DISCLAIMER: I own absolutely nothing! Not even the computer this was typed on!
AN: First fic attempt. Feedback appreciated. Thanks for reading!
"She Didn't Know"
DANIEL
She didn't know. How could she honestly not know? All this time. All the moments they had shared, all that they had gone through. She still didn't know. God, even the General knew and he happily turned a blind eye. What he didn't officially know, wouldn't hurt him or the team. That was the policy. The whole base knew. And the whole base also knew that it was never to be mentioned, never brought up or risk being transferred or court-marshaled.
"Daniel!"
"What?"
"You're a bastard. You know that right?"
"Sam?"
"This is a sick and cruel joke and I never, NEVER thought you would be capable of something so malicious."
"Sam –"
"No, Daniel. You can't tell me this now and have it be the truth. This is the dress rehearsal to my wedding. You know what that means? I'm getting married tomorrow morning, that's what it means. To Pete. That's who I am marrying tomorrow at 10 am. So what you just told me cannot be true. Understand?"
"Of course, Sam."
I turned to walk away when I heard her speak so softly, it was barely above a whisper.
"Is it?"
I turned to her. She looked so lost and hopeful at the same time. I didn't know what to do. So I answered.
"Yes."
"Oh, God!" She sobbed and I hugged her, tried to comfort her – try to soften the shock that I just dropped on her not two minutes ago. She's right. I am a bastard.
"Sam? What are you thinking?"
She pulled back and I stared at her bright, blue eyes. If I didn't think of her as my sister I would have fallen for her, too. No one could blame him and no one did. Except her.
"I don't know. I mean…I…knew, but I didn't. I didn't want to know. I was too scared and now it might be too late. How did I let it get this far? We're not supposed.."
"Forget about rules. Listen. What do you want?"
"No one has asked me that in so long, I don't really know."
"Okay, let me try this again. What don't you want?"
She paused. She concentrated as hard as she would if she was building a naquadah generator. I wanted to coax it out of her, but I knew I had to let her do this on her own. So, I stayed silent. It seemed like eternity before she spoke again.
"I don't want to settle. I don't want to look back at my life and see only regret. I don't want to be bitter or angry at myself for not fighting. I don't want…I don't want to hurt him anymore."
My head snapped up as I heard her last statement. We both knew what she wanted now, but I still had to ask.
"Sam, what do you want?"
"I want to be happy. I want to be in love. I want the right to be in love. I want the right to be in love with the person I am in love with. Rules be damned. Regulations can kiss my ass!"
She's laughing now and her eyes are sparkling now with absolute glee. I hate to bring her down now but there's no one else.
"And everyone else?"
She knows I mean Pete. No question about that. She knows I mean her father and General Hammond as well, not to mention the whole Air Force.
"They'll just have to live with it. I don't want to hurt Pete, but better now than tomorrow, right?" All I can do is nod. "I love the Air Force, but I love him more. He'd never ask me to give it up. I know him too well. I can always come as a civilian and keep working here. Nothing has to change really. I've felt this way for so long and if you say is true…"
"It is."
"Then so has he. It shouldn't be a problem working together. The government has to see that. I am technically one of the very few experts on the program. Surely we can work something out? They owe us, right, Daniel?"
"Yeah, Sam. They do."
"I have an announcement to make."
"Are you sure?"
She nods. She's determined and I walk in right behind her to the small reception hall that housed half of the SGC, her family and Pete's family. She had an announcement to make, but first she had to talk to Pete.
She walked across the room with a smile on her face that wasn't there before. People probably thought she was ecstatic about tomorrow's ceremony. Little did they know that there wouldn't be one tomorrow. She should be sad and broken right now, but she's not. She finally admitted what she wants.
DANIEL
She spotted Pete a few moments later and walked him outside. God, I'm glad I'm not there to see it. The poor man. And poor Sam. I know she's going to feel guilty for a very long time even know she knows it's the right thing to do.
SAM
"Pete?"
"Babe, what's wrong?"
"Nothing. Okay, not nothing. How do I say this? Um, I can't marry you tomorrow."
"Is there an emergency? You get called away?"
Oh, God he's not making this easy. He thinks I just want to postpone because of some impending apocalypse.
"No. I mean I can't marry you. Ever."
The words sink in. He straightens up and steps back.
"I don't understand."
"I love you, Pete. I really do. It's just not enough to marry you. I'm not hopelessly in love with you. Not like you deserve to be. Not like we deserve to be."
"I don't understand, Sam. What happened?"
"I just know something now that I didn't know before. It's not right for me to marry you. Sure it would be good for a while, maybe even forever, but I still wouldn't be completely happy. And that wouldn't be fair to you, to either of us. Do you understand that?"
He nods. I'm not really sure he does. I didn't know what to expect. This would be the second engagement I've broken, but the first one had been much more explosive. Pete's more subdued. I'm not exactly sure what he's thinking.
"Okay, Sam. Thank you."
I look at him, puzzled.
"For doing it tonight and not tomorrow." I nod, understanding what he means. He takes my hand, kisses my cheek and lets go. "Let's make the announcement."
I nod. "I'm sorry, Pete. So, so sorry." Tears are rolling down my cheeks, mourning the end of our relationship. He sweetly wipes them away and gives me a sad smile.
"I know. Me, too. I'm sorry I wasn't enough."
I hug him tight, holding on for dear life. We were really saying good-bye.
DANIEL
I watch Pete and Sam walk in. They're holding hands with sad expressions on their faces. I can tell Sam's been crying. They walk to the front of the room. Pete takes a small knife and taps a nearby glass, getting everyone's attention. The room became silent, expecting some wonderful toast, probably.
"Thank you all so much for attending tonight. Sam and I are and have been very grateful for all your kind words and support. Unfortunately, or fortunately…um…there will be no wedding tomorrow."
The people are shocked. One question: Why? That's what they were all thinking, but they were being polite and remained silent. Sam stepped up to offer some sort of explanation, though I know 'I'm in love with someone else' probably won't be what comes out of her mouth.
"We have decided that this relationship has come as far as it can and should go. It is time for the two of us to part ways. We do love each other and we are remaining friends."
She looks at him as she says this, asking him silently if that was true. He nods only to her as an answer.
"Thank you again so much. Please, enjoy the rest of your evening."
With those last words from Pete, they gave each other a hug and Pete walked out the door as Sam walked towards me.
"Where is he?"
"At his cabin."
She smiles, gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek before taking off.
General Hammond and Jacob Carter just misses her and I wait for the interrogation to begin.
"What the hell just happened here, Dr. Jackson?"
"Where is she going? Is she okay?"
"She's fine. She's better than fine."
"Where is she going, Daniel?" Jacob asks again, though I'm pretty sure he knows the answer.
I just smile. Slowly, the same knowing smile appears on their faces.
JACK
I look up into the night sky, adjusting my telescope with one hand and a cold beer in the other. She'd be married in less than twelve hours. And that was that. Daniel tried to convince me yesterday that I should speak up. Well, you know how that turned out. I'm here at my cabin instead of the dress rehearsal.
FLASHBACK
"She's made her choice."
"Because she thinks there is no other choice!"
"What? You think if I declare my undying love for her she all of a sudden turns to Shanahan, dumps him and then kisses me and we live happily ever after?"
"Yes!"
"No, Daniel! That's not how it works. We CAN'T! I CAN'T love her. I'm not allowed. She's someone else's now."
"Last I looked, Jack, she's still Sam and she would kick your ass if she heard you talk about her like she's property."
I smiled, thinking he's right. She would kick my ass right through the Stargate to some Goauld infested planet, then come save it just to prove her point.
"Jack, she loves you. She's in love with you. Everyone knows it. No one cares about that stupid rule except the two of you. Everyone else is willing to let it go, ignore it, whatever, as long as you two are happy. You've been in love so long no one can remember when you weren't and it hasn't affected either of your jobs. If anything, it's made both of you that much stronger. If you want it badly enough, Jack, I know you can find a way. You aren't much for following rules anyway."
"I bend or break the rules only when it needs to be and ONLY if I am the one to suffer the consequences. I won't risk her career. I can't do that to her. She's worked way too hard to lose everything because of me."
"That's where you're wrong, Jack. You are her everything. That job means nothing to her if you're not there."
"It's too late. She's made her choice."
"She didn't know she had another one."
All I can do is look as Daniel walks away.
PRESENT
I think back to all the times she's saved me, not just saved my life from physical danger, but from myself. I fell in love with her from the moment she walked into that briefing room and I gave her such a hard time. She didn't back down, not even a small wince. Kawalsky and Ferretti hounded me from that point on. They knew me too well, but I denied it to the end. Even to myself. Because I wasn't, I'm not, allowed. I'm sure Hammond knows and has been kind enough to leave us alone, trusting us to stick to the regs. Well, more like trusting her.
I made up my mind last night that I can't stay at the SGC anymore. Not after tomorrow. I can't be around her and know that there's no more hope. At least before, there was still an inkling of a chance that I'd be lucky enough to be allowed to love her and for some weird reason, she'd love me back. When she says "I do" all hope is shattered. Talk about a cliché.
I'm getting too old for this stuff anyway. My body is starting to give me not so subtle hints and I think it's time I paid attention. I know I probably should have retired so that we can be together, but she would have never accepted that. And I was never really sure she felt the same way. I needed to be around her, even if it was just as her CO.
I wish she'd gone up here just once, though. I know she would have loved it. The quiet and mundane would drive her nuts the first day, but after a while, I know she would have been very happy.
"You would have loved it here, Sam." I say to no one in particular.
"I think you're right."
SAM
He looked so content yet so sad just sitting there, staring out into the lake. I had to smile as I looked out, remembering how many times he described the size of the fish that exist only in his imagination. I came out here knowing what I wanted but had no idea of how to go about it.
This man has been such an enigma these past eight years. He's been a wonderful puzzle, a challenge. I guess this is the last piece and all I can do is hope it fits.
"You would have loved it here, Sam." I hear him say.
"I think you're right."
JACK
I turned as soon as I heard her voice, though I still thought she was just a hallucination. I'd imagined her so many times up here that I can't really tell if she's real or not.
My mouth opens and closes, no sound coming out. She has an amused expression on her face and I know she's trying hard to hold in a giggle. She doesn't succeed.
"Carter, no giggling." That only causes her to giggle some more. I finally get to my feet.
"So you can still speak, Sir."
I've always wondered how she can be insubordinate and respectful at the same time.
We don't say anything for a while. She just walks around me and sits on the step. All I can do is follow, still not entirely sure if she's really here.
I finally find my voice again and ask the obvious.
"What are you doing here?"
"I called off the wedding."
"Oh."
"Yeah. Oh."
"That still doesn't answer my question, Carter."
"It's Sam. And yes it does."
"Help me, here. I'm a man." (AN: This line was taken from a recent episode of "Joan of Arcadia")
SAM
He looks so cute. He'd kill me if I ever voiced that out loud. All amusement has to leave me though as I realize I have to really spell this out for him. No more confusion. No more misunderstanding. No more lost in translation stuff. This is it. Here goes.
"I called off the wedding because I'm not in love with Pete. And I found out something I didn't know before."
"You're not?"
I shake my head.
"What did you find out?"
"I might have another choice."
JACK
"Daniel." I muttered.
"Yes. Daniel. Why the hell would you tell him not to tell me?"
She's starting to get really pissed now. She looks so cute, though. Her face gets a little bit flushed and it makes her blue eyes just brighter. I can't help it. A little smirk appears on my face and she notices.
"What?"
I just shake my head, desperately trying to put on a serious face. I'm really bad at this serious conversation thing. Usually I can only do it when I'm angry.
"Jack!"
That got my attention. I'm not really sure how many times I've actually heard her say my name. Then it comes back to me why she doesn't ever call me by my first name. The same reason I stick to calling her Carter.
SAM
I just called him "Jack." Wow. That was a lot easier than I thought it would be. That got rid of the smirk on his face, but now I can't tell if he's mad or just shocked. Hell, I shocked myself.
Last names have always acted as a barrier between us. It meant we weren't personal. It meant having an excuse, an example of us not having a personal relationship. Nothing beyond a CO and his 2IC. It was all crap though. Everyone who knew us saw right through it. I don't think I could think as clearly if I heard him say my name.
JACK
"Why are you here?"
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"Listen, here. This is my cabin so I get to ask the questions."
"No. This is OUR lives so I get to ask some of my own."
"Then answer me."
"You first!"
"For crying out loud, Carter. I've definitely rubbed off on you. I'm supposed to be the only immature one here. You're the genius."
"Right…I'm the genius who decided to come rushing to her CO's side after dumping her fiancée to confess her love for him only to realize that she has no idea how to even start! And here we just end up arguing like two seven-year-olds."
JACK
Whoa! Did I just hear her say she loves me?
"Carter!"
She finally looks up at me. I think she was going to go on rambling if I hadn't spoken up.
"What did you just say?"
She thinks hard and then it hits her and I know she is beginning to panic.
"That I didn't know where to start."
"Start what?"
I move closer to her now. She avoids looking at me again.
"Start what, Sam?"
I am right in front of her now and I gently lift her chin so that she looks right in my eyes.
"Start to tell you that I'm in love you."
SAM
I am so lost in his brown eyes and I'm not even sure if he heard me. It came out so much softer than a whisper. For a while I'm almost sure he didn't hear me, but then his face lights up and a big smile appears.
"That wasn't so hard, was it?"
I just nod.
He smiles that boyish grin of his. The one I've hated and loved all these years. It's as if he always knew something none of us did. Like he always had a juicy secret he'd refuse to share.
He leans in and gives me the most tender kiss I have ever received. It was full of everything – promise, love, respect, affection…a vow of eternity.
"I am so helplessly in love with you, Sam."
I can't help it. The goofiest grin appears on my face and I jump into his arms, just hugging him tightly.
JACK
I chuckle at her reaction. I don't think I've ever been this happy.
"What?"
"Nothing, just not the reaction I was expecting from you."
"How did you expect me to react?"
"I don't know. I've gone through so many times how I would tell you and let me tell ya this beats all of them hands down."
She pulls me down so that we are sitting back on the steps.
"You imagined how you would tell me you love me?"
"Yeah. So many times, Sam. Especially every time I thought I was gonna lose you."
She leans her head on my shoulder and I happily put an arm around her.
"Why did you tell Daniel to not say anything?"
Damn! I was hoping she'd forgotten about that question. She's too smart for my own good.
SAM
I know he thought I'd forgotten, but I'm not going to let him out of this one. In all our declarations and confessions, there are still so many things left unsaid. I'm determined to clear this up tonight. I'm afraid if we don't, then we can never move forward and I'll be damned if I have to live without this man after finding out he feels the same way. The kiss wasn't bad, either.
"Why were you going to let me go through it?"
"I was scared."
Of all the answers I expected from him, that definitely was not one of them. I've seen the man face and defeat a whole Jaffa army almost on his own without even blinking an eye. Jack O'Neill, scared?
"I didn't want to hurt you. I thought if…I…you can do so much better than an old beat up guy like me. I haven't said anything because I wanted you to be happy. You said you were happy."
"And you believed me?"
"Well, no. But I had no right to interfere. I was scared to interfere."
SAM
There was that word again.
"Why?"
"I didn't want to lose you."
"But if I had married Pete, wouldn't you have lost me?"
"Yes. It's dumb, I know. But I could almost live with you married to someone else as long as I knew I'd still have you at the SGC, in the field. That was something that we shared. It was a part of you he didn't get to have."
That had to the most stupidest and sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.
"You said almost?"
"Yeah. Before tonight, I actually thought I'd be okay with it. Boy was I wrong."
"What would you have done if I didn't come here tonight?"
"I don't know. I kind of made the decision to retire."
"What?"
"Relax. I said kind of."
"Okay. For now. You still haven't answered my question."
"I did!"
"Not!"
"Did."
"Not."
"Oh for cryin' outloud! This is the usual argument with Daniel. I told you. I was scared. Scared that I was wrong. Scared that I would lose you as a friend. As my best friend. I could live with you married to some other moron but I couldn't live without you in my life in any form and I couldn't risk that. Even if it meant…"
"Giving me up to another guy…or moron as you so delicately put it."
"Yeah. Sorry about that."
"No, you're right. He was a bit of a moron."
"But he loved you."
"Yes, he did. But I didn't love him back. Not the way I should."
He looked so vulnerable. He turns around and grabs my shoulders gently, looking straight into my eyes.
"Why not?"
"Because I love you, Jack. You had nothing to be scared off. You don't ever have to be afraid of losing me. You're stuck with me, whether you like it or not, 'cause I'm not going away anytime soon."
And suddenly the biggest grin appears on his face and I can't help but match it with one of my own.
He leans in to kiss me.
"You know we still have to talk."
"We will."
"When?"
"When it happens…right now I just want to forget about the rest of the world. Just me, you, the cabin and maybe some fishing."
"There are no fish in your lake."
"Carter, how many times have I told you that you talk too much?"
"More times than I can count."
"Shut up."
JACK
I know I can't get away with telling her to shut up all the time…but this time she happily complies. I lean in and kiss her.
"Let's go inside."
"Why, Carter…what exactly are you suggesting?" I waggle my eyebrows teasingly.
"Shut up, Jack! I'm cold."
"Sure you are."
I lift her up and she squeals in surprise.
"I didn't know you squealed, Carter."
"There's a lot you don't know about me."
I carry her into the bedroom and lay her gently on the bed. Tickling her just a bit.
"I'll spend my whole life getting to know you."
"I look forward to it."
THE END ?