W.a.l.t.z o.f. t.h.e. P.a.n.t.s
Disclaimer: Shaman King isn't mine
Dedicated to the pants wearing people on Earth who are very much like soy sauce.
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Amidamaru, Tokagero, Lee Bailong Bason: Dead Before Seeing All the Wonders of Modern Day Pants
"What if I we hadn't died yet?" thought Amidamaru, Tokargero, Lee Bailong and Bason. "If all of you hadn't died yet, you could still wear solid pants!" the pants of Amidamaru squealed.
"Oh, how insightful that was!" the dead pants wearing people said (I got tired of saying all of their names!). "Let's waltz!" the four pairs of pants said in unison. "Come now, if you're going to accompany us you mustn't lack so much finesse!"
Amidamaru thought for the longest time ever about his pants. He even banged his non-solid head against the wall to make flashbacks came forthwith. He couldn't remember a time when he had worn pants. Then, like a sudden flash of inspiration, it came to him.
He looked down, for down was where his pants lived on his no longer solid legs.
FLASHBACK (of Amidamaru wearing pants)
He looked down, for down was where his pants lived on his no longer solid legs.
END OF FLASHBACK
That was the only time he remembered wearing his pants. As tears came out of his eye sockets (that aren't solid!), his pants consoled him in a soothing manner. They told him that if he didn't stop crying, the pants themselves would pound his face in.
These pants aren't your ordinary ghost pants. Why, they're the pants of a samurai ghost!
The pants of the samurai are black with a floofy white bow sash thing. At the bottom, it seems as though some type of animal his chomped on both sides.
Bason says, "Who gives a poop about Amidamaru's pants? MY pants are way better. I mean, just look at them. See how they sparkle? How if I sit on you with them you'll die?"
PLEASE WAIT AS THE AUTHORESS'S PEANUT SIZED BRAIN FIGURES OUT HOW TO WRITE BASON'S PART. WHILE YOU WAIT, HERE'S SOMETHING FUN TO DO! YOU COULD STICK TAPE WHERE YOUR NOSE HOLES ARE!
Bason sat on a juice box, he too thought of his wonderful pants. He thought that his pants were the best in all the pants of the entire world. Who else could fit their mighty abs of steel inside his pants but him?
Oh, the memories. He remembered the day when he first wore them.
FLASHBACK (of Bason wearing pants)
"I thank you greatly for bestowing upon me such a great honor," Bason said as tears streamed down his face. "I promise to wear these pants until the day I am buried!"
"Very good, my pet," his horse Black Peach said. "I know that with these pants, you'll become the greatest warrior of all time! Bason! Bason...just what are you doing?"
"They won't work!" Bason cried. "See, Black Peach? I whacked them on the floor at least 6,666,666 times but they still won't work! They won't dance like the happy hippo I saw at the zoo yesterday!"
END OF FLASHBACK
"You know what?" Bason whispered to his pants. "You still don't dance like the happy hippo I saw at the zoo that day..."
While Bason's emotions have taken over, let us describe the coolness of his pants. As the authoress has gone temporarily color blind, she cannot place the colors where they need to be. She apologizes. The pants stick out very much near the top, but as they go down toward the ankles, they are more form fitting.
There are also cool kneepad thingies that shine brilliantly in the noon sun. On the surface of the kneepads are circle thingies that are there because they make Bason look like the fierce warrior that he is. On the pants are the colors purple, red, gold and green that correspond to what was described of the pants.
"I...command you to dance like the happy hippo! Now, pants, now!" Bason said. He commanded, rather.
"Why would I steep so low as to do your bidding?" the pants asked. This refusal made Bason cry very muchly. As Bason cried his invisible tears, his pants skipped circles around him.
"Me next!" Bailong exclaimed, interrupting Bason's 15 minutes of fame. "No, it's my turn!" Tokagero said as he pushed Bailong off a cliff. "Um, I really didn't fall off, you know." "I know THAT! It's just that it's MY TURN, so get out of my light source!" Tokagero said.
"What the eggs are you talking about? There is no light source. Perhaps you meant limelight?" Bailong said thoughtfully. "Now there're LIMES in the way of my light source too!"
"No, you took it literally when I speaking figuratively," Bailong said, shaking his head. "If you must, then I urge you to take the stage before me."
"Ha! I knew you'd give in! Weakling!" Tokagero said as he stuck out his tongue that wasn't solid.
ONWARD FELLOW HOMO SAPIENS AS TOKAGERO'S JOLLY STORY UNFOLDS. I ASSURE YOU THAT IT WILL BE GREAT FUN FOR YOUR TAPED COVERED NOSTRILS.
Tokargero showed his pant to random people he didn't even know. He laughed in their faces because they couldn't see him, for he is but a ghost.
As he watched people pass by in their finest pairs of pants, he remembered how fun it was to just put on pants. The prospect of being able to go back to his childhood and to be able to wear pants again made him feel like he was Cinderella going to that grand ball.
FLASHBACK (of Tokagero wearing pants)
"Mother, what are these wretched things that you're forcing me to wear?" Tokagero asked his mother.
"These are pants, Tokagero," his mom replied. "You had better wear them. I obtained them with a great deal of difficulty."
"Okay, mother," Tokagero said, putting the pants on backwards. "That's the improper way to wear pants, Tokagero."
"How about this?" he said, in an attempt to put his pants on his nose. "That too is incorrect, dear," his mother said with an exasperated sigh. (pity the poor woman—her son just doesn't get it).
After around 8 failed attempts at putting his pants on at various places of the body, he was still confused. "They go on your legs, silly child of mine." his mother said as she put the pants on the right way.
END OF FLASHBACK
"It'd too bad I still don't remember how to my pants on. I never actually learned. My minions always put my pants on for me," Tokagero said, reminiscing.
As Tokagero ponders the mysteries of how to put his pants on, let's describe the subjects of what he's pondering. His pants are kind of like those pants they wore in the colonial times, which end at his knees, and are purple.
The color purple is seen on practically every inch of his pants, except for the ever-prominent white bow/sash. Padded things surround his waist and go down to about halfway down his thighs.. One on top of the side of the right thigh, another on the left, and one in his frontal area. These pads are darker than the purple of the actual pants.
"All that purple! Does that not signify Tokagero is a man of honorable pants wearing nobility?" Bailong said.
"But of course it does. Whatever were you thinking?" Tokagero said.
"It's your turn, Bailong!" Amidamaru exclaimed. "Oh goody! I can't wait to see what type of pantsful (sakuuya made that word up) memories HE has!"
"My pants have lived longer, ran faster, and jumped higher than any other pair of pants I know!" boasted Bailong. "Even the day I died, my pants were still the best. They cannot be matched. There are no other pairs of pants like them!"
"I know that my pants have come a long way since I first got them. It makes me want to cry whenever I behold their beauty!" Bailong cried as he beheld the beauty of his pants.
"It makes me feel ever so masculine when I can recall the memories of my long lost life!"
FLASHBACK (of Bailong wearing pants)
"Wheeee!" Bailong said as he was riding the back of an imaginary pony. "Bailong!" shouted a shrill voice.
"Yes?" Bailong said. "What in heaven's name are you doing wearing a girl's skirt?" his father said.
"Mitten told me to!" Bailong said proudly.
"Who the heck is this 'Mitten', Bailong?"
"Mitten is my invisible friend!"
"You...have... an invisible...friend?" his father said, whose eyes were about to pop out of their sockets. "Mitten says you should refrain from giving him frightening experiences with your eyes, please," Bailong said, talking for Mitten.
"Bailong, would you please tell your friend Mitten to shut up. I command you to take that hideous skirt off. NOW. And put these manly looking pants your mother bought for you on." "But... but Mitten says I look adorable with a skirt on!" Bailong protested.
"You will put these manly looking pants on. You will put them on and you will LIKE it!" his father said, putting the pants on for him. "See? You like them already!"
"No, I don't! Mitten says I look ridiculous!" Bailong cried, tears rapidly increasing.
"Oh, no, I don't think so," his father said. "You see, Mitten DIED 2 seconds ago. His last words were that you should wear pants from hereon in."
"Okay, Mitten! Don't worry! I'll wear pants as long as live! I won't let you down, Mitten! I won't let your death be in vain!" Bailong said with fierce determination.
END OF FLASHBACK
"See, Mitten? To this very day I am still wearing pants as you requested!" Bailong shouted. "Although I am dead, my ghost is still wearing pants, as is my immortal jiang-si body!"
While Bailong is trying to go back to his childhood, there seems to be a break in time, so to speak. It's the perfect time to describe the pants of Lee Bailong! His pants are rather long and go all the way down to his ankles. They are the color of doom! (a.k.a the color black!)
A green thing wraps around his waist, with a rectangular gold colored piece of cloth that covers... oh, you know... the front of him. It goes from the waist and stops where the knees are. There's a fabulous design on it, too!
With that explanation, everyone waltzed. The music of the highly anticipated waltz started. Everyone, pants included, got into position. Amidamaru and his pants lead, while Bason followed, Tokagero following Bason, and Bailong bringing up the rear.
"Pathetic."
"Regal."
"Different."
"Strange."
"Random."
Those were the words spoken by none other than the Shaman King cast. All in all, it was stunning. As the ghosts and their pants waltzed hand in hand, unified in mind and body, their faces showed the unmistakable presences of smiles. They had made history that day by being the very first ghosts to waltz with their pants.
AN: It's kind of late to say so, but this was my first fic! Does Chocolove wear pants? This chapter came out later than I had wanted it to because I have 4 different stories going on at the same time! It's confusing to do that, but I like it that way because it's easier to generate ideas!
To my reviewers:
Inulover4eva-You're not an idiot...at least my pants don't think you are! Here's the long awaited update! Yay! Thanks for reading and reviewing.
KimBob-Silly! I wouldn't delete your monologues! Yup, only people who like squirrels are trustworthy as you put it. I cannot help but think that Ren has serious mental problems thinking otherwise! I'm going to try writing my own monologue for you!
Horo: Can you smell it, Ren? Can you smell the fresh, minty Christmas?
Ren: All is I can smell in this closet are pants, you idiot.
Horo: GASP! You can't smell the wonderful Christmas waves the pants are emitting?
Ren:sniffs the pants: I smell something, but it's definitely not Christmas...
MerndaSaysDownWithWormtail-Awww it twas so kind of you to review all my chapters! I am forever in your debt!
DragonStorm85-Thanks for you review! I did know about Ren's 4th pair of pants—KimBob told me after I posted the chapter!
killerkow118-Spam is a most delightful canned food.
ivanna go shopping-I thank you for actually thinking this was funny and brilliant!
Senko-I'm not possibly mad; I AM mad!