Series: Snapshots of the Past

Story: The Anniversary Waltz

Chapter 5

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

Previously: Jed spent a quiet Christmas Eve with his daughters when Abbey had to work late; Abbey sought comfort from Jed after she lost her first patient

Summary: Jed and Abbey have a heart-to-heart; Lizzie doesn't want a nanny

- - -

Abbey stood in front of her mirror and vigorously rubbed her palms together before lifting her leg to apply the cream. Jed sat back on the bed, watching her, just as he had countless times before.

He loved the scent of the vanilla lotion, the way she smothered it on her legs, her arms, and her neck, leaving only a hint of the aroma lingering throughout the room when she was finished. And he really loved to smell it on her when she rested beside him in bed.

She clipped the cap and turned to see his coy smile. "What?"

"Come here," he replied with extended hands.

She approached him with her lotion bottle ready, assuming she knew what he was asking. At the end of the day, his hands were usually dry too and though he didn't like to admit it, he sometimes gave in to her persistence and indulged in her cream.

Holding his palm steady, she tipped the bottle, dispensing the lotion onto his skin then covering his hands with her own, massaging it in with her fingers.

His expression didn't change, his eyes still locked into hers. When she finished, he reached for her arm and pulled her down on top of him.

"Jed!"

He grabbed the lotion from her hands as she rolled to her side. "Take off your shirt and get comfortable."

"I'm tired."

Since she was being uncooperative, he unbuttoned her top and allowed it to fall to the side. "Roll over."

More reluctance on her part. He gripped her hips and rolled her onto her stomach as he ran his fingertips along the small of her back and straddled her legs.

"I'm really not in the mood..."

"The only thing that's required of you tonight is to relax. Nothing else," he whispered into her ear, following it with a kiss to her cheek.

His hands gathered the soft dark auburn waves that hung carelessly around her shoulders. He pulled them up into a clip before saturating his hands with the cream.

Like magic, the tension inside of her seemed to evaporate with just his touch. She did as he asked, allowing her labored breath to slow down as her muscles began to loosen.

"That feels so good."

"It should. I don't think I've ever seen you this tense."

It had been a rough couple of weeks. Abbey had barely recovered from the loss of Laura Torres to face her other patients. She had pushed the overwhelming feelings of helplessness and grief to the back of her mind to get through her job. Then when she returned home, those same emotions consumed her thoughts and invaded her dreams.

She assumed that he didn't know. But he did.

Jed always knew when she had a restless night, when her tossing and turning was so intense that he'd swear she's awake. He'd turn to look at her then and realize she was still asleep, probably plagued by nightmares. He'd reach out his hand to comfort her, but she'd pull back, away from him, still as fidgety as ever.

Tonight was going to be different. Tonight, he was committed to doing whatever necessary to ensure her a peaceful slumber.

He continued massaging the cream into her back, his fingers kneading the tightness around her spine.

She took another deep breath, but this time, instead of exhaling, she kept it in, preparing herself for the answer to a question she had been pondering for days. "Jed?"

"Yeah?"

She hesitated again, phrasing the sentence in her mind before speaking. "What would you do if I died?" Well, that wasn't exactly the way she planned it. "I mean, how would you go on? How long would it take you to be able to..."

She was struggling with every word.

He lowered his head, contemplating his answer, the only real answer being to ignore the question and interrupt her from her uncomfortable rambling. "Don't."

"Seriously. I want to know. Have you thought about it?"

He clasped his hands together for a second to get rid of the unused lotion. "It's not something I think about, no."

"But if it happened..."

"Abbey, stop it. Don't do this to yourself." He fell onto his back beside her and stared into her eyes, saddened by the pent-up frustration they reflected. They remained silent for several minutes, only their facial expressions revealing their innermost fears. "If I ever lost you, my world would fall apart."

Her fingers glided effortlessly down the length of his arm until their hands were joined. "Me too," she said with a firm squeeze.

"It wasn't your fault." He had spent days telling her that, hoping that eventually, it would sink in and she'd relinquish the guilt that was building inside.

"I know that. I know that. I just can't stop thinking about her husband and her kids; what are they doing right now, what have these last few days been like for them."

" Why are you torturing yourself?" He paused as she flipped onto her back. "Do you remember the first time you ever saved a patient?" She didn't answer. She didn't have to. They both knew she did. "I remember it like it was yesterday, the look on your face, the tears in your eyes when you rushed home to tell me what happened. And then you looked offended that I had the nerve to praise you. You said 'Jed, I'm not responsible for what happened. That responsibility falls on God and on him for fighting for his life, not me. All I did was what I was taught to do.' You remember?"

"What's your point?"

"You never take the credit when you save a human being's life. You never took credit for saving my life in that alleyway in Boston."

So that's where he was going with this. "Were you laying here when I said I know this isn't my fault? Did you even hear me say that?"

"I did."

"So...?"

"I'm just reminiscing, that's all." His little way of alerting her that he knew her too well to be duped by superficial words.

"Yeah." Her way of telling him the same.

Despite every personal and professional rule, it wasn't uncommon for Abbey to develop a special bond with her patients. But now, she was more determined than ever to adhere to the strict guidelines of bedside manner, and that resolve went a long way in lifting the burden that had been weighing her down.

She no longer wondered when it was that some doctors lost their warmth. She was no longer curious how it was that they could be so cold and disconnected from those they were treating.

Now it all made sense. It was so obvious.

Without another word, Jed slipped his hand under her belly and twisted her towards him. His arms formed a V around her body, his masculine frame enveloping her almost completely. He released the clip around her hair, stroking her tresses as they fell back down.

"I love you," he said softly with a kiss to her head.

She won the battle with her conscious that night. Snuggled securely in her husband's embrace, she succumbed to the fatigue inside her, sleeping soundly, comfortably, until morning.

- - -

When the sun peeked through the blinds and Abbey stirred closer to Jed, his arms instinctively clutched her. Her eyes opened with his gentle squeeze and she glanced at him. He was still asleep. She gingerly brushed aside a few strands of his light brown hair that had fallen over his forehead. Tired and groggy, he reluctantly woke up.

"Good morning."

"It's morning already?"

"I'm afraid so."

"I need five more minutes."

"Jed, we have a busy day today. Nanny candidates will be here in a few hours. You can't go back to sleep."

"Who said anything about sleep?" He tightened his grip around her waist. "I just want to cuddle."

Tender and affectionate, Jed may have won her heart ten years earlier, but it swelled to twice its normal size whenever he showered her with platonic expressions of love. So what if they hadn't been intimate since election night? He never pushed. He complained a few times, but each time, he quickly relented in the face of her exhaustion. Instead, he pulled her into his arms to cuddle.

It frequently dawned on Abbey how lucky she was, how comforting it was knowing she had a loving husband to go home to at the end of the day while many of her colleagues were burdened with troubled marriages, barely surviving due to the strains of residency.

"Abbey?" he called out, interrupting her thoughts.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing. It's getting late." She ripped the covers off their bodies, exposing them to the cooler air.

"We still have time."

"I have to take a shower before Ellie gets up."

He rolled onto his side when she departed from his arms. "Yeah, well, wake me up later then."

"I don't think so," she said with a smack on his rear. "You need to get ready too. You have to watch the girls while I run to the hospital."

"It's your day off."

"I know. I'm just dropping off some paperwork for Dr. Nolan." She couldn't help but laugh when he buried his head in the sheets and hugged his pillow tightly. "Jed? Seriously, Honey, you have to get up."

"I'm up."

With a smile, she retreated into the bathroom. Jed sat up against the headboard, his eyes glued to the bathroom door. Suddenly energized, he sprang from the bed and grabbed a towel on his way to join her.

- - -

That afternoon, Jed sat at the table with Ellie squirming in his arms. A chess board in front of him, he tried hard to demonstrate the rules to Lizzie. Candyland had been retired to the back of the closet and it was now time for the eight-year-old to learn Daddy's game.

"Okay, Lizzie go ahead." He urged her to begin, even though he could see the hesitance in her face. "No, no, no," he scolded as soon as she made her move. "What you did right there, it's called the Queen's Gambit. A beginner should never, ever do that."

"But that's what I want to do!"

"Lizzie, trust me on this. As Richard Reti said, knowledge of tactics is the foundation of positional play. You may not win as many games at first, but you will be amply compensated by acquiring a thorough knowledge of the game."

He might as well have been speaking in French. She probably would have understood more of what he was saying. "I don't like this game!"

"Give it a chance."

"No! I hate it!"

Oblivious to her big sister's tantrum, Ellie reached onto the board and picked up the black pawn. She had just stuck it in her mouth when Jed tried to release her grip.

"ELLIE, STOP IT!" Lizzie shouted.

"Lizzie, don't snap at her! She's just a baby. Ask her for it nicely."

"Ellie, can I have the game piece please?"

Motivated by Ellie's blank stare, Lizzie leaned over the table and tried to snatch it out of her hands. The two-year-old jerked away as she burst into tears.

"Aw, it's okay, Princess. Lizzie's just playing. She's not going to take it away from you." He returned Liz's glare as he patted Ellie's back. "I'm going to put her down for her nap."

Lizzie dragged her feet to the sofa and plopped down on the cushion, her arms folded in front.

When Jed returned, he put the pawn back on the table and joined her. "You know when she takes things, she always returns them if you ask her for it."

"I did ask her for it and she didn't give it to me."

"You didn't give her a chance. If she doesn't give something back, then you let me find a way to get it without upsetting her. She's a baby, Lizzie. You have to be patient. You were just as fussy when you were her age." With a roll of her eye, she turned from her father. "What's going on? You've been cranky all day."

"Nothing," she lied.

"Come on."

"Nothing!"

"Okay. When you're ready to talk, you let me know."

She watched as he went to the table to pick up the chess pieces. Several minutes of silence passed before she finally opened her mouth.

"I don't want a nanny! I want you and Mommy. Why can't you be here to watch us, like now?"

Jed stopped what he was doing and went back to the sofa. "Lizzie, for the next several months, I'm going to be driving back and forth from Concord practically every week. We talked about this, remember? I'm going to be..."

"...going to the Capitol because you're going to represent our city for the whole entire state."

"Our district, yes. And in order for me to do that, we need someone here whenever your mom's at work." He was sitting on the floor, staring up at her with his chin resting on the cushion beside her. "A nanny isn't exactly like a babysitter. She'll be like your friend, like a cool big sister."

"I don't want a big sister."

"Everyone wants a big sister."

"Well, I don't! What if she's mean?"

"She won't be mean. Your mother and I would never hire anyone mean to take care of you girls."

"But she won't be mean in front of you. She'll be nice. Then when you leave, she'll be mean to me...or to Ellie."

Jed picked himself up and sat next to her. He brushed her hair away from the side of her face. "Sweetheart, that isn't going to happen."

"But it might. Ellie doesn't listen. And she cries a lot. What if the nanny doesn't like that? What if she doesn't like her and she yells at her? And then I get mad that she yelled at Ellie and then she yells at me?"

"Oh, Sweetheart. You know Ellie's really lucky to have a big sister who would look out for her and defend her the way I know you would. But you don't have to worry about stuff like this because the very first time you feel uncomfortable with this nanny, she's out the door. Got it?"

"Yeah." She wasn't yet convinced.

"Do you want to sit with Mom and me when we interview the candidates? The three of us can pick one together, one that we all like."

"Really?" She was surprised, yet excited, by his offer.

"Really," he affirmed.

He mentally kicked himself for not including her from the start. Elizabeth was a precocious child, one who had stayed up every night to help Jed prepare Abbey for her medical boards, who knew she had some influence in Ellie's conception, who loved that she had some say in Ellie's name.

The idea of a nanny bothered her, but what irked her more was believing her feelings on the subject didn't matter. But with her father's reassurance and her inclusion in the hiring process, she was willing to give it a chance, at least for now.

TBC