W.a.l.t.z o.f. t.h.e. P.a.n.t.s
Disclaimer: Shaman King isn't mine
Dedicated to the pants wearing people of the world; may you live to be as old all of your pants.
Yoh Asakura : the True Pants King
The myriad pairs of pants that belonged to Yoh Asakura bowed at his feet, the feet of the true Pants King! The pants had stapled Yoh to his rightful throne. At present, they are dancing in circles around him, and performing a type of ritual that involved odd things. Things like the cutting off of Yoh's hair and stuffing it in their "faces". (pants do have faces!)
You may remember when Ren said he would become Pants King, even IF ponies stompled him to the ground. He is sadly mistaken! It is with great sorrow that I tell you this – Ren only has 4 pairs of pants, whilst Yoh has five! (gasp!) Only the one who wields the most pairs of pants of them all can be crowned the Pants King. So Ren could NEVER become Pants King, no matter how hard ponies stompled on him!
Yoh Asakura is…the QUEEN OF SCOTS! No, that's not right! He's the PANTS KING! Pants King is a position that comes with great honor and practically limitless power! Power that could make you quake in your wittle boots!
Yoh's pants, which were rather refined, knew the art of speaking like a true Pants King quite well. They taught him this fine art. He must always say words with "pant" or "pants" or the actual words "pants" or "pant" in every single sentence he spoke, even if it did not pertain to what he was speaking of.
Words like pantagruel, pantalets, panther, pantaloon, pantechnicon, pantelleria, pantheism, pantheon, panties, pantile, pantoffle, pantograph, pantology, pantomime, pantoscope, pantothenic acid, pantoum, pantry, pants, pantsuit, pantyhose and pantywaist.
Ah, such is the duty of the Pants King to speak in such a manner. Which goes without saying that some of us already speak that way…
It's time to describe the jolly-good pants of Yoh Asakura. Perhaps the pair of pants Yoh is seen in oftener than naught stole the show! These pants are the sole reason you all adore Shaman King…the pants that are shown so much that whenever you chance to see them , you clap and think of them as your long lost friend.
When the pants aren't shown for a minute (or less!), you start to worry. You start to believe that the foul-evil-pants-eating-monster-not-a-homo-sapien has taken away your beloved pants! Then, when they are shown after an excruciating 30 seconds (give/take a few…), your eyes well up and your relief is so great that words fail to describe what you feel.
These pants are an olive green, very much like the color of green olives. When seen on Yoh, they are always rolled up a bit, maybe this is so that only the most worthy of all the pants-wearers could see them! (Mr. Clean, perhaps?) A black belt with a silver oval buckle adorns the pleasant belt loops.
However, there are still more pairs of pants to describe. The infamous battle pants shall be described…now! The longer pair of battle pants Yoh has in his possession are black, with orange lining the top portion of his pockets to indicate where they are located in that confusing black mass of cloth.
The rather shorter pair (well, because they're shorts!), are black as well…and short! Orange engulfs the very bottom of the shorts in a single line.
Have you ever wondered why Yoh wins the majority of battles he faced? I certainly have, and have come to this conclusion! He won not because his hair is brown or because he has headphones on his head.
He wins because he wears his OMNIPOTENT battle pants. The power within both of the battle pants are highly frightening. They can make you dance like an idiot…or even worse…they can STEAL YOUR PANTS! Oh, the injustice of it all!
Ah, yes! The orange pants with matching orange sweatshirt! They aren't shorts, capris or jammies! They're long and baggy-like! What color would these pants be but orange? Oh, and they are quite soft! Much like a baby's bottom! Or butter that has sat on the counter top much too long. Usually, these pants are worn over the battle outfit with coordinating sweatshirt.
Before the explanation of the 5th pair of pants, Yoh suddenly burst into song, singing something about how wonderfully orange the color of a squirrel's fur is. His merry making was put to halt when 5 pairs of pants belonging to him chucked elaborately decorated cakes at him.
As the last chords of the now barely inaudible song died down, the quest for knowledge about Yoh's pants starts up again.
GUESS WHAT?!? It's PANTS NUMBER 5, THAT'S WHAT! WOOOOO! The 5th pair of pants that Yoh owns! These pants must stink like eggs-on-a-stick, for they are Yoh's training pants! They are navy blue, a color that is rich in blue with bits of black. Running along both sides of each pants leg is a thin orange line. It's rather obvious that Yoh's training pants aren't bell-bottoms nor are they boot cut! They're just sweatpants…hence "stink like eggs-on-a-stick."
After all this time, Yoh has come back from waging war against the elaborately decorated cakes, covered in pounds upon pounds of frosting and pieces of cake. "Orange stripes, you say? I like orange. Orange is the color of squirrel fur. Orange g o o d!" rambled Yoh.
Then, Yoh sat thinking. 'Hmmm…well, since I'm the Pants King, that makes those cool pants of mine my ever loyal servants, right? Right.' "Hey, you!" exclaimed Yoh. The pants all turned their heads, pointing at themselves with a single pant leg.
"No, no! The green one!" The green pair of pants with coolio black belt skipped merrily on up to the throne of the Pants King. "Yes, you! I dub thee…Sir Roasted Paperclip of the Green Pants Knight." "Hooray!" squealed Sir Roasted Paperclip of the Green Pants Knight.
The pants all had their turns and were all dubbed. The long black battle pants were dubbed "Sir My Little Pony of the Long Black Battle Pants."
The battle shorts were "Squire Squared Cheese of the Black Battle Pants."
The silly orange pants became "Sir Women's Socks of the Orange Sweatpants."
Last, and certainly not least, were his navy blue training pants, dubbed "Sir Juice Sucker of the Navy Blue Training Sweatpants."
Sir Roasted Paperclip of the Green Pants Knight asked his highness if he would like to waltz with the lot of them. "Why, of course! How kind of you to suggest such a time consuming and wonderful-for-one's-health activity!" Yoh and his pants waltzed to waltzing music (what else would it be?).
This is how it worked out : Yoh waltzed w/ his green pants first, while the other pants performed yet another frightening ritual. But of course the Shaman King cast was there! Before his highness they could not laugh outright nor could they say "My pants are better than yours!", or "Your pants suck!", for if they did, severe punishments were to come their way.
By severe punishments, I mean the taking of the pants of the evil one, or the eating of all the evil one's butter supply.
"Wowie kabudles! I'm the Pants King now! For my first law as Pants King, I want everyone else's pants! Yes, you heard me! Hand them over!" said Yoh in a very unlike Yoh tone.
WHATEVER HAS HAPPENED TO YOH? TAKE YOUR PICK!
(A)– Yoh has had way too many butter snacks in his lifetime and now it's taking its toll
(B)– The strawberries in paraffin and butter cream icing have taken over Yoh's brain and he can't think quite clearly
(C)– Yoh has become too cool to express in words
(D)– What are you talking about? That's perfectly Yoh-like!
It does not matter what you've just chosen. That was just for your enjoyment! It is most unfortunate that whatever you picked doesn't determine the ending… ::snuffle sniff sniff::
Yoh and all his pants started doing the can-can, then, ever so swiftly, switched back to waltzing before anyone could witness it. A waltz that was tear jerking, slightly humorous, slightly horrific and at the same time, wonderful. It was a waltz that glimmered with the glory of 5 pairs of pants and their king.
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A/N : I'm starting to get writer's block, so if you would like to, please give me any suggestions you have, and I'm sure you'll be loved! I really don't know whom to do next! (I might do Bokuto no Ryu, though…) Please give me suggestions on who to do next, too, please! (ha ha!) Alas, I have written yet another story! It's called "Mr. Clean – the Movie?" a comedy w/ a pathetic attempt at romance! (it's Yona!)
To my reviewers, whom I hold in the highest esteem :
KimBob – Thanks for reviewing ever so promptly! It means a great deal to me that you've read everything I've written! Nothing can get past your eyes! I'm also really glad that I made you laugh, for that means I've fulfilled the duty of writing a comedy!
MerndaSaysDownWithWormtail – Lellow, old chum! You reviewed chapters 4-7, even though you did not have to! ::cries tears of gratitude:: Cheers to you, my number one reviewer, who has commented on every single chapter!