The morning dawned in the Shrieking Shack, the light filtering through the window making the cellar grey and dull. The air was cool and refreshing, and Remus fluttered to consciousness, and instantly groaned.
He hurt all over. It felt as though there was a huge weight in his chest - that was something he didn't normally feel. He wondered what the wolf did to cause so much pain. It was worse than the shrouding feeling that would press down upon him, brought upon by thoughts of his... problem. Besides the pressing feeling, his arms and legs ached and his tail-bone was sore - something that usually happened, due to his bones and muscles suddenly lengthening, only to shorten again hours later. The ground was hard and unyielding along his back - his hips were digging uncomfortably into it. He tentatively cracked his eyes open. 'Ah, the cellar,' he thought, understanding the hardness of the floor now. He thought about getting up or at least trying to find something more comfortable for his hips, but frankly he was too exhausted to move. He was so exhausted he could barely think about moving. He closed his eyes again, hoping to fall back to sleep.
Yet he couldn't - there was something not quite right. He couldn't quite place his finger on it. It was a scent. While his sense of smell was not as strong as the wolf's, it was remarkably more so than that of an ordinary human. Whatever he could smell now was certainly something not usually present in the Shrieking Shack. It smelt like lavender and sweat, and woman.
Remus' eyes flew open. He thought wildly, 'like a woman? Why would there be a woman smell in the Shrieking Shack?' In the next moment, his heart sunk low into his stomach. He could vaguely remember Tonks coming to bring him the Wolfsbane potion. He remembered yelling at her to go, her body silhouetted in front of the moon. Her scream as his skin prickled and sprouted fur... he only hoped it was all a nightmare, but that scent in the air made his blood run cold.
He lay on the cool, hard floor of the cellar, desperately trying to remember the night's events. His mind spun uncontrollably, conjuring images of Tonks' bleeding and broken body in front of him. He didn't know if they were real or not, but he was beginning to panic. And he was all alone. Snape wouldn't be coming to check on him. Tonks was meant to do that duty this month, but if he had done the unthinkable then he was on his own until the Ministry came to take him away.
He felt sick in the stomach. He could even feel that terrible weight atop his chest moving about now. It was a horrid feeling, that shroud, he thought he might have his heart crushed by it. At least then he would be put out of his misery.
He looked down at his chest, nearly expecting to see his body caving in, being crushed, by some invisible force. What he did see, however, made his heart stop.
She was there. Lying over him. He didn't know if she was asleep or dead, so he focused his eyes on her back.
He let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding - she was alive. Just sleeping. What was she doing here? And why was she so close to him? 'Closer than close, Moony,' he thought to himself. It had been so long since... he closed his eyes. Since a woman had been anywhere near him, let alone lying on top of him like it was so normal and natural. 'And I'm neither normal, nor natural,' Remus thought bitterly. But still, now that he knew she was there, he could hear, feel, her breathing, that lavender smell was her's, and definitely the smell that is unique to women. His nose twitched and, despite himself, something else did, too. He opened his eyes and looked down at her again.
Her hair was white, though he seemed to remember it being pink the night before when she came to give him his potion. He could see her nose, but not much else of her face. That weight on his chest he thought might crush him was now pleasant and warm. And her smell... it was driving him mad. He hadn't had thoughts or feelings like this for so long...
'Get a grip, Moony, old boy!' he told himself sternly. 'There's a perfectly ordinary reason why this young witch is lying on top of you, and it has nothing to do with any sort of attraction.' But for the life of him, he couldn't control his body, and it was making life difficult. He reached up and took the witch by the shoulders, shaking her gently. "Tonks?" His voice croaked. He winced, cleared his throat, and tried again. "Tonks?"
The young witch moaned and began to stir. Then she looked up at Remus, her eyes open. "Remus?" She whispered. The look on her face shocked the wizard - she looked almost frightened. Yet why wouldn't she be, after what she saw last night? Remus closed his eyes in horror - he would lose another friend, he knew it was too good to be real, he should never have allowed himself to get close to her... "Oh, Remus!" Tonks said, and flung her arms about his neck in a hug. "I was so scared," she whispered by his ear. "So scared... are you alright?"
Her breath across his ear and neck raised his skin in goosebumps, and he wrapped his arms around her body. "Yes," he whispered, nudging his face into her hair and neck, inhaling deeply. He found himself rubbing his hands up and down her back, smelling her hair again and sighing deeply. His heart had begun to race, thumping heavily against his rib cage. He was sure she must feel it. Rubbing her back harder now, pressing her body closer to his, his breathing becoming ragged. And Tonks, shivering slightly, pulling up to look at his face. She stared into his eyes long and hard, as though searching for something. Remus felt the wolf stir within him, telling him this was good, this woman. He swallowed thickly as he mentally pushed the wolf back.
Tonks smiled slightly. "You're you again," she said, reaching up to touch the side of his face. "Last night I thought you were going to... to hurt me." Remus started at this, panicking as to what happened during the night, but Tonks was smiling, tears in her eyes. "You're you again," she repeated, and to his surprise and the wolf's pleasure she lent down to kiss him.
His mind exploded as her lips nudged gently at his, almost nervously at first, but as he responded she became more confident, pushing his mouth open and snaking her tongue in slowly. His body tingled, his grip around her tightening, parts of him coming alive from her mere presence. The wolf was inside him, practically doing back flips, pushing himself to the fore of Remus' mind, demanding the human give in to him so he could mate with the female. Remus pushed him away, but it was no good - the wolf was still strong so soon after the full moon, and Remus' hands clawed inwards, raking against the witch's back. Tonks inhaled sharply in surprise, and for a moment Remus thought he had scared her away. But then she kissed him much more forcefully and the wolf howled happily, arrogating Remus' mind, causing the man's body to moan and pull Tonks closer to himself. But Remus used all his strength to push the wolf back, and Tonks, too. He gasped for air. "No, stop," he panted, horrified at himself.
"What is it? What's wrong?" Tonks asked, touching is face.
Remus grabbed her hand and pushed it away. "Please, Tonks, stop, this isn't right, we can't do this." Tonks stared at him silently, a look of hurt creeping over her face. "Move, Tonks!" Remus snapped desperately, struggling with the wolf inside him. "I'm a monster, Tonks, don't you understand! The wolf would take you over completely!" He almost added, 'He's taken over me!', but choked the words back, holding Tonks away by her wrists so she couldn't come closer to him. He felt weak, dirty, and tears pricked his eyes. How could he have allowed this to happen? He vowed that he would never allow a woman to hurt herself by getting close to him. He was so selfish!
"Get out, Tonks, you shouldn't be here. You shouldn't be near me. I'm a monster."
"Remus, I don't think you -"
"JUST GO!" He pushed roughly with his arms and released her wrists so she fell on her behind a couple of feet away from him. She stood up slowly, obviously drawing her dignity.
"I'm sorry I was late last night." She said quietly, and walked calmly to the entrance of the underground passageway. But when she out of sight, he could hear her footsteps break into a run.
Remus stared at the hands he had used to push her away with. He felt disgusted. He didn't want to hurt Tonks, but irrevocably he had. He had allowed her to get very near to pulling his wall down, something that should never have happened. He should never have allowed himself to get so close to her, as his friend and through what had just happened. But it was better now, he had most likely scared her off forever, and once again he was all alone.
All alone, and nobody would miss him when he was gone.