W.a.l.t.z o.f. t.h.e P.a.n.t.s
Tamao stared in awe at the squirrel in front of her. In its cute, adorable, tiny, furry paws, it held out a diamond. Erm, a few diamonds, rather. Just kidding. It was bucketfuls!
Tamao wondered if this had anything to do with diamonds being a girl's best friend. If it did, then she was frightened. So frightened to the point where even her brain stopped cooperating and started to work on its own (y'know, "a mind of its own..."), somehow...Suddenly, a very loud SNAP is heard as Tamao's brain has snapped back in place (make your own sound effects; it need not be a SNAP!).
She concluded that this must be happening as a result of her thinking about who was closest to her. Who had always stayed by her side, through the terrible hardships she had been through? Who had always been there to commend her on a job well done? Most of all, who had been there through the good and the bad? No, it was not the can of Spam in her pants, conveniently tucked there for emergencies. No, it was not Conchi or Ponchi...it wasn't even kokkuri-sama!
Suddenly, it hit her like a rock. Literally. "Ooof," she was heard to exclaim. She also mumbled, "Stupid author!" "I should have known all along...it was SO obvious! It's my hair," she shouted joyously.
"I'm afraid not, mate," interrupted her pants who put an abrupt stop to her joyous dancing. "It...it's not," said Tamao.
"Nope, for I am your best friend! WAH-HA-HA-HA etc. Whoever thought of diamonds being a girl's best friend...it was rather unique, yes. But whoever thought of pants being a girl's best friend...that concept was ingenious! Which was me, your pants," exclaimed the pants in pure joy. "Oh, I should have known! I'm such a boffin," said a shocked Tamao, who at present isn't shocked any longer. The pants squealed in delight for reasons unknown to the reader and author.
"Tamao," the pants started to say, "I have not told you this sooner because I wanted to cause you anguish. In addition to that, it was rather to fun watching you going on and on about irrelevant things with your cakehole! I am, I shall, and will always be your pants. I am your one friend who is an inatimate object who can talk! I have shaped who you are today."
"Hooray," said a very bored Tamao. Some musicians randomly appear out of nowhere, and start playing rather lively music. It's the kind of music that makes you feel all special. It's...you guessed it...TIME TO WALTZ!
Before that can happen, the pants have one last request. "Tamao, please take this can of Spam out of my pocket, please. I know it's for emergencies, but some monkeys with banana covered cakeholes attempted to chase me! Luckily, they sniffed me and smelt how malodorous I was," giggled the pants.
"Oh, alright. But the Spam's going back in after we waltz, you know," said Tamao all-knowingly.
The pants was a surprisingly good dancer; even the Shaman King cast watching even noticed this (they were all squished in a box this time...somehow!). Seeing Tamao dance with her newly found soul mate, her best friend ever, made the Shaman King cast cry. It instilled in them the values of friendship and to never put cans of Spam in your pants.