Wow…not the reaction I expected from the last chapter…and yes…I am a bit stuck. Well, on the bright side, I finally hit review number 100! Thank you for all of your kind words and constructive criticism…well…if you gave any that is.

Disclaimer: I completely lack the ability to come up with beautiful characters so obviously, Darien and Diamond don't belong to me. Well, there is Serena and the rest of everybody else but…yea…owell Also, major, major disclaimer for the bits and bobs I borrowed from Miki Aihara's Hot Gimmick (which is the best romance/comedy manga in the world).

By the way…I recently found out that somebody was auctioning off Napoleon's testicles in Europe…don't get too excited, I think somebody already bought it.

Monarchy under a Complete Jerk

Chapter 9: Awkward

Serena's POV-

I was completely dumbfounded. A genius of a man would steal is own piggy bank and the hide it in his boxers? After accidentally seeing Darien in his boxers and getting told off, I backed out of his room and tripped over myself twice getting to the sofa in the living room. Aren't piggy banks usually round? His piggy bank was this oblong shape…and how in the world did he keep it standing horizontally in his boxers like that? Tape? Glue? And what the heck was it attached to? Something pale green caught my eye. I pulled it out from under a few magazines and nearly got a heat stroke blushing when I realized it was a condom. Hey, it's pretty big too.

The magazines I just pushed aside slid off the table. I reached down to pick it up and started at the magazine at the very top—playboy. Just then, a crash followed by a second crash came from Darien's bedroom door. I got up and then sat back down again. I shouldn't go back in there. What if he's not done changing? But then again…what if he hit his head or hurt himself? Well…that would be better for me wouldn't it? But what if he was seriously injured? Despite the little voice in my head screaming for me to just walk away, I sprinted back down the hallway to Darien's room and threw the door open.

Darien's POV-

And there I was, in the most embarrassing situation of my entire life. Forget Serena walking in on me while I was standing around in boxers. I wish I would die right now. If it hadn't been for my stupid rolling office chair I wouldn't have crashed into the bookshelf, fallen off the chair, have the books all fall onto my head, and then have cum all over the newest addition to my collection of novels. And to top it all off, Serena was standing at my door, staring at me with her mouth wide open and eyes nearly popping out of their sockets. It must be weird for her to see me sit on the floor butt naked in front of my chair, one hand on my crotch, with romance novels, physics textbooks, and a whole entire collection of Funk and Wagner's Encyclopedia spread out around me. And it would've been stranger for her to see the glossy white stuff slowly dripping off my fingers and the corner of Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code. What would've been even scarier for her is to see the picture of her in my hand. Thank god she didn't see that picture. I dropped it during my fall and I think it's underneath one of my well conditioned books (hopefully not bent). But what would've been even worse would be for her to discover that I enjoy reading porn magazines. Not the cheap ones that you can buy off some guy for a buck in the subway. I read the ones that—is that my magazine in her hand? Oh, my poor abused soul…have mercy.

She walked over and I scurried to find a piece of clothing or anything littered on the ground somewhere to preserve some form of modesty. My search got desperate when she was about 5 feet away and I ended up settling for a sock. I slid it on and almost laughed at how ridiculous it made me look. Why did she keep glancing down? Every two seconds her eyes travel down and then come back up. She wasn't even blushing!

"Uh…Darien…" she started unsurely.

"Y-yea?"

Oh, why did I have to stutter?

"Here," she thrust out the magazine at me. The woman on the cover in nothing but leather straps smiled seductively back at me and I nearly puked. Serena averted her eyes and chose instead to look to her right since looking down would've been pretty awkward too. I snatched the magazine out of her hand and threw it into the garbage can. I wanted to say something, anything but I just couldn't. Serena backed out of my room.

"Um…I'm going to just…go home…bye Darien."

I stood there lamely, with the sock still partially on, feeling quite stupid. I heard a door slam in the other room and I sunk into my chair. My cheeks burned.

After that day, I didn't see Serena for a week. I purposely avoided her and when I wasn't spending my day moping in Crown Arcade, I was at home trying to figure out some way to make it all better. It's not the first time a girl has walked in on me completely naked but this time just devastated me. It wasn't that I was afraid of standing in front of a girl in all my glory. It's just, why did it have to be her?

I chose to mope at the Crown today, and I just sat there staring at my coffee. I didn't want to drink it but it was there anyways, just because Andrew offered. My hand grabbed a packet of sugar next to me and dumped it in. After a few seconds of watching the whiteness swirl around at the top, I reached for a second packet and put that in too. Then, I grabbed the ketchup and squeezed it in until the coffee was in danger of overflowing. Boy that felt good.

"Hey, what's up Darien?"

I looked up and forced a smile at Andrew.

"Not much—"

"Serena, right?" Andrew said trying hard not to laugh.

"Huh?" Why are we talking about Serena?

"Something happen? I heard about your whole Serena walking in on you naked thing. She told me herself," Andrew chuckled, "And you used a sock! You couldn't use your pillow or something?"

I wanted to drop my head onto the table or something but as soon as I started to lower my head, I realized my sweet ketchupped coffee was still there. I tilted my head to the right and brought it back up. Whoa, nice save there.

"Hey Darien, turn around very, very slowly," and before I could ask, Andrew ran away.

I swiveled around in my chair without a second thought, and there was Serena, halfway in the Crown arcade door. As soon as she saw me, she turned around and left again. I could've chased her down the street. Or I could've at least yelled at her to come back, but I didn't. So instead, I just stayed in my chair and stared at the door for the next five minutes. I would've stared longer but some brunette chick came over and started hitting on me. And boy, she had some massive twins. She offered to take me to a bar.

"Maybe," I said, "Pull down your shirt."

She did and her breasts popped out at me. I wasn't the least bit turned on. Instead of answering, I just smiled at her and walked out the door, leaving her with her shirt at her stomach. I'm so mean. Without meaning to, I smiled. If only Serena would do that to me. Startled by my strange thought, I ran my hand through my hair. I must be coming down with something.

That night I went to Gee Whiz for dinner. I wasn't exactly eating with anybody in particular, I just decided that after all of the agony and the torture Serena has put me through, it was time for a reward for myself. The waitress led me to a corner booth with dim lighting and handed me a menu before she left. After ordering some appetizers and a main course, a familiar laughter fills my ears. No—it couldn't be.

Just when I thought I was finally rid of her, here she comes, accompanied by Diamond. The same waitress showed them to a table next to mine and I held up my menu in an attempt to hide from them. Did she tell Diamond too?

"Hey, is that Darien?" That must've been Diamond. Was his voice full of mocking or did I just imagine that?

Frustrated, I ignored them.

There was a hushed whispering between the couple. I buried my head further into the menu. A few moments later, Serena calls a waitress over and told her something. The waitress responds with an ecstatic "Sure!" and before I knew it, Darien and Serena slid into my booth opposite me. I dropped my menu and cleared my throat.

"Hey, what's up man?" Diamond greeted me.

I smiled tightly back and nodded.

And that was about all he said to me through the whole meal. The two sitting across from me chatted happily and fed each other occasionally, and me, being the loner, sat and ate in silence. I kept my eyes glued to my chicken tenders until I got thirsty and looked up to grab my drink. Right at the same moment, Diamond leaned over to Serena and kissed her. She was just about to stuff a forkful of salad into her mouth and it fell all over the table. I grabbed my drink and slammed it onto the table, making the soda spray all over the couple and down my hand. They broke apart and stared at me. Or, at least Diamond stared. Serena just blushed and looked down at the tablecloth and started picking up the pieces of lettuce she dropped and placing them on a napkin.

"What's your problem man? You want a kiss too?" Diamond was agitated. But so was I, and honestly, I think I'm way more important.

"Look. If you guys are going to make out, don't do it in front of me. I'd like to keep my dinner down, thank you very much. And why the hell did you guys have to sit with me! You couldn't sit at that table by yourselves!"

Serena's face grew a few shades pinker. Why wasn't she yelling back?

"I'm going home," I said standing up abruptly and walking out.

This was seriously not my week.

I sprinted all the way back to my warm, comfortable apartment and once inside, collapsed on the sofa. There was a painful constricting feeling in my chest but I dismissed it reasoning that it was only because of my lack of air. A soft knock sounded on my door. Groaning, I dragged myself up and swung it open after much tripping in the dark. To my surprise, Serena stood there, looking at her feet.

"Um, hi Darien. You sorta left your jacket on your seat and yea…here," she said, thrusting my jacket into my hands. I took it from her delicately and saw her blush.

"Where's Diamond?" I asked spitting his name out.

"He went home," she stated quietly.

"Oh."

I knew I sounded utterly retarded but I really couldn't come up with anything better to say. The awkward silence dragged out, and I watched Serena pick at the hem of her shirt. I wanted to do something, anything. Anything was better than standing here staring at her. Without a second thought, my hand reached up and brushed some stray hair from her face. She quickly pushed me away but I grabbed her arm and pulled her into my apartment. The door closed behind her and I realized she was trapped.

Serena's POV-

I panicked in the sudden darkness and thrust out a hand to look for Darien. I brushed against something warm and pressed my palm to it.

"Darien? Is that you?"

I heard a chuckle.

"Turn on the lights you idiot! I can't see!"

"Serena, you know your hand is on my crotch right?"

I'm totally stuck again…I know I take a long time to update and I really shouldn't blame my homework for anything but I will. And I'll blame my internet connection. My teacher made me download Netlogo for my comp-sci class and it just destroyed my computer…sobs