Nights were worse than the days. During the day, Joan could keep up the pretense that she was strong and that Adam would be fine and that everything was going to turn out all right. But at night the doubts, the fears, the uncertainty, the helplessness, it all kept creeping back in, threatening to overwhelm her. Often she would wake up from nightmares, not all of which were revolving around Adam, but Adam played a role in most of them in one way or another.

This was yet another night where she had woken from a bad dream. Although she couldn't remember what it had been about, the fresh sweat on her body and her pounding heart told her that it couldn't have been good. She put on her dressing gown and went downstairs.

In the kitchen, she got a glass of orange juice and stood at the kitchen counter. The house was so quiet at night, every noise sounded enhanced, every little squeak of a floorboard was audible. She went over to the couch, but hit the couch table with her leg by accident. It made a scraping sound on the floor and Joan couldn't help but yelp an "Ouch!", rubbing the spot on her shin where she had bumped against the table. She listened for a few seconds to see if she had woken anyone. Everything stayed quiet for the moment.

She plopped down on the couch and saw her knitting gear and her scarf lying in one corner. She picked it up and continued knitting absentmindedly. She sat knitting for a few minutes in silence when she heard a familiar mechanical sound from across the room. When she looked up, she saw Kevin entering in his wheelchair, wearing pyjamas.

"Kev. What are you doing up?"

He looked at her with mock hurt. "What, I can't come and see why my favorite sister is making such a commotion in the middle of the night?"

"Sorry if I woke you. And I'm your only sister."

"Oh, darn, I knew there was a flaw to my logic." He smiled at Joan, who was smiling back. Kevin just had a way of making people smile. He wheeled over to the couch and moved himself onto it. In a more serious tone, he asked, "How is Adam?"

"You know, the doctors say he's improving, but so far I haven't noticed any change. He's just ... lying there in the hospital bed, looking so vulnerable and weak. I wish there was something more I could do."

Kevin sensed that Joan was having a hard time coping with the uncertainty and the helplessness. He took his sister's hand and squeezed it. "I'm really sorry you have to go through this again. I mean ... two years ago, it was me lying in that bed."

He paused for a moment, realizing Joan's eyes were now on him. "And I know you were there, every day, all of you. But I was so full of anger, and I was so scared that I couldn't see past those feelings. I don't think I ever thanked you for that, for sticking with me and believing in me, even when I was being a complete jerk."

Joan almost blushed and squeezed his hand back that he was still holding. "Oh, Kev, it was all we could do, to be close to you and let you feel we were there when you needed us most. That was the most natural thing in the world. Mom, Dad, Luke, we all felt that way, and still feel that way."

"I know. But sometimes I think you shouldn't just take that for granted. And I want you to know that if you need me, I will be here for you. Any time, you hear me?"

Joan nodded.

Kevin looked at her. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Just sit with me for a while, will you?"

"Sure." He put one arm around Joan's shoulders and drew her closer. She leaned her head on his shoulder and they sat like this until Joan started drifting off and Kevin nudged her to go upstairs and catch some sleep.

--...---...----...--

Almost as a part of her normal daily routine, Joan had gone to Adam's hospital room after school for the past two days. Friedman and Glynis had also stopped by yesterday, as well as her parents and Luke and Grace. Today was the fifth day after Adam had been found in the woods and taken to the hospital. There was no visible change, but the doctors said his lab results looked good and that he was improving every day, even though the changes might not be noticeable to the untrained eye. But they still couldn't say when or even if Adam would wake up.

Even though Joan had a hard time admitting it, she missed Adam. Sure, she had missed him after their break-up, but this was different. This was unlike the time she missed Adam but dreaded running into him at school. Now she wished Adam would be around, she actually wanted him around. She had thought a lot about that in school today, especially in AP Physics, expecting him to be sitting next to her, but only seeing the empty chair out of the corner of her eye.

Back at Adam's bedside, she didn't feel like reading to him today. She unpacked her knitting gear and kept working on the woolen scarf that God had asked her to finish. She worked in silence for a while, but then put down the wool and needles on the bed next to Adam.

She studied his face, his delicate features, and in a low voice said, "Adam, I really miss you. Everyone misses you. Of course Grace doesn't admit it, but I know she does. You know, sometimes it's so hard to stay positive, but it's also too hard to consider the possibility that you might never ... you know ... wake up. I mean ... I was mad at you, but I'm not anymore. And I wish you would just open your eyes and talk to me, make me laugh or even make me cry, anything. I ... I don't know what I would do if I lost you too." She swallowed, there was a big lump building in her throat. "I really think that it's not fair. It's so not--"

Just at that moment, a blond, petite nurse, clad in a pale blue nurse's gown entered the room. She injected something into one of Adam's IVs, then looked at Joan. "Bad day?" she asked when she saw tears on Joan's cheeks and her sad and almost desperate expression.

Joan looked up at the nurse, nodding.

The nurse said, "You know, Joan, life isn't always treating you fairly. You said it yourself, life doesn't always work out the way you expect it to."

Realizing who it was, Joan spat back at the nurse, "The hell it doesn't! How can you do this to me! First Kevin, then Judith, then Rocky. Now Adam! Why can't you do something, why can't you just let Adam wake up and live?"

"You know I won't answer that. Nature has a way of balancing itself. Sometimes you get on the good side, sometimes you don't." The Nurse-God looked at Joan's three-quarters completed scarf. "Finish the scarf, Joan."

Joan shrugged her shoulders in resignation. "Fine," she replied without enthusiasm, took up the scarf again and started knitting as Nurse-God left the room.

--...---...----...--