A/N : Finally I have another chapter of this fic for you, sorry if it seems like forever. Thanx for the latest reviews; Ape18, Onion Petal, Spuffyfan4eva, kargrif, Freezyboncoolipants, sunnyhell, u2fan2005, Screeching Dragon, IceBlueRose, Chris, Moluvsnumber17, pixiecorn, TheOnlyFera, Slayergirl1212, Fain Hate, Spuffy101, tattereds. I love all your kind comments, and I am attempting to incorporate all the ideas you give me as well as answer all the questions that you ask. Just give me time :-) Here's the next chapter...
(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)
Chapter 5
"It is good to know that guys can't take advantage of her, and that she can deal when we're not there to help" Buffy said in the dark. Despite her request to go to sleep she could not stop thinking about her daughter and what had happened tonight, "And y'know tonight could've been worse" she continued "Ryan could've been a vampire..." she stopped short when she realised what she'd said and to whom. It was ridiculous but she rarely thought about Spike's vampire status anymore, to the point where she said things like she just had without a moments hesitation.
"Oh Spike, I am so sorry" she said fast, covering her mouth with her hand, unable to believe she'd been so stupid.
"S'okay luv" he smiled, putting his hand to her cheek affectionately, "Can't say as I'd much fancy my girl dating a demon either" he admitted.
"I forget that it's what you're supposed to be" she sighed, leaning her face into his hand, "You're so different now"
"Still a demon, pet" he reminded her, "nothing's ever going to change that"
"I know" Buffy nodded, moving closer and kissing him, "but that's what you are, it's not who you are...and I love you so much" she promised him as he kissed her back and they moved down under the covers together. As his hands travelled inside her night-dress, Buffy squirmed away from him.
"Spike, not now" she told him firmly, "Rebecca's still awake, and I can't when I know she might hear"
"Spoil sport" Spike said grumpily, "Shouldn't be so damn sexy, should ya Slayer?" he complained, "S'not my fault if just looking at you makes me want to shag you"
Buffy rolled her eyes and turned over so her back was against his chest. His arms wrapped around her from behind and held her close.
"I don't think I'm gonna get to sleep anytime soon" Buffy sighed, "My heads too busy with stuff"
"Been getting too nostalgic, pet" Spike told her, "Gotta say the one that sticks in my mind was tryin' to explain the whole other-world thing to the little one"
"It wasn't easy" Buffy agreed.
"Thing that bothered me most was, how do you get a little kid to understand the difference between good and evil and then tell her one of the supposed nasties is her Dad?" the vampire commented as he remembered a day, more than ten years ago.
- - - - - - -
"Hello, sweetheart" Spike smiled as his little girl ran into the kitchen and flung herself at his legs.
"Hi Daddy!" the almost-six year old grinned, squeezing his shins until he leant down and picked her up off the floor. He sat her on the edge of counter and straightened out her blonde hair.
"You have fun with Aunt Willow?" he asked, just as the red-head came into the room.
"Uh-huh" Rebecca nodded madly, "She got me a new dvd!"
"Really?" Spike frowned slightly at the witch, "Honestly, Red, you didn't have to" he told he as she handed the box to him.
"She's practically my niece, Spike" Willow smiled, "and who else am I going to spend my hard earned dollars on"
The vampire thanked her and checked his daughter had done the same before looking properly at the dvd in his hands.
"Beauty and the Beast, eh?" he said aloud, "Didn't we watch this on TV last month?" he asked his daughter who nodded.
"It's my favourite" she told him, making him smile. Just about every Disney movie she saw became her latest favourite, although he had to admit he did sort of approve of this one. The guy who seemed evil but was actually good, Buffy had commented on how similar that was to his own situation. A situation that so far, Rebecca was not aware of.
"Did you want a coffee, Red?" he asked the witch, "I was just making a drink"
"No, thanks, I'm fine" Willow told him, "I really have to go anyway, me and Tara have a Wicca group meeting in an hour" she explained.
She said goodbye to Spike and Rebecca and let herself out of the house as the little girl waved her dvd around and begged her Daddy to put it on for her to watch.
"Just a minute, baby" he told her, going back to microwave to get out his blood. He usually avoided drinking it in front of Becky but he hadn't expected her and Willow back just yet. One day he knew he was going to have to tell his daughter the truth anyway, but he was just so afraid of her hating him for what he was.
When he turned back from the microwave, he found Rebecca had grabbed the pen from next to the phone and was just about to begin drawing on the box of her dvd.
"Don't do that, Becky" he stopped her just before the tip of the pen hit the cover, "Don't wanna mess up your present, do you?"
"I was just gonna scribble out the bad man, Daddy" she said innocently. Spike was a little surprised to see she was gesturing at a cartoon drawing of a human being rather than the beast.
"The beast's not a bad man then?" he checked and the little girl shook her head fiercely, making her blonde bunches swing about.
"Nuh-uh" she told him firmly, "The beast was a nice man underneath, he just looked hairy and stuff, but he loves Belle and then he gets to be a man again" she explained with a grin and Spike glanced back to the mug of blood by the microwave. The smell of it coupled with the hunger from not feeding for too long was making it increasingly difficult to keep his game face back, and he knew he'd get no better opportunity than this to tell Rebecca what he really was.
"Can we put on my dvd now please, Daddy?" she asked him, reaching for his hand and pulling on it. Taking an unneeded deep breath he turned back to her.
"Baby, there's something I need to talk to you about before we watch, okay?" he said calmly as he could.
"Okay, Daddy" Rebecca agreed easily, putting the dvd down next to her as Spike took a seat on the stool in front of where she sat on the counter.
"Now, first of all, you know I love you and your Mum very much, don't you?" he told her and she nodded.
"We love you too, Daddy" she assured him and he swore if he was less of a man he'd cry.
"I know, baby, but there's something I have to tell you that might change things" the little girl looked lost already and Spike wasn't entirely sure he knew where he was going with this, "You see, the beast, in your movie here" he told her, one hand hovering near the dvd box, "he's a good man, he's just sort of trapped in a bad body, right?"
"Uh-huh" Becky agreed with a nod.
"Well, in our world there are people like that too, only they're good people with a bad thing inside, that they can't always control...do you understand?" he looked at her hopefully and her face crinkled thoughtfully as her little brain worked over-time.
"There are nice people with beasts inside?" she tried and Spike paused a moment before nodding.
"In a way, sweetheart, yes" he told her, "but like the one in your movie, they can be nice people too"
"Nice people like you and Mommy?" she asked with a smile and Spike couldn't help but smile himself at how close she was.
"Yes, baby" he told her, "Y'see, Daddy has something inside of him that's bad, but I love your Mum and you enough that I can control it and be good" he said carefully trying to gauge her reaction. He couldn't smell any fear so that was good, but she did look a little confused.
"You used to be a bad man?" she asked, little lip trembling at the very idea. She looked more disappointed in him than afraid, and that was almost worse.
"I did" he nodded sadly, "but it was a long time ago now, before you were even born, and I'd never be a bad man again" he assured her.
"You promise?" she checked, the look in her eyes very much like her mother when she wasn't quite sure if he was lying or not.
"I promise" he said solemnly.
"Then that's okay" she grinned, reaching forward and wrapping her arms around his neck. He hugged her back, so glad she was okay about this but knowing there was still more to tell. Maybe the rest could wait til she was older?
"Daddy?" her little voice said as he picked her up from the counter and carried her to the living room, her dvd in his other hand, "Is it cos you used to be bad that you're not allowed to see the sun?" she asked in all innocence and he nodded.
"Sort of, yeah" he told her, "and there are other things" he decided to tell her, "Like you know how I have to drink special red stuff that you can't have?" she nodded and he continued, just wanting to get all this over with "That's part of it too, and there's one last thing"
As he sat them both down on the couch she looked up at him with wide eyes, waiting for a further revelation. This was the one part that petrified him the most. Words were all very well, but in the end words were all they were, harmless speech that didn't really mean anything much. If she ever saw his game face it was important she understood what that meant, and that she knew he'd never harm her.
"Baby, sometimes the dem..beast" he amended, "sometimes it comes out and it makes Daddy look..scary" he opted for, "but you don't ever have to be afraid, pet, because I'd never, ever hurt you or your mother, okay?"
She nodded but there was a frown on her face.
"Can I see?" she asked, and he could smell slight fear coming from her, but she covered it well. She was a perfect little version of her mother and it was a sight to see.
"You sure?" he checked and when she nodded he twisted his head and his game-face came out. She gasped slightly at her father's transformation but her fear level didn't rise by much. He blinked at her with yellow eyes and the little girl pulled herself up til she was standing on the cushioned seat of the sofa.
Rebecca's little hand reached forward, fingers tracing the bumps across her father's forehead as she studied him. He was so relieved when she smiled.
"Your eyes are all pretty, like Mommy's gold rings" she told him, "and you're not scary" she shook her head, "cos I know you're still Daddy underneath" she told him, throwing herself at him and wrapping her little arms around his neck.
Spike hugged her close, loving what she'd just said to him. He was sure she had no idea how relieved and happy he was right in that moment as he hugged her and his face shifted back, just in time for two tears to roll down human cheeks.
- - - - - - -
"You were really scared that she'd hate you?" Buffy asked Spike with some surprise.
"You and her meant more to me than anything else in the world" he told her, "still do as it goes, and the thought of either of you not wanting me around anymore...I just couldn't bear it" he admitted, almost in tears all over again as he re-counted the event.
"You don't have to bear it" Buffy reminded him, "It all worked out okay. We're both still here, and we love you so much"
"Sometimes I still have trouble believing it, pet" he told her with a sad smile, holding her hand in his and kissing her finger where her wedding-type ring resided "I know I don't deserve this life that I have, and sometimes when I go to sleep I think what if next morning when I wake up...this will all have been just a beautiful dream"
"Oh Spike" she sighed, kissing him tenderly. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close.
"I promise if you go to sleep now" she told him, "I will still be here in the morning, always...because there's nowhere else I'd ever want to be"
To Be Continued...
A/N2 : You know what to do next ;-) Thanx in advance and I'll be back soon...