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"I love you. You're the love of my life."
-Kelly Frears, Cast Away.
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"I had power over nothing. And that's when this feeling came over me like a warm blanket.
I knew, somehow, that I had to stay alive. Somehow, I had to keep breathing.
Even though there was no reason to hope."
-Chuck Noland, Cast Away.
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Kirsten Cohen looked up drowsily from her desk to the calendar on her wall. Close to a month had passed since she had returned to work. She had her great days, her good days, her not so good days, and her bad days, like the night she spent with Sandy in the bathroom. That had been labeled as the unthinkable "Worst Day." She hadn't had too many of those, thankfully.
Her fever spiked on and off again still and there was no telling when it would be on the rise. Lately she had been doing well, no fever, and her pain medication keeping the aches down to dull minor thuds.
Her vomiting had subsided too since she was taking the nausea medication on a regular day-to- day basis, but even it reared it's ugly head far too much for her liking.
Today was turning out to be one of her not so good days so it seemed. She was definitely running a fever because she could feel the cold sweat that was running down her body and the chills that made her shiver against her will. Her teeth occasionally chattered against each other and she wiped the sweat from her brow as she fought against the shivering. The pain in her back was beginning to flare and her joints were aching with stiffness and fatigue. She was cold and clammy one minute and warm and sweaty the next. What a long, miserable looking day she still had ahead of her.
She pushed the chair back a ways and sluggishly lay her head down on its cool surface of the desk.She only had a few more hours before she could leave. Technically she would have left if there wasn't this important meeting she had to attend with Julie. Even though she was more than confident Julie could handle the meeting by herself, her father insisted that if she was feeling okay and at work, that she should attend. If not she might be looking at another drunken fix up, with ass grabs, in her back yard and she really did not want that tonight.
She moved her head from left to right so the other side of her thumping skull could be placed on the now warm countertop. She moved over slightly so that the desk was cool against her skin. She had to be there in an hour.
An hour, it seemed like a lifetime. Then she would be a slave to Julie Cooper-Nichol and investors for another unrelenting three hours.
Three hours, oh God. She didn't know if she could make it another three hours.
She hoped she could handle that long. How would it look if she rushed out of the room?
Oh well.
Shifting slightly she let her hand slid against her slightly bulging abdomen. She felt a slight flutter and smiled gratefully.
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The first time she felt the baby kick she was laying on the couch watching Seth and Ryan play the play station. They were leaning against the couch and she was cuddled up quite close to them, but they didn't mind. On occasion and her own impulse she would reach out and run her fingers through Ryan's sandy blond hair and he would smile and shiver slightly as the tender touch caused goose bumps on his body. She then would let her hand run down the back of his neck and come to rest on his shoulders. She was laying down with her knee's up slightly and from time to time Seth would lean his head back, using them as a pillow and gaze adoringly at her before turning back to the game.
Ever since the night that she had spent in the bathroom with Sandy and Seth had watched she was never left out of anyone's sight for very long. She assumed, that Ryan knew about it because Seth would always tell him everything, and it was thier secret pact that she wasn't left alone.
Tonight was no exception but she enjoyed the company of her boys.
She gasped softly and her hand went to her stomach.
The game was quickly paused and their worried eyes were turned upon her, Seth was frozen in place, speechless and Ryan whispered his thoughts aloud, "What? What's wrong? Should I call Sandy?"
She let out the breath she was holding and grinned, her eyes welling up with tears. She shook her head 'No.'
She reached out for Ryan's hand and placed it upon her stomach and then reached out for Seth's placing it alongside his brothers.
"Do you feel it?" She asked them both softly, while the look on their faces confirmed that they had indeed felt the small kicks of the baby inside.
"Whoa…" Seth managed to whisper in awe. Ryan gave a small grin that showed he, too, was awed.
"That's almost as awesome as Summer dressing up in that wonder woman suit for Chrismukkah…" he trailed off again before she gave him a dirty look.
"Did I say suit, I meant she bought a wonder woman flute," he grinned sheepishly.
"Nice try Seth." She smiled wanly.
Ryan chuckled and both he and Seth turned back to the ninja game, waiting for the level to load. "That is pretty cool," he said to her with a smile.
"Thanks sweetie," she smiled and ruffled his hair. Seth's grin could light up a town.
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Kirsten groaned again as she looked at the clock. It was dragging and she just wanted to get this over with. She knew that at any minute Julie would burst through the office door spunky and over joyfully happy. She didn't know if she had the energy to deal with her right now. She moved her head again to a different part of the desk where it was cool.
The phone rang and she let her hand fumble blindly for it. She wasn't moving, nothing could be so important right now that she would have to move her head from this comfortingly cool desk.
"Kirsten Cohen."
"Kiki! Are you ready? We have thirty minutes I was just calling to see if you were ready yet?" Julie said happily.
"Sure Julie." She managed to mumble, feeling anything but ready.
"Okay, I'll stop at your office in twenty, that way when we walk in we can look professional as we walk in and we can catch up! Ciao!"
Kirsten let her hand fumble for the phone's receiver again. She reached around the back of the chair and grabbed the sweater that she had there, placing it upon her desk. The last thing she needed was to have a huge red line running down her face because the desk cut into her skin. She would never hear the end of it from Julie.
She placed her head upon its downy softness and sighed. Again, her baby kicked softly. "I know little one, I want to go take a nap too."
The phone rang again.
"Dammit Julie," she whispered, actually lifting her head this time.
"Kirsten Cohen."
"Hey honey," Sandy's reassuring, deep voice rang through.
"Hey," she said tiredly.
"You okay?" He sounded worried.
"Just tired today. How's your day going?" Anything to get him off the subject of how she was feeling because then he would get on her about going home and yaddy yadda, and she just didn't want to go there right now, she didn't want to bicker, because with Julie on her way to a meeting, she would hear enough of it.
"You're father is giving me the run around again." He sounded flustered now. "Anyway, I have to run, sorry to cut this short, I just wanted to hear your voice, and tell you I love you."
She smiled. "I love you too." He had been doing that a lot lately, calling just to tell her he loved her. She shrugged to her own thought.
"I'll see you at home."
She hung up and placed her head down on the sweater again.
"Oh this is going to be a long day," she mumbled to no one.
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Julie Cooper-Nichol was used to people being enthusiastically murky about meetings, maybe even downright bored with them. But she was always happy, always perky, because this was her one time to shine. Normally when Kirsten was in meetings with her she held the brawn and the brains.
She, Julie, would hold the position of the boobs and the bitch, she had decided that they could both be the beauty's. Somehow, that theory worked. When she got out of hand Kirsten managed to save her ass with her knowledge of the company and when someone argued with Kirsten, Julie laid down the bitchy side of the law.
It worked too. They had pushed more million dollar deals, and succeeded in getting them in the past few months, than Kirsten and her father had in a year.
Julie liked to think that it was because they made an awesome team. When Julie had told Kirsten her theory on the whole beauty and brains thing she laughed and replied, "Maybe we do make a good team." That had made Julie's day. To have the approval of Kirsten and to have her friendship, like an actual friend, not a phony Newpsie was just perfect.
So when Julie walked happily to Kirsten's office she expected the woman to be ready, searching around for a few documents she may have left in a folder somewhere, or talking on the phone to someone, but none the less to be prepared and to look it.
What she didn't expect to see was Kirsten slumped over her desk looking like a dog had drug her from the dirtiest lake. Her eyes were red and teary, there was perspiration on her forehead and flush of uncanny like redness in her cheeks. Julie knew Kirsten was pregnant, but she didn't know she had been diagnosed with cancer. Few people knew other than Kirsten's family, and Jimmy.
"Kirsten? You ready?"
Kirsten looked up and swallowed and Julie could see the two swollen glands sticking out from her neck, along with the sweat as it glistened there.
She nodded her head, "Sure Julie."
Kirsten went to stand up, her equilibrium off balance slightly and she teetered on her feet reaching out grabbing hold of the desk and balancing herself.
Julie reached out and grabbed her arm, holding on tightly as a slight confusion ran through her bright blue eyes. She could feel the heat radiate from the other woman from her hand on her arm.
"Thanks," she whispered through clenched teeth.
"You okay?"
Kirsten closed her eyes and willed the room to stop spinning as she waited for her head to catch up with her body.
"Just stood up to fast, that's all," she whispered.
Julie paused for a moment knowing from her own experience that the hormones could really mess with the body. "Do you want to go or do you just want to stay here, I can handle it myself. I think." She wasn't being mean, she just didn't want to see her friend hold on to a desk because she wasn't feeling well. "You can go home if you want…."
Kirsten gave her a small smile even though her eyes were still closed, "Just give me a second."
Julie glanced at her watch, still holding on to her arm. They still have ten minutes before they had to be there anyway. "Take your time."
She opened her eyes slowly and blinked a few times, waiting for the room and Julie to come into focus. Today was definitely not a good day.
"Okay," she sighed with a fake smile. Julie's hand left her arm. Kirsten then reached over her desk to grab the sweater and the file that she needed for this meeting and almost fell over but managed to recover before anything was noticed.
"You're sure? Do you want water or anything?" Julie was concerned, no one should look this way.
"I'm okay, Julie lets just get this thing over with," she gave her a fake smile.
Julie nodded and grinned. Her time to shine.
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Seth was excited that school was done with for the day. He didn't have lit-mag tonight, and Summer was coming over later, which probably meant another movie night with his family, but in honest truth he didn't mind it lately. The past two weeks had been spent with quiet nights at home, with his family. Sometimes they would all be downstairs on the couch, other times they migrated to his mom's bedroom. Wherever she felt comfortable.
Sometimes Grampa even stopped by and spent a few hours watching a movie, but for the most part it was Ryan, Seth, Summer and his parents. It had become their own little thing and Seth, was actually glad.
None of them seemed to mind either. That one night when he saw what happened with his mom, he realized how sick she was, and the fact that she might die was out there. So right now he didn't want to be away from her, none of them did, Summer was horrified when he had told her the story of that eventful night.
On his way home, he stopped at the movie rental place and picked up a some of the latest action DVD's and a sad love story for his mom and Summer. Somehow they both shared the same sappy taste for movies.
Walking in the house he said hello to Rosa before setting the disks down on the coffee table and headed upstairs to change. He had to go back to the school and pick Ryan up from soccer practice and by then both of his parents should be home and Summer was coming over at 6. What could be better?
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As Julie took the lead in the conversation Kirsten stared at a spot of wood on the large conference table losing her train of thought and trying to focus on the room that was moving. She was trying to get it to stay still.
"Kirsten, here, agrees that this is what we feel would be best for the company, right Kirsten." Julie's professional voice rang out.
She jerked her head up sharply which was a huge mistake as the room swam about, but yet she managed to smile and nod.
Julie went back to rambling and Kirsten went back to staring. She stood up quickly, casting a quick apology glance to Julie and rushed to the restroom adjacent to the conference room where she collapsed down on her knees and paid homage to the porcelain. Luckily it was quick and she slowly stood up again and walked over to the sink, wetting a paper towel and dabbing at her face. She looked horrible, her face was flushed and her eyes were glassy. She rearranged her hair, made herself look slightly presentable and walked back into the room. She stretched her aching back, feeling relief as the muscles were tightened and then relaxed.
"Sorry about that, this little gal down here likes to reek havoc," she gave them her best smile as she placed a hand on her belly.
They chuckled and understood.
Julie looked relieved and yet scared.
Kirsten hated the fact that everyone seemed to be on tiptoes around her lately.
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Sandy walked in the house and glanced at his son who was reading the latest comic book at the kitchen table. "Hey," his voice boomed over the silent house.
"Hey Dad."
"Where's…?"
"Ryan's at soccer and Mom's not home yet."
Sandy nodded his head.
Seth glanced up at the clock, "Speaking of which, I got to go get Ryan, I grabbed some movies for later." Seth grabbed the keys on the counter.
"Okay," Sandy called out as his son walked down the hallway to the front door. "Be careful," he bellowed and grinned as Seth waved his hand.
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The meeting with the investors was going rather well considering that Kirsten barely said anything and had let Julie take the lead today.
It was amazing what the woman could accomplish when she put her mind to it. She glanced at her watch and inwardly groaned, as it was almost five. All she wanted to do was go home and curl up on the couch with a blanket and her family. Somehow the pain didn't seem to hurt as bad when they were around. But right now it was starting to get to her. Her dizziness was beginning to come back too.
'Great,' she thought. 'Just great.'
She was thankful that Julie had begged that she should carpool with her today. She knew she wouldn't have been able to drive home.
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"Hey man how was soccer?" Seth asked as Ryan jumped in the SUV.
"Rough," he replied as his sweaty hair fell into his eyes, he was well past due for a haircut.
"Oh yeah? Rough how, rough like Joan Rivers or rough like Harry Potter and the bludger rough?"
"Uh…"
"Never mind you don't have to answer that, they're both rough."
Ryan laughed. "Rough like because we lost our last game we had to run umpteen laps type rough."
Seth shook his head, "The whole physical labor, yeah never saw the point in it."
Ryan just smiled. "What's for dinner."
"Chinese again," Seth mumbled rolling his eyes. "I did however, manage to rent some movies to enlighten our evening of moo-shoo pork.
Ryan raised his eyebrows, "Anything good?"
Seth shrugged, "Nothing to great out, I got some cheesy action movies. Besides, Mom and Summer will probably want to watch Ben Affleck in Armageddon again." He sighed.
Ryan frowned. "Great. Just great." He didn't know how much of Ben Affleck he could take.
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Finally the meeting was drawing to a close, now they were just having chitchat time.
Kirsten just wanted to go home. She wanted to change into her pajamas and curl up on the couch, let Sandy could rub her back, she could listen to Seth, Summer and Ryan talk about school and it would take her mind off of her achy bones and the spinning room. If she closed her eyes she could actually feel his hands on her back, soothing away the aches and pains and she could hear Summer call Seth an "Ass!" Then she would look guilty at them and they could only grin back at her. Someone disrupted her daydream as a chair slid back against the floor.
They stood up to shake hands and the edges of her vision went black. She frowned and shook her head slightly as if to try and get rid of it. Slowly it receding and she smiled as another investor shook her hand and she thanked him.
She turned to lead them out of the room and made it as far as the doorframe before the blackness came back into the sides of her vision and when blinking didn't take it away she took another fatal step and suddenly her whole world went dark. Luckily the young man behind her caught her before she hit the floor.
He laid her down and looked up at Julie anxiously as she collapsed down on her knees with him.
"Kirsten?" Julie called her name and placed a hand on her forehead, she was burning up. "What happened?"
"I don't know. She just collapsed." There was a commotion as the few people who saw it came rushing over.
"Kirsten?" Julie said again. "Oh God, come on Kirsten…"
No response.
"Dammit," Julie gushed as she grabbed her phone and dialed the Cohen residence as the man beside her had already dialed 911.
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"No way can you say that that movie was any good!" Ryan argued with Seth as Sandy watched in amusement. "No way!"
"Eh…It's not the worst I've ever seen." He paused.
"You're just saying that because your mother likes it." Sandy countered, sticking up for Ryan.
"Mom's not home yet Dad," Seth noticed, changing the subject as the clock was pushing past six.
"Her meeting must have run late," he offered glancing at the clock himself as the phone rang, "That must be her now."
Seth who was closest answered it.
"Hello?"
Sandy watched as the grin on his son's face left and was replaced with a look of fear.
"Okay… okay? Is she okay? Is the baby? Yeah. We'll be right there."
Sandy rushed up to his son his heart pounding, "What happened?"
Ryan waited for his response anxiously.
"Mom collapsed at work, Julie rushed her to the hospital." Seth's face was ashen. Ryan's mouth opened slightly as if he meant to say something and then didn't. Both boys' expression's held nothing but fear.
Sandy could only wonder what his own mirrored. He ran a hand through his hair nervously before grabbing the keys. "Lets go."
The boys led their way to the Rover and Sandy put his hands on either one of their shoulders knowing it was his job to keep calm and reassure them the best he could, "She'll be okay."
Neither one said anything, because in their thoughts they asked the simple question of, 'What if she wasn't okay?'
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