CHAPTER 5

When the thump woke him with a jolt, Alex realized he must have dozed off.

He found this strange; he had gotten more than enough sleep the night before, and the immediate stress he was under should have kept him awake. Alex was decidedly thankful, though. He felt rested and strangely relaxed after his nap.

His tongue, however, was glued to the top of his cotton-dry mouth.

Scraping a few strands of dark hair out of his eyes with one hand, he hefted himself off the couch with a supreme effort. Stretching up, he could hear a number of disturbing crackling sounds, and winced. Dropping his hands to his sides, he rolled his head, eyes searching for the Iguana, who, surprisingly, was on the floor. Realizing what had awoken him, he bent down to scoop the reptile up.

"Sorry, pal." Alex laid a pillow underneath the creature, before placing him on the couch.

The Green amphibian shot him a deeply annoyed look, before closing his eyes to doze off again. Another sharp pang of thirst made the urge to scavenge for water unmistakable.

To his surprise, Grinder was sitting at the compact metal table, bent over something that looked like the insides of a computer, poking at it with the smallest screwdriver Alex had ever seen. The sound of his shoes must have warned Grinder that he was coming down, as when he spoke next, he didn't even look up from his project.

"Hey, A-Man. Gimme a sec."

Alex said nothing, only sliding over to the tabletop. Dropping his form onto one of the long, padded benches and, resting his elbows uncomfortably on the table, he watched and waited.

Almost of their own accord, his eyes followed the dark fingers, blunt digits poking at the delicate machinery with a dextrosity and gentleness one wouldn't have expected. But Alex had known Grinder since they were children, and knew that behind the muscled physique lay a kindness and compassion as he had never encountered before.

"Done." The statement startled Alex, enough to make him flinch slightly. He watched mutely as Grinder slid the Whatever It Was into a plastic box, and tucked the screwdriver into his pocket. Looking up into Alex's eyes, Grinder mirrored his pose, leaning over the table and resting his elbows on it.

"Well, you've got my full on attention." There was a hint of knowing in Grinder's dark eyes.

Alex frowned. Something wasn't quite right here. "Do you know what this is about?"

Now it was the Englishman's turn to frown, although in his case, it was in contemplation. "Half of it, yes. And the other half I have my suspicions about."

Alex was confused. Grinder's wording made no sense in the context of Him And Fidget. "What do you mean, half of it?"

A dark eyebrow raised. "I didn't expect Rikki to tell you, but I had thought you would have figured it out by now."

Alex didn't like where this was heading. "Figured what out?"

Grinder sighed, and, in a rare gesture of nerves, ran a hand through his hair. "Half of a lot of things. But I suppose it would be best if you started off with your story." At Alex's look, he continued. "It will make it easier that way."

Knowing that there was nothing for it, Alex took a deep breath and started. It was a bit odd, really. He had expected it to tell it in stutters and stops, letting the tale meander every-which-way until Grinder gently prompted him back to the point. But it was not so. He told it astonishingly logically, surprising himself, in a dreamy, distant tone that seemed at odds with the directness of the tale. He watched Grinder's face through it, but it stayed blank, and Alex was never very good at reading the subtle lines on faces anyway. By the time he was done, Grinder was looking steadily at him, with something that looked a great deal like empathy.

"So?" he asked, after a long pause.

Grinder brought his hands to his face, rubbing silently. Unnerved by the action of his usually unflappable pilot, Alex quietly watched. Letting his hands drop to the table, again, grinder looked up into Alex's eyes, a distress in them that rather frightened him.

"I think," Grinder said softly, "that it would be better if you heard the other half from me. We have gotten ourselves in mess, and it would be better for everyone involved to have all the information available."

Now Alex's curiosity had peaked, and he did nothing but nod, prompting Grinder to speak.

The Englishman sighed and lowered his gaze to the tabletop. "The night you kissed Fidget… Rikki and I… we… made love, that night."

The first thing he felt was astonishment. Of all the things he had expected, this was the least of them. And, just as suddenly, he felt a flash of righteous anger. "Even when you knew he was with Fidget?" It was a curt demand.

Grinder's long, dark lashes suddenly flicked up, his slightly blurry chocolate gaze resting on him. There was a steady emotion in them he couldn't place. "You told me what happened between you and Fidget earlier. It was like that. Like we just… connected. You can understand how I feel." Now there was a wordless plea in his eyes. "You know you can."

And it was just that. He did.

He understood how this treasured, secret love had burned within the both of them, a love that was never to be returned. How it ate at them both, how their friendship wasn't enough, not nearly enough.

Ironic, really.

And for the first time, he realized how unfair this was to Rikki, and what, exactly Grinder had done.

"You told Fidget. About the two of you." It really wasn't a question, but Grinder answered anyway.

"Yes." And Alex felt a wave of pride for his friend, in the way the brown eyes met his straight on, in the set jaw and in the determined mouth.

"It wasn't fair to any of us to keep things like this secret from one another."

And he knew that also. But there was one thing that worried him.

When Fidget had stormed in to Rikki's office, she had been angry, fiercely so. The idea that she would hold onto this…Well, as hot-tempered and fierce as Fidget was, he was sure she would come to forgive them all in time. She had to. The idea that their friendship would end was unbearable.

"You need to talk to her," Grinder said. "You don't have any other choice right now."

"I could run away," Alex snapped, suddenly defensive.

"But you won't," Grinder returned calmly. "She's down in the hold." And just like that, Grinder got up and wandered off.

Alex sat there for a time, frozen. He was never good with confrontation; he would just screw everything up; he didn't know what to say.

He had no choice.

"Well, shit."

TBC