Hello, I'm back again. Sorry if it took a while. I had to re-read this story just to know what had gone on in earlier chapters 'cause I'd completely forgotten…so that took me a while because I HATE reading my own stories, 'cause I cringe all through it thinkin', "why the hell did I write that?" So… yep. THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS!
5
4
3
2
1
"Fuck!"
I jumped out of bed, my heart racing, and the sweat pilin' on. Dad was awake and angry as usual. But this time of the morning? What time was it? Oh look it's 11:30, almost lunchtime.
"Johnny!" He then yelled.
What did I do now! But then it all came rushing back over me, when I spotted on my small bedside table that money. The money that my mum gave me. The money my mum gave me for when I was ready to go to live with her. Because she was leaving to live with her sister. OH MY GOD!
My instincts told me to hide, so I jumped out of bed and crawled under it. He came storming in not soon after, yelling my name, and various colourful cuss words. I chose the right choice to hide. He was angry over mum, and I bet he wanted to take that anger out on me. I didn't even think he would care that much. I always heard him yelling at her, telling her she was worthless and he hated her… just like he always told me. But, for some reason he was angry now that she was gone. I was confused.
My dad stayed in my room. I heard him kicking things and punching things, still yelling, and I heard my window smash. I was so scared. I hid my head in my arms and hoped so badly he would just go. Please just go, dad. And then I my bed springs squeaked as a weight was put on them. The mattress was pressing against my back now.
My dad's feet were hanging off the side of the bed. He was obviously sitting on my bed. I heard him sigh. "Fuckin', bitch," he said to himself.
3
2
1
I walked to Ponyboy's house. I had to see him. Hold him. Would things be different now that we've had sex? I wonder if anyone could just tell I was no longer little virgin Johnny. When I saw my reflection I saw me, but something was definitely different. I couldn't place what had changed. Well obviously the fact that I've had sex, but why would that change how I feel, or appear to myself? I'd heard of people feeling dirty. But I didn't feel dirty. What had changed? Did Ponyboy notice something changed too?
The door was locked. When the door was locked that had to mean of course no one was home, since their house is always open. Oh right, school! Ponyboy would be at school now. Now what should I do till he gets out of school? Then I remembered the rest of the gang. I've been spending so much time with Pony lately, I had almost forgotten the option of spending time with them when I'm bored. When had that happened? The gang was everything to me, they were my world. But ever since Pony, it was like… he was the only thing that mattered anymore.
So I started to walk down to the DX station. Sad thing was though, I had other things now on my plate to worry about instead of just people finding out me and Ponyboy were together. It was my mum. Ponyboy was the world to me, how could I ever possibly leave him? But then again, so was my mum. Okay, not to a huge extent, since she didn't like me for years of my life, but now she does. She loves me. It's all I've ever wanted to have. The gang were always looking out for me, caring for me, and loving me, trying to make up for the fact my own parents just didn't. But now she was going to. Nobody had to make up for anything. Except, if I do choose to stay here, well nothing would have changed. Everything would stay the same, except I'd be giving up a chance of having a real parent. But on the other side, if I leave, I'd have what I've always wanted, but I'd have to give up Ponyboy. God, it was so hard to decide.
I made it to the gas station and walked up. Steve was in the garage working on some cars. Sodapop was sitting on the hood of some car, surrounded by all the drop out greaser girls, shamelessly flirting with him.
"Hey, Johnny!" Sodapop was the one to notice me first, and he pushed out of the crowd of girls and hopped over towards me, grinning goofily.
"Hey," I smiled.
"What ya doin' here?" He titled his head, a few girls came over, throwing themselves at him again. I didn't want to talk to him while their were girls around him. It just caused me to blush and shy up even more.
"Um… just hangin' with Pony. I'm gonna go see Steve."
He nodded, and I walked over to the garage.
Evie was in their too, drinking something. "Hey, Steve," I said.
Steve was looking at something under some hood. He stopped and turned around. He had grease spots on his cheeks, and some in his hair, and puddles of it smeared across his clothes.
He grinned at me, grabbing a cloth off the work bench that Evie was sitting on, and wiped his hands on it. "Hey, Johnnycake, how you been?"
"Alright, you?"
He shrugged, "eh, so so."
He then looked me up and down and smirked, "you didn't, Johnny!"
I blinked a few times, "I didn't what?"
He grinned, and raised his eyebrows, "as if you don't know what I'm talking about! When did this happen? Was it last night! Yeah… must have been, you still have the glow. Who was the lucky girl?"
"Steve, what the hell are you talking about?" I felt myself blushing. I had no idea what he was implying, but I had a very tiny vague idea.
"Someone got laid," he grinned wildly, then punched my arm.
I blushed further, my eyes widening in fear for a bit. My stomach dropped. Why was I so worried? He had no idea that it was Ponyboy.
"Oh… I didn't. I'm still a virgin, Steve."
"No you're not! Don't lie to me!" He laughed.
I put my hands in my pockets and looked down at my feet, now smiling sheepishly.
He laughed again and punched my arm. Evie was giggling too. "Who was she Johnny! Give us all the details! Did you like it?" She asked, biting her bottom lip.
"Yeah… I liked it. I don't wanna talk about it anymore…"
"Aw, we're embarressin' him." Steve cooed, pinching my cheek. I slapped his hand.
I hanged out with him for a while, and talked to Evie for a bit. Eventually Sodapop came in and we all talked and laughed, and just caught up on the latest stuff that's been goin' on. I wanted to bring up my mum. I wanted to tell them what she said and what she offered me. But that would most likely lead to, "so why don't you go?" But I couldn't tell them because I was in love with Soda's kid brother, or "tag-along" as Steve branded him. So I left it. But it gnawed away at my insides, just itching to get out.
3
2
1
I walked up to the high school. He should be out by now, right? I got even more home-sick, if you wanna call it that, or Ponyboy-sick, I dunno, I just missed him a heap more, when I looked at Sodapop, alright? Damn, Ponyboy, has to look like a redheaded version of his brother. God, I miss him.
I stood outside the school watching everyone pile out. After what felt like 20 minutes or so, I still hadn't seen him leave from those front doors. Maybe I got here too late? Maybe he wagged school today? But who would he go with then? I had seen Two-Bit leave these doors so it wouldn't of been with him. He definitely wouldn't of been with Dally 'cause of last night. And he couldn't of been with Darry since Darry would kill him. And I was with Steve and Soda. Maybe it was a friend outside the gang. Hell, maybe he could have even been wagging school with Curly Shepard!
But who said he was wagging anyway? Maybe he was just in the library studying or something?
"Mr Cade, hello."
I turned around. The principal Mr Ward was walking past me. "Walk with me," he told me forcefully. So I did so.
He was heading to his old run down car in the parking lot.
"You didn't come to school today."
"I know, I'm sorry."
He gave me a 'yeah… of course you're sorry 'bout that' look.
"You never handed in that English project either."
My eyes widened! Ohmigod, I had completely forgotten about that stupid thing!
"You know what that means, don't you?" He sat his briefcase down beside his car, and fumbled around in his pockets for his keys.
I didn't wanna face the truth, so I said nothing. Hopefully it was, "take you out for free pizza!" But once he got his keys and unlocked the door, he faced me. He gave me a sad look, "you have to repeat the year."
I sighed, and put my hands in my pockets, looking down.
"I'm sorry." And then he got in his car.
I probably wasn't gonna even be here for next year. He unwound his window and asked me, "what are you doing here anyway?"
"Looking for Ponyboy Curtis, sir. Did he come to school today."
"Yes, you could learn something from that student. He actually arrives to school on a regular basis and gets his work done on time."
I nodded, resisting the urge to roll my eyes. God, what a teacher thing to say.
He then looked at his watch and back at me. "He should be at track."
Oh, right! Track! "Thanks!" I grinned, and ran off.
3
2
1
Ponyboy was running around the field, when I got there. I was on the other side of the fence, watching him. I grinned. My heart fluttered at the sight of him. He eventually got to have a break, after a few laps, spotted me, and ran over to me, grinning.
"Had any trouble running?" I joked.
He smiled at me, and shrugged. "I'm glad to see you," he then said, staring at me.
I smiled, "me too."
"I have to talk to you, it's real important," I said.
He gave me a worried look, "you're not regretting what we did last night are you?" He looked so hurt, and upset. I wonder how he could possibly have that idea!
"No!" I shook my head. He smiled again. "It has nothing to do with last night, don't worry, I loved last night." His smile grew and he added, "me too."
I smiled and nodded. "It's 'bout my mum," I then said sadly.
"What happened?" His worried look returned.
"That's what I wanna tell you later. When do you get off track?"
"Not for a while, sorry."
"Oh…" I sighed. "Well, we can meet up somewhere then. I'll just wait there till you can come."
"Really?" His eyes widened, "I have no idea how long I could be here Johnny. We've gotta train real hard, 'cause there's this competition coming up against this other school. I hate it, so much pressure. God, I wish I could get out of it. But yeah…" he sighed.
"I don't mind waiting." I said.
"Really?" He asked again, "are you sure?"
I nodded.
"What if I take hours and hours to get there?"
"I'll still be there waiting for you."
"What if I take 3 days to get there!"
"Pony," I laughed, "I'll still be there waiting for you."
"Promise?"
"Promise," I nodded, smiling. "Just please do eventually show up."
He smirked, "naw… I think I will keep you waiting for 3 days."
"Ya-huh, cya, Pony. Let's just meet at the Dingo, 'kay?"
He nodded, and waved goodbye to me.
3
2
1
I played pool for a bit when I was slapped on the back. I turned around and saw a smirking face. A smirking face that belonged to Tim Shepard. His kid brother Curly was behind him, holding a cue stick, and checking out some grease girls walkin' by.
"Seen Dally 'round?" He asked me.
"Nope, not since last night at Buck's." Did Tim know about that? Weren't him and Dal best buddies? Tim would for sure know then right? If he knew, Curly would know. Maybe that's why they're here now! They're gonna beat me up for bein' gay!
"I saw him earlier today. He was all shakin' up. I tried talkin' to him, but he just went all crazy at me. Do you know what happened to him?"
Was he testing me? I don't wanna risk it. Besides, why would I just come out and say it anyway?
"Nope, no idea."
"You look like you have some idea," Curly stepped up to me, eyeing me suspiciously. "Down boy," Tim said, pushing him away. Curly walked to the other side of my pool table, and took a shot for the hell of it.
"I know he saw you at Buck's last night with Ponyboy."
My face paled. I think my hands began trembling, I was so scared.
"Was he acting weird last night, too?"
Wait… that means he doesn't know! I sighed with relief. Tim gave me a strange look, but sorta smiled.
"Naw, I didn't see him much. He seemed fine to me." Before he caught me and Ponyboy anyway.
"How good are you at pool, Johnny?" Curly asked. I turned around, and he was setting up another shot.
"Alright, I guess. I've played a few times. Why?"
He hit the ball, but it missed horribly, bouncing off the walls a few times, just knocking other balls out of good places. He stood up straight, "dang!" He then made eye contact with me again, "how much cash you got on ya?"
I shrugged, and fished through my pockets, "not much at all."
"Wanna place a friendly bet? Me against you. I win; I get what you've got in those pockets of yours. You win, and I won't tell what I saw the other day at the bus stop."
My eyes went wide, and I felt Tim's strong hand, grip at my shoulder. "Tim here can be the bookie," Curly, then cocked an eyebrow, "up for it?"
I wasn't sure how much he had heard from that day, but obviously he knew enough for that wide smirk to be on his face.
"What did you hear?" I asked foolishly.
"I could repeat everything I had heard, in front of all these tough, gay-basher, greasers, if that's what you really want?"
I gulped, my face still pale, and my stomach tied up in knots. I thought I was gonna be sick and my head was spinning.
I sighed and put my money on the table. Lucky I didn't carry that money that my mum offered me. I had practically nothing. But I had everything to lose.
Tim grinned, "let the game begin."
Curly can't be too good, right? Well, that's what I had thought. He was damn great at the freakin' game. I bet that's what him and Tim did in their spare time. Found out secrets and used it against them to get their money.
I wasn't too bad though. I kept it a close a game with him. But in the end he was the one who won. He stood up, proudly and grinned.
"Bad luck, Cade," Tim said, taking the money. I groaned, holding my head.
"I feel bad for beating you in a humiliating defeat, and taking your money," Curly said walking over to me, "but I like ya, Johnny. So I'm gonna keep your dirty little secret between us, alright?"
I felt a ray of sunshine, shine gloriously down on me, "really!" He nodded, rolling his eyes. I then narrowed my eyes, "why?"
He shrugged. Tim grabbed Curly's sleeve, pulling him aside him. Tim then smirked, "well, just in case we need some quick cash again. We can just use it against you again, can't we?"
I glared at them. They left, just as Ponyboy came in. Tim messed up his hair just as Ponyboy walked past them. He was confused to why he did that.
I felt guilty and horrible. And worse I'm going to break this horrible news to Ponyboy. Not that the Shepard boys know our secret, 'bout me possibly leaving.
"Hey," Ponyboy grinned at me, "hope I didn't keep you waitin' too long."
I shook my head, smiling, "nope." Shoot, a second sooner and he would know what Curly knew right now.
3
2
1
"WHAT!" Ponyboy yelled. I couldn't do it at The Dingo. I said lets go for a walk and we did. So I broke the news to him and that is what he replied.
"Johnny, that's great but… what about us?" He had to sit down on the curb.
"I know, I know," I gripped my hair, sitting beside him. "That's why I have such a problem here. I don't wanna lose you Ponyboy."
"I don't wanna lose you either," he said, looking up at the sky.
I looked up too. The dark clouds were rolling over. Looked like more stormy weather for tonight.
"I really want to go though. You know how badly I've wanted to have someone care for me."
"But I care about you," Ponyboy then got teary eyed.
I sighed, "I know." I think I was getting teary eyed too. "But, you know what I mean. My mum is finally showing me that she loves me. We can finally be a family."
Ponyboy sniffed, and wiped away at his eyes with his arm. "I know, but Johnny, it's so far away."
"We can still visit each other."
"Oh yes, because we all know Darry's got heaps of money left over to spare," Ponyboy said angrily.
I looked at him sadly.
"I'm sorry, it's just hard to take in, you know?"
I nodded, and sighed, "I'm so sorry."
"So, you've made your decision? You're leaving." He choked back a couple more tears. He couldn't look at me anymore.
"I guess so. But it really is tearing me upside." I knew he wouldn't believe. I knew my words didn't sound convincing. But he really was everything to me. And with Tim and Curly knowing, maybe it was for the best if I just left? That way there was nothing to threaten I guess. Ponyboy would be safe. But Dally still knew. And by the sounds of it, we've completely shocked him.
"Please don't go!" Ponyboy then burst out in tears.
"Shh…" I tried to calm him down, pulling him into my arms. "Things were just starting to get really good you know?" Ponyboy cried, "how can you just leave me?"
"I really don't want to leave you."
He cried harder, hugging me tightly. But eventually after a few shaky sobs, he stopped. And just layed his head on my shoulder. "I can't imagine not having you around to hold me like this. I need you so badly, you have no idea."
"Why don't you come with me then?"
He sat up straight, leaving my arms. He stared at me confused. I knew it was insane, but in my head, it seemed like a great solution to everything.
"If you came with me Ponyboy, everything would be great! We could get away from everything! We wouldn't have to worry about the people who know about us being together. We can get away from greasers and socs and that whole damn thing. We can be together, Pony."
He looked down. "No."
"Huh? Why not?"
"I can't just pick up my stuff and leave, Johnny. Though I do, I really do. But, my brothers…"
I had forgotten.
"And here is where I grew up." "Me too!" I added. He nodded, "I know… but, this is the town my parents are buried in. Not only am I leaving my brothers, but I'm leaving them too. You probably don't understand why that's so important to me, but it just is. And Darry gave up everything to take care of me and Soda, so we could all be together. If I left, how could he explain that to social workers?"
"Maybe if he explained the situation…"
"I don't think that would work. See, if he, or the social workers knew, well this sort of thing ain't particularly congratulated and praised about is it? They'd all probably try to keep us apart."
Here comes the rain. It was coming down lightly.
"When are you leaving?" Ponyboy asked. I shrugged. I few more tears rolled down his cheeks. "Do we say goodbye then, or now?"
"Why do we have to say goodbye?"
"We both know we'd most likely never see each other again once you go."
"I really hate this," and I actually began to cry. Heartbreak sucks.
"Me too," he said. His voice sounded more choked up than mine.
He stood up and I looked up at him. "Bye, Johnny." He said. I watched him walk away. Please come back to me Ponyboy. I watched him walk down the street and put his hands in his pockets. I watched as the rain began to damply wet his hair and clothes. I watched my love leave me. Memories flashed before my eyes. Last night mainly. That was my first, but I didn't know it would be my last with him. Please come back to me, I repeated in my head. But I knew he wouldn't. It was short what we had, but it meant so much to me. If only he came back. I would regret choosing what I did over him, and change my mind. I would stay here with him. Enjoy what we could have had together. Kiss him and tell him I'm sorry, and that I can't live without him. But he didn't come back.
5
4
3
2
1
Second last chapter! Ooo… what's gonna happen next! You'll see Dally in the next chapter too.
I made a stupid reference to my story Bad Influence. If anyone had noticed it, it was Johnny thinkin' maybe Ponyboy wagged school with Curly. 'Cause in that story, in one chapter, they did wag school together.
Bad Influence and this story have no connection what so ever, obviously since Johnny's dead in the other one. But I decided to put Curly and his brother in this short appearance chapter. I didn't change Curly's personality. It's just that he shows another side of him to Ponyboy.
i loved the reviews soooo much! Keep writin' 'em... though i'm pretty sure i'm going to get a few angry ones about the ending to this chapter...