Disclaimer: I don't (fart!) own Harry Potter (burp)
Thanks for the reviews!
sexAy-iranian23: uh heh! lol soz, if this was just as long as last time, Writer's block is being a badder bitch than before. Couldn't help it, I had to write Dumbly and his toys X3 lol
Becky-Witter: ah you changed yer name, interesting name by the way :) omg LOL that would be so funny for Cho to die! XD I'll try and do that thanks!
DemonRogue13: lol thanks! I'm glad you liked that scene! XD quite a few people seemed to like it too wow
Starrarose: thanks!
IcePrincess: lol, the name was so long I couldn't put it all in without blinking in shock lol, there's barely any slash here, hopefully there'll be more in the next chapter!
black-ravenrose: thankies! I'm working on the ones that I had to type, if you saw, one's already up, Doll, anyways, thanks for reviewing!
leftoversushi: lol, yep, Hermione's a nice lil freak lol, she's got a bit of me in her lol oh I LUV oreos!
Ranma Higurashi: lol thanks! Yes she's psycho!
Slash-Lover: mmm it's a possibility...heeheeheee! you'll just have to wait to find out XD
Inylan: lol this one isn't that funny (then again I shouldn't be saying anything what with me trying to get everything done all at once lol) but hopefully it's a lil satisfiying for now
CrazyLake: here's the new update! Hope's it was sooner than the last update!
A/N: Soz for another long lateness in this one, it's getting harder to get this done X( but it must and WILL be completed! yeah...
Enjoy!
Chapter Thirteen: Dude WTF?
"What's going on out there?" Pansy asked, poking the locked door with a pout.
"Sounds like a blackout," shrugged Ron, pulling out his wand, "lumos." His wand lighted up but quickly faded away, "mother f-" he stopped himself, seeing as there was a lady present…right…
"Well," Pansy sighed, sitting down next to him, "I guess the next best thing is to wait this out." She blushed lightly but Ron couldn't see, what with the all the darkness and stuff.
"Or we can use our powers."
"Yeah that too…"
-
"Whoever's doing this can you please come out?" Harry yelled aloud, "we won't hurt you," he glanced at everyone innocently toying with their weapons of choice, "let's sort this out like civilized people."
"Must kill…" said a shaky and hissing voice.
"Yes and I must piss but unfortunately the oblivious duo snagged the bathroom first," Blaise grumbled, crossing his arms.
"Huh?...No, really, I must kiiiill!"
"Harry who is that?" Draco asked, snuggling closer to his boyfriend.
"Killer who wants to kill us," he shrugged.
"Really?" he arched an eyebrow, "son of a bitch…"
"Do you think they're snogging in there?" Ginny asked, looking at the bathroom curiously.
"Who Ron and Pansy?" Colin looked as well, "probab-OW!" he flinched and when a marble hit his head, "ZANI!" he turned, rubbing his head in pain.
"What?" she looked up confused while Hermione stood snickering behind her, holding her bag of marbles. Without saying anything, Zani made a blind lucky punch behind and hit the Gryffindorette square on the face, she fell, "what?"
Colin watched as the marbles spilled out of Hermione's hands, "oh…nothing…"
"HEY! Did you HEAR ME? I MUST KIIIILL! Fucking assholes…"
"Hey!" Draco shouted, standing up, "do you hear ME?" he pulled down his pants and mooned the ceiling, "kiss my gorgeous arse I could fucking care less!"
"…"
"I think you scared him…" Harry said as the blond pulled up his pants.
"…must-kill…"
"Bugger," muttered Draco.
-
"Why aren't we calling for help?" Ron asked suddenly as he played with a towel that hung over his head.
"I'm too comfy," was the answer along with a body leaning close to him.
"Hm, good point," he wrapped an arm around the girl causing her to blush furiously, "might as well check what they're thinking about." Pansy nodded and watched in fascination at how quick the redhead's face suddenly set into concentration.
"D-do you see anything?" she asked hesitantly; not knowing that she was clinging to his shirt.
"Two people are thinking about shagging each other…that's got to be Harry and Draco…one's thinking about gumballs so that's Hermione…" he frowned even more, "um…there's one on cooking and Blaise, that's Colin…the other one has to be Blaise since it's got Colin all over it," he blushed at the images, "damn, he's a pervert in disguise! Sort of…erm…and here's one about fighting and…Neville?" his eyebrows suddenly shot up, "heh, Ginny, oh, I see the Honeydukes's, theirs is all about candy, kids, and one's more on marbles…geez," Pansy giggled, "here's one on Ginny…I think…it's kind of vague, maybe that's Nev-hey!" his ears reddened, "if he puts one finger on her I'll…oh fuck it, I keep saying that and she's still going out with everyone," he shook his head.
"That's it?" the Slytherinette blinked.
"Yeah pretty mu…" his head lolled to the sighed as another vision took over his head.
"Ron?" Pansy quivered, holding his arm tightly, "RON!"
-
It was a darkening world…full of whispering voices saying ancient prophecies…
The most dangerous of all…
...The murder…the kill…the death…the pizza…the end of the world…
-
"Ro-" Pansy suddenly blushed when a hand started creeping up her thigh towards her 'sacred spot', the hand felt so soft and gentle against her that she immediately felt herself getting wet, "Ron…"
She let out a yelp when two strong hands flipped her over so that she ended up sitting on Ron's lap. "Someone else is here," he whispered in a low voice against her ear. The Slytherinette shivered at the hot breath ghosting over her ear and down her neck.
"W-who?" she trembled, arching her back slightly at the gentle fingers trailing up her back.
"The killer…" he moved forward and kissed Pansy roughly.
Hey, if apocalypse was coming he might as well have a few shags with his crush!
-
"Is the voice gone?" Neville asked, glancing around in hopes of spotting the creepy murmuring wannabe killer.
"No…I can feel him," Ron said, frowning and causing everyone to scream in surprise.
"…Hermione!" Ginny yelled looking flushed, "If you're changing then at least warn us!"
"Eh, feck off," the Hermione turned Ron sniffed, "anyway, the killer's here, he's going on about some prophecy he made up, obviously he's from St. Mungo's so that narrows down our culprit."
Everyone stared at the shape shifter, so speechless that they looked stupid.
"Gumball," Zani said uncertainly, her eye twitching at the shock.
"WHERE!" she turned back to herself and looked around fretfully, tongue hanging out like a dog, "AH! GUUUMBAAAALL!" Ginny quickly put her arms over her chest with a panicked look, "GUMBALL! GUMBALL!"
To everyone's surprise, the rabid gumball freak went after Zani.
"OUCH!" screamed the Honeydukes's daughter, "GET HER OFF! SHE'S TRYING TO EAT MY RIGHT BOOB!"
"Aww, aren't they having fun?" Mrs. Honeydukes said admiringly, "we never did that when we were young," she pouted.
"That's because we weren't the ones with brain damage," her husband muttered.
"GET HER OFF!...oh wait…SHIT! SHE'S CHEWING MY BOOB!"
-
"Gotta get out! Gotta get out!" Cho squealed to herself as she dragged her trunk through the streets of Hogsmeade, "damnit! Why's it so empty? It's fucking creepy!"
It was true. Hogsmeade looked completely abandoned, there were even discarded papers blowing around in the wind, and the rats were nowhere to be found either.
"Mommy I want my blanky…" trembled the former Ravenclaw, "I need candy…candy and a rifle!"
"HAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!"
"AHHH!" she screamed, running towards Honeydukes, "candy! I need candy! Need to calm my nerves!"
But in her stupidity and fright she ended up banging herself hard against the door, therefore, falling unconscious.
The people inside wondered what that sudden noise was but then dismissed it as a knock on the door.
"We're locked in!" Ginny's muffled voice said through the door.
The person standing outside over Cho's unconscious form said, "OK!" back before lifting the scrawny Asian girl and walking away, whistling to a death tune, "I finally get to kill you!" he giggled under his black hood.
-
"Ok, he's gone," Ginny turned back to the others, "what?"
"That could have been our ticket out of here!" shouted Harry.
"Oh…" she looked back at the door, "hmm….well, now what?"
"Must…kill…"'
"Oh shut up!" shaking her head, Ginny sat down next to Neville, "I need a chocolate bar…"
"Yummy gumball…" Hermione murmured.
Everyone looked back at the two girls; so far Hermione had Zani on the floor…still in the delusion that the other girls' boobs were gumballs. Why wasn't she getting pushed off? Because Zani was in a state of shock.
There was a set of muffled moaning and groaning. Harry looked over at Blaise and Colin. The younger boy was sleeping on the Slytherin's lap but they weren't making the noises. He turned to Neville and Ginny…nope, they were still in a state of denial…then where the hell was that noise…
"Oh my," he looked behind him and sighed in relief. Mr. and Mrs. Honeydukes were playing Rock Paper Scissors like responsible adults…
"Hm…" Draco snuggled deeper in his arms, "looks like Ron and Pansy finally got together…you're so comfy, like a pillow…"
"Ron…and Pansy?" blushed Harry, glancing at the bathroom door.
"Yep," the blond answered, giving him a kiss on the neck, "bloody hell, Ginny's drink really knocked me out."
"It's supposed to knock you out for several hours," said girl responded, "you should be feeling drowsy."
"Eeeh…fuck off…" he yawned.
"Until we meet again…"
The candles flickered back on and the door creaked open letting in a shining burst of sunlight into the store.
"Halleluiah!" shouted Ginny, running outside and kissing the ground only gag in disgust at what she just did.
"Uh Ginny?" Harry said, standing next to her with a sleepy Draco in his arms, "we've only been here for like…a half hour or something…"
"What's your point?" the redhead blinked up at him.
"Come on, we'd better leave before we're trapped again," Neville said, helping her up.
"OH MY GOD!" shouted Mrs. Honeydukes when she opened the bathroom door revealing a naked Ron and Pansy humping the living daylights out of each other, "THERE'S A MESSAGE ON THE MIRROR!"
Blaise walked over, carrying Colin like a baby, and read the message, "'Apocalypse will begin when the bitch is killed by my hand'," he looked around the store, "which one?"
"Hermione?" Pansy suggested before crying out in pleasure at Ron's quick and hard pacing.
"We'd better tell Dumbledore then," sighed Harry, secretly hoping that the bitch in the message was Cho.
"GET OFF ME!" Zani shouted, snapping out of her shock.
-
"Here they come," McGonagall murmured, looking out the window.
"And we don't care mucho!" murmured Dumbledore, singing to a muggle spanish song.
"Ugh! Minerva! You're such a pervert!" Remus said, putting a hand over his chest in mock disgust.
"Wha-NOT LIKE THAT!" she yelled, a pink shade staining her cheeks, "I meant Potter and the others! They're coming back!" she pointed out the window sharply, "perverted werewolf!" she muttered, crossing her arms angrily.
"Why thank you!"
"Do you guys think Harry'll take the job of DADA teaching?" Dumbledore asked, fiddling with a flower.
Snape turned to him bewildered, "Headmaster, put the flower down."
"Dude, we must appreciate nature's beauty," he put the flower in his hair and crossed his arms.
"Old man lost his balls," the Potions professor muttered.
"Have not! See look," he unzipped his jeans and reached for the waistband of his Hello Kitty boxers.
"ARGH! NO! THE HORROR!" he hid behind Remus, trembling.
"AHEM!" McGonagall cleared her throat, trying to grab their attention, it didn't work, "AHEM!" she tried again, nothing, "HEM HEM!" she did an Umbridge. All three mean squealed in terror before turning to her. "Focus! We must tell the defense army of the new protection shields now come!" she walked out of the headmasters office briskly before muttering, "Poufs!"
-
He stood towering over her trembling form, a large ax in his hand and a hidden maniacal grin under his hood. Chilling snickers escaped his lips as he traced the trembling figures face with the tip of his ax.
"This isn't enough," he said in a smooth voice, "not enough for you."
The tied and gagged Cho looked up at the killer confusedly, could it be that she could make it out alive?
"They must all know, they must all realize that they will all soon die," he pulled back his ax and sat down on a nearby crate, opening another and pulling out a sugar quill, "oh! My fav!" he immediately started sucking on the tip while Cho looked back in horror.
Sugar!
No this was torture! How can he eat that in front of her like that? NO!
"Which one do you think I should take?Potter or Malfoy?" the dark hooded man asked casually. Cho squealed in either delight or horror, "eh, thought so," he shrugged, crossing his legs, "maybe I should help that red haired girl and Longbottom kid? They SOOO want each other you know?" he suddenly stood up and stepped in the shadows behind the staircase.
The door upstairs opened and down trudged Zani, muttering to herself, "that Hermione! We should put protection spellson the gumball jars! And on my boobs too!" she opened a crate and pulled out three bags of gumballs.
Cho tried to scream through the cloth in her mouth. The Honeydukes girl turned and spotted her. There was a pause.
"That's one large rat…better call the exterminator," she turned around and walked up the stairs, tripping over her shoelaces twice.
NO! She left! Cho tried to stand up but nearly fell over.
Wait a minute…RAT? How dare that girl call her a freakin' RAT!
The killer stepped out of the shadows, sniggering under his breath. "Looks like you're stuck with me," he pulled back his hood, smirking down at the former professor, "we're gonna have fun together."
All Cho could do now was glare at the man. Out of all the people why did HE have to be the bad guy!
Meanwhile back at Cho's old office, the mirror jumped up and down on the floor fretfully.
"Damnit Chang!" shouted the reflection of the boss, "I want you to see my newly manicured nails!"
-Last Minute Rambles-
"It was short again," Draco said, setting down his coffee, "and a bit boring if you ask me."
"I know I'm sorry," sighed Wp, sipping her Inca Cola, "it's just that I've been trying to get my schoolwork done, and I've been reading a bunch of fanfics on that adultfanfiction site," she blushed, "and I've also been working on this one-shot that's been bugging me the whole time."
"Really?" Harry perked up.
"Yeah, but you're not the main character, it's actually Ron," she smiled sheepishly, "I've fallen in love with the guy," she sighed dreamily.
"It's the red hair," nodded Pansy, taking a swig from her butterbeer.
"I know, I mean, have you seen my art? Most of them are Ron Art!"
"Eh," the Slytherin girl shrugged, "see? Red hair. And thank GOD you finally got me and Ron together!"
"I thought I'd die a virgin!" Ron said, chewing into his big chocolate chip cookie. Everyone stared at him in shock, "what?"
"Well then, what about me!" pouted Draco, "I thought you loved me!"
"Oh I do, but Ron feels so easy to write, you have this cold snobbish air that's not really easy for me to write."
"Hmph!" he crossed his arms, "right."
"Ok, before this turns into war," Remus said, looking at Draco warningly, "why don't you tell us what the last rambles for today are Wp."
"Oh…heh," Wp gulped down her Inca Cola, "I'm really sorry for the long wait, I wanted to update everything at once, it turned out to be a bad idea since I had to think up different things at the same time so I ended up only updating Blue Blood as well as put up a new story called Doll…sorry about that, my brain's feeling a bit stupid so I'm gonna have to take a lil break. Everything's being updated, except the few dormant ones unfortunately, so…thank god for that."
"When are you gonna update that other one? The one with the comfooter?" asked Pansy, swiveling her butterbeer.
"I really don't know, and it's called a comPUter," Wp admitted, "I had everything planned in the beginning but now that I read through it, the chapters are kinda…crappy, but hopefully I'll put up something new, and as for the Giver fic, Beyond, I have a good idea for the next chapter but I'm getting lazy with typing it up. Anyway…yeah…"
"Lazy bitch," muttered Snape, taking a big bite out of Ron's cookie.
"Hey!" shouted the redhead.
"Oh! And the other reason for my lack of updates is that I was reading these two awesome comic books, Only the Ring Finger Knows and Selfish Love! They both rock! I had to showit to my classmates, I think I turned two of my friends into slash lovers," Wp snickered, "and the funny thing was that the few classmates that didn't like it just kept looking through the extra stories on Selfish Love, heheh, I think they liked it! The pervs…"
Everyone looked at the authoress blankly.
"Well then, review please, if Wp makes anuda late update then we'll torture her," smiled Colin.
"Love, you're creepy," grinned Blaise.
"Thank you."
"Read Only the Ring Finger Knows and Selfish Love! You'll love 'em!" shouted Wp as she was getting attacked by everyone.