Chapter 4.
I must find Pippin: (Merry's POV)
I wipe the tears away from my face and take a deep breath. I must find Pippin! I have to tell him how much I love him. Tell him that it's always been him, even when I've been with others. Tell him that I've pretended it was him kissing and caressing me instead of some girl I picked up, that I imagined his body under my fingers, his lips against mine. Tell him that I don't hate him, that I don't hate him at all.
But what if it's already too late? What if he's left the Shire for good and I'll never see him again? My stomach ties itself in knots at the mere thought of it. I will never see him again. Never see his face or hear his laughter, never share a secret or a private joke. Never play another prank. Never hug him, never hold him. Never kiss those lips I've wanted to kiss for so long. Never tell him... tell him that I love him. My eyes fill with tears again.
Then another thought hits me. What if something happens to him, when I'm not there to protect him? What if something has already happened, what if he's injured or in some kind of danger? What if he's lost and can't find his way back home? What if he's crying for me to find him right now!
But why should he cry for me? I was the one that drove him away. I was the one who hurt him and made him cry in the first place. I shouted at him. I don't think I could ever forget how he looked at that moment, tears rising in his eyes and spilling over. And that look in his eyes, the look that said everything - Hurt, yes. Fear, that too! But also friendship, lust and love. And it was all directed at me. It was all there so clearly. How could I have missed that, how could I have misunderstood that?
My guilty conscience makes me feel like I have a bucket of ice in my stomach. Pip gave me his heart and soul and all I did was shout at him.
That does it, I have to go out and search for him. I have to make everything right between us. Determined now, I go out through the door to find my love.