Author name: Elgato Gamgins
Pairing: Frodo/Sam
Rating:PG-13
Category: Romance
Disclaimer: I don't own a thing.
Credits: Thanks to my lovely beta, Suzafroda!
To love someone is a great challenge. It's wonderful and light, but there's always something to hold you back from the best of it. I realized that when I first really noticed my Sam.
It was a summer day, and Sam was outside gardening. I was inside in my study, and I happened to look out the window. Sweat dipped from his face and dirt covered his hands, but for some odd reason I thought he was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. I stared on, oblivious to the knock on my front door. Sam soon turned to look at me. I shook my head, ginned nervously, and went to open the door.
Later that night, I lay in bed and all I could think about was Sam. Thoughts about him swam around inside my head, and I longed to see him. I climbed out of bed. I made my way to my window. The moonlight shown upon my face, making me feel a bit like a spirit. I knew it was hopeless. Sam would be in bed by now, as he usually woke early. I sighed and pushed open the window, letting in the cool night air in.
How long I stayed there, I do not know. I was considering going back to my feather bed, when I saw movement down towards the Row. It was Sam. He walked a bit in my direction, but he stopped and turned around.
"Sam!" I heard myself call. I had no idea what I was doing, it just came. Sam turned his head. "Sam, come here!" He ran from the Row to my gate. I tilted my head to try to see him. He soon came into view. Sam looked as though he had insomnia.
"Sam, what are you doing up at this time of night?"
"I couldn't sleep, sir," he said, "Why are you 'wake?"
"I could not sleep, either." We stared at each other, hardly blinking. Finally, I said, "Would you care to come in, Samwise?" He nodded his head quietly. I left my spot at the window, and we both went to the front door. As I walked through Bagend, I kept catching myself looking into mirrors to fix my hair or to make sure there was not a spot on my face. When I came to the door I realized I had naught but a nightshirt on. It came to the middle of my thighs, and a sudden urge to let Sam rip the nightshirt off of me came. A knock at the door interrupted my dream.
Sam opened the door slightly. I took the knob into my hand and flung the door back, making it hit the wall. I muttered an apology and gestured for Sam to come in.
"I'll make you some tea, if you'd like," he said.
"No, no, Sam. I can do it. You just sit in the kitchen and wait."
We walked into the kitchen. As I turned to put the kettle on, I felt him watching me. What happened next, I still cannot believe I did, but I deliberately dropped the cloth towel I was holding. I made a sound of frustration as I bent down to pick it up. I felt my nightshirt rise, and I heard Sam move in the chair he was sitting in.
I laugh nervously. I sit down in the chair across from Sam. We stare at each other for a long while, occasionally looking at our hands or the table. The kettle whistled. I look up from my hands and fetch the tea and teacups. I pour Sam a cup and then myself. Muttering questions of sugar and cream, I sit back down. Sam replies quietly, and we go back to looking at our hands.
"Sam," I begin, "Why exactly were you outside? I saw you come in my direction, but you turned away."
He blushes and says, "I-I just couldn't sleep is all. So, I decided to go for a walk."
I nod. We finish our tea, and Sam soon excuses himself and goes home. I frown as I look into my empty teacup. I felt as empty as the teacup, and I knew what I needed to be complete. It was Sam. But it was not right. Two males together were common for nights in the bedroom, but in love? No. I shook my head. It cannot be.
Many days went by in the same manner. Sam would come out late at night, and I would invite him in. We would have our tea, and he would leave. One night in particular I remember the most. I had poured Sam a cup and he just stared at me. He stood. I put the kettle down as he walked around to table to stand beside me. Sam leaned close and brushed his lips against mine. He stepped back, turning to leave. I grabbed his arm.
"No. I want you to stay." I pulled him close to me, so close I can feel his breath. "Please."
'I couldn't stand it anymore, Mr. Frodo. I can't stop thinkin' of you. I can't sleep at night. I can hardly do my work. I just-"
"I understand. It has been happening to me as well. All I can think of is you." I caressed his face with my hand. His eyes closed as he leaned into my touch. I kissed him on the lips, lightly at first, then deeper as we progressed. He put his hands around my waist, making me feel secure.
"Samwise," I whispered. "I'm afraid. Afraid of what people will say."
"I am too, Mr. Frodo. But we don't have to tell. Do we?"
"No." I looked into his eyes. "It will be hard, as I wish to tell everyone of my love for you." He hugged me tight, and I rest my head on his shoulder. "I love you, Samwise."
"I love you, too."
After that night, we still continued to visit as such. We soon moved into the parlor with our tea, and as I requested, Sam began calling me 'Frodo'. At night we were equals, two people in love, and at day we were Servant and Master. It went along like this for some time, and we loved it, all most as much as we loved each other.
As I feared, the Gaffer was beginning to be suspicious of Sam going and leaving at odd times. He made all sorts of excuses, but the Gaffer found out anyway. Since I was one of the benefactors of the Gaffer's income, he was afraid to stop our relationship, afraid I would discontinue the Gamgees service in anger. But I could tell he didn't approve of Sam being with me, Many nights walk from the Green Dragon, I could hear them fighting inside their smial.
I felt horrible. Ruining a relationship between father and son, and yet, I wanted to run away with Samwise, far away from everyone. Perhaps to Rivendell; the Elves were open minded; they would accept Sam and me. But I never got share that thought with Sam, as I was soon chosen to be the Ringbearer. Gandalf knew not of Sam's and my love at first, and openly chose Sam to accompany me to Bree. Sam and I grew apart on the quest. He and I both wanted our nights in the parlor with tea again, but it was hard for us to express our love.
On Mount Doom, I neither felt alive nor dead. I was just there. I remember Sam holding me, kissing me lightly with cracked lips. I was certain we were to die. I looked at my Sam and said, "You know I love you, don't you?"
He nodded his head and caressed my cheek. "Yes. I love you, Frodo."
"I love you, Sam."
Now I sit here in Tol Eressa, alone. I wish I had showed my love to Sam more after the Quest. He soon married afterwards, but I know I'm in his heart along with Rosie. I think and dream of my love everyday. And everyday I go to the shore, waiting for my Sam.