Disclaimer: Nope. Don't own a thing. Isn't that right my one half of the crazy duo? -Feddy screams- Righty! Let's get this PAR-TAY started! Back to those idiots, who are idiots!
The Idiots: What! A #&&# Date?
(Also known as: "Those #(&# fangirls are BACK!" and "Yes dudes, it's a sequel to Rabid Fangirls Alert!")
"Hahahahaha!" squealed Aeris triumphantly placing down a Bandersnatch card down on the pile. "Ha SNAP! Two matching Bandersnatch cards! Ahahahaha! I beeeeeat yoo! Ahahahaha! Me beeeeeeat you!" she sang in an annoying sing-song voice.
"Aw damn!" Cid huffed, slamming down his selection of cards. "This is the fifty third time you beat me! Best out of two hundred!"
"Nuh-uh! I won! Fair and square! LOOOOOSEER!" Aeris stuck her tongue out.
"You cheat!"
"Now! You remember what I asked from you IF I was to win snap?" Aeris said with a wink.
"No...?" Cid gave her an odd glance.
"A DATE! Duh."
"WHAT! A #((&£# date? Who do ya think I am? Shaft?" Cid protested. "And why is it always a date with ya? You wanted Cloud to have a date with ya in exchange for bein' ya bodyguard!"
"Hey did you know THAT? You didn't even exist in the game at that point!" Aeris pointed this out furiously.
"Hey, this is a fanfiction! And maybe the author wanted to make me extremely smart!" he nodded at the author Nush who gave him the thumbs up.
"Well...that explains it. But we're going on a date and that's that!" Aeris stomped her foot on the pile of cards to express her point. And that was that.
Meanwhile Cloud, Dio, Bugenhagen, Barret, Red XIII and Cait Sith were all playing Twister in a bid to win a date with Yuffie, Vincent refused to particpate for he was sooooooo in love with Tifa and he was busy preparing their wedding which Tifa didn't seem to notice. The guys were all balancing in various odd positions, but were all seriously determined to win this game.
"Hohoho! Why I feel 100 again!" Bugenhagen chuckled. "So young!"
"Whoa my boy! One false move and we'll be in big trouble!" Dio warned.
"Whoa! Mind my head!" gulped Cait Sith anxiously. "I only just got over my "James Bond persona disorder" y'know!"
"Sorry!" Red XIII apologized.
"Yo! Get yo' paw offa my head!" barked Barret.
Yuffie yawned, getting tired of this awesome spectacle that she witnessed before her eyes. "SOMEONE FALL DOWN! ANYONE!" she shrieked impatiently. "I WANT A GODAMN DATE!"
Cloud really wanted to win this date, so cheating was the best offensive. He gently nudged Barret to one side, who then wobbled onto Red XIII and they both gracelessly fell onto the carpet.
"You're out!" Yuffie announced.
"No fair!" they mumbled.
"Hohoho! I hear the Planet calling again!" Bugenhagen flipped back the right side up, floating aimlessly to no-where. "What's that you say Planet? You want some coffee? Mmm...I wonder..." he mumbled.
"You're out old man!" Yuffie hissed.
Only Dio, Cloud and Cait Sith remained.
"Oh I sure hope I win! Y'see that Shin-Ra picnic is comin' up and that Blind Dates show didn't work out. They set me up with Bad Rap sample and-" Cait Sith began.
"SHUT UP! THAT DATE IS MINE!" Cloud growled.
"Date?" exclaimed Dio. "I thought this was a man-to-man bonding session boy! Sorry my boy!" he walked off.
"Jeez! Why is everyone so weird today!" Yuffie muttered to herself.
Hours past and the remaining two left were still balancing on their heads, everyone was looking at their watches angry yet anxious to see who will emerge victorious in this battle of the Twister game. Yuffie became increasingly antagonized which prompted her to raise her fist and pummel Cait Sith straight to the ground.
"Gawd! That took forever!" she huffed.
Cloud cartwheeled estatically. "I WON! Nyahahaha! Nananana! W-I-N-N-E-R! What does that spell? Weiner!"
"That's winner you spikey headed jerk who's gonna take me out tonight!" Yuffie reluctantly insulted Cloud.
"Oh...yeah!" Cloud beamed.
The others groaned. There were cries of "How obvious! She blatantly WANTED a date with Cloudand the bitch cheated!" and "I bet the author wanted to make an actual Cloffie story this time!"
Nush giggled write typing her story. "I like Cloffie!" she beamed. "But I like diasasters better!" she cackled horrendously, typing away at her computer. This story was NOT going to run as smoothly as anyone thinks!
"So..." Yuffie mumbled coyly. "Where ya gonna take me?"
"Uh..." hestitated Cloud. Then a lightbulb fell on his head. "Ow! Well...I got the perfect way to travel..." he smiled widely.
Meanwhile Cid and Aeris were outside Wutai (they were at Yuffie's house) about to hitch a ride on his broken hunk-a-junk of a plane, his cherised "Tiny Bronco".
"You're taking me out on that hunk of crap?" exclaimed Aeris pointing at the rusting plane that floated at the shore.
"Well what did ya expect? A flyin' cariot?" Cid spat sarcastically.
"What happened to the Highwind?"
"I-" He then saw the Highwind drifting off into the distance with a cackling Cloud and Yuffie throwing beer at the CloudxTifa fans giving chase with their sharpened spears and naked fanart pictures.
"SHIT!" Cid yelled. "COME BACK WITH MY SHIP!"
"F-fangirls?" Aeris stuttered in shock. "Where did they come from? Oh..." she remembered suddenly. "There was always gonna be a sequel lined up and those nasty fangirls would be back and badder than ever!" she snorted. "Yeah! As if it could get worse, I mean I've seen it all before back in Midgar with the anti-Aeris' and the mudane and incessant TifaxCloud mobs!"
"Cloti forever! Cloti forever! Cloti forever!" they incessantly chanted, raising their banners.
One girl cosplaying Tifa shrieked. "Ohmigawd! Yuffie and Cloud so DO not go! I mean Cloud and Tifa were like childhood pals!"
"Cloti! Cloti! Cloti!" Aeris chanted hypnotically.
"AERIS! Get a hold of yerself!" Cid slapped her.
"Agh! Womanbeater!" Aeris growled raising her fist.
"THERE'S THE BITCH!" yelled the CidxCloud fans that gathered in their mob.
"Ohmigawd! Cid and Cloud? It's Cloti all the way baby!"
"Nuh-uh!" said a Strifewind fan raising a replica Buster Sword. "It's Strifewind forever!"
"NO!" screamed the DioxCloud fans. "It's Cio forever!"
"Strifewind!"
"Cloti!"
"Cio!"
"Calmer!"
"WHAT?" all the fangirls and boys screamed pausing in fright.
"It's CidxPalmer forever!" squealed some fangirls happily with their fanfictions and fanarts. "Check out this XXX fanfiction I wrote on my "Shin-Ra fatass and foul mouthed pilot together forever" website!" said one nodding proudly producing a sheet of paper. He then coughed before indulging the other Calmer fans and therefore digusting other fans to death with his graphic lemon. (EW!)
"No it's AerisxHojo forever!" roared the small group of Heris fans that gathered around with their needles.
"WHAT THE #($$£&#?" cried Cid and Aeris perplexed and nauseated.
"#(&&#! I'm gonna be sick..." Cid gasped for air.
"NOOOOOOOOO! It's Valenwind forever!"
"NO! SHIT! It's them who invaded your home Cid! This fangirl rubbish has gone far enough!" Aeris growled pulling her Parasol weapon from under her dress. The anti-Aeris' fans charged down the Wutainese (or Wutaian or whatever) hill casting Ultima which prompted her Parasol to snap in half.
Aeris stood silently. "Now we should take that hunk of crap and ride outta here!"
"What ya callin' a hunk of crap? That's my MOST cherised possession! I had a real nice date planned too ya #&&$£$&# numbskulling numbskuller!"
The mobs paused throwing them a death glance. They started to sharpened their spears, swords and pitchforks, relight their torches and grind their teeth in anger in unison.
"You can't go on a date! It's Valenwind forever!" they gasped dramatically.
"NO! CALMER!"
"NO! Heris!"
"Alright Aeris! We're goin'! Goin' right now!" Cid and Aeris sprinted to the rusted plane and cast off into the ocean.
"AFTER THEM!" one Calmer fan said with an outstretched pointed finger.
"SHITTTTTTTT!" they shrieked in a panic.
"They finally got smart and learnt to pilot!" Aeris said rowing faster.
"Some date Aeris!" huffed Cid. "I had sushi lined up and a supposed "romantic cruise" around the ocean!"
"This is all your fault Cid! You attract way too much fangirl attention!" Aeris hissed rowing frenziedly.
"Hmph. Cloud gets way more! You'll see!"
Meanwhile up in the sky, Cloud and Yuffie were on the Highwind throwing empty beer cans at the CloudxTifa fans that resumed in persuing them to the ends of the Planet forever if they had too!
"Hopefully we're near the Gold Saucer soon!" Cloud winced, throwing a water balloon filled with silicon.
"How lame! We went for a date there WAY before when we were kicking ass with Meteor and Sephiroth!" Yuffie pouted, disappointed. She then held her mouth. "I'm gonna be sick! Why did we hav'ta take the Highwind! Y'know I hate flying doofus!" she gave him a fierce jab.
"Ow! Well, where did you expect me to take you? Up a Tonberry's uterus?"
Yuffie snorted in disbelief, gagging. "Is that supposed to be a corny one-liner?"
"Shut up!" He then with "supreme" accuracy missed the Cloti fans who seemed to have boundless energy and showed no signs of giving up. Ever.
"Okay! We're gonna crashed the Gold Saucer in style Yuffie! Y'ready?"
"If I'm gettin' offa this ship than I'm ready!"
Hand in hand, they magically flew gracefully on top of the Gold Saucer before clumsily pummeting great heights and landing in Dio's office, interupting his...uh...man-to-man session.
"Whoa! My boy! What the hell?" Dio said, zipping up his shorts.
"You idiot Cloud! What was that about?" Yuffie jabbed him viciously.
"Ow! Knock it off!" Cloud dusted off his clothing and scratched his head. "Um...sorry Dio! We were-" he paused. "Did we interupt somethin'?"
"Um...no!" Dio laughed nervously, standing against his office table in his utmost attempt to be casual.
Tifa then bobbed up dusting off her trademark white sleeveless top and zipping up her short leather skirt.
"TIFA?" Cloud yelled. "What the hell?"
"Hey Cloud!" she waved dementedly. "Me and Dio had an agreement! He said if I gave him hot pleasure that I could be the co-owner of the Gold Saucer!"
Dio shook his head ashamed.
"YOU LET THIS TWO BIT WHORE BE CO-OWNER OF GOLD SAUCER? HOW COULD YOU DIO?" Yuffie yelled at the top of her lungs, before turning on Tifa. "And you! What about Vincent? Your fiancee?"
Tifa glanced blankly at the ninja. "Whatever." she scoffed, tidying her hair. "See ya later Dio!" she blew a kiss, before waltzing out of the room.
Dio burst into tears, kneeling on the floor dramatically accompanied by soap opera music. "She threatened me! SHE THREATENED ME!"
"Jeez what a wimp!" scoffed Yuffie unamused. "This date sucks Cloud!" And with that comment, the Cloti fans broke through the windows with their cardboard made Buster Swords. "CLOTI FOREVER! CLOFFIE NEVER!" they chanted demonically, before closing in on Yuffie.
"YUFFIE! Oh man! I forgot my lines!" Cloud kicked the wall.
"CloudxBugenhagen forever!" came the shrill cry of a small mob in the room.
"Oh man! Why do I get the worst ones?"
"This date sucks Cloud!"
Cloud sighed, before grabbing Yuffie's hand and running into the tunnel leading to the Wonder Square, followed by mad Cloti and Bugencloud fans thristy for their idols.
"QUICK!" Yuffie said running backstage. "Y'know we could perform a play to disguise ourselves!" she dressed up in a Rikku costume in a hurry.
"Anything!" Cloud wailed horrendously, dressing up in a Tidus costume.
They wobbled out onto stage where there was an audience of three (or WAY more if you include the mad Bugencloud and Cloti fans!) who were probably drunken bums.
"Oh Tidus! Where are we?"
"Um..." Cloud hestitated. "Not here that's for sure! I mean we've not seen a Yuffie and Cloud run backstage and dress up as Rikku and Tidus from that wretched game Final Fantasy X! Nope!"
The bums smiled confused showing their gums.
"THERE THEY ARE!" The Cloti and Bugencloud fans ran towards the stage.
"You spikey headed hedgehog!" Yuffie screamed, pummeling Cloud. "RUN YOU HEDGEHOG! RUN!"
Suddenly they found themselves cornered by these deranged fans, they revealed their bloodshot eyes from their lack of sleep from their obessessions. They grinned a wide smile to rival the Chesire Cat from Alice in Wonderland.
Even a gang of YuffiexChoco Bill and CloudxPriscilla fans joined in the huddle.
"OH CLOUD YOU AND TIFA BELONG TOGETHER!"
"YUFFIE SUCKS!"
"NO! SHE RULES!"
"BUGENCLOUD!"
"YUFFENTINE!"
"CLOTTTTTTTTTTTIIIIIIIIIII!"
Their arguing made Cloud and Yuffie's ears bleed, causing them to huddle closely together. Dramatic, theatrical music blared in the background, when suddenly Knights of the Round killed all of the superfans! Shock, shock, horror, horror! Yuffie and Cloud opened their eyes to see...Cloffie fans!
"Wow! Dude!" Yuffie chirped.
"Fangirls saved the day? Something seems fucked up about this!" Cloud raised his eyebrows.
The Cloffie fans smiled widely, nodding their heads. "Dude! Cloffie forever!"
Tifa then walked in a huff, in her new blue slutty dress. "HOW COULD YOU! You killed my Cloti fans!" she sniffed and in a rage she charged over to the Cloffie fans. She was so angry that her rage caused the silicon in her breasts caused her to explode killing all the Cloffie fans!
"OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED THE CLOFFIE FANS!"
"You whore! We were almost about to meet fans that weren't insane!" Yuffie clicked her knuckles in a rage.
"Well." shrugged Cloud. "Let's continue our date?"
"You kiddin'? I've fallen into Dio's office and caught him with Big Breasts, I've had rabid fangirls chase me, I've had you mess up the play, Cloffie fans dying and godamn silicon on my face! But sure! I'd love to continue!" Yuffie chirped, perking up again.
"Score!" hissed Cloud, before linking arms with Yuffie again. It's cool they're happy and everything, but in Wutai things were looking serious for Barret, Cait Sith, Red XIII and Bugenhagen.
"BarretxCait Sith forever!"
"Red XIIIxTifa forever!"
"BugenhagenxBiggsxWedge forever!"
"DioxCait Sith forever!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" they all shrieked. Cait Sith bounced forward brandishing a carrot. "I got a butcher knife an' I ain't afraid to use it!"
"Yo! Y'stupid cat! That's a carrot!" Barret retorted, raising his gunarm towards the insane fangirls.
"Damn! We're in real shit now!" Cait Sith meekly muttered.
Bugenhagen resumed his chirpy personality. "Hohoho! Times like these remind of the time when I was 79! Hohoho, I can remember all the mad SetoxBugenhagen fans! Hohoho!"
Red XIII gulped. "I'm glad I don't remember that..."
Cid and Aeris were still rowing away from the ascending dingy full of Calmer, Cio, Heris and anti-Aeris fans with their shotguns, torches and pitchforks.
"This is some mad shit Aeris! You were right when you told me that story!"
"Yeah I know! I even read some TifaxRed once!"
"SHIT!" gagged Cid. "Shut up! I don't wanna know!" he puked over the edge of the plane.
"EW!"
"CALMER! CIO! HERIS! WE HATE AERIS!"
"We're doomed." Aeris hung her head.
"BUGERIS!" screamed some BugenhagenxAeris fans over a megaphone in a helicopter. One chirped. "I'm gonna read my NC-17 rated Aeris and Bugenhagen story now! So listen up all you fangirls down there!"
Cid giggled at Aeris. "Now it's your time girl!" he petted her.
"You never had to listen to a Valenwind story!"
"WE HATE CID!" said the anti-Cid mob from another helicopter.
"This is outta control!" Cid winced clutching his ears.
"CLOUD SUCKS! WE LOVE CID!"
"CID SUCKS! WE LOVE CLOUD!"
Then there was a loud rumbling noise beneath the ocean, that began to shake the dingy and Tiny Bronco.
"W-what was t-that?" Aeris looked around nervously.
"Well hold on t'ya skirt and don't piss-"
"CID! I do not piss myself! That's unlady-like!"
Then Sapphire WEAPON rose up frenzidely, glaring at all the culprits making this damned racket while it was sleeping. It roared ear-piercingly. "WHY THE HELL DO YOU GUYS HAVE TO MAKE SO MUCH NOISE? I'm resting up so I can star in my next project, "WEAPON: The ultimate box office failure"! It opened it mouth wide to shoot a sapphire ray to the helicopters, blowing them up into ashes.
"Hey it's our old pal Sapphire WEAPON!" Aeris chirped. "I'm sure glad we didn't kill all the WEAPONS!"
Sapphire WEAPON peered down at Cid and Aeris. "Yo it's my homedudes!"
"Sapphire WEAPONxTifa forever!" said one fangirl on the shore, punching into the air.
Sapphire WEAPON glared dangerously at that fangirl. "I HATE FANPEOPLE!" it hissed angrily, making that one girl turn to ashes.
Aeris had an evil idea. "Y'know, there are lots of fanpeople over there! You kill them all and you get some sleep!"
"DEAL!" Sapphire WEAPON nodded, swimming over to the dingy glaring dangerously at them. Instead of using the easy option of blowing them to smithreens, it used its bad acting soap opera script in hope of boring and confusing them to death.
"Oh! How could you Mary! After all we have been through! Mary, you cheated on me with a Chocoobo of all things! Well that's very well for I have been having an affair with two moogles!"
All the fangirls glanced blankly, before their heads exploded in confusion.
"HOORAY!" sang Sapphire, Cid and Aeris in harmonius unison dancing around.
"CHEERIO!" Sapphire WEAPON waved with its tail, before descending back down to its depth underwater.
"...Dude. What have I been smokin' to deserve this shit?" sighed Cid, lighting up a cigarette.
"Nevermind!" snapped Aeris. "This fanfiction was way over the top, rushed and random!"
Nush flew down surrounded by an ethereal blue light, with an undeniable scowl on her face. "Well I'd like to SEE you try write a fanfiction when low on ideas hussy!"
"Thanks Nush! We will next time!" Aeris sang joyfully.
"Uh...oh..." Cid spat out his cigarette.
Nush cackled evilly, before ascending into the heavens with her green bows flying not far behind.
Aeris snuggled close to Cid. "This date sucked! But dude! Where's the sushi?"
"Uh..."
And as for Barret, Red XIII, Bugenhagen and Cait Sith...don't worry about them people! For they will eventually dispose of those creepy fans and they will be back in the next edition of "The Idiots"!
END
(Sorry if that seemed like a load of random dribble! I'm low on ideas at the moment and that's the best I came up with! Credit goes to Lenna the fallen one for the BugenhagenxCloud coupling idea! SO FUNNY! Thank yoo my homegirl! Peace and love! Love Nush xoxoxox)