W.a.l.t.z o.f. t.h.e. P.a.n.t.s

Dedicated to all the pants wearing people of Earthwho have taught me how to live my life.

Bokuto no Ryu: Gangster Searching for a Place to Belong

Bokuto no Ryu is a gangster with a sword. A wooden one, at that. Ryu is a lonely wanderer, searching for a place to belong—his happy place. Unbeknownst to him, his happy place has been right under his nose all along. His happy place is...his PANTS!

On a once sunny but now hurricane- like day, Ryu was brandishing his wooden sword. A squirrel came out of a nearby vending machine, in an attempt to unveil the true happy place of this lost soul—the lost soul's very own pants.

Ryu, seeing the squirrel, immediately ran up to it. The squirrel instructed Ryu to inspect his pants pockets. Ryu did so, and pulled out a handful of butter snacks. "No, no. The pocket on your left buttock, fellow traffic safety friend!" the squirrel said, being ever so patient and the planner of all things evil. (the good type of evil.)

He searched the pocket, and there it was. An exact replica of his long white pants in all their glory in key chain form. Puzzled, he tried putting the glorious pants on the wonderful squirrel.

The squirrel, which is now named "I-am-not-fluffy", refused profusely. "Silly child. These pants in all their glory aren't for me to toy with! Your pants and this key chain are your Happy Place! Go forth and enjoy them thoroughly."

I-am-not-fluffy ran off into the distance, hoping to bring about more chaos to the next lost soul he/she found.

Before the rejoicing of Ryu can take place, an explanation is in order. Ryu's pants are white. How he keeps them so clean, no one knows. Even I-am-not-fluffy has yet to achieve anything of that magnitude, for his/her pants are brown and furry! (squirrels are higher beings, so we shall overlook that fact.)

The wooden swordsman's pants are bell-bottoms, and flare out near the bottom. The classic zipper, pockets, and button add to the aura of these pants. Since the key chain is an exact replica, it of course looks just like the pants.

And so Ryu rejoiced. "In your face, sucker! I found my Happy Place and you didn't!" he said enthusiastically while pointing to a vending machine.

Ryu's pants came to life, declaring "I am Ryu's pants. I have come in many pieces that were sewn together. Let us dance the night away, Ryu!"

"Hello, my dear pants who are larger than life! Are you part of my Happy Place package?" inquired Ryu.

"Your 'Happy Place package'?" said the pants. –pause- "But of course, my friend! I am here to bring you eternal happiness!"

"Oh joy!" exclaimed Ryu. "I suppose we should waltz now, shouldn't we?" "Oh yes, we should!" said the pants with a dignified air.

As the sparkly white pants waltzed with once lost gangster, the Shaman King cast all cheered. The cheering was not directed at the rather lively waltz but at the replica of Ryu's pants in key chain form.

The key chain too was waltzing, but declared, "Death to children's playthings!" "Yeah! Yeah! And to women's socks!" said Ren.

The laughing and cheering subsided. All eyes turned to stare at Ren. Even the waltzing duo stopped. "W...What? They're not manly enough to be seen by the likes of me!" he stated in an attempt to defend himself.

"Isn't THAT lovely!" said I-am-not-fluffy, who had appeared after wreaking havoc upon some pedestrians. "Commence the waltzing—phase II!"

"Yay!" said Ryu and the ever clean pants. They waltzed the night away in pure insanity, with I-am-not-fluffy and the key chain amongst the many who threw assorted butter sticks at the pants who were free from dirt or stains.

With a deflective shield to protect them, the brilliant pants reflected the pathetic attempts to dirty the unsoiled pants of Ryu! "All of you have troubled my perfect pants! Feel their wrath as you are crushed by less than a pound of fabric!" said Ryu.

Everyone fled from the waltz in sheer horror, afraid of what would become of themselves if the larger than life pants unleashed their fury in less than a pound of fabric. Not the key chain, though!

It had to stay in order to carry out phase II of the waltz. Ryu, his more than perfect pants, and the key chain waltzed until the edge of the Earth, where they fell off.

A Pathetic Drabble

A candy cane was flying in circles around Ren's head. It ran up and down his face, too, speaking gibberish all the while.

Ren took the annoying specimen off his face and threw it on the ground. Then he pummeled it, tackeled it, and stompled all over it.

Satisfied, he laughed evilly and ran away. HoroHoro spotted the few remains of the candy cane, and, while wearing knickerbockers, ate it.

THE END. Definitely.

To my reviewers, whom I hold in the highest esteem

KimBob—Please tell your friend thanks and to be afraid--be very afraid! You probably don't know this, but people tell/ask me "You're crazy" & "Why do you like squirrels?" practically everyday of my uneventful life!

Kura—I love waltzing pants, too! (which is why I wrote a story about them!) I can't believe you thought this story was weird...I guess you haven't REALLY seen weird before...I have a question for you! Aren't you MOKUBAisMINE?