W.a.l.t.z o.f. t.h.e. P.a.n.t.s
Disclaimer: Shaman King isn't mine
Dedicated to the exuberantly cool people of this world who wear pants!
Silva: One With Nature...Kind of
It's a wondrous spring day with snow nowhere in sight. The man who is commonly known as Silva has in his repertoire 2 pairs of pants fit for none other than himself.
"My pants are but a spring day!" said Silva who was trying to be poetic. "Oh, woe! Look at this random pile of snow!" said he, pointing to a pile of snow. "My pants! You need not be afraid! Although I foresee treacherous times, we will always be together, in our comfortable alternate universe!"
The pants of Silva are hardly poetic. They're MORE than just poetic. They speak to you in the way art might.
The scene changes and Silva is now on a catwalk with the masses clapping. Only the masses aren't there and the clapping comes from unknown sources. He is showing off the new trend of this season—the pants he wears when judging the Shaman fights.
As he struts his stuff and turns perhaps a bit too much, the new trend is shown in a most
welcoming light. "Ooohs!" and "Ahhs!" come from the audience that isn't actually there.
The fabric is navy—blue to black, most likely a polyester/cotton mix.
A carpet—like thingy is placed most aesthetically on the...on the...uh...front him. It is orange in color keeps Silva from feeling any drafts he might feel whenever. On the left leg, there's an elaborate, nifty contraption.
There's a convenient slot to put his knife in. In between that slot and X—shaped strap, is what appears to be a pocket. Some other straplike things form an X right underneath that, most likely for his pet squirrel. (Come now...who WOULDN'T want a pet squirrel!) Oh yes...everything is orange, that crazy boffin!
On the right leg, a single strap hangs from his pants. This strap is orange and it is connected to the exact same strap on the other side! It is orange as well. I know not whether the bandana thingy that is placed on his waist are part of the pants or is just a decoration...this is sheer speculation...but let's pretend! A bandana that is tied around his waist and is also part of the cool pants, in the color orange and has triangle shape things running around it. There is but another pair of pants that wants description. No, they don't merely want description! They're begging for it!
So here goes. Does everyone know of the shirt he wears when posing as a street vendor? Well, the shirt is of no importance but the pants that he wears in addition to the shirt are beyond important. They have surpassed important and have become a necessity.
(Use you imagination...I don't know what color these pants are! It's sad, isn't it?) They are bell—bottoms! (Is it I or are the grown men in Shaman King quite partial to bell—bottoms?) I imagine they are a rich, dark color. They are long, of course. And covers part of his ultra-shiny shoes. There are pockets where pockets usually are.
The scene changes yet again and Silva is dressed in his street-vending clothes. The camera zooms in on his anything but bland pants, scanning them up and down so that us readers and squirrels could get a good view. Up and down. Up and down. Again and again.
For a brief moment, rather loud screams are heard from the cameraman. It turns out that movie viewers and assorted pedestrians have committed the fifth worst crime of history. Upset that the only thing he/she shot were pants, they resorted to the only thing they could think of.
They broke the cameraman's wonderful footage of Silva's pants. The footage that very well might've determined if this cameraman would go on become one of the greatest cameramen of all time.
"Who cares about the cameraman?", you ask? Yes, who cares? Let's move on!
"Roar!", shouted the pants that had the useful contraption on them. "Yuf8fk! Sar2gthv le0ies 5jk sgfdgd5 9hd t ldf4gj4!" (that's gibberish!)
"Oh, the horror of it all! My pants cannot speak an understandable language!" cried Silva.
"Stupid Silva!" giggled the street vending pants. "They can too speak a language that is understandable! They said 'You! Waltz or go jump off a monkey!'"
"I ACCEPT YOUR INVITATION! Let us dance in a land of eternal bliss!" Silva replied.
They waltzed. Hooray! Silva had never done anything quite as fun in his entire life, this waltzing. Only his fun was long from over. He has yet to waltz with his pants of the unknown color!
WaltzWaltzWaltzWaltzWaltzWaltzWaltzWaltzWaltzWaltzWaltzWaltzWaltzWaltzWaltz
One waltz and one fatigued Silva later...
The Shaman King cast had never seen anything quite as pathetic as this. The other waltzes could not compare. They pointed and laughed in joy.
"Enough of your chuckles/giggling/laughing!" Silva said. "Feel the burn (?) as my pants hurt you in the most terrible way imaginable!"
They ran like little chickens. I don't care what the likelihood of these people escaping are. It matters not...for they got hurt in the most disgusting way I have ever seen. It was so disgusting, it was disgusting. (Butter was smeared across their faces and they were forced to wear invisible hats.)
"It burns! It burns!" said quite a few of the Mankin gang. "Ha! In your PANTS!" said he by the name of Silva.
Thus ends the epic of Silva and his most becoming pants.
FIVE OF THE WORST PRETEND CRIMES IN HISTORY(which really are fake!)
(1) January 10, 1556. A man believes he is the ruler of the pants. He runs from household to household, from store to store to steal the pants of the masses. Only he dies a most unfortunate death a few days later. A couple squirrels attended his funeral.
(2) (date not available.) Another man who is currently spending the rest of his days living in a tree, was arrested quite a few years ago for not wearing pants. He wore only diapers. He made a petition, which no one signed. Running around in public, he was shunned by his friends and even his family. At his arrest, he said "The greens are coming."
(3) 2000. An elderly woman saw a squirrel perched on top of her car one morning. Since this was a grocery store parking lot, she pulled the squirrel off. She mowed the squirrel over repeatedly with her evil shopping cart. A fellow shopper sees her and she is arrested for animal abuse. She claims the squirrel, which is now identified as "Liquid Soap", ate all of her butter supply.
(4) August 5, 2003. A young girl in her hometown of a place which does not exist anymore, reportedly told all her classmates to rip their all of their pants to bits. They did so. "First the pants. Then the world!" she was heard to say at one of her meetings which consisted of only evil. At age 30, she was arrested for stealing approximately 50 pairs of children's pants from a department store.
(5) (date unknown.) A budding cameraman's footage of a pair of pants is destroyed by movie viewers and assorted pedestrians. He vows to dedicate his life to shooting only pants.
AN: I have nothing against the people described above because they're all pretend! Yay! Until next we meet, friends!
To my reviewers, whom I hold in the highest esteem:
KimBob-the email I sent you was an apology! In no way, shape or form did you offend me! When I wrote that junk about Ren, I thought that YOU would be offended! So you need not apologize at all!
sakuuya-Yay! My long lost friend who has come back on the surface of the Earth! When you didn't review, I thought that you were on vacation in your watercloset! "What the heck is a butter snack?", you ask? A butter snack is a butter stick rolled in sugar, additional butter and then put into a bowl of raw eggs. It is packaged in a fancy box.
Hao no Hoshi-I would not mind in the least if you wrote "Manta is for Squares". All I ask is that you please don't copy my stuff!
Hikaru is Dumb-Glad you liked the stuff about the candy cane!
cutie1789-Thanks for enjoying HoroHoro's chapter! You must really love that guy!