Chapter Four: Perdition Catch My Soul

Sesshoumaru's elbow itched. It was a dull, mildly annoying sort of itch, caused by fabric rubbing the wrong way against the skin. Sesshoumaru normally would have scratched it and ignored it. It was one of those innocent, everyday grievances that plagued a human form; easily attended to and just as easily dismissed. However this time was different.

The elbow in question didn't exist.

Sesshoumaru rested his head against the tree and felt like laughing. The pain that had encased his body was persistent, coming on in waves every few moments: begging him to revert to his true form and scorning him because he could not. This is how death would come; he realized painfully, he'd die not in battle but from his own powers turning against him. But before such a death would come the ultimate insult.

Sesshoumaru moved his hand to study it. His alabaster skin had begun to show hints of rose, as red blood pumped through veins. Thin cracks were appearing on the skin, sweat ducts for use in cooling his body. His claws had shortened, the nails weakening until they became as fragile as a…

Sesshoumaru stopped himself from thinking the word. He ignored the word, and his other infirmaries: the blindness that had begun to creep into his eyes, the dullness of his ears and other senses. And, with more effort, Sesshoumaru began to ignore the small, unformed anxiety that was curling around his stomach like a snake.

Instead, he focused on the itch. It was easier.

He moved his hand to his left arm, and rubbed the remnant. His fingers worked dutifully, massaging the muscles and bones left in the arm and silently willing his lost limb to be appeased with this small offering.

Then, coming as softly as a breeze, there was a warm sensation in his bones that startled him. He looked down and moved the shoulder as best he could.

For a moment, he thought he was hallucinating.

He watched in silence as a thin white bone began to form out of nothingness- in the likeness of an arm. It positioned itself as his arm would have rested, strengthening and hardening until red muscle and blood veins weaved over the bone, before finally pink-white skin crawled over it and settling there. The skin flexed a little under his guidance, and despite himself Sesshoumaru tried to wiggle his fingers. To his surprise, it worked. What he did next, anyone would have done.

He scratched his elbow.

There was a rustle from the trees ahead of him. Sesshoumaru rose to his feet awkwardly as the figure approached. For a moment, he turned towards An-Uh, towards the Tokijin and was tempted to arm himself. But he knew better. If Tama had come with thoughts of battle, the fight would have already begun. Licking his dry lips, Sesshoumaru braced himself, forcing a commanding stance. Jaken was somewhere ahead of him on the road; ensuring the path was clear for his ailing Master.

"I knew you loved theatrics, Tama." Sesshoumaru hissed, holding up his newly formed left hand. "But I have no use for your pity, Tama."

"You are still so very mistaken, milord." Tama cooed as he appeared. "I do not attend to you for pity's sake but for love's."

Sesshoumaru shook his arm. "I have no use of this."

"Why would you deny my gift?"

"Because it's just an illusion. Fox magic."

Tama shook his head sadly, as he waved his hand dismissively. The arm evaporated like smoke. "All we have are illusions. Isn't that what you said?" He motioned to Sesshoumaru's body. "Even now, that sickness that ravages your body is only Fox magic. An illusion."

"Of your creation."

"Yes."

"And yet you claim love." He countered, using more passion then he had intended. His body seized up again, making him almost cry out. "Is this your brand of love, Tama?"

"No, Sesshoumaru Lord." The Fox countered softly. "It is yours."

Sesshoumaru found it difficult to control the anger that was seeping into his blood, making it burn. He hurt, and in his minds visions of the showdown played over and over again in his head. He could see the courtyard again, and the Smithy who had held Rin down. He could see the countless demons that stood by, watching as this creature Sesshoumaru had once called friend dare to challenge him. And most of all, he saw Rin's eyes.

Those eyes that burned into his very soul; those eyes of hurt, apathy and betrayal. He saw in his mind's eye Rin crouched in the dirt, and her soft jerk towards the Tokijin. Those eyes that had looked down at the sword posed near her neck, and then to him and had decided that death was preferable to remaining by Sesshoumaru's side.

"Why have you come?" Sesshoumaru demanded. "To finish this?"

"No. To reason with you." Tama walked forward, and took a knee. Sesshoumaru arched his brow, looked again towards the Tokijin. But it was a fool's wish, he knew, in this state Tokijin's aura would consume him. Sesshoumaru had never felt so weak. He despised it.

"My Lord. Once I swore fealty to you, and this is a bond that even this…chaos cannot undo. So I come before you once more."

"I will not beg for my life."

"Nor would I ask you to." Tama looked up, rising and closing the distance between them. Surprisingly, Sesshoumaru made no move to defend himself. He didn't even flinch when Tama brushed his cheekbone. "I merely seek to show my Lord another path."

"Is that what this is? A lesson?" Sesshoumaru asked bitterly. He turned away, refusing to meet Tama's eyes even though he knew the Fox longed for it. It was a small, fleeting victory but it would still be his.

"You said all we were, all we had been dreams. Illusions." Tama began. "Well, this is what I have taken from you. Your dreams. I'm showing you what you truly are."

Sesshoumaru jerked away. "I am not this creature you force me to become! I'm purer then this!"

"But this is what you would become!" Tama countered, just as passionately. "You would throw your life's grace away and that is what I seek to show you. I wish to warn you before it is too late! You need to break away from this. You are not held by laws, or consequences, Sesshoumaru. You are not governed by petty rules. You are Lord of the Western Lands, equal to none and I will remind you of this before we are done." Tama pushed closer to Sesshoumaru, close enough to brush his lips to Sesshoumaru's ear. "Even now you have the power to break free of this. I know it dwells within you somewhere. I can sense the struggle within you. That bastard father and that wretched orphan have not destroyed you yet."

"What would you wish of me, Tama?" Sesshoumaru asked quietly, moving his head ever so slightly back into Tama's hand. He was so very tired. The Fox's skin was cool on his cheek.

"Cast aside all in your life that causes you weakness. We can start again…it's not too late."

"How?" Sesshoumaru continued, closing his eyes and damning himself for being tempted.

"Do you have the Tenseiga?" Tama questioned. "The location of the orphan Rin?" Tama frowned as Sesshoumaru tensed under his touch. "Do not worry, my comrade. My mercy is infinite, and my love for you unparalleled. If you cannot do this fell deed, I shall do them for you." His voice softened again. "You don't even need to ask."

"After this is all over," Sesshoumaru returned quietly. "I will kill you."

Tama's face darkened as he stood to turn away. "I know. And if that is what it takes, it is a small price to pay for saving your life."

Tama leaned over again, closing his eyes for a moment before pressing his lips against the moon on Sesshoumaru's crown. It was a small gesture, but Sesshoumaru could smell the sadness that seeped from Tama's person. Silently, the Fox rose and turned; disappearing into the forests as if he had never been there at all. Sesshoumaru licked his lips and shuttered.

He turned again, staring for a long time at the hilt of the Tokijin as it peered from Ah-Un's saddle. It was release, for the taking.

Sesshoumaru froze as another wave of pain erupted through his senses; followed by a new ebb he had never felt before. The pain had caused him to stiffen again, arching his back in a futile attempt to twist away from the pain. Then, suddenly and as natural as the reflux of water towards the ocean after it hit the shore, the pain ceased followed by the steady flow of emotions that washed through his veins. In his chest, his heart pounded, releasing the smallest hint of fear coupled with relief. He would realize later this was an adrenaline rush; a euphoria caused by a human body when the pain threatened to overload the nerves.

A human reaction.

His body slumped again as his Youkai powers overcame the curse once more. Sesshoumaru rested for a moment, trying to ignore the euphoria that had flooded his body moments before and the longing for it he felt now. He had been glad for a release from the pain; regardless of the bitter form it took. Tama's curse had worked. He was beginning to prefer tainted blood and a human form over his powers and the pain they brought. Tama would break him but oddly enough, that is not what conquered Sesshoumaru's thoughts. It was his brother, and the company currently in his care.

Tama thought he was rescuing Sesshoumaru from himself and to do that, the Fox would attack without mercy.

And in short, he was afraid.

Sesshoumaru rose again, putting his hand on Tokijin's hilt. The blade hummed under his touch, making Sesshoumaru flinch slightly. The sword's dark powers warmed the hilt, temping and urging him to unleash the blade. After a moment, much too long for Sesshoumaru to admit, he pulled away and began to walk.

He would not surrender this easily.

XXXXXXXXX

"Well, go talk to her." Shippo deadpanned.

Zen turned and blinked, staring for a long time at the Fox before him. "What? Why me?"

"Because," Shippo returned, waving his hands in drama. "You're her big scary protector, remember?"

Zen tucked his hands into his robe and made a face that could almost be considered pouting. Not that Shippo blamed him. There were countless things easier then comforting a small upset female; facing Naraku without weapons or aide for instance.

Rin was sitting on the edge of a river bank when they approached. She never looked back. In her lap was a small mirror Zen had given her shortly after they had left Tama's citadel. The mirror was old and delicate. Round, it was silver with décor around its frame beginning to show signs of age. The designs craved into the mirror were not of war, but of beauty: rose and cherry blossoms coupled with bands of ivy. When she had first got it, Rin had smiled for days. She had used it to catch Sesshoumaru's reflection in her lap on the first night. That way she would be able to see him without meeting his eyes. Sesshoumaru had been aware of it; when he had looked down into the mirror he had seen Rin.

They had spent most of the night staring at each other through the safety of the mirror: keeping silent when they had wanted to speak to each other.

Zen shook his head. Rin's devotion to the Dog demon would fade in time. He would have to be patient.

"You shouldn't spend so much time looking in that mirror, Rin." Zen joked.

Shippo walked right over and plopped beside her. "Yeah, people are going to think you're vain."

Rin ignored them as she moved the mirror at all angles, catching the soft clouds and the birds in her mirror, before every so often catching the sun and making it dance across the river. She would let the reflected light dance on the stones before becoming bored with it and shining it away.

"Are you okay?" Zen whispered, taking the seat next to her.

Rin shook her head. "Are they still talking?"

Zen turned back to watch the grown ups. Inuyasha was standing rigid, his fists balled tightly around his waist. He refused to meet anyone's gaze. Nanashi was sitting down with the others; her voice low, and meeting the eyes of those who spoke to her. Ever so often, she would turn to glance at them; keeping a watchful eye on the children to ensure no danger befell them on her watch. She was an odd one, this Nanashi.

Inuyasha's only introductions had been she had been in his mother's service but had been with the family since Sesshoumaru was a child. He had also said they could trust her. Miroku seemed the only one unimpressed.

And to tell the truth, Zen didn't trust her either. Nanashi's loyalty was clearly to the brothers- not to Rin. She could be dangerous.

"Yes."

"Do you believe it?" She asked quietly. Her voice was dull, and meek. "Do you believe Lord Sesshoumaru could die?"

"All things die in time."

"Where do they go when they leave?" She looked up at Zen, her eyes searching his. "Will Sesshoumaru be with my mother and father?"

Zen felt his breath catch. He swallowed hard and looked away. "Probably not. When our kind dies, there is a different path we follow."

"He'll be with my father." Shippo whispered, edging closer. Shippo gave Zen the smallest of glares before turning his full attention back to Rin. His voice was softer and sweeter then he had ever made it. And Rin, hungry for comfort as she was, turned and met his eyes fearlessly. "And when you are ready, he will seek you out and guide you where you need to be."

"Promise?"

Shippo nodded, this time, with those uncertain eyes burning into him, he found it harder to lie. Rin made a small sound and threw her arms around his neck and squeezed. Shippo chuckled a little and returned the hug. He felt Rin press her cheek to his. He turned his head slightly and kissed it before pulling away.

Rin looked up, and forced herself to breath. Then, tucking the mirror into her robe as she rose, Rin stood and turned to walk back towards the group. Zen and Shippo exchanged nervous looks.

"Where are you going?"

"Where I belong." She said sharply. "Lord Sesshoumaru needs me."

"Most assuredly he does." Rin spun on her heels at the sound of his voice. Tama stood there smiling his deep ugly smile. Zen and Shippo had both jumped up, but were struck by the quickness of Tama's movements. Tama jerked his arm in Rin's direction, throwing something heavy at her that seemed to wrap itself around her like a snake. "All Kings should have servants precede them into death!"

Rin thought she heard Inuyasha's voice, and the sound of swords being unsheathed but she couldn't be sure. The only thing she was acutely aware of was that water that came rushing into her lungs as she tried to scream as she fell backwards into the river.

And of the thick blackness that followed.