll likely try to have my ass thrown in jail if I don't call and tell him his Kiki is in the damn hospital." He hated that nickname.
Ryan broke into a grin. You could tell Sandy was from New York when he was frustrated. Not only did he swear more, he thickly laid into his accent.
Sandy looked up from his paperwork to find the kid standing over him with a grin on his face the size of Rhode Island. He looked at him quizzically, "Yes?" His accent rang through his ears.
"Sandy, Forgetta'Bout It," Ryan broke out into a small chuckle, coughed and then sat down in his seat, wanting to laugh but he couldn't, a smile played about in his eyes.
Sandy sat with an amused look on his face. "You're funny, son. You've been hanging out with Seth too much. Kirsten used to tease me about' it' too."
Ryan stifled his chuckle as much as he could. A man, who was used to being in such control of everything and was so easy-going, let his own accent bother him.
Sandy smiled and shook his head, reaching an arm over and patted his back before reaching up and ruffling his hair.
The comic relief was nice.
"Hey, here, call Cay-Cay and tell him what's going on," he said never missing a beat with reaching in his pocket and pulling out the cell phone while crossing a 'T' at the same time.
Ryan looked at him like Sandy had asked him to grow a second head and sell tickets on Wall Street. "Uh how about no."
He looked up again an eyebrow raised, the lawyer in him on alert.
"Sandy, I can't. I burnt down the guy's house. He hates me."
"I married his daughter. He hates me more."
Ryan grinned, "Point taken," and searched through the directory and was amused when it said 'Cay Cay's Cell.'
Ryan rolled his eyes when the older man got on the phone.
A sleepy grumpy voice boomed over the phone. "Sanford you had better not be drunk and calling me for an apology cause its not happening. This better be worth waking me up at some Godforsaken hour of the morning."
"This is uh Ryan. Sandy's busy, um, he told me to um call you…"
"Well speak up kid," he said impatiently.
"Kirsten's in the hospital. We had to take her to the hospital," he stammered, he didn't know what to say that wouldn't have Caleb Nichol breathing down his neck.
Ryan cringed waiting for a response.
Silence.
The voice was no longer sleepy. "I'll right down."
Ryan looked at Sandy who had finally finished and reached into his back pocket for the insurance card that the nurse oh so needed.
"Is he coming?"
"What do you think?"
Sandy nodded.
Super.
Kirsten was sick, he was going to have to deal with her father, and there was no moderator because she was in a hospital bed somewhere. But they couldn't see her "Just yet," as the nurse so eloquently put it.
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She was groggy, and sluggish. She went to tuck in a strand of hair that had become loose and watched as her hand moved in slow motion. Apparently they slipped in a drug so that she could rest too. She hated sleeping lately. She must have moaned that in her list of complaints and the doctor took it to heart.
Every time she slept, she dreamt, and she could only pray they were just dreams and not forewarnings of the future. She wanted to see Sandy and Ryan. She knew her husband's temper, however mild around situations with the kids, was a little different when it came to her. Her eyelids began to droop and she lost the fight to stay awake, she started dreaming.
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The wailing cry of a baby startled Sandy out of bed. He listened for a moment.
She watched him attentively.
He listened.
Silence.
He frowned and started toward the door when he then heard someone making a shushing sound. He crept to the baby's room and listened more, realizing Seth had her.
"Shh now, we can't wake Daddy up right? He's tired lately and he misses mommy. Yeah he does. One thing I'm going to teach you about your father, he sucks at hiding things. Yeah…"
Seth smiled at his little sister. She cooed at him and gave him a happy oblivious baby grin.
Her facial expressions softened and she sensed that his mood had changed.
"I miss mommy too, yeah I do. I wish you could have known her. Yeah," although Seth had always rambled on before, things were quiet in the Cohen household and he truthfully only babbled to her.
Seth looked different, he looked older and worn out. The youthful innocence that used to be his persona was gone. He hadn't shaved lately either. Seth had grown up in the short amount of time since she dreamt of him. But the time lapse hadn't been very long.
The baby cooed as if to say, 'I wish I could have known her too.' She softly gurgled against Seth's chest, her little hand reaching up to grasp his. She was so innocent and what hit Seth the most is she would never understand how much she had lost.
She was getting big now, and could focus on things, and recognize people. But she would never recognize the person who brought her into this world without looking at a picture.
Sandy crept back to his room, their room. Kirsten finally got a look at him, and was surprised at what she saw. Granted his hair had always been a bit messy and slightly unkempt but now it had grown out, startlingly resembling a Keanu Reeves style. It wasn't all over the place, surprisingly neat, but it was long. Sometimes it swept into his eyes and sometimes he brushed it away, other times he didn't even bother. What surprised her the most was the amount of growth on his face. He had a full-blown beard. Yeah he definitely resembled Keanu with scruff.
He glanced around the room, his normally bright eyes dulled and listless.
He didn't care.
The only thing that kept him going every morning was the little girl in the other room, and everyone knew it.
"You just had to leave me, didn't you baby? Ah, I shouldn't be so selfish, you fought the good fight," he whispered to no one.
He hunched over, in their bed a stray tear making its way down his cheek, "You fought the good fight," he echoed even softer than the first time.
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Kirsten opened her eyes the unfamiliar surroundings greeted her like a slap in the face. So, all this was real. Bad news was coming, she was going to die and she was none the wiser. Or maybe all of this thinking something bad was going to happen was putting these thoughts in her head.
Yeah, that's it.
She frowned and then sighed.
That's it.
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Caleb arrived at the hospital wearing jeans and a flannel. If he had long hair, it would most likely have been disheveled.
Sandy grimaced; he was prepared to hear Caleb berate him but was surprised when all he asked was "How was she?" and "What was wrong?"
Sandy only told him what he knew, which wasn't much.
"Have you seen her yet?"
Sandy shook his head. "Nope."
"Hmm, let's see what I can do about that," and he strode up to the main desk.
"I'm Caleb Nichol, I believe my daughter Kirsten Cohen is here, and I would like to see her."
The nurse looked at him wide-eyed, the great and famous Caleb –funds-the-hospital- Nichol was standing in front of her. She specifically remembered the little post it note in the break room that distinctly said, 'IF CALEB NICHOL EVER COMES TO THIS HOSPITAL, PATIENT OR OTHER, NEVER REFUSE HIM.' Okay, that was exaggerating but she had heard the doctors talk about him.
Robo-Cop nurse smiled toothily, "She's in room 324 sir, you can go in."
He turned around and pointed to Sandy and Ryan. "They're with me also."
The nurse nodded. No one refused the 'I am all mighty and powerful Caleb Nichol.'
He cast a glance at Sandy. Well, almost no one.
He beckoned to Sandy, "Lets go."
Ryan looked nervously from Caleb to Sandy, and back to Caleb again.
"Yes, you too. Kirsten would strangle me if I let you sit down here by yourself."
He smiled at the thought. Yes she probably would.
Arriving in the bright room she greeted all of them with a tired smile, "Hey."
"Hey baby," Sandy whispered, crossing over to a side of the bed, he planted a tender kiss in by her temple.
Ryan glanced nervously about the room between the three adults. He was halfway tempted to slip back outside, but Kirsten saw him and beckoned him to come sit with her. He smiled shyly, for a woman who didn't want him within twenty feet of her family at first, she definitely made sure he felt welcome and safe around her. He sat down in a chair close to her and trembling she reached for his hand.
She was surprised to see her father there at this awkward hour of the morning, but than he probably would have tried to kill her husband if he hadn't called him.
Caleb spoke the inevitable first, "Any word?"
Kirsten shook her head and gave a half smile, "No..."
Silence.
"Well, I'm going to go find out what the hells going on," he said striding out of the room.
Sandy turned to her and gave her a half smile, "How are you feeling, any better?"
She shrugged her shoulders, "I'm not throwing up every twenty seconds, I'm happy for the moment."
Joking was everyone's mask against fear.
'No I'm not. I'm scared shitless for the outcome of these results and I really just want to burst into tears because I'm more than sure the outcome isn't going to be good. That's how I really feel Sandy.'
She smiled at Sandy and Ryan. Sandy gave his bashful grin, and Ryan tried a tight-lipped smile.
"Relax a little guys, it's probably just the stupid flu."
They gave a nervous chuckle.
At that very moment a very grim looking Caleb Nichol entered the door in slow motion, followed by the doctor.
Everyone in the entire room knew at that exact moment in time, that it wasn't just the flu.
He sighed and tapped the folder with his open hand. He bit his bottom lip. "I have the tests results in," he smiled bleakly, uncomfortably.
Sandy stiffened.
Kirsten swallowed, the grip on her hand tightened on both her boys.
Ryan looked anywhere but the two adults. He thought he was going to be sick.
Sandy's eyes cast to the floor and he breathed in deeply, silently. He thought of a quote he once heard from a professor and never paid any attention to it until now,
'Waiting is a trap. There will always be reasons to wait. The truth is, there are only two things in life, reasons and results, and reasons simply don't count.'
The doctor swallowed. "I don't know how to go about this. It's not something that we as doctors see on a daily basis… Mrs. Cohen…"
"Please, tell us what the hell's going on," Ryan spoke up.
Everyone stared at him surprised he said anything.
He slumped in his seat again, "Sorry, I hate waiting."
Sandy gave him an easy smile and then turned his attention back on the doctor.
"Well, Mrs. Cohen…um…I don't know how to say it. You …"
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